Crossdressing loners

[NathalieX66]

There is a senior-ish fulltimer in the town next to mine that I see daily. She walks from her apartment in the downtown section to the grocery store particularly around mid-day. Sometimes her outfits stop traffic, and I have heard the screetching of tires from the car behind the car that slows down to gawk. I'm kind of scared that something bad will happen one day. I would not call her a voyeur, but the miniskirts or the square dance dresses are kind of odd, particularly for someone in ther 70's.
I want to reach out to her be she is so skittish of being approached by a stranger. I plan on interacting with her but she gets a bit deflective if I approach her.

[pinkeverything]

Just think, that could be you or I, in another 35 years, or so.

[alice clair]

That is very sweet of you, everyone needs help sometime in their life.

[donnalee]

It'll be me in about 10. You're probably better off leaving well enough alone; if no help is asked for, it may be unwelcome.

[Jenna Lynne]

It'll be me in about 10. You're probably better off leaving well enough alone; if no help is asked for, it may be unwelcome.
Sorry, donnalee, but I'm going to disagree. Let's assume this person has few healthy outlets for social or emotional support (not a bad theory, if she's walking to the store alone and is wearing less than blend-in attire). Dare we assume that she knows who she can ask for help, if she wants help??? I don't think so. I think it would be a common courtesy to go out of our way to try to make contact.

My suggestion for Nathalie would be, don't approach her in guy mode! Get dressed, let her see you as you approach, and say hi in a very friendly way. If she flinches or turns to run, say something quiet and reassuring, like, "It's okay, I won't hurt you."

If she runs off anyway, then give it a rest for about two weeks and then try one more time: Let her see you at a distance (dressed as before, of course) but don't approach her. If she hesitates as if she wants to approach you, then go to her and say hello. If she turns away immediately on the second, distant, approach, then she really doesn't want you around, and you should leave her strictly alone.

I think this is where the golden rule comes in. Do unto others etc. :love:

Maybe I'm being a little heavy here because I feel quite lonely myself tonight. If I were in this person's shoes, I would appreciate meeting another cross-dresser!

*** Jenna ***

[Katesback]

My girfriend spots more trans people than I do! She will walk up and talk to them quite often when the opportunity arises. What she does not do is talk trans related stuff.

If I am at work I will talk to trans people I find. If I am not at work......well I am often so busy with rollerderby and all that I dont see many except at my games.

When I do talk to them I NEVER bring up trans topics. I let them if they want but I dont.

KAtie

[celeste26]

Kates got a great point if we approach and assume they are trans and begin in on intimate topics then we likely will get a bad reaction. But if we treat them like any other human being and offer simple friendship and talk about average everyday subjects then it will work, they will be given a chance to relax and afterward just maybe on later conversations we might get a chance at making trans subject work.

[sterling12]

I agree with The Others, it's going to be a "Drawn Out Process," and it may take awhile. I don't normally recommend "hasslin'" a Sister in Public, but you seem to want to actually make a friend of this Gal, so here goes.....

To start, approach her from The Opposite Direction, SMILE, and say "Good Day, or Hi!" Something very innocuous in the way of a greeting. Your going to have to do this for at least a week or two. Then when you see her, stop for a short bit and do some other pleasantries: "Nice Weather we are having, I really love to walk, rather than always drive my car, don't you?" You know, stuff like that!

You make friends first! Shes probably had a lifetime of people being antagonistic, making sexual advances, being combative. And, your not going to make an instant friendship!

If you care to actually pursue this thing, AFTER you have made friends, then one day, (and you will know when The Timing is right) you can simply tell her that you are a Sista'.

Sounds like a lot of Work, don't it? It is! You have to work at building relationships like anything else. Next move is yours My Dear.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[sometimes_miss]

I've often imagined that at some point, I will stop caring what others think, and go out dressed. But it's not going to happen in the near future, and probably not at all. The fellow you've spotted obviously has gotten exhausted of hiding all his life, and just wants to be left alone. If you really want, print out a business card and hand it to him, with some clandestine phone number you can be reached at, and just let him know he has others he can contact. But don't count on him doing it. I wouldn't.

[Mirani]

I would not call her a voyeur, but the miniskirts or the square dance dresses are kind of odd, particularly for someone in ther 70's.

I hope she isn't a voyeur - "A person who derives sexual gratification from observing the naked bodies or sexual acts of others, especially from a secret vantage point. " ... probably not what you meant.

We all have to do what we think is right - but as she seems content with her lot - why do you feel the need to "rescue" her?

It's a bit like a boy scout seeing an old lady at the side of the road and grabbing hold of her arm and helping her across BUT . . . she didn't want to cross the road!
Still, I can see you are kind hearted and well intentioned (oh dear that does sound patronising - didn't mean it to be), so whatever you do - all the best.

[sherri]

I've often imagined that at some point, I will stop caring what others think, and go out dressed. But it's not going to happen in the near future, and probably not at all. The fellow you've spotted obviously has gotten exhausted of hiding all his life, and just wants to be left alone. If you really want, print out a business card and hand it to him, with some clandestine phone number you can be reached at, and just let him know he has others he can contact. But don't count on him doing it. I wouldn't.Darn it, where did I put my clandestine phone?!? :D Just giving you a hard time.

Seriously, I think it's easy for some people to slip into a hermetic existence, especially if there's an unconventional aspect to their lives. It's a shame this lady compounds the problem by making something of a caricature of herself, by the sound of it. She may well just want to be left alone, but then again, her public forays suggest she is seeking some social interaction, even if it's just an exhibition thing. Most exhibitionists do fantasize about human interaction of some sort even if they lack the courage to follow through. The fantasies also hinge upon an appreciative audience (the voyeur), and this poor lady has probably been beat down with a lot of ridicule to the point that she's a tad gun-shy.

Or she might be crazy. :D

Those are things I'd be thinking if I was contemplating a reach out to her.

[DonnaT]

Befriending her is fine, if she wants a friend. Some prefer being left alone, however.

My suggestion is not to try and help her with regard to how she dresses. Some people love to dress to attract attention. I'm sure she knows exactly what she's doing.

Besides, she has the right to dress any way she wants, as long as she's not breaking any laws (say no to fashion police), just like the rest of us.