more help needed!

[Annalise]

Ladies I am wanting to tell some more friends or even people I know to build a possibly better friendship down the line that I tend to be Annalise sometimes. I have talked it over with some girls on here about probing in conversations to see whether or not people would be ok with it without really telling them that I personally do CD. Are there any techniques as far as this goes? All I have heard is to get on the subject in any little way and have a quick wit about you as to not out yourself offend anyone or create a totally awkward random situation lol So far the only people that know are my SO and another friend across the country. Which sucks. Its hard to think about going through with it because some friends are conservative, Some have big mouths (even thought I know they wouldnt care) lol and some I just dont know about yet.

[AllieSF]

Hi Annalise,

First, I would say that whoever you tell then becomes another voice to the world about your private activities. I have read here too many times about a trusted friend telling others because they just couldn't keep such a juicy secret inside. That being said, if further outings to others outside of your trusted circle of friends really isn't a problem to you, then go for it.

A good way to bring up the topic is through conversation where current event topics from the radio, TV or newspaper (plus electronic news sources) come up. Always look for an opening in the conversation where you can relate a similar story/experience with trans references. You needn't go into detail on the trans side, just make it part of your comment/reply. If the person reacts to the trans part you have a perfect opening for slowly and carefully digging a bit deeper into their opinions and viewpoints, and sharing your own. Give and take helps others open up more than they would if the other party to the conversation is not sharing their own viewpoints and experiences too.

For example: A lot of cities are having Pride marches and festivities to celebrate and push for equality for out LGBT world. Well, associated with that, are road closures, increased traffic, whatever. Maybe mention you got held up in traffic waiting for a parade to pass. Just relate a topic to something that might include the word trans-something, CD, gays or lesbians without specifically talking about one of those terms. Maybe a costume party theme and how a male friend or co-worker was dressed as a woman, or vice versa, among other great costumes, etc.

It is amazing how with a little experience you can tie just about any topic into another. Political debaters do it all the time to get their message across. People who give sales presentations are taught how to take a potential client's question and turn it around for another "Give us the contract" sales pitch. You could practice with the wife to learn how to make a smooth transition into another more specific topic. You also need to be ready for some of those scary questions, like, "Do you ....?", "How do you know so much about this?", etc. A good boy scout is always prepared! Good luck and do let us know how you share with others.

[Elle1946]

To quote a old saying "Loose lips sink ships". Information in the wrong hands can be bad. I have some close friends that I would like to tell but I don't because, if you do something to upset them you are at there mercy. My wife, doctor and therapist know and that is all. I wish that we could all be trusting and live the life that we would like to live, the way we want to live.

[Kayla Shadows]

Im about to spill it to somebody who I reconnected with recently and is getting a lil too close.Things have changed since we last had talks.Im sick of roundabouts and skirting the issue so its pretty much all or nothing.Probably a 180 from the way I used to deal with things but my caring has taken the same turn.Just do whatever is best to fit your life.

[Marcella Camira]

I don't see it as being a grey area! Your either in or out! I could tell my wife and she wouldn't care most likely. But, I am not telling anyone, until I want to tell everyone. That is if I ever do. Not likely to happen, somethings are going to grave with me. If at all possible. I don't like drama. I don't like whispering and pointing. I become very alpha male at this point! I know from experience, if wife or anyone else knows something. They're telling everyone once the relationship is over. Divorced once, almost twice, & too many freinds drove the knife in my back. So, to me it's black n white, in or out, however you see it! The choice is totally yours. But, there isn't any backing up! And you can always go fwd. But, you better be emotionally prepared for it all, cause it will be a bumpy road. I know it would be in my case. Nothing ever goes easy for me. Sorry not trying to scare you to death or anything, just pointing out the obvious. Only way i'd ever come out is if I was single & lived in a big town way away from my relatives. We are all very redneck! It would not go well at all w/family and freinds. I seen it at work from a guy going trans. Not a pretty sight! She had more guts than me & I told her so. But then I guess she had to. To fullfil her obligation as living as a woman.
But with all that said, It is still totally up to you, what u are willing to deal with! Good luck with your decision. ~Jett~

[DonnaT]

Ladies I am wanting to tell some more friends or even people I know to build a possibly better friendship down the line

Why do you think you'd have a better friendship that the ones you now have?

Seems to me, the friendship will end, remain the same, or become awkward. Don't see how it could improve the friendship.

Could you explain how it would improve?

[Heisthebride]

I would have a hard time outing myself to my long term friends. Too much time has passed, preconceived notions, differing reactions, etc.

I have found telling newer acquaintances much easier. They either accept it and move on or don't and move on. It would require having a unique set of friends for your male and female self but it might be easier, at least to start out.

[carrie-ann]

I agree 100% with what AllieSF said. Then you will learn how people feel about the subjects. Even then still may not be the same after some one they knows comes out of the closet. I know from experience. Most of them had no problems with GLBT until i came out of the closet. Now the have no use for me. They have called me every name in the book. But let me say I'm imvery happy with my new life plus then they were never my friends anyway I learned.