Do gender therapists help?

[charlotte_sp]

Hi everyone,

I'm kind of unsure right now about where I want to go with my cross-dressing.
Have any of y'all found a gender therapist to be helpful in making up your mind?

I don't want to babble, but here's a little more about where I am right now.
Maybe some of you who have been in a similar situation have some good advice XD

I've gone out a few times, and like many of you have described, it's like opening the floodgates.
Nowadays, any time I'm not concentrating on work I'm thinking about dressing, and I can't wait for the weekends to get out.
The problem is that I don't feel that strong sense of "being in the wrong body" that a lot of others have expressed.
I usually feel neutral or slightly uncomfortable as a male, but I love being in female mode.

Anyways, any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Cheers,

Charlotte

[GBNatarii]

Personally, I've found no help from gender therapy specialists. On the other hand, many people here have. It all really depends on the person and the therapist. Depending on where you live, the people here can give you head starts on where to look for therapists/psychologists.

And if you've already gone out a few times... Jeez, I'm just a thousand miles behind every one on this site ain't I? Even the newbies...

But yeah... Best thing is to try looking into the LGBT (They may focus on gays and lesbians, but some times they actually do have really good info on Transgender related stuffs) community organizations near you or your primary city, and usually those have links to random therapists as well. I mean, really... Take full advantage of the internet and abuse it in order to get what ya need/want.

[Lover girl]

Hello Charlotte I may not be the one for the best advice but I'm close to the mark. If you think you need a tharapist, Well here we are!!! The bigest differance is that our advice is free and hundereds of view points to concider! Take the money that you were going to spend on a therapist and buy cloths and stuff. I was reading your intro and I don't see any reason for a therapist. We are all in one way or another in the same situation. we want to be more femme and less like our male side. We are much happier as woman then as a man and for the most part , were proud of it. I for one wish I was born female because that's how I feel. you need to do what makes you happy. before you spend thousands of dollars on theraphy just to find out that you like to dress in female clothing and do things that they do. You should explore your femmine side and chose what feels right. There are no laws that say we must be as we were born to be. It's about YOU and your feelings. You won't find a better support group anywhere!!! Were not here to tell you how you should live your life. We try to answer those questions you may have and help guide you along the path that you want to. Look in your heart and how you feel and go with what it tells you. If your having trouble understanding your feelings that's where we come in and help you along your journey. I'm not sure if I answered your questions but I don't think you need theraphy. Let some of our pros chime in. Be at peace with yourself!!!!:)

[abigail43]

Hi everyone,

I'm kind of unsure right now about where I want to go with my cross-dressing.
Have any of y'all found a gender therapist to be helpful in making up your mind?

I don't want to babble, but here's a little more about where I am right now.
Maybe some of you who have been in a similar situation have some good advice XD

I've gone out a few times, and like many of you have described, it's like opening the floodgates.
Nowadays, any time I'm not concentrating on work I'm thinking about dressing, and I can't wait for the weekends to get out.
The problem is that I don't feel that strong sense of "being in the wrong body" that a lot of others have expressed.
I usually feel neutral or slightly uncomfortable as a male, but I love being in female mode.

Anyways, any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Cheers,

Charlotte
Hey Charlotte I am in the same place as you exactly except I have been venturing out for years now. I have to wait till October to see the psych to start my evaluation into transition . If you are thinking about transitioning then talk to a doctor to get a referral to a transgender therapist this will help you to decide whether or not you want to transition . The process that you need to follow here in Australia takes about 2 years before they even think about hormones .although we want it to happen yesterday there is proceedures put in place so that you can be sure you want to transition

[Bree-asaurus]

If you are happy with who you are, you probably don't need a therapist. If you aren't, or if you think there might be more to it than simply crossdressing, a qualified therapist that is educated on the subject of gender identity could very much help you.

I wasn't happy, and deep down I knew there was more to me than crossdressing or being gay. I wouldn't be where I am today without the help of my therapist (but I was lucky to find a very VERY good one).

[charlotte_sp]

Thanks for the replies everyone!

@GBNatarii: I understand where you're coming from.
I suspect that they won't tell me anything I don't already know.

@Lover girl: You're too sweet XD :hugs:

@abigail43: Thanks for the advice and best of luck on your evaluation!
In most of the US, it seems like you need either RLE or a letter of approval from a therapist to begin HRT, so that's definitely on my mind.

@Bree_K: That's exactly the question that I'm asking myself: whether it's just a lark or whether there's more to it.
Thanks for sharing your experiences...I'm glad that you're in a good place now :)

I've interwebbed a couple of therapists who have experience in gender issues.
I'll probably give them a call and try at least one session if I get a good vibe.

[TerryTerri]

I went to a gender therapist and she helped me greatly. However, when I walked in her door, I was sincerely confused about all this and was ready for help. I was ready to be as painfully honest with her as I could possibly be. I was ready to open whatever door was going to be opened by going to see her and I was ready because the confusion of the unknown I believed to be much worse than the truth itself.
If anyone goes to a therapist, if you are not going to be painfully honest with them and be sincerely interested in their feedback, you are probably wasting your money. However, my experiences with a gender therapist and other therapists I've seen off and on through my life has always been positive because I was ready for it.
My gender therapist did not tell me my truth. but, she did give me questions to ask myself that lead me to my answers and she walked me through my past life, looking with a gender perspective and the evidence I found for being transgendered was overwhelming. I had never noticed it because it was literally everywhere. Once she showed me how to look and see, the truth was undeniable.

Anyway, good luck to you and I hope you find your honest answers!

[Loni]

before this web thingy, i would say yes for those that have no support.
but now it is a so-so kinda thing, with all the online support, as well as finding places and people you can be with, do things with. your money is better spent on clothing, shoes, etc.

like this sunday will be my third time out in sunlight. to someplace, first times were years back. way to many years.
but it will do me more good than years with a therapist.
but it is harder to get out of my shell as a introvert. i am shy, but cover it up by talking long and loud. some times i just can not shut up.:doh:

have fun watching the sun rise...can never see to many of them.

Loni

.

[Chari]

Great advice and ideas from previous posts. IMO, you should ALWAYS be comfortable and confident in who YOU are - regardless of the "packaging" or the gender mode. In this forum, we are all at various points on the gender scale. If you enjoy being in the female mode (or any other), and it does not harm anyone else, then go for it - it is YOUR life! Therapy can help, but only if you are open and honest about yourself, and the subject of discussion. Could it be you are seeking approval of your feminine desires and needs? Sometimes "just talking things out" with someone can give you more insight as to finding what is best for you at this moment in your life. Enjoy each day!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you get what you put in...

if you are asking the question, then you should at least give yourself the benefit of trying it out..

many therapists are not very good, many are not tg friendly..its up to you to find the ones that can help..you get what you put in.

i received incredible support from a therapist...i've mentioned this before...one of the most important things was i met alot of other people through my therapist...these people helped me alot..it took me 3 tries to find a therapist that could really help me..

[noeleena]

Hi.

I wont say its not for some of us & many have said it was the best thing they could have done or did .

If you have accepted who you are & what you are & know who you are then no you dont need some one telling you .
i have never been to any one nore did i need to,
at age 10 i had accepted what i was . not saying i understood . just accepted i was different. no more no less.
i did ? one or two details in my self no one else knew. nore would i talk about it that was 52 years ago.
12 years ago i knew what i was & with out ?. i knew where i was going, not the details tho that came after.things were worked out for me so it was a matter of wait a bit & then it was all on ,

you see its all different for all of us , wether your a dresser transsexual or intersexed or like my self .
The first detail is self acceptance & if you have other problems you work on them i talked with women because i related to them & do.
& yes theres a lot to work through its not easy & that includes family .
I had to work through a lot of things nothing to do with being a woman or male yet both,
just me as a person tho brought up as a male yet never was. not mentaly or emotionally,
looking at what many have said it really is a wonder i did not go through what they have gone through.
tho i was / am quite strong in my self i did dought , have missgiveings . & a loner introverted. & a lot more dyslexca being a major one. & lots more yet i got through or skirted around things . i had major learning difficultes so its not so easy for some of us.

i belive we have to be very determined & strong & i in many ways relied on my self after i had been taught a few things along the way over the years . & yes i had been shown enough to get me through. till 12 years ago , & then so much changed ,
Theres just so much difference for me as a woman there is just no comparasen , I know my male back ground is there well not a real male yet not a female ether .
I just never saw my self as male or female yet a mix of both,

any way i can express who i am even tho im accepted as a woman & relate as one.
Im happy content & just my self no trying to be some thing or some one im not its just so..... NEAT ....
words just dont do it for me i try ,
I did what was expected of me i tryed & failed. & now i dont need to be any one else just be who i am with out fear with out having to be a failer. any more . just live enjoy life & love life.
& be who i really am & as i was told by my friend ,
you are a women then just be one, funny as that might be took time to sink in ,
so take from this what you can ,

self acceptance, live life love life, & enjoy what & who you are.

...noeleena...

[sandra-leigh]

There is a thread in the Transsexual section (but not really specific to transsexuals) "Do you see a therapist at present (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=132784)" . The large majority of people there reported that they did indeed see a therapist and were glad that they did -- and that included a number of people who had previously thought that there was No Way No How that they would ever see a therapist. There were, to be sure, a number of people in that discussion who said they had no use at all for a therapist.

Personally I have found the gender therapist to be quite useful.

Some people say that you can get all the therapy you need right here on the forum; unfortunately, I have not found that to be the case. There are thousands of active users; there are a far more limited number of users here who have wise answers that they have time to share... and not everyone happens to catch the interest of everyone else. For example, the people I happen to get along with the best here tend to be the ones who are in similar situations to me, people struggling with gender ambiguity -- and because they are struggling too, although they certainly have experiences and guideposts to contribute, they are in no position to guide me through the entire self-discovery process.

There are a lot of people here who consider themselves to be "just cross-dressers", and there are a bunch of people here who consider themselves to be definite transsexuals, but the number of people who have lived through gender ambiguity and stay here to offer advice is fairly limited.

My gender therapist, on the other hand, deals a great deal with gender ambiguity, as she believes that gender is not fixed and does not have real boundaries.

[Jun-chan]

The problem is that I don't feel that strong sense of "being in the wrong body" that a lot of others have expressed.
I usually feel neutral or slightly uncomfortable as a male, but I love being in female mode.
Nothing wrong with that. That's how I, and a lot of other CDs feel. Just because you love being in touch with your feminine side doesn't mean you have to abhor your male one or feel like you're in the wrong body.

[Jenna Lynne]

If you can find a therapist who has some experience in this area, is competent, and is open-minded and accepting of all of life's possibilities, therapy can help you dig up and work with whatever buried emotions are keeping you from moving forward with your life.

Do some research to find an LGBT-friendly therapist, and don't be afraid to ask specific questions at the first session. You're shopping -- you have a right to know what you're buying.

I'm sure there are a few therapists out there who have old-fashioned ideas, who may masquerade as "accepting" when they actually have an agenda of some sort. Constantly check in with your gut. If something doesn't feel right for you, say so! If the therapist fails to address your problem, terminate therapy immediately -- and find another therapist.

There are several ways to go wrong: Becoming emotionally dependent on a therapist (while remaining stuck in your rut in the rest of your life) is one example.

That said ... it's your life. If you're not living it as fully and joyfully as you'd like to, a professional can almost certainly help.

Hugs!

*** Jenna ***

(Blogging about gender at jennawillow.wordpress.com)

[carolinoakland]

I found that the gender therapist was usefull in the begining helping me to ask the questions that I already knew the answer's to, and then when it came time to get on HRT they were extremely helpful. I haven't been to see my therapist since I went full time though due to the economic downturn. I will need to go back to start the surgery letter process.

[Teri Jean]

Charlotte, I did experiance simular thoughts and finally did go to a therapist. In my Opinion it was a good thing and he helped me see what I already had figured out. I would caution you though, get a reputable gender therapist. They have been trained to work in this field.

[pamela_a]

I'm kind of unsure right now about where I want to go with my cross-dressing.
Have any of y'all found a gender therapist to be helpful in making up your mind?Charlotte, that depends on what you are expecting the therapist to do. Only you can make up your mind about how you need to live your life.

If you want the therapist to give you the answer then don't waste your time or money. Not only is that not their job but I wouldn't trust one who thought they had the answer.

Find one who will ask the difficult questions that only you can answer. When I started seeing my therapist, I knew the answer but was afraid to accept it. She helped me to understand it was okay for me to be who I was.

Just don't expect them to have the answers. IME the best therapists have many questions and few answers. Only YOU have the answers right for your life

My best to you in your decision :hugs:.

[Teri Jean]

See? I knew what I meant and Pam said it better. Thanks sis. Good luck Charlotte

[msniki48]

you get what you put in...

if you are asking the question, then you should at least give yourself the benefit of trying it out..

many therapists are not very good, many are not tg friendly..its up to you to find the ones that can help..you get what you put in.

i received incredible support from a therapist...i've mentioned this before...one of the most important things was i met alot of other people through my therapist...these people helped me alot..it took me 3 tries to find a therapist that could really help me..

I'm with you here Kaitlyn, my therapist was terrific....in helping me to understand and accept...also in choosing a path.

I was very lucky in that she was very well trained in gender issues.

Good luck:hugs:

[Billijo49504]

I have an appointment to a gender identity counciler, so I'm glad someone brought it up. D0n't know how it will go. I might try to get hormones...BJ

[docrobbysherry]

I therapist can help u find out what's making u unhappy or help u sort out any confusion. But, those don't sound like your issues!:brolleyes:

I think u should explore your dressing/fem side/ desires, (whatever u wish to call them), fully. THEN, if u feel u need HELP, go see a therapist!:)

[SuzanneBender]

Charlotte I went to a gender therapist for almost the exact same reason. The pink fog engulfed me and I need to get my bearings. I am not sure if he helped all that much.

I felt that spending time on this site and talking with other TG friends helped. I definitely know that long talks with my spouse and our marriage counselor has helped. Now the fog has subsided and I feel better about who I am and at think I have my priorities straight.

I hope all of this works out for you.

[AKAMichelle]

They can help with somethings but in my opinion most of it is you coming to accept yourself. That's not bad, but they can help guide you and get you there a little faster.

[NathalieX66]

Charlotte I went to a gender therapist for almost the exact same reason. The pink fog engulfed me and I need to get my bearings. I am not sure if he helped all that much.

I felt that spending time on this site and talking with other TG friends helped. I definitely know that long talks with my spouse and our marriage counselor has helped. Now the fog has subsided and I feel better about who I am and at think I have my priorities straight.


That's the way I feel.
I decided that I will spend the summer not dressing up & going out in public as I have been actively doing for the first half of this year, and pondering what my situation is, then decide if I really need to meet with a GT by September. I have about a half dozen names lined up aready, and I will pull the trigger if I so decide.

BUT...I am on this site because I get so much information from all your collective experiences. You've all been great. :<3::<3::<3:
I've even gone on youtube, and watched vlogs of a number of MTF transsexuals in various stages in transition, and videotaped myself for my own purposes and realized that I am nothing like them. I have found out that I am not like a lot of CD'ers who are fetishists either. I have joined a couple of TG support groups , and have socialized with TGs in public places like clubs & restaurants while dressed up as you all here know me. I found these experiences most invaluable.

Eleven years ago, I was fired from a job. During my job search I was thoroughly convinced that I was a closet transsexual, and wanted to make a transition. As I found my way back, I regained confidence in myself, then realized I am far more complex. assuming one gender or the other was too much to give up either way. . Now I want both, and I am willing to part with neither. that alone created some conflict.

So this summer is really a trial for me, and I'm sure I will work my way through. At the moment I already have my dress & shoe size down pat, so shopping is the easiest part of the equation.

[juno]

Everyone can benefit from a therapist at different times in their life. For some people, discussion with family and friends is enough. I don't see my feminine interests as a problem.

My theory in life is that worrying about what you should do is generally a lot more effort and stress than the consequences of just doing it. If you want to know whether you are defective for wanting to crossdress, the answer is no. If you want style advice, a therapist is not the best resource.

[charlotte_sp]

Thanks everyone for the input and support!

I'm going to go ahead and try it...I guess I'm just in an experimental mood :D
Maybe some of yall sitting on the fence should try it too so we can compare notes XD
Oh if anyone has any south bay referrals, please let me know!

[Jaydee]

Charlotte,
I've had a couple visits to a gender therapist. I went primarily at the urging of my wife after coming out to her. My wife was disappointed because instead of "curing" me, we talked through many issues and I came away feeling much better about my CDing. I was able to get past the guilt and shame that I had felt most of my life with regards to the dressing.

In reality, I could have reached the same acceptance on my own, but I found it helpful to get a professional viewpoint. As has been said, you already have the answers within you, the therapist will only guide you to your answers.

One last thought. Take time to carefully research potential therapists. Find one that is familiar with gender issues. Good Luck.

Jaydee

[NathalieX66]

Charlotte,
I've had a couple visits to a gender therapist. I went primarily at the urging of my wife after coming out to her. My wife was disappointed because instead of "curing" me, we talked through many issues and I came away feeling much better about my CDing. I was able to get past the guilt and shame that I had felt most of my life with regards to the dressing.

In reality, I could have reached the same acceptance on my own, but I found it helpful to get a professional viewpoint. As has been said, you already have the answers within you, the therapist will only guide you to your answers.

One last thought. Take time to carefully research potential therapists. Find one that is familiar with gender issues. Good Luck.

Jaydee


Between you & your wife, I hope it"s not a deal breaker. :worried:
Make future plans now. Figure out what your priorities are, who you will be in retirement age and grapple with the reality of today. .

[linnea]

If you are happy with who you are, you probably don't need a therapist. If you aren't, or if you think there might be more to it than simply crossdressing, a qualified therapist that is educated on the subject of gender identity could very much help you.

I wasn't happy, and deep down I knew there was more to me than crossdressing or being gay. I wouldn't be where I am today without the help of my therapist (but I was lucky to find a very VERY good one).

This was my situation too, and seeing a therapist (one who really knows about and has experience with transgenderism) has been wonderful for me. If you're in a situation such as the one Bree K describes, it's probably a good idea for you.

[sometimes_miss]

I basically became my own gender therapist way back when there simply weren't many around. It took me many years to figure myself out, and what caused my desire to dress and want to feel female. I suppose that if I had met someone like myself when I was a teen, it would have saved me a lot of grief. But the facts at the time were, I was simply terrified of telling anyone because of the stigma against anyone who crossed the gender lines. Today it would be another story, especially because of the online communities available. Whether that would cause more confusion or help, I'll never know. But by the time I met a real gender therapist, I already knew as much or more than they did.

[Sarasometimes]

I see one and as a hetero CD she has helped immensely. The toughest part for me was finding someone who really know this subject and all of its variations. I taught about 5 different therapists while I paid them for thier time. You need to interview them on day one and make them tell you thier background, experience and training.
Once I found the right one it made the search all worth it. Good ones will help you find answers to how you need to handle this part of your personality. They should avoid labels. I get "homework" to better understand my needs. She sees me dressed sometimes. This has given her insight as to how I am when dressed...This is not for everyone but for me it has really helped. I think if you have societal obligations and not free rein this may be very helpful. Good luck and make surethey KNOW thier stuff!!!