Two Questions

[thechic]

Hi there

Im going through a tough time in my live, serious TG Issues which is affecting work,family,friends,basically everything so Im now having professional help.
Any way The Question I would like to ask.

Once transitioned or going through transitioning Has any one had any regrets, and has your life improved any.
Have you become a loner( that's something im afraid off).

[Katesback]

The answer to your question is YES. Ok so any one of the aspects of your question could apply to anyone. What I can say is that some people have regrets, others do not. Some go back to being boys (even AFTER SRS). Some do become reclusive. Some become jadded.

On the other hand some people REALLY do start a new life and move on to success. I think a big factor to success is AGE. The young TS people often breeze through transition and get on with lives. On the other hand the older people tend to have a much more difficult time.

Probably the most important thing I can tell you is that after the dust settles and all the fireworks are over the VERY best you can hope for is to be the average girl living an average life. Many trans people make assumptions and hit a wall when this reality falls upon them!

Katie

[Frances]

Transition saved my life, but made it a whole lot more complicated. I have become quite a loner, but not by choice. I pass without problem, but have lost most of my old friends. I have also run into a lot of jealousy from other trans women.

Men want me (I am having my surgery in January), but they are also afraid of wanting me. I am not hearing from my surviving family much (I lost my parents, grand-parents and do not have any siblings). I moved to a more active part of town and hope to meet new people, but I feel very, very alone at the present moment.

[Faith_G]

My only regret so far is that I didn't do it 20 years ago.

I was a loner before I started transition, I was always trying to hide. Now I have more friends than ever before.

[Maryanne_sa]

The only regret I have is that I have left this so late in my life, but I have no regrets about having made the decision to delay everying to support my family, and to see that my children had a decent education and start in life. So, I guess the timing could not be helped.

Do I have the occassional doubt? Yes, I do, but it does not last long and I have never been happier, and love my new life.

I am of the older generation and in contrast to what one of the other girls have said, I have made some wonderful women friends of all ages, young, and similar to my own age, and I am much closer to them than I ever was to the male friends of my previous life, so I am not lonely. I never ever felt so connected to them, as I do to my 'new friends' I always felt as an outsider and never really belonged. I was more lonely in my old life, shut inside myself. My wife and I are still friends, and my daughters still love me, although of course they are having a hard time, but they have not forsaken me.

I have my appointment confirmed at the Charing Cross Gender clinic for which I can't wait. I have discussed the issue with my Manager at work, and she was totally cool, so I am going to go full time soon.

We are all different, and how we cope, progress, make friends etc, largely depends on ourselves, how comfortable we are with ourselves, and what we are. If you don't accept who and what you are, no one else will.

Take care,

Maryanne

I hope that all goes well with you.

[Karen564]

No regrets here except for wishing I did it long ago, but that's me...although that shouldn't mean anything to you..because what's right for me may not be right for you..so all you can do it try it & see how it feels for YOU..

I didn't loose my kids over this which was most important to me.... My mom & some of the other relatives haven't shunned me yet, actually my mom has handled it pretty well considering.....but I did loose some friends..
As far as being lonely, I have school & homework to keep me very busy...but sure, there's times I feel lonely every now & then..but I handle that pretty well ..and go out & talk with a local friend at the store or chat with my friends on line.

:hugs:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You are at a point that is heartbreaking sometimes...it was for me...

This is all very front and center and raw for me...i have teenage daughters, i made much $$, i had important responsibilities to my family and job...and then for some reason, i made this decision. I risked giving all that up..i had my srs 4 weeks ago..

I think you are thinking very clearly...you have this issue...it is making you miserable, and its getting worse...your quality of life is becoming poor... for some people it feels unsustainable...that's pretty bad!!

So, many of us transition. It is a huge investment. There are risks..its smart to think this way about it...

and you asked is your life better...you can see from the responses , the short answer is yes. and we all probably have different long answers, but those are yes's too...

there are roadblocks that stop transition, but that's not about the person's regret..its about getting a job, or some other important thing that overshadows transition for a time...

[noeleena]

Hi ,
One kiwi to anther ,

Totaly no regrets . nore ever will be, i have more friends now than i ever did & that was over 40 years ,
The last 12 years have been, grow as a woman be seen as one be accepted as one, even tho as my pic shows some what male thatll never change because of what i am & my age of 62,
This may not go down well with some & i know what they say.

To be accepted as a woman sorry female you need to pass as one talk as one if you like act like one to be passable , well quess, what i dont wont & cant .
Yet im accepted & this is whats important, to be accepted for ...who ...you are,
not what you look like .
A loner, only if you make your self one or you stir others up to the point of they dont wont to be around you .

Its like im different okay how do i address that what can i do to change other peoples perception of what i am.

as a woman & this is how im thinking not as a male me .
I was very afriad of not being accepted as a woman because of my looks my voice & just me as a person nothing else not wether im a transfemale, tho that was there,

Being different oh yea , being a mix of both male & female not fitting in,
i had 50 bloody years of that bullshit a loner you got that right, iv had that fear all my life . just trying to be a damm person .
Thats now gone long gone ,

What changed i walked out the door & faced head on my biggest fear, & what happened ,
people looked & most saw another person not a lepper or demented fool , a person wearing clothes like many other women.

Hey its taken my friends & me 3 years to get to a stage im just one other woman who is accepted, okay they know all about me & that says no problems here. because they know who i am, & yes my life is far better than before,

Jos & i came to one of our smaller villages of under 5000 people & if you know our meaning of the, waimo s people.
its like our water has affected us & we were a interbred small town small minded people . its called Waimate as you know. meaning slow moving water ,

Well i would have to say i was accepted 5 years ago for what i did in coming out to live as a woman even tho, we Jos & i have lived here for over 15 years , with a small break in the middle.
If you go round with a attitude of i wont be accepted then may be that will happen ,
The acceptance here has been fantastic & that says a lot for our people,
Some times we our selfs have to change how we think.
Any ways thats us down here in the south .

...noeleena...

[morgan51]

I am reaching out to others often. I watch out for my loner instincts because that is driven by my fear of non acceptance public and private. I have made new T friends and my old true friends are still here. I have to watch my expectations about this as I am 59 and can't expect too much as Katie posted I am trying to keep it real above all I am happier today than I have ever been just being myself I have no illusion I will ever pass as a female way past that. I am making changes that feed my soul and the small steps seem to be enough. Best to you. Morgan

[carrie-ann]

Ok I'm just a 247 TG/CD. Getting my name legally changed. My driver licence picture is enfem but still says male. I an on having breast implants next. So from my side of things. I have only 1 regret not doing it 30 years ago! Is it all roses 99% of the time yes. I'm in public all day long. I get treated with respect 99% of the time. I use humor to get those who don't get it to relax. It helps big time. U also have to understand some will never like it. That's ok as long as they don't get stupid. Be confident who u are. Wear it right own it you'll be fine. Oy you will know what is right for u. So make sure u know all of the consequences that are in front of u.

[Sharon]

Transitioning improved my life in every way imaginable. For example -- I was a loner all my life (I was shameful of myself and miserable to be around) and now I'm not.

Is life perfect for me now? Heck no, but it's a darn sight better. :)

[JoAnne Wheeler]

My transition journey has been underway since February - and even though I have experienced just about every negative, hurtful thing possible, I am so glad that I started my transition journey - I will finish the journey no matter how great the cost - and in my case, the cost has been huge.
I will finish the journey because I can no longer live without being JoAnne.
So even though you may have doubts at times, don't give up.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Nicole Erin]

IN the process of transition right now.
Being how my life is, I don't think it has cost everything.
It was part of the reason for divorce, still recovering from that.

With career, I never had one to lose, just loser jobs.

With friends - People come and go all the time. YOu may lose friends on count of being TS but inevidably, more will come into your life if you let them.

With Family - My family is not real close anyways, so nothing changed there.

People really do react to you according to how you carry yourself.
I am starting to get over some timidness. I finally figured out, "You know what? If people don't approve of me, they can go to hell". I just don't care anymore, I don't have the energy to worry or care.

SO ANYways... Do expect some changes, you will maybe lose some things, but they will be replaced. Out with the old, in with the new. You could be like, "Alright everyone, I am on the journey to womanhood, MY life journey. Who is coming with me and who is staying behind?"

And on the journey, new things to discover.

[Rianna Humble]

Don't know if I really qualify to answer this as I'm only starting out on my transition, but I have found that some people I thought only wanted to know me for what I could do for them have now proved that they are true friends.

The two people that I counted as true friends really are, but I have more that I was unaware of.

Today, I received a card from someone I have always admired, but never counted a real friend and she was offering me her unconditional support.

And I have had compliments on my presentation from people who have an innate sense of style.

Have I got any regrets? Apart from 45 wasted years? Yes, my main regret is that my mother died before I admitted who I am, so she never knew what it was like to have an adult daughter who loved her.

Am I walking into this with eyes wide shut? I certainly hope not.

[Frances]

Just to be clear, my post was a realistic portrait of my situation right now. I am not happier, but I have NO regrets.

[CharleneT]

I'm just barely started, only 6 months full time. I would say that I do not regret - for one second - doing this. Much like Frances my life is now much more complicated by the transition and its effects. Some days that is a good thing and others a very bad one. For me as well though, this saved my life.

I am not a loner, although I am fairly private these days. As I ease back into my old, more social life, I find it harder. But a lot of that is because of my own insecurities and lack of confidence.

Sure, I have lost a fair number of friends and some family over this, but you also have to remember it is likely that they would have bailed anyway, when the chips were down. So, although it hurts to lose them, it is likely for the better. Two of my closest friends are in that camp and I hate that it turns out they didn't "have my back" as it were. I would add though, I think I am very lucky. Where I live most people are at least understanding, or try to be so. Many accepting or even supportive. So the "loner" end of my life is more my fault, or maybe more gently put: it is what happened, and I can change it if I want to do so.

[Inna]

Hi hon, I have started my physical transition 1 year ago and my mental transition at birth. While my physical transition is to gain equilibrium with femininity my mental transformation at early life was that to male persona. Nature has forced masculinity onto female soul. Now I am undoing natures mistake. Regrets? No, not in a million years, Struggles? if I haven't had to face them every day of my entire life I would say it is a new thing but believe me that condition of our life will never change. On the upside I have been tossed into a realm of new way of thinking. I take extra effort to listen to my gut filling and try to tune out constant noise of my thoughts running havoc. I found it is a news channel of our soul with up to date information on whats around the corner. Just listen and you will know what is the answer, but do not give in to thought, for it will take you as far away from a new.
You have started on the path of transition, I bet your gut feeling was such. But now thoughts bombard your resolve with, what will happen if this or that. Don't listen! Who is to say what will be? There is no such think as future just today. Ask your self what do I need to do today to feel me!

Full of love to you, Alexia

[thechic]

HI there

thanks for your advice Iv got many things to think about at present,as im at a stage were i just don't know what to do or maybe too scared, I do know that Im a woman inside and the depression thing comes up every so often were i just hate being in a male body, hence the professional help,i cant even stop myself acting like a woman or wearing womans cloths in my normal life now, I ware womans tops and jeans do my hair and were makup and etc 24/7 , everybody notices as im often asked "are you a woman or man.Must look Gender Neutral. the wife has finely excepted im TS.
My therapist she has given my some telephone numbers of people that have gone through the changes and a willing to talk to me,so im just trying to pluck up the courage to talk to them.

thanks to you all