eldest son standing right in front of me!

[stephi]

:eek:

I was dolled up to nines full make up, high heels - the works and I heard my bed room door get rapped lightly. My sons were to stay over at friends and i thought that they had gone and the rap was my better half with the drinks and needed door opened. I said just put foot to the door its open (there is an inside lock on our bed room door). Who is standing right on front on me but my eldest teenage son looking me up and down - in a split second I put my hand across his eyes and pushed him gently out of the door. I shut the door and then thought OMG what now. He was staying with his friends just up the road and I de-Stephd and run after him and asked him outside. He was deeply upset ...... check this out though......better half told him it was for a fancy dress ball and he was OK with this. He was upset cos I pushed him out of the room.

Talk about close - he is very tolerant and sensitive, but typical testo pumped teenager. He hasnt reacted differently at all to me but does keep asking who Stephi is?

I hammered the vodka and was OK after an hour or so once I had Stehpd back up.

My head is a bit scrambled with it - I didnt look just fancy dress - it was full on CD, do I raise it again with him in drab or let lie?

Thx
Stephi

[Jonianne]

Well, at some point you and your wife better sit him down and talk about it, especially since he has seen and is asking questions. I had to tell my sons between the ages of 10 and 14 because my ex was threatning to tell them. They both said they were OK with me, but they also said they didn't want to see.

[suzy1]

If he is half as smart as my sons, then he knows. If he is half as nice as my sons he will be O.K. with it. Bet he loves his dad, yes?
Try not to worry unnecessarily.

Best wishes SUZY

[Nicole Erin]

Make light of it and say you would like to wear that dress when picking him up from school.
THAT would be hilarious :D

[Mary Morgan]

Don't lie to him because he'll always remember that you did. Pick your time and be prepared.

[ReineD]

I agree. Best to prepare yourself to tell him the truth. :hugs:

[kimdl93]

I agree that you and your wife need to be honest with him - as was said above, he's probably figured out that Stephi is there, and composing his own narrative from what he's heard so far. That narrative could be hurtful to him and your relationship, so give him the truth. Its really not a bad thing - its something you do, and a part of you that you share with his mother. Then he'll at least understand that you both feel there is nothing to hide or feel shameful about.

[Chickhe]

Tell him why you pushed him out of your room (life)... that's probably what he is feeling bad about.

[sherri]

To me, the most important thing, regardless of how much you choose to divulge to your son, is to reassure him with words and actions that Stephi does not represent an abdication of your role and responsibilities as a dad, which he needs and will continue to need for a long time to come. I'm old school, so I believe kids need two parents, a mom and a dad, and especially during the teen years, dad needs to be a rock for his kids. Even during the difficult teen years, he is learning from you more than anyone else how to be a man, a husband, a father, etc. that may not bear fruit for many years to come, but the seeds are being sown now.

Secondly, teens are, as you know, immersed in peer culture and figuring out how they fit in, so I would guess that your son is keenly, if quietly, concerned with how Stephi would reflect on him and impact him socially. In other words, he needs reassurance that Stephi will not be a source of embarrassment and compromise for him.

Third, when a parent challenges the norms and defies "propriety", it can set loose rebellious, socially defiant behavior is his kids, especially teens, and it can be very difficult to reign that in if you yourself are behaving in a way he might construe as irresponsible. I have observed this first-hand in the lives of some CDers I've known.

All of which are reasons, among numerous others, I have chosen not to come out to my kids or the community around them. Just my opinion. There are some persuasive arguments for different approaches, and some success stories, but I remain skeptical and conservative on this issue.

[carrie-ann]

You and your wife needs to do what ever is best for your family. The one thing I would suggest is to also teach you're kids that people are different. That there is no room for prejudice. Even if you don't agree with why some one is. Theres no room for that at all.

[Kathi Lake]

Stephi,

Been there, done that, got the (very pretty) T-shirt. PM me if you would like to hear how it went.

Honesty is how you are going to get through this. Was it a shock to your son? Sure. Will you get through this? Definitely. Suck it up, take a breath (lay off the alcohol, though. You're going to need a clear head), and lovingly tell your son about you, and make sure you know how he thinks this will affect him.

Kathi

[Loni]

can only say. Be honest.


good or bad he knows or has a very very good reason to believe you cross dress now.

if he has half a good head he will not talk to his friends about this...teenage boy / girls can be very cruel about some things.

just be honest and have a talk with him...not a one way talk but get his side and thoughts included in the talking.


.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Stephi.

I hope you are getting prepared for the possible line of questioning coming your way soon. It may be easier short term to take the fancy dress line, but in the long run honesty is probably the best.

Good luck

Tash :)

[TxKimberly]

I'd say to wait for him to raise the subject.

[DanaR]

Don't lie to him because he'll always remember that you did. Pick your time and be prepared.


I agree. Best to prepare yourself to tell him the truth. :hugs:

I couldn't think of any better advise than this.

[NoraTV]

...is the truth. If he's old enough to be upset by it, then he's old enough to handle it.