How do you tell your girl friend you crossdress?

[Lisa]

Alright i have a question for all you ladies and GG's!

I have been crossdressing fully for about 6 to 8 months without anyone finding out! But i really want to share this part of my life with my girl friend, but im not really sure how to go about telling her! will she totally freak out and leave? or mabe be ok with it?those of you that have been down this road please help!! and any GG's I would like your opinion on how as a women this would make you feel if someone shared this type of news with you.

thanks alot!
:)

[axdressa]

Alright i have a question for all you ladies and GG's!

I have been crossdressing fully for about 6 to 8 months without anyone finding out! But i really want to share this part of my life with my girl friend, but im not really sure how to go about telling her! will she totally freak out and leave? or mabe be ok with it?those of you that have been down this road please help!! and any GG's I would like your opinion on how as a women this would make you feel if someone shared this type of news with you.

thanks alot!
:)
Hi Lisa
well i cant really say much on this subject as it has already been covered on other threads ..... all i can say is that i have been lucky as i have had three partners and all of them have known about it.... and none of the relationships broke down because of this .... at the end of the day ... it is up to you ... are you willing to lose everything if your partner doesnt like it ... she may say that you can carry on but not when she is around ... i dont know ... everyone is different ... are you happy the way things have been going .. without anyone knoewing about your cross dressing or is it getting to a stage where you want the world to know ....... I my self want to go out dressed en femme but dont know how to tell my girlfriend .... dont get me wrong all i want to do is go out for a drive or something tlike that and it may lead to something more .. i dont know ... i will have to wait and see how it goes

hugz Mallissa

[kathy gg]

Lisa,

I am sure some person with computer know how can look up threads in relation to 'how to tell' ect.

The only real advice I can have you think consider is this:
The questions you need to answer yourself are:

Are you comfortable with this being a part of who you are? If you are not at a good mental peacful state of mind with this expecting someone else to be is not a good start.
Are you willing to let her get on this list or an SO list so she can have others to talk to? Some women immediatly need to know they are not alone and since they cannot share this with their real time freinds, online ones are teh next best thing.
Is sharing this going to further your relations with her? If you are telling her just so you will clear your guilty conscious that may not be the best motivation. Tell her because you love and trust her enough and feel that you want to go to that next level of intimacy and trust with her.
Is her reactions to different people and situations usually positive? Knowing her feelings about other fringe communities might not be a bad idea before sharing.
What are the gains by this person knowing?
What are the minuses by this person knowing?
Will they use discretion with this information? if you tell her and expect her not to be able to share this and bounce her feelings off someone other than you, then all you are doing is bringing one other person into that closet with you.
Can you handle it if they totally reject your femme self?

Every woman has a million different things that shape her outlook, her self confidence, and her perception of the world. No two women will ever feel the same.

I think if you do decide to share this with her, showing this in as positive a light as possible is going to be the way to go.

Give her space once you have told her. Don't rush her to see you dressed or see pics or bombard her with probing quetions. Let her absorb this info in her own time. She might start off with a hundred questions or decide she needs to go home and think about everything. Either way let her hold the wheel in 'what next'. Some women decide right then and there they want to know everything, some need a few days to let it all sink in. Also, keep in mind most hetrosexual females have no clue what a crossdressser is at all. This is like walking into another country and not knowing the language. Give her some basics, but keep it simple and only divulge what relates to 'you' at first. No need to talk about what others do, just what you do and where you are.
if you can think of anything else that you are concerned about we are all here to help.

hugs
kathy in canada





Alright i have a question for all you ladies and GG's!

I have been crossdressing fully for about 6 to 8 months without anyone finding out! But i really want to share this part of my life with my girl friend, but im not really sure how to go about telling her! will she totally freak out and leave? or mabe be ok with it?those of you that have been down this road please help!! and any GG's I would like your opinion on how as a women this would make you feel if someone shared this type of news with you.

thanks alot!
:)

[jo_ann]

everyone woman is different.. If she's open minded, she'll probably be cool with it. If she's susie homemaker she'll think your perverted and likely leave you, but the only way to find out is to come clean.

[Holly]

Lisa, Kathy has given you some really good advice. If I may, I would only amplify a bit of what she said, and that's the part about WHY you want to tell your girlfriend. If it's because you think it will ease YOUR conscience, or you think it will give YOU more freedom, then maybe you need to reconsider your motives. If it's because you love and respect her, that you trust her with your heart, then proceeding to tell her of your CDing may be appropriate, given the cautions already mentioned. Ultimately th decision is yours, and although you may feel confident that she will accept you, you must be prepared for other possible scenarios. As others here have already said, we will be here to help and support in any way that we can. Good luck, honey.

[Tamara Croft]

A few weeks ago, I would have just said 'yeah tell her'. But when I heard what Tam (my SO) said on the radio, I would be very cautious. I say this because until a few weeks ago, I didn't realise just how hard it was for Tam to tell me she was a CD. I never thought about how it could backfire on her by telling me her biggest secret. You have to ask yourself if she can really handle what you want to tell her. If this is the woman you want to marry and live the rest of your life with, then yes you should tell her. But think about what this could do to you if it all went wrong.

This is a snippet from the thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12386) Tam wrote a while back. It really made me think about how many of you go through this situation each day.


Tam: I thought she probably wouldn't be able to take it, she'd probably leave and tell everybody, everybody I knew, everybody I cared about. But really I thought I've just got to tell her.This was the first time I'd heard Tam say that and we have been together over 6 years, it broke my heart listening to it :( So all your fears I can now relate to.

Kathy has given you some excellent advice, she is a very wise lady. But think about yourself here and ask yourself if she is ready to share your secret. I wish you all the best and I hope that she can accept you for who you are and that is a very special person. :hugs: