Are we CDers more secure in our masculinity than "real" men?

[Leslie Langford]

I can't speak for the others here, but despite my being a crossdresser, I have never felt particularly insecure about my underlying masculinity.

Sure, I had trouble in my younger days accepting my feminine side despite the pleasure it provided me because I always assumed that I was some sort of freak, that I was the only male who had these types of feelings, and that "real" men wouldn't be caught dead wearing women's clothes except for maybe a stunt, a dare, or on Halloween - and certainly not because it felt so good and so "right". But that was long ago and during my personal "Dark Ages", and with the knowledge gained since via the Internet and resources such as this Crossdressers.com forum, I've moved way past that point.

Yet despite all that, I was never in doubt about my heterosexuality and was always strongly attracted to girls. Still, the thing that seemed to set me apart from my contemporaries was the fact that I never had the urge to be a "playa", use (and later discard) women for my own selfish (read: "sexual") needs, lie, cheat on them, or generally disappoint them with Neanderthal-like behavior - in short, to act like a total @$$hole the way many men seem to because they have a need to "prove" their virility. Sure, I like to check out a pretty girl (and what she is wearing :heehee::doh:) as much as the next guy, but I regard women as friends, equals, and someone to emulate, as opposed to merely being sex objects or someone to lord it over.

Except for perhaps back in high school when I was a late bloomer and didn't seem to "measure up" yet to some of my classmates when disrobing in the gym locker room, I never worried particularly about my penis size (I figure I'm pretty average), nor my ability to perform. Sure, time has taken its toll, and sometimes I need the help of the little blue pill like so many others in my age bracket, but I never really fretted about the possibility of becoming impotent or facing the other ravages of advancing age such as decreased libido, hair loss, greying hair, and prostate problems etc.

I also can't remember experiencing any sort of distinct mid-life crisis, and the closest I ever came to buying the proverbial convertible "chick magnet" sports car or monster truck or SUV during that point in my life was a fully loaded mid-1990's Pontiac Bonneville SSEi, and that was mainly because it could slice through slow-moving traffic like a hot knife through butter, and not to compensate for penis size and/or possible performance anxiety issues.

And yet, during the same time I became increasingly comfortable with my "Leslie" side, and she is now a bigger part of me than ever before. I find that my male and female sides seem to live in perfect harmony with each other now, and in fact, actually complement each other. I am also becoming increasingly aware of how this is a true "gender gift", and one which has made me a far better balanced (and more interesting) individual than most of the one-dimensional women/booze/sports obsessed "real" men that I come into contact with daily, and whom I really have to force myself to act like in order to fit in and not drop any hints of my "second self".

In short, I have reached a point in my life where I feel very comfortable within my own skin as a human being as opposed to being defined primarily by my sex and/or gender, yet by all conventional standards, I should probably be labelled a misfit and be totally screwed up psychologically - NOT!

I'm just curious to find out if there are many others out there who feel as I do, and who have also been able to achieve that sense of inner peace by finally knowing who they are and being comfortable in that knowledge - and the rest of society, its strictures and taboos, and all those homophobic alpha males out there be d@mned!

[joannemarie barker]

i'm just happy being me :) i wouldn't say i was masculine or label myself hetrosexual.i'm just me.i wouldn't wish the girl in me to go away thats for sure :) x

[Babette]

I with Joannemarie on this one. I'm really content with who I am and never felt insecure, inadequate, over secure or whatever. More than anything, I'm simply pleased that my health is good, there is a roof over my head, plenty of food in the cupboard, and I have a loving family. After that, nothing else seems all that important.

Babette

[ColleenW]

H Leslie -

I know what you mean when you say "... I had trouble in my younger days accepting my feminine side...", I experienced the same feelings when I first discovered the joys of crossdressing. I must admit though that there were times when I really wondered about my heterosexuality and if transitioning to female would be the best thing for me to do.

I've never been attracted to men however, sexually or otherwise and I really don't like, as you so aptly describe it: "...one-dimensional women/booze/sports obsessed "real" men...". I've never liked this type of male, who thinks the only way to prove his masculinity is to be a jerk and can't understand why any woman would put up with this sort of boorish behavior. Nor can I understand why any woman would accept a relationship in which she is only a sex object.

As I've gotten older I've found that both parts, the male and female, of my personality compliment each other and that there is a balance. My thoughts about transitioning were really driven more because of the social restrictions about expressing the feminine part of my personality (including crossdressing -- back in my youth it was talled being a transvestite -- and had extreme negative connotations). Things have gotten better as time has gone by though and I think there is slightly less problem with men expressing more feminine characteristics. I realize now that I am heterosexual and that I would not be happy transitioning and that I really enjoy women for who they are and what they are.

[wishing2bali]

I agree and feel the same with just about everything you described Leslie. Yes I had issues feeling inadequate compared to my fellow classmates when growing up, but what grade-schooler didn't? I was very, and I mean very closed off in high school, I maybe had 3 or 4 friends, and anytime we would hang out or do something "manly" I was always the one that would just sit out, and say go ahead I'm fine, and just sit and observe, making it a point to never act the way they did. It just wasn't me.
I have always been able to say something or act somewhat "girlish" and feel totally secure with myself, no matter what company may be present. I may have been called "gay" or heard "you're a homo", but have never been embarrassed by acting this way.
I will admit I am not out to anyone except to the lovely people on this site, but I am more secure with masculinity than any "real" man I know.

Personally I feel that WE are the "real" men because WE can embrace our femininity, whether in private or in public, and still be 110% comfortable with every second of it. How many supposed "real" men do you know that could pull off being or acting feminine with our composure and be completely comfortable while doing so? I personally don't know of any.....

[Cheryl James]

Most of what you wrote could be said of me as well. I am not, nor have I ever been, attracted to males. I am, truly, attracted to females (and what they are wearing, of course). My male side is a good guy with no glaring abnormalities (unless my wife's opinion about CDing is considered). I think, though, that as a kid I may have tended to overcompensate for my maleness by becoming an athlete. If a ball was involved, I played it, usually well. Now, was that a compensation (maybe) or was I just one of those guys that liked and was good at sports (maybe). Probably, though, it is a little bit of both.

[Lexine]

Truthfully, going out en femme has given me some insight as to how much women go through in order to look beautiful for us, and with that I've gained much appreciation with what they have to go through in their daily lives. So when my girlfriend said that she was going to try on some clothes when we went shopping one day, I didn't complain and just said, "Okay!" LOL

There was maybe a short period when I thought that I was probably bisexual, but when it came down the wire when I had to prove that I was open minded enough to do so, my physiology denied me of that opportunity. This was pretty much a point when I knew I was definitely male deep inside, but one who grew up learning feminine traits and slowly incorporating them into how I express myself. I've mentioned it several times in the forums that I mostly was brought up my women with barely any male role models, which is why if you actually met me in person I'd react to something in several different ways with aspects of both genders represented. Melodic intonation was something that I noticed that my aunt did early on and that was slowly adapted into my speaking pattern the more I was exposed to it.

I've always believed that gaining context to a particular idea can better a person's understanding of said idea, and I think that's exactly what we're doing by indulging ourselves in femininity.

[Kathi Lake]

Well, in my younger days, I wasn't sure what "masculinity" even was - I only knew that I didn't measure up.

Now, I feel I have a different view of what it should be, rather than what the world thinks it is. I do not believe it is like the macho or machismo views that the world seems to hold. It is almost as if the world views masculinity not for what it is, but what it isn't. What it isn't - according to the world - is us. :)

I feel very secure in my so-called masculinity. I am loving and protective of my wife and other women I come into contact with (well, more protective than loving with strangers :)). I try to be a good provider to my family (though my wife outdoes me in this area :). I try to be a good father (and mother, when needed) to my children.

Am I secure in my masculinity? Sure! I don't feel that slipping into a pair of heels or even the weight of my adhesive forms on my chest makes me one iota less masculine than the tobacco-chewing, mouth-breathing, iron-pumping, misogynistic twerps that have an entirely different view of masculinity than mine.

Kathi

[Lorileah]

Wait, have you all lived MY life? Are we all in some sort of Twilight Zone thing where we walk alike, think alike are really just clones? The Stepford CD's?

It looks like in general, everyone who has posted so far has been on the same train.

I wasn't the one who broke hearts in high school. I was the one the women came running to when their hearts were broken. The sympathetic one. "Gee you understand so well, you are like my sister (or brother)" :eek: No, no! Wait I don't want to be your sibling I want to go OUT with you!

I was the one they came to to see if the outfit "worked". (Oh yeah...it works...say how about we...no huh...ok we'll talk in few days).

"Hey buddy, can you chug that whole thing?" Why? I sort of like to taste it going down...not coming back up.

"Heh heh....don't you want to hit that?" uh no...but she is pretty. I like her hair.

"What's a matter? You 'fraid to fight me?" No, I am afraid of the pain I'll feel afterward.

"Crush that can on your forehead" Sounds like a lot of fun....yeah...eh..no. I'll just stomp it with the largest muscle on my body...my legs. You go ahead and use the largest muscle on yours...if that's your forehead. Well so be it.

It wasn't being insecure in my masculinity. I could do any manly thing I wanted to do, but why? In the animal world that is how they weeded out the not so bright adolescent males from the pack. "Hey, young pup, see if that is really a trap....dang bad luck dude. Oh well..."

I look at the jocks and cool guys from my youth and I would not be them for anything. How does the song go? "Glory days"

I am who I am. As I always say I just don't my last words to be "Hey ya'll watch this."

[Cassandra Lynn]

Exactly, everything you said Leslie pretty much sums me up. And Lorileah took it a bit further, i had lot's of "girls as friends" type GFs. Who seemed to always want to tell me about every time their BF was bothering them......"gee, that's too bad, i'd treat you like the princess you are".

I recently went to start a facebook account, after being on 5 minutes, 6 or 7 of the jerks i used to hang out with in H.S. (to be cool?), popped up in front of me; uh, no thanks, so i closed it out.

Even with the new "striving for femininity" path i've embarked on recently, i'm still just as masculine today as i was at any time in my adult years.
Good thread, thanx Leslie. mj (Cassie)

[NiCo]

I'm not a CDer, but...

Good points here. I often felt less of man because of my situation. I was always told by my younger brother [I don’t know if he did it on purpose or by accident] “men have muscles” “men have deep gravely voices” … men this, men that… “real men” this and that blah de blah…yeah but he eventually ate his words when he seen me, only a year into T and built bigger than he is, muscle wise. Maybe smaller in height but not by much. Voice deeper than his, even deeper than my older brother, or so many family members have said.

But I lacked what a lot of “real men” have…ten points for who guesses the right answer?

Aye. That.

I asked my brother what made a “real man” and that was his reply. I said “so you are trying to say to me that having a penis is what makes you a real man? What if one day during your drug induced craziness you have an accident and it’s gone” he did not answer.

What I meant was that although anatomy is different, he and others will never see that part of me…I can still compete up to the scratch of a cismale even without a penis. And a lot on this site and others have told me [when I asked if they would date a FtM] they wouldn’t because they lack a penis…I tear myself apart about it and hate myself and actually war with my own self!

I still sometimes argue with myself if I am a real man or just a pretender. I know mentally I am…but bodily I never will be. Not talking about chromosomes, I don’t have that issue [hence why my family are finally all accepting me and getting back in contact, they know mother nature screwed up, not me].

You are what you WANT to be…not what you were given at birth or forced upon you during childhood/ teenage years etc.

It’s your life, it’s your only chance and the only chance you will ever have so make it a good one. One to remember. One to be celebrated! I just need to remind myself every day of that, during the low times and following the horrible reminder from people that I am at a disadvantage. But at the same time, I have the advantage of life experience that they people will never get. And I’m grateful as well as grieved.

;) good luck.

[Kaz]

I guess a problem with a long post is that no-one reads it... they pick their bit and comment on it..

So I will comment on the last bit (as the rest seem to have been covered)...

Am I happy in musculinity..? ie do I still want to be me... YES! But do I want to have Kaz around? YES.

Am I happy mixing the two... yes, but it does cause problems.

Am I happy to live with those problems? So far so good!

On the school thing... I am so old I don't remember!

xx

[Kaz]

NiCo,

I have never been an "Alpha" male. My teenage years were a long time ago and thankfully we were able to be different... and I was...

But yeah, I never did muscles, I don't play football, I don't do stupid men pub games, etc...

There are loads of guys out there who don't do stereotype. Right now I want to kill every male drinking cheap lager and watching football.

Am I a real man... who is? Show me one... I'll show you a stereotype.

To me a real man is someone who spent his life learning and teaching others what he learned. He stood up for what he believed in, and when he was shown to be wrong, he accepted it and built on his thinking. He always looked out for the plight of others and did what ever he could to help them. He stood firm in times of challenge, but accepted other's considered opinions. He was always generous, kind an forgiving, but never ever shirked responsibility and was the first to act in times of crisis.

I am sure there is loads more... oh yeah... he has to have a muscley body and a six-pack, good bone structure and hair!

Well if you disregard the last bit... I am happy being Kaz:hugs:



I'm not a CDer, but...

Good points here. I often felt less of man because of my situation. I was always told by my younger brother [I don’t know if he did it on purpose or by accident] “men have muscles” “men have deep gravely voices” … men this, men that… “real men” this and that blah de blah…yeah but he eventually ate his words when he seen me, only a year into T and built bigger than he is, muscle wise. Maybe smaller in height but not by much. Voice deeper than his, even deeper than my older brother, or so many family members have said.

But I lacked what a lot of “real men” have…ten points for who guesses the right answer?

Aye. That.

I asked my brother what made a “real man” and that was his reply. I said “so you are trying to say to me that having a penis is what makes you a real man? What if one day during your drug induced craziness you have an accident and it’s gone” he did not answer.

What I meant was that although anatomy is different, he and others will never see that part of me…I can still compete up to the scratch of a cismale even without a penis. And a lot on this site and others have told me [when I asked if they would date a FtM] they wouldn’t because they lack a penis…I tear myself apart about it and hate myself and actually war with my own self!

I still sometimes argue with myself if I am a real man or just a pretender. I know mentally I am…but bodily I never will be. Not talking about chromosomes, I don’t have that issue [hence why my family are finally all accepting me and getting back in contact, they know mother nature screwed up, not me].

You are what you WANT to be…not what you were given at birth or forced upon you during childhood/ teenage years etc.

It’s your life, it’s your only chance and the only chance you will ever have so make it a good one. One to remember. One to be celebrated! I just need to remind myself every day of that, during the low times and following the horrible reminder from people that I am at a disadvantage. But at the same time, I have the advantage of life experience that they people will never get. And I’m grateful as well as grieved.

;) good luck.

[jayme357]

I was depressed until I read Kaz's response. What I read from most responders was an extraordinary series of rationalizations. (Please forgive me my loving sisters). We can come up with all sorts of reasons why we do what we do and for each of us these reasons make sense. I too have done some rationalization and come to terms with who I am and no longer make excuses. In fact, I have found that the more I "approve" of myself the more supporting my partner is. Having said all that I will confess to having pangs of remorse when I see a loving couple, lovely wife, handsome and masculine man, perhaps a young child, and realize that I have denied my wife that seemingly perfect life. It's not that I'm not masculine - there are few people who do more "macho" stuff than I do - but there is still something "different". Don't misunderstand - I relish the difference. I don't even know if I would change things if I could. But, I know, and if you will be honest with yourselves, you know, that we are the great rationalizers of the world as we defend who we are. Kaz nailed it.

Hope I haven't used up all my good will!

[AmandaM]

I don't feel masculine enough to deicde. I'd say I'm secure in my ambivalence.

[Miranda09]

Hi Leslie....how you expressed it pretty much sums it for me. I was never what you would call the high testosterone male (tried it, hated it, wasn't good at it, absolutely did not want the t-shirt). I was usually very shy around women when it came to asking them out on a date, but never had any problems when talking with them about any subject. I've always been protective of my sisters and mother, as well as my wife (when I was married), but felt the need to broadcast it. I am perfectly at ease with both sides of my persona and actually feel very fortunate (and oh so happy) that I was able to discover this side and explore it more completely rather than hiding it away, afraid to face it. :)

[ReineD]

The measure of a real man is one who doesn't feel the need to prove it ... you know, the strong, silent (not boastful), self-assured type. :) Come to think of it, the same description could be used to measure a real woman. :) A quiet, self-assurance.

Lorilea brought up the crude comments and inane virility contests that boys engage in. I raised 3 boys while doing my best to teach them to be in touch with their feelings, to be sensitive. I did not discourage them from "playing house" with dolls when they were toddlers who were merely wanting to emulate the world around them. They had stuffed animals in their rooms until their teenage years. One loved to collect cute monkeys and small figurines. But they also liked to shoot things ... arrows and bb guns at bulls-eye targets. So did I when I was a child. One was good at all sports, the other two, not so much until their teen years. One is an artist and musician. All of them are kind and are favorites among all their girlfriends' mothers. I've no idea what sort of peer pressure they were exposed to during their adolescence, and I'm sure there were all kinds of "dumb" contests such as Lorilea described. And I've no doubt my sons did their best to keep up, as a rite of passage.

But I've not seen these behaviors with me or around their girlfriends. They do not abuse or use girls, and they're not afraid to say they don't like snakes or spiders. Most of the men I know do not behave in the stereotypical way that I've seen described in this thread. My dad, my uncles, cousins, my brother, my ex, my sons. But then I'm not a male interacting with them and maybe most men do show their softer, more sensitive sides to the women around them, more readily than they show it to their peers. Two of my brother's sons are into men's fashions big time. They're fastidious about it really, and no one thinks there is anything odd about this. My brother and I don't talk sports or guy things. We talk about our fears, hopes, issues with partners ... just as I would with any girl friend.

Just sayin ... although I'm glad to read all the posts from people who don't feel their masculinity is threatened, I don't think the real world of men is as boorish and neanderthalic as many in the forum might like to believe? At least ... not when these men are in the presence of women. :)

[Tara Lutschich]

I think so absolutely! This has showed itself to me in the last month when I started going to a new gym, previous gym was family oriented. Where I live cowboy hats and soup strainer mustaches are the norm, so this is first MAN MALE locker room I've been in in quite some time.

My thought on the first day, the carpet squishes with testosterone when you walk. There were/are all ages and it is daily naked cat walk competition, it's funny as H--- to watch. I sense insecurity and need to prove.

I have always been, the word is androgynous, male & female, in my head. My best, closest,confident friends have always been girls, even when married, and I was the multiple sport letterman, letterclub president-head jock and all that crap. Here's a good defintion; Androgynous:Botany describes a plant species in which both male and female flowers occur in the same flower head

[Deborah Jane]

Short answer....YES!!!!!!

I do have a long explanetory answer, but why write a chapter when one word will say exactly what you mean!!

[Sheila]

From this GG's point of view I would find it difficult to answer for the majority of CDers as i only know a few of you in real life........... as we know we can be anybody we like on here, say anything we feel like (well unless we go overboard and upset the overworked underpaid, stressed out mods & admins)

The members whom I have got to know real well in RL from my time here have turned out to be absolute stars, they are the type of people who I surround myself with in real life ............... ow wait spending the hours/days with them I have means it is a real life


Take away any gender dysphoria from the equation (for many of you do have/suffer from that) and I think you are as secure/insecure in yourselves as any other male or female on the planet ........

Why does so many things on here have to come down to contests between genders or between the same gender ............ one could almost say you can lead a take the male to the dress shop, but you can't make him dress ...... (if you think about it it is your fem side who is dressing (for those of you with two distinct sides :brolleyes:) in other words sometimes no matter the dress code boys will be boys and competitions will be held to see who is the biggest/best/boldest/stupidest/craziest :brolleyes::brolleyes:

[Cherie]

i have just read your thread and it is good to hear someone feels the way i feel. I work in a male dominated industry full of insecure big ego men i also went through my dark stage and i think i have come out a better person as Cherie

[Leslie Langford]

Exactly, everything you said Leslie pretty much sums me up. And Lorileah took it a bit further, i had lot's of "girls as friends" type GFs. Who seemed to always want to tell me about every time their BF was bothering them......"gee, that's too bad, i'd treat you like the princess you are".

I recently went to start a facebook account, after being on 5 minutes, 6 or 7 of the jerks i used to hang out with in H.S. (to be cool?), popped up in front of me; uh, no thanks, so i closed it out.

Even with the new "striving for femininity" path i've embarked on recently, i'm still just as masculine today as i was at any time in my adult years.
Good thread, thanx Leslie. mj (Cassie)

...and from some of the responses that I am seeing here, there is much common ground on the subject of us CDer's being the ones whom GG's often turn to when they need someone on whose shoulders they can cry about how badly their biker boyfriends (or the like) are treating them when - Hello! - they seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that from an emotional standpoint, they would be so much better of with a caring, empathetic male of the type that we often are. And we'd even go shopping with them, give helpful advice, and not sit outside the fitting room looking bored, disinterested, and as if someone had just shot our dog as most "real" men seem to when their SO's are trying on clothes for what seems like an eternity to them.

Yes, I've had to do my Ann Landers routine many times in the past as well for similar reasons. But sadly, many GG's are often attracted to the dangerous "bad boys" for reasons best known to themselves, but most eventually do outgrow that once they've finally gotten fed up being treated like crap. Then again, others like Sandra Bullock, well...they still seem to make bad choices in the naive belief that love does conquer all, even when they really should know better:doh::sad:.

[Andrea's Lynne]

You very well could have been describing my journey into adulthood! I know EXACTLY what you mean, Leslie!:)

[docrobbysherry]

I'm QUITE certain that "REAL MEN" look like my avatar! (Or, TRY to anyway!):brolleyes:

[Alice B]

Interesting question, with a wide range of answers. For me I would say yes. By knowing and accepting the male and female sides of my personality I feel that I am more balanced. As we grow up we are told by a wide variety of sources what we are supposed to be and how we are supposed to present ourself. Often being or acting in ways to confirm that view and not really being who we really are. With age and I hope maturity we come to learn who we truly are and become comfortable with ourself. Of course many never get there.

[kimdl93]

I don't feel the need to buy a 3/4 ton, crew cab, long box pick up...the Civic is just fine for cruising around town. So, maybe I am more secure than some GMs.

[Joanne f]

I do not feel insecure with my masculine side because i do not really have one so i do not have to worry about trying to prove anything in that direction .

[Kate Simmons]

I guess but it's more like being secure with who we are as a person, rather than as this, that or the other thing.:)

[Leslie Langford]

...But then I'm not a male interacting with them and maybe most men do show their softer, more sensitive sides to the women around them, more readily than they show it to their peers. Two of my brother's sons are into men's fashions big time. They're fastidious about it really, and no one thinks there is anything odd about this. My brother and I don't talk sports or guy things. We talk about our fears, hopes, issues with partners ... just as I would with any girl friend.

Just sayin ... although I'm glad to read all the posts from people who don't feel their masculinity is threatened, I don't think the real world of men is as boorish and neanderthalic as many in the forum might like to believe? At least ... not when these men are in the presence of women. :)

You make a very important point here, Reine, namely that each one of us is shaped by their own particular life experiences, and these determine the way we see the world around us and how we relate to others.

There is no doubt in my mind that each of us treats the opposite sex in a manner far different from members of our own sex, and much of that is rooted in biology. There is always an underlying sexual tension in any interaction between heterosexual males and females, and even if there is no overt sexual attraction evident between them initially (at least on the surface), our hormones and Mother Nature have conspired to program us to be on our best behavior in the presence of the opposite sex because we still want to appear attractive to them. Blame it on the primeval mating urge that causes us to look at each such individual as a potential mate, even if most times we do not carry through with that pursuit because we are, after all, thinking human beings and not simply rutting animals in heat.

But the point I want to make here is that males (especially the alpha variety) will try charm the pants off a potential sex partner and treat them like gold in order to seduce them and achieve their goal. On the other hand, other males are seen as competition in this endeavour, and must be dealt with harshly and decisively so that they won't get in their way.

So yes, as a female, you probably haven't seen that much of many men's dark sides. We males, on the other hand, have, and it ain't always a pretty picture. I tend to give these alpha males a wide berth, as I really don't need to put up with all that B.S. Quite frankly, I far prefer the company of women (and as friends, not necessarily as potential conquests), whether it is in "Leslie" mode or in drab.

If being a macho @$$hole is the way these men need to express their "masculinity", so be it - that is their biological imperative. I, on the other hand, like being transgendered and not having to pigeon-hole myself into such a one-dimensional role. I often compare it to being bilingual and bi-cultural (which I am), and which allows one to inhabit two different worlds simultaneously while being a far more well-rounded person in the process.

Being bilingual and bi-cultural yourself, (yes, I, too, grew up in "la belle Province"), I am sure you know exactly what I am talking about.

[Jamie001]

I would not say that I'm secure in masculinity. I reject masculinity and embrace femininity. It is who I am.

[ReineD]

So yes, as a female, you probably haven't seen that much of many men's dark sides. We males, on the other hand, have, and it ain't always a pretty picture.

You make good points too. But are all men like this? :eek: I'm relieved to be a GG. I don't think I'd survive well at all if I were MtF. I do appreciate the challenges you all face and it's a testament to your characters to have the courage to be who you are. I say this from my heart ... you are all admirable indeed. :hugs:

[QZ2]

Leslie, you just told my life's story. I couldn't have said it better or more truthfully. Thanks,

Susie

[BRANDYJ]

I'm not going to go as far as saying that us CD's are more secure with our masculinity then non CD's. That to me can't be compared. I will say that I am very secure in my masculinity and like that part of me as much as I like my feminine side. I will say I am perhaps more secure in expressing my feelings, emotions more so then the average man would express them. Over-all, men tend to keep their emotional feelings toward love, sentiments and deeper feelings to themselves; Even to their wives or SO's. But especially keep it bottled up around other men. We just can't be viewed as somehow weaker. We have to project that macho thing we are all raised with...or most of us anyway.

So if you mean being not afraid to express a more loving, caring, sentimental, nurturing side of me, then yes, I'm more secure then the average man might be. I do have to keep it in check around certain kinds of men that would look down on me if I was to express to much softness. That's a shame. A shame for them, but not for me. To bad most men can't express a more gentle loving side to not only other men, but even to their own wives or SO's.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Fonzie used to always say that if you had to ask whether you were "cool", then you weren't cool...

i think saying anyone is "more" secure in masculinity than "real" men is an interesting way to say it and i would choose another way and just ask if cd's are secure in their masculinity

and my bet is that they very much are..

of course i guess its a very masculine trait to put your masculinity up against anothers!!