A Crossdressing Tax?

[Starling]

Does anyone else here think that a life of crossdressing, with its typical secrecy, guilt and the mental distraction of fantasizing about being a woman--or living with the emotional conflicts of feeling you are a woman--to say nothing of the time it takes to live the dual life of a closet CD...has this life taken a toll on your professional advancement or income?

In other words, beyond the actual cost of clothes, wigs, makeup, etc., have you paid a major lifestyle penalty for being transgendered?

Just wondering if I'm alone in believing I have.

:thinking: Lallie

PS: I'm not sure the experiences of FTM folks are the same in this respect, but I'd be interested to find out.

[Vickii*]

Yes. I would probably say make it go a step further into 'affirmative action' territory.

However that is probably just a pipe dream.....

[Nicole Erin]

I suspect my life would still be the same big joke if I was TS or not.

[Freddy12]

For me, it has not been a problem. I was so far in the closet for so long that it had no effect on my career.

I'm sure that for many crossdressers, it has had an effect, and I think that the effect would almost always be negative.

[kellycan27]

I would have to say that in my case the opposite is probably true. I honestly don't think that I could have gotten to where I am today while living as someone that I was truly not. When I began to live as I believed I should I began to feel more self confident, and my shyness and low self esteem virtually disappeared. While I do see some of the disparity between the pay and promotion between the sexes...men generally having the advantage, I have also found that there are some pretty good perks for the gentler sex. For me personally, the gains that I enjoy living as a woman far outweigh disparity that some may feel so cheated by. (I am sure some of the feminist types are probably grinding their teeth by now lol)
I guess that what i am saying is that living happy is an acceptable trade off for making a bit less. I feel that I make up for it on the other end to a certain extent.:2c:
A tax refund so to speak. :heehee:
Kel

[Fab Karen]

Guilt for what?

[Toni_Lynn]

At one time, during the the depths of depression and drinking as a result of the hatred tossed at me by family members, it did. I gave up, hence the drinking.

One I got through that, I said to myself, "Self, you are going to have to work twice as hard as anyone else to be who you are." My goal would become one in which my co-workers/ bosses would say "Given the quality of the work, I wouldn't care if 'he' came to work in a tutu!"

For too long I worked in places or had people around me where I was judged first for the length of my nails or hair, and then second (if it got that far) for the person I am and the talents I have. I vowed that that sh*t would never happen again.

The end point -- in the long run, it strengthen my resolve to succeed.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Cassandra Lynn]

have you paid a major lifestyle penalty for being transgendered?

Yes, but......
In reading through this i see a little of the idea that we are paying a penalty because of society and nonacceptance. So i'm answering from that angle.

I have not "paid a price professionally" because i've always been a laborer and always worked as male, and alot of the penalty i'm paying is of my own making. Trying to be someone i wasn't fully capable of, and live a traditional life i couldn't assimilate to was ultimately a "price paid", albeit mentally, socially and emotionally.

Like Toni lynn i had to beat alcohol (and my transgenderism was not the cause of the drinking, but definitely connected) to reach this point. I am paying a price right now, because after the dust cleared i found my self wanting to be able to live more as Cassie, but unable to. Unable to present as Cassie, anyways.
From a standpoint of income, just trying to make a living is a price to be paid, but it's just a result of several bad circumstances and the economy that is keeping me from fulfillment.
Hope that was on topic. mj (Cassie)

[Starling]

I suspect my life would still be the same big joke if I was TS or not.

Nicole, I'm sorry you see your life that way. You're a valuable human being, and you deserve respect--especially from yourself.

:sad:


...I was so far in the closet for so long that it had no effect on my career...

I apologize, Freddy, if I didn't make myself clear. I was talking about the hit that closeted CDs take. What happens when you come out is another story.

:)


...I honestly don't think that I could have gotten to where I am today while living as someone that I was truly not...For me personally, the gains that I enjoy living as a woman far outweigh disparity that some may feel so cheated by...A tax refund so to speak. :heehee:
Kel

Yes, Ms. Can27, I'm familiar with your case. You are a real success story. But as I said, I was talking about us closeted moles.
:cheer:


Guilt for what?

As a child, guilt and shame for being sexually different. Later, guilt for hiding from my bedmates. Now, guilt for taking time, away from my only semi-accepting SO, to be myself. But I no longer feel guilty for being me.

:)


...The end point -- in the long run, it strengthen my resolve to succeed...

Toni, I think that's a life adjustment that is common to folks who see themselves as pariahs. I'm glad it's been a positive in your life.

:)

[kellycan27]

Aw shucks! :cute: disregard.

[CdChloe]

The toll it has on me is more the on the mental and emotional side... While my SO is aware that I crossdress and is supportive of me I'm always trying to think of her feelings and whether she's in such a state that she needs her hubby! Hard to do hubby cheering up duties in a skirt;)

other than that if I go to work... Noone there knows about it and there's the jiggle in my mind if I wear panties to work that they'll find out somehow and fire me (even though I'm fairly certain my boss would be the type to accept as long as I got the job done).

Also because only my SO knows, I only go around the house in more than just undergarments under my clothing. But living right next door to her parents is both a blessing and a curse where I have to think whether it's worth putting more on or whether they're going to come knocking on the door to give us something and whether I'm ready to face the world like that.

Even when I'm on my own sometimes and there's no chance anyones going to judge me... I feel wierded out that somehow someone can see me and they will judge me for it.

[Starling]

Aw shucks! :cute: disregard.

:kickbutt:

[Danielle Gee]

I'm "closeted" to everyone in my world except my Sweetie, and I can't really say my Cross-Dressing has any effect on my life at all.

I think the only thing really noticeable is I have a more "Kinder & Gentler" (Ferminine) way of looking at life.....Ocaisionally one of my male friends will commont on some aspect of that, but otherwise, No Effect!!!

Danielle:brolleyes:

[Teresa Ann]

Taxing? No, I have always had very stressful jobs and this is one way to relieve stress making me more easy to live with. As far a expense it is a cheap hobby compaired to some I have had in the past. As far as advancement I am a better person because of all this makiing me a far more valueable employee.

[Daphne S]

I think that anything that causes long term shame and guilt in someone is going to detract from her/his life in some way, whether it be emotionally, financially, spiritually, etc... It can be a motivator for some things, but usually at the cost of something else (usually your mental health.) If there is no shame or that shame is overcome, however, being TG is a blessing!

[Starling]

Yes. I would probably say make it go a step further into 'affirmative action' territory.

However that is probably just a pipe dream.....

You're right, Vickii, that's not going to happen. Even in Canada. But a clothing allowance would be nice...

:heehee:

[Loni]

effect on my life??

lets see. a new bra ver food?

a new skirt ver fuel for the truck?

pay more taxes ver food, skirt, gasoline, rent,

i live on very little not due to wanting to go shopping..it is due to getting over taxed.


.

[Starling]

The toll it has on me is more the on the mental and emotional side...there's the jiggle in my mind if I wear panties to work that they'll find out somehow and fire me...I feel wierded out that somehow someone can see me and they will judge me for it.

You don't think that this kind of stress can reduce your creativity and productivity, as well? At least you're fortunate to have an accepting wife, so you don't have to dress in the dead of night. I don't envy you the in-laws next door, however. That's a little too close for comfort.

:wave::wave:


I'm "closeted" to everyone in my world except my Sweetie, and I can't really say my Cross-Dressing has any effect on my life at all.

I think the only thing really noticeable is I have a more "Kinder & Gentler" (Ferminine) way of looking at life

It sounds like you're in an enviable state of equilibrium, Danielle.

:)

Taxing? No, I have always had very stressful jobs and this is one way to relieve stress...it is a cheap hobby...I am a better person...a far more valueable employee.

I see that CDing is a manageable part of your life, rather than the tip of a gender iceberg. Lucky girl.

:daydreaming:


I think that anything that causes long term shame and guilt in someone is going to detract from her/his life in some way...If there is no shame or that shame is overcome, however, being TG is a blessing!

I partly agree with you, Daphne, but even being a "shameless" MTF can be stressful if your opportunities for expression are too limited.

:doh:


effect on my life??

lets see. a new bra ver food?

a new skirt ver fuel for the truck?

pay more taxes ver food, skirt, gasoline, rent,

i live on very little not due to wanting to go shopping..it is due to getting over taxed.

I tend to agree with Oliver Wendell Holmes, who said that taxes are the price we pay to live in a civilized society. That doesn't mean I'm overjoyed about them, though.

:2c:

[CdChloe]

You don't think that this kind of stress can reduce your creativity and productivity, as well? At least you're fortunate to have an accepting wife, so you don't have to dress in the dead of night. I don't envy you the in-laws next door, however. That's a little too close for comfort.

:wave::wave:

:2c:

it does to a certain extent but not as much as I would think. Being a maccas manager my head at work is sort of compartmentalised so only the most relevant information at the time sinks in. As for the in laws next door, I came home to pack for our Brisbane trip (only goin o be able to get away with panties) and my wife came home with her brother in toe and she was glad that while I'd been home for a while I hadn't gotten changed, but that didn't stop her from holding the security door shut while she confirmed I was me and not Chloe.

And even though my wife is accepting of it, it will take a while to be comfortable wearing fem around home, but I admit it's a positive step considering the other way it could've gone... Doesn't mean I feel it yet but just like walking in heels, one step at a time!

[Allyson Michelle]

Well think of it this way...

A person with high blood pressure usually has to pay for their meds one way or another. It's what keeps them healthy and alive.

X-dressing supplies are my medicine and I don't mind spending a little bit extra to stay healthy and avoid going insane...

[Cithmore]

In my younger adult life yes for a time I tried to deny who I was and seemed to be miserable all the time, I had a gf at the time who was just not as accepting as she tried to be and we finally realized that we could never fit our lives together.
Now 7 years later life is pretty good, I have a SO who is totaly supportive of my dressing and I am tenure track faculty at my University so I don't have the constant stress of "getting there" like I did a few years ago.
My family has always known of and supported my dressing and I really don't try to mix it with my professional life so no conflict there.

[noeleena]

Hi.
For peace of mind iv paid my tax & so has Jos 8 years of,
if that counts , then yes dealy not as in money, mentally & emotionally ,
As to work, was no different as i was the boss s e ,& even then as a woman , In other ways its still good , & theres no way of ever going back nore any need to.

...noeleena...

[Vieja]

Since I was always deeply closeted and the most daring thing I did was wear panties under my guy stuff I never have felt any stress. I was only out once to another CD who has unfortunately moved away. Alas.


Vieja

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I have a SO that is generally accepting & goes out with me sometimes. I have a couple friends that know & accept me, so all is OK.

I haven't paid a SIGNIFICANT emmotional price yet.
I hope it never comes, but......

[Starling]

...A person with high blood pressure usually has to pay for their meds one way or another...X-dressing supplies are my medicine...

I think being a closeted TG gives me high BP.

:Angry3:Lallie


...I have a SO who is totaly supportive of my dressing and I am tenure track faculty at my University...My family has always known of and supported my dressing...

Good for you, girl! You had the guts to express your true self. And when you get tenure...

:cheer:


Hi.
For peace of mind iv paid my tax & so has Jos 8 years of,
if that counts , then yes dealy not as in money, mentally & emotionally...theres no way of ever going back nore any need to...

Way to go, No!

:)


Since I was always deeply closeted and the most daring thing I did was wear panties under my guy stuff I never have felt any stress...

You seem to have things under control, Vieja.

:)


...I haven't paid a SIGNIFICANT emmotional price yet...

Let's hope you never have to, Kim. How can this thing cause so much outrage and posturing?

:facepalm:

[carrie-ann]

I hated the closet! For way to long I hid and lied to every one. So I came out of the closet.14 years ago to a point. My wife has known ever since we met. She supports me 100%. She new my goal was to go 247 as a CD, TS or TV. I am a TG/CD now. I'm 247 and i love it. I already have my driver license picture dressed enfem. Make up and all. Big step for me. Next I'm going to court for a name change. Another big step. Last step breast implants. So I'm much happier now. I got this job dressed enfem. On my application I put I'm TG/CD and my enfem name on the nick name part of the application. Has it all been smooth no, but I'm happier than ever! So do what's right for you and your situation!

[Maia C]

I went through a period of being distracted that helped cost me a job. That distraction was because of my non-acceptance. I'm not sure that would have happened if I had been comfortable with things.

[Starling]

...My wife has known ever since we met. She supports me 100%...Has it all been smooth no, but I'm happier than ever! So do what's right for you and your situation!

A completely supportive spouse makes all the difference. Otherwise, be alone--it's the only way. You're very lucky, Carrie-Ann.

:daydreaming:


I went through a period of being distracted that helped cost me a job...

That's exactly the kind of thing I meant in my original post! I'm glad you've overcome it.

:)