What is the difference ?

[Joanne f]

There are to words that seam to occasionally crop up on here (i can`t really understand why):D they are " Feminine and Gay " and if you already think you know where i am going with this you may be right but then again you may not be :heehee:.
I am not talking about feelings or how it makes you feel i am simply talking about gestures and mannerisms, lets assume you say that you have mastered or naturally have feminine mannerisms and gestures , now can you tell me the difference between those and what the average public would consider to be gay gestures, and before anyone jumps on my back :battingeyelashes: i am not saying that gay people look feminine as we know they are not but there is this misconception that some people with certain mannerisms are gay just because of that , i am sure you know what i mean .
I am just wondering if this has anything to do with the reaction if your SO sees you gesturing in a desired feminine way (by you) can be mistaken for a gay gesture (albeit a missconstrued one).

[prene]

Don't know.
Sometime I think maybe I am.
I sometimes want to be with a man when I am dressed. But I have never felt that way before. I never even thought about it before I started dressing.
Only think about being with one to complete my femininization(Is that a word). Guys are hairy, lumpy, smelly, inconsiderate . . . Yuck.

I was alway trying to meet a good girl.

[sterling12]

I think your stereotyping just a bit. If a Man gestures, walks, talks, and acts like a CERTAIN TYPE of Very Feminine Woman, that is often called "effeminate behavior." But Certainly, not many women behave like that!

Today, you also don't see many Effeminate Gay Men. For whatever reasons, The Male Gay Community is largely composed of men who look and act just about like everyone else, (A lot of jeans and T-Shirts). To label Gay Men with some of The Old Pejoratives like "Queen," or "Sissy," is at best being condescending, and at worst is making ourselves look bigoted!

And, lately I've been seeing much more diversity in The Transgendered World. I don't think "The Model" has to be Uber-Female any longer. I think T-Folk in The Future will have many different Role-Models to choose from.

So, I would assume that people who link "Gay" and "Feminine" together are either uninformed (bigoted?) Or, they simple don't spend much time around our LGBT Community. Heck, even our Drag performers don't act super-feminine anymore. They tend to have very physical, "buffed" bodies, and act very athletic!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[donninacd]

I think the root of this is that there are extremely flamboyant homosexual gestures that are a caricature of femininity. As much as I say on here I'm in it for the exhibitionist/fetishy fun, there's another part of me that's pretty sure I'm up to 40% girl. So if I occasionally exhibit some characteristics typically associated with females, e.g. giggling, I just sort of don't care what anybody thinks. I can't help being me.

[Joanne f]

Joanie,
i hear what you are saying and agree with it but i will give you an instance in what i mean , i consider myself to have feminine or as you put it effeminate ways ,gestures and mannerisms, now there is this male in our town who i would say has very similar mannerisms to me and everyone wrongly or rightly calls him gay just because of these mannerisms , and i did say that it is a misconception but that is how a lot see it and was just wondering if this cause`s some confusion with SOs

[dennisGTS]

There are so many diverse people in this world. Some naturally act the way they do, while others strive to try to act the way they do; if that makes any sense.

I think it'd be really hard to know why some gay men act effeminate unless you go up to one of them ask him why. Maybe you could ask the same kind of question about lesbians; why do some lesbians act like the stereotypical butch male??? Have you ever noticed how most gay couples naturally have a more masculine partner while the other one is somewhat feminine?

On the flipside, I feel some of us CD's that act feminine are trying to emulate those feminine qualities that we so much admire. :2c:

[kellycan27]

I think that Joanie nailed it with just a single word... "stereotyping" period. SO's are not immune to it.

[carhill2mn]

Frequently, when people see a man whose actions, speech, mannerisms, etc. are what they consider to be "feminine" they categorize that person as being "gay" when, in fact, they may be "straight" but somewhat effeminate.
The same behavior by a female would be considered to be "normal" or nearly so. In order to be perceived by society as a woman. a CD/TS/TG/whatever usually will adopt these same behaviors.
Many gays are so "masculine" in their mannerisms, activiites, etc. that no one would ever think that they are gay. Then there are some gays who do act per the sterotype.
Yes, I think that many SOs have a problem dealing with what they think of as "gay actions" or they are scared that other people will think that and thus, think less of them.
Nothing is ever simple!

[sterling12]

OK Joanne, I think I understand. But perhaps it's not a good answer that I'll propose.

Let me explain... so if Myself, or Yourself, actually enjoyed The Ballet, or looking at Art, or played The Piano, etc., etc., we would be branded as "Gay" in Your Community? The only behavior tolerated for a male is to scratch your behind, swill beer, watch The World Cup, and act like a Hoodlum? Do any of these people in Your Town understand that a Male who might be branded as "Sensitive," is no more likely to be Gay or Transgendered than anyone else? (And who really cares if People are Gay or not!) There are people in This World who have a modicum of culture, and smarts! NO Male should have to be branded as "Gay," just because he isn't a brute! I think if a person's S.O. is effected by what "everybody else thinks," there is a problem in The Relationship, but it doesn't lie with The Person being accused.

So my Answer, (Solution?) would be simple, but perhaps not palatable. MOVE SOMEWHERE WHERE PEOPLE AREN'T SO IGNORANT! Wow! Find a Town with a University, find someplace where "culture" isn't deemed as a four letter word. Sometimes it's impossible to change and effect "Ignorant." Sometimes, it's just logical to avoid it!

Peace and Love, Joanie

PS. I thought a bit about what I just wrote. I am having a hard time imagining ANYPLACE where EVERYBODY would be so prejudiced and dumb. Perhaps I mis-judged your town, maybe you just need a new set of friends. Find some folks who have moved up The Evolutionary Scale, and don't label behaviors that they don't understand as "Gay!"