I am scared

[Rachaelgirl39]

Well here I am thinking about the future and it kinda scares me. You see I know I am female and always have been, so now here I am been on hormones now for 2 years and I know I am running out of time and I am gonna have to make that transition to fulltime. Its getting hard to hide my breasts and I get more funny looks when I try to go drab. I get called maam all the time even when I am not trying to. I was working two jobs and at one of my jobs I was pretty much almost fulltime. I was working as a front desk clerk at a hotel and they let me keep my hair in a ponytail while I was working and omg I got called maam,got hit on and recieved compliments about how nice I was. When I saw the comment cards they stated the lady who worked last night was very nice to us. But although I can't prove it I think I got let go because I was gonna tranistion(its a whole other story that I am pondering discrimation action) I won my unemployement case against them. Anyway my main job, of which I am still working at I am just unsure I depend on this job for insurance and of course money. I have some friends who know and others who suspect or think I am gay but they treat me just fine. So I am really scared of what is gonna happen.

[corynn]

Anyway my main job, of which I am still working at I am just unsure I depend on this job for insurance and of course money. I have some friends who know and others who suspect or think I am gay but they treat me just fine. So I am really scared of what is gonna happen.


You'll be just fine just be your real self which is Female and everything will be just fine the only problem is whn you have to go to the little girls room!!!!! unless it's a co-ed bathroom otherwise they might have to make an exception to let you use the little girls room Also the women that do work there ask them to sign a petition allowing you use of the little girls room!!!!!!!!!!!!!


that is the only thing that i see that might hold you back otherwise just be your normal girly self and good luck sweetie :doll:

[AllieSF]

Rachael, I think that you should check out the local laws regarding transitioning at work first. I would also consult an attorney familiar with situations like yours. You may need to do some research to find one. I would guess any local LGBT support groups in the state should have some good contacts. Once you determine your rights and have shareable copies of them, I would work with your company's Human Relations department (if they have one) to plan your coming out at work. If your company does not have an HR department you will probably have to work one on one with your superiors educating them as you go along. Don't be afraid to take your situation to the highest levels if necessary. The lack of a good HR Department situation would be the least desirable for you and probably cause a lot of problems if your superiors and company are not accommodating. That is where your attorney-in-waiting comes in handy to legally reinforce what you are telling them. Though the use of an attorney could also cause future problems for you. In the mean time you may want to prepare yourself for a new career or more accepting company. You could be taking continuing education classes at the same time. Maybe the company if it is large enough has a tuition assistance program, which always helps. That is how I got my MBA. I wish you the best of luck in your transition.

[luvSophia]

In transition there are ALWAYS things we are going to be scared of. Eventually you just have to get yourself together, go through with it and adjust to the consequences when they are bad. If you are not seeing a therapist and a doctor for your hormones I recommend you start. Regardless of whether you think you need it or not it gives good support to your position when you are dealing with employment issues.

[Faith_G]

It's OK to be scared, if you weren't scared you'd be crazy. :hugs:

Just don't let your fear control you. Do what you need to do despite the fear.

I have a meeting with my boss in an hour and I have lots of butterflies bouncing around in my stomach. But I'm going anyway...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Rachael..

time is NOT running out...don't let that idea take control of your life!!!

:hugs: ..and frankly, if you werent scared, you would be in the minority...in my opinion, taking the leap in itself was scarier than anything that i needed to do once i started transition..

[Veronica_Jean]

Rachael,

As strange as it sounds, I am happy you are scared.

When I first talked to my bosses and then they called HR I was petrified. I was shaking when we were going into the building to make a speaker phone call to HR!

I did buy three books that were not expensive, for my boss and HR lady and that may have also helped. They are:

]Working with a Transsexual: A Guide for Coworkers
Transsexual Workers: An Employer's Guide Transsexual Workers: An Employer's Guide
Both by Janis Walworth
Transgender Workplace Diversity: Policy Tools, Training Issues and Communication Strategies for HR and Legal Professionals Transgender Workplace Diversity: Policy Tools, Training Issues and Communication Strategies for HR and Legal Professionals
Jillian Weiss

We did not use these for the rest of the folks at my work, but I thought there was some good stuff in them. They do talk about the more rigid transition plan as they are not recent publications. My HR lady seemed to get a lot out of the last one. Just a thought for published information should you want of need that.

I don't know the best way for you, but I went slow and let my boss and HR lady see that I was serious, I was still doing well at my job so I was a valued member of the company, and that I was willing and able to work with them as we moved through how, when , and where to begin working as a woman.

I don't know the final outcome, and Monday is going to be my first day working as a woman. So far, I received a lot of curiosity, support, and some have said they don't care and have distanced themselves. Most of my immediate team are under the age of 30, and I think that helps too.

Not all companies are filled with narrow minded people, and there are even some very seriously religious Christian people on my team. I was expecting some of them to be the typical ass we read about and some of us experience first hand, but they are not that way. I have to admit it has changed my view on the Christian church, since tolerance and love is being taught and many do live by that.

Like you, this is my only source of insurance and income and I value that since I went 2 - 3 years once with neither.

It sounds like they treat you well and value your contribution which should be the determining factor, not your gender.

:hugs::hugs: Good luck no matter what you decide. But I think your bodily changes is beginning to tell them anyway. But even though I have been on hormones for a year, most of my coworkers were shocked to hear the news.

Veronica

[Teri Jean]

Rachael, the thing I have found and still to master is the power of our own mind to conjure up all kinds of fears and scenerios. I transitioned on the job last October and although I told myself of pending doom the first day there was fears that did not come to bare.

Trust yourself and your work record that management knows as they do not want to loose good employees over a change in gender. Check with your HR director for help.

Teri

[Billijo49504]

Try your local lawyers association, they might help you find a lawyer that is friendly with your issues. They will help you get all your issues straight. You talked about hiding your breasts, I'm a 42C and not even on hormones. But I will in the future.....BJ

[Midnight Skye]

Uggg Rachael... I'm sorry to hear your situation. Especially in Iowa! Everything is supposed to be straight with the laws and whatnot... too bad all the people haven't caught up. Good news is... the laws are caught up... I'm pretty sure it says right smack in the Iowa state law you can't be fired based on gender.

I am guessing the trauma of being fired may have not brought up the reason? You really need to find out mostly because of getting another job and knowing whether or not to list them as a reference. I'm starting to realize the deeper pain of losing ones job under ill circumstance. Its not just that you don't have one... but you have this nightmare of getting a new one... and possibly not wanting your potential new job to NOT call your old job because of the bull #@$% they fired you for... and not getting the proper recommendation like you should.

Anyway... the biggest thing is you are obviously different in your appearance at this point. You will need to jump through a hoop at some point. I would say dancing on the line is more dangerous than just going through with it. From the sound of it you want to fully present as a woman where you work.

My order of actions would be to update your resume... Get it uploaded online. Build up some spare cash (incase things go horribly wrong). General rule of thumb is to have 3-6 months of pay saved away (but who the heck can do that)... But have some saved away, its just smart in this case. Then talk to your boss and put a plan in motion to go full time.