Family Help

[Allyson Michelle]

As you may know, I live in Southwest Virginia. It isn't "rural" nor is it "Metropolis." There are homosexuals, and VERY FEW "out" CD'ers. Well, I come from a very conservative, old-fashioned family. The kind that loves their kin no matter what. For some reason though, I just cannot muscle up the courage to tell them about me being a CD. My grandfather especially. He did time when he was young for stabbing a homosexual for getting too "frisky" with him. Even to this day, his head is stuck in the 50's, segregated and homophobic. I've asked his opinions on CD'ers and he views them as homosexual, but that definitely isn't my case. I fear that he will disown me if I come out to him.

My brothers, sister, and dad have "speculations" as they have seen web history and "stashes" of mine so I think they know but are waiting for me to tell them.

The point I'm trying to get to here is, how did you come out to your family? Did it go well? Is yours a "conservative" and old-fashioned one like mine?

(Please tell me if this is the wrong spot for this as I will correct it)

[CdChloe]

Whilst ages ago when my father first found out I had been sneaking stockigs in etc, he gave me "the talk". The talk being that if I was gay, he'd accept it and we could all move on (he said he would like a grandhild, but yeah). So my dad does sort of know but I think he's under the belief that I have grown out of this.

[AKAMichelle]

I come from very conservative family. My wife didn't accept but I have found conservative women who do. Sometimes it is a crap shoot. The people you think will accept won't and the one know won't accept are the ones to accept. It is a risk to tell them because you know that the relationship will never be the same when you do, but only you can make that choice.

[Stephanie Miller]

My background is very conservative, Catholic, father is a Marine, typical boy will be boys - girls will be girls type family. Some know about Stephanie, and some don't. I did not, and still don't, feel everyone needs to (or could) carry the burden of my secret. Just as you would pick your battles to fight - pick the people to tell and hush up around the others. BUT..... whomever you tell make sure you are well informed enough to give them proper info. Even type little info sheets to give them so they come to the correct conclusions rather than them utilizing the trash that society has been providing for years. Be proud in your presentation, if showing pics or going on display yourself, present tastefully. And for Gods sake dear.... use the correct shade of lipstick! :D

[Katesback]

Many people live thier entire lives following the expectations of other people. For the transgender community this is VERY common. As a group we often go out of our way to put forth an image or an illusion of someone yet inside we are constantly in turmoil because......we are pretending.

There is a point that few people (including trans people) get to where they finally say to themselves "I am doing my own thing" and they push aside the restrictions and expectations of other people and move on with thier lives as the person they are.

What is interesting is that the few that reach this point gain a sense of self respect. From there impowerment and inner strength grows and becomes apparent to others. About this time other people no longer try to impose thier expectations upon you since they can see you are strong and will stand on your OWN convictions.

The real question I have for you is are you going to live your life as you see fit or worry about other people?

[Debra Russell]

Like your family, my family too to is conservative. I am older and have growen children and grand children. I have come "out to my granddaughter,wife, daughter and one son: also an employee of mine that I have had for 10 yrs. What I am trying to get at is everyone does not have to have the same amount of information - only what I am reasonally sure they can process. My wife knows all and is very reluctently and passively acceptent, my employee is very acceptent, my children know I dress on occasion (Halloween,or bed time appearal) Gradualy all will understand their own level of acceptance - I think that is the best you can hope for. Good luck, keep focused::)

[AllieSF]

Kate, I love your post here. It is right on.