Any Advice?

[Princess Jen]

Hello there, I'm hoping some of you could help me out. :love:

I'm a male who has been dressing up since a young age. I went through several "purges" before I ended up coming out to my mom. That was at least 7 years ago. I started out as an occasional crossdresser, my mother did not know what to do initially but she ended up taking me shopping for girls clothes quite often. She has been very accepting of my dressing throughout the years.

I am still only an occasional crossdresser but I have identified as being TG for many years, not knowing how that would impact my life. For the past few years, thoughts of becoming a real female have been dominating my mind. I felt that I should do things that would help my appearance match the way I felt inside and so I did. I have long hair, pierced ears, 3 years of laser hair removal treatments (face and legs) and I just started electrolysis a few months ago.

But hair removal was an easy choice for me; I never even wanted body hair in the first place, male or female. I have been out as a woman quite a few times and have had very positive experiences, except for being hit on by men :Angry3:. I feel that I can be quite pretty when dressed up and that has been a source of joy for me.

Recently, I have been torn between two things. The first is feeling that I should consider transitioning, before I am too old. I am 23 and I should say that I am interested in going through the proper channels if I do choose to go that route.

The second thing is that I should stay male and basically wait to meet a girlfriend who accepts me as I am and hope that is enough to make me feel satisfied with my femininity. I suppose this would be striving to be a passable crossdresser at best.

The only reason I haven't done anything is because I have been afraid of the possible consequences (health, infertility, dealing with prejudices etc) but with every day that passes, I become more afraid of what my life would be like if I do not transition. I have basically been able to switch my gender (as in appearance) whenever it would suit me but I am afraid that I cannot maintain that balance forever and I just do not know what to do.

I'm curious if any of you have had similar experiences and what you have done. I would also like to know what the first step or steps are in a transition. I have searched and searched but still have only a vague idea that it starts somewhere with a therapist?

[StaceyJane]

Well Jen, Yes it does start with a therapist but you don't have to transition if you see a therapist. You have many questions about your life and they are good questions that you will have to find an answer for.

A gender therapist can help you find out what it is you want. Being female doesn't necessarily mean having a sex change. There are many different ways a person can live their life. You will have to find a path that is best for you.

It's good that you are exploring these issues now.

As for the basic process...

1. See a good gender therapist
2. When both you and the your therapist feel you are ready you can start hormones.
3. You start what is called Real life Experience RLE. In which you live fully as a female for a year.
4. after that time if you are ready you will need aproval from two therapists to have SRS

This is the very siple way. Actually doing it can be much more complicated

[Teri Jean]

Jen, Stacey is right on all counts. Take your time and make the informed decission as the reversal is not likely to happen.You mentioned infertility and if there is the desire to have children later on one can sperm bank for the future. Wish you the best.

Teri

[Midnight Skye]

Hey Jen... transitioning isn't something to jump into, but it sounds like you know that ;) From the sounds of it you would really benefit from seeing a good therapist capable of asking some deep questions to see what it is you really want from life.

But ultimately thats a question for you. Being a transgendered female is really a choice of how you want to present yourself to the world (and yourself). So how female do you feel? Do you want your parents, family, and all of your friends to look at you as Jen (She, Miss, Her)? Do you feel female inside... do you wish you grew up as a female instead? How do you feel about your male side, are there parts of it which you enjoy and don't want to give up?

As you know its not a clear answer. The way I found my answer is by looking at older men and older females and asked myself how I want to grow old. Do I wish to live my life as a man who has a softer side to express on his own. Or do I wish to live as a female, basking in all of the benefits and problems at the same time.


As for the how to: TSRoadmap is probably one of the clearest sites on options and what a girl has to do moving forward http://www.tsroadmap.com/start/index.html

Generally speaking to live successfully TS you don't need anything in all truth... though most would probably agree permanent facial hair removal greatly helps passing... and hormones help the body align closer to the appropriate sex. Beyond that you don't have to have anything else... and you can certainly elect to live female without hormones... I would readup on hormone treatment for Transgendered females, this site is one I like: http://wiki.susans.org/index.php/Hormone_replacement_therapy_(male-to-female)

Ultimately its something only you can decide. PM me if you want to chat more about it!

[Jessinthesprings]

Everyone has great points. One thing you do need to seperate is the clothes. Can you still feel like a woman with out wearing a dress? I love wearing feminin clothes but, I'm just as happy to lounge around the house in jeans and t-shirt. Long gone has been the desire to deck out with false boobs, make up and dresses. I only fix myself up when I go out and I still feel the same in either situation. just my :2c:

But the best advice I can give you is the same as everyone else. Talk to a counselor who will challange your thoughts and decisions and make you think inwardly, and above all resist the urge to "jump in."

[Hope]

Yeah - I think a lot of us can sympathize, I know I have had a lot of those same feelings, but each of us is different and no one here can tell you if this is the right path for you - only you can do that for yourself. It is a VERY personal sort of issue. I think we can safely say one thing for sure - having an accepting girlfriend, and sort of experiencing girlhood by proxy will not be satisfying.

I would echo everything the girls above have said. Jess is spot on - if you feel girly out of the clothes... I think that is significant. It is not definitive - nothing is - but it is telling.

It seriously sounds like it is time for you to see a therapist. Insurance or not, go see a good therapist - it is money well spent.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you have alot of company here!
you also have alot of time..

transition is very difficult..its risky and its often destructive (of everything)..

but its incredibly rewarding if its the right thing for you, and if you plan and execute your transition..its in YOUR bestinterests to do a ton of research

those resources Skye mentioned are really good...have you checked them out?

take care
Kaitlyn

[Princess Jen]

Thank you all for the responses. I am going to go see a therapist before I do anything else. By the way, I definitely feel like a girl when I'm not dressed up.