Feeling very discouraged

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I am feeling really down and out right at this moment. I am experiencing so much PREJUDICE and INTOLERANCE. My "friends" no longer speak to me. No one wants me to work with them. No one wants to be associated with me. I cannot find a place to practice unless I go it alone and I'm scared that no one will come to me anymore for legal services. My current clients still want me to finish their cases, but I fear no new clients will come. I cannot find a place to live. People look the other way when they see me coming.

I feel so alone. I am hurting so much inside. I think all of you were right ---- I may have to move to another city. I did not want to do that, but right now, everywhere I look, I only see PREJUDICE and INTOLERANCE directed toward me. I have tried to be strong. I have tried to keep up hope. But at the moment, my future looks very bleak.

I just want to crawl up in a ball and just cry.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Zenith]

Ummmm yeah JoAnne. :straightface: I won't deny there is a lot of grief the world gives us for this. But it's not everyone, there has to be support if you look, really. Take a step back and look at your situation with a clear mind.

If you are a hammer...the entire world looks like a nail...

[Nicole Erin]

For JoAnne -
I have not lived in a truely small town, the smallest was with 114,000 people.
I would seriously get out of there. You know the stupid baptist church of the town is probably spreading as much hate as they can. They have a habit of focusing their services on everything they don't approve of. I actually sat thru a service a couple times, years ago. The prick who stands behind the podium often likes to belittle his own congregation (how many business bosses can do THAT and still make a living?)

If you did go to another town in Kentucky, at least you can start out as "JoAnne Wheeler, Attory at Law" (not sure what the professional title is for attorneys) and you would not have some boss asking "what was your previous name?" cause YOU are the boss.
I don't know if attorney lisence transfers state to state... I suppose you know about that one.

One thing - I have an old acquaintance from high school who is full time TS and lives in Louisville, she said they are pretty good about things there, and from wikipedia, looks like a town of at least 1/2 a million people. Hmm, that would be 20 times as many as the dinky town you are in.

Fact is, from the photo you look like just another everyday ordinary woman. I don't think people are gonna question your gender if they didn't know before.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by moving.
Getting the hell out of dodge is a common thing for TS regardless of age, passability, financial status, etc...

Now, time to use your energy to plan for a move. Even if you have to leave most of your household junk behind and pack only what fits in your car, I say go for it. Renting a truck in-state might cost a couple hundred, don't know what your plans would be.

Call properties in Louisville (or whatever city), tell them you are thinking of moving there. It might be hard to get a place if you do not have a job, UNLESS you can pay the full term of a 6 or 12 month lease upfront, then they won't care if you are working. You got money, you got a place.

[LisaM]

Wonderful reply, Nicole Erin. Joanne needs support and you were wonderful.

Joanne, it is a difficult path that you are on. There will be good days and plenty of bad ones. Try to always remember the good ones because they will come again. Also, I agree with Nicole Erin--look for a larger and more sophisticated community.

[Mirani]

Hugs - must be horrible to feel like that.

If this feeling persists please see your doctor and tell how you are feeling - it may be hormonal (I am not being rude) if you are on hormones and it may be depression.

Hugs again.

[bethw]

Joanne;
If I could just give you a big hug :hugs:right now i would. i feel so bad for you but I'm sure things will get better.
hugs always
Beth

[Deborah_UK]

Its very difficult to comprehend what you are going through from this side of the pond, I understand from things I read that US society in small towns can be intolerant. It must be awful to consider moving from where you have been comfortable, but clearly those "friends" who now disown you were never friends in the first place. Friends stick with friends.

So I go with Nicole's well thought out response.

If I thought a :hugs: would help I'd give it, but truthfully its support of a different kind you need.

And as Nicole says - Kate's response was uncalled for, and imo cruel.

Hoping you can get through this.

[Kaz]

Echoing Deborah, we think we have it bad over here, and it is so easy for people to think that the USA is one big homogenous world where it all works cool and dandy...

I really feel for you JoAnne... just stay strong within yourself... xx

[RADER]

I take it you are a lawyer; Maybe take on cases involved with CD discrimination?
It is just a thought.
Things look bad now, but can get better with a little forethought.
Good luck. Rader

[KarenCDFL]

If you look closer, most intolerant people are actually extremely unhappy and depressed themselves and the only way they can make themselves feel better is by treating others like shit.

It could for any reason, Skinny, fat, color of skin, heritage, how a person looks or dresses or gender.

The problem is that these useless people do it with gusto which make you feel even worse.

All I can say is to try to remember that the people who are giving you problems are many times worse off than you and unfortunately when they leave this earth, their lives will have been a complete waste of time and if anyone actually does remember them all they will remember is what an asshole they were.

HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON!

[Midnight Skye]

I'm sorry to hear this JoAnne! I really worry about some of our job areas. I mean #%^@ if you're good at something you have the right to practice it! But unfortunately you may very well need to adjust your work life to make your overall life more satisfying. Moving sounds like an intelligent adjustment from what you've been posting lately. I hate (REALY HATE) that some view us with such intolerance. But if that's what folks around you are made off... do you really want to be around them even if they shut their traps? It doesn't change the fact that they're bad people - sigh -.

You'll figure things out JoAnne, just keep your head high and keep moving forward.

[Inna]

I guess witch hunt will never be over just the subject changes from time to time. What they don't understand they beat with the stick. Hon, wish I could tell you the magical formula and off you would be but not such at my disposal. Sue somebody, juuuust kidding :D, I found laughter, even sometimes way out of place, solves lots of situations. Ye, the age old this town ain't big enough proves true. It sure is easier to lead horse to river than to bring river through town. Old folks won't understand, heck if my understanding of an American main stream southern society is correct, it ain't gonna do. However stressful it might be the beginning of a new, excitement filled life you have been awaiting for might be in the next town around the corner, and all that is left is to pack up and head out, west, kidding!!! doesn't have to be west. God I hope we can cheer you up babe:love:

[Cindi Johnson]

JoAnne,
Back in the 90's I lost my young wife to breast cancer, and for a very long time I too wanted to curl into a ball and...die. But I had a young son to raise, which forced me out into the world. Gradually life got better, but it took years. With hindsight, I can see I was suffering from depression. You've went thru something similar. Please, consider the possibility that you may have clinical depression. Medication may help you thru this. In time, you'll be accepted, whether you stay where you're at or move.

Cindi

[giuseppina]

I'm inclined to agree that it might be worthwhile having a chat with your doctor about your mental health, but it has to be your decision.

Antidepressants will help lift your mood, but they don't help with the negative thought patterns. You have to change them yourself. It might take a move to a larger city to escape the prejudice, but if the thought patterns don't change, you're not much further ahead.

Overcoming depression is about taking risks in changing your thought patterns, among other things. That is what talk therapy is about.

Get going, and good luck. :hugs:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Joanne I am so sorry you are down..

Pls try to remember that you are doing this for you, not for them...and that these ups and downs you are feeling are temporary. they really do go away...everything is up in the air now, and this is causing you so much stress.

also medicine is not a bad thing..i take an anti depression med, and i also have an anxiety pill for really bad times..the best part about the anxiety med is that just having it keeps me from needing it!..and curling up in a ball is a totally ok thing...just curl up, cry and wait it out..

sometimes i say to myself things like .."its ok...this is my life, my dream...I'm doing what I've dreamed about my whole life!!".... i say it outloud to remind myself that all the crap i go through is worth it..

i hope today is better for you!:hugs:

[Allyson Michelle]

Oh honey... I'm so sorry you feel that way.

We are a strong people and you can make it through this. We always have and always will. Sure you may be losing a few friends, close friends maybe even, BUT its not your loss. It's theirs. If they are gonna give up a good friend just because she is battling her inner demons and having to be a little different then forget them. you don't need friends like that anyway. GOD, I hate how stubborn society is these days. For god sake its 2010 already and they still cannot accept us?

I think the best course of action for you would be to move to another city and start a new life as JoAnne. by your pic, you look like a GG to me. I've been planning to do that forever, but I just hate to be away from my family (I'm only a CD right now, and they don't know)

And once again, don't worry yourself over so called "friends" that can't even have your back when the chips are down.

Caio!,
Breanne

[Jean Marie]

Well I am one person that will not shun you, I will be pleased and proud to be seenwith you anytime or place. David /// Jean Marie

[Beth-Lock]

I am feeling really down and out right at this moment. .... I feel so alone. I am hurting so much inside.
JoAnne Wheeler

JoAnne,
You are not all alone. You have your on-line community behind you. We are pulling for you.

I know you are going through a terrible time right now, but be strong. Good times will come along again.

The feeling that the future is all bleak and that everyone is against you is an illusion, a sort of psychological mirage. You will understand this better later. But it is the reality.

Don't give up. If you want to talk to me, you can send me a private message.

[LaurenS.]

JoAnne, I applaud and admire you for your tremendous strength and courage.
You have done something I only dream about. You have become the woman you are in spite of all that stood in front of you. I am not that strong. I wish I was. I live in a small Massachusettts town and know the hardships transitioning will cause me. I am not willing to go thru all that you are. I truly admire you and hope you find peace with who you are whether it be in your home town or someplace you think will be more accepting.
Lauren

[Chickhe]

There must be people who support you out there... Can you build your business around them? Can you somehow take your experience and status to fill a void that other's can't? Turn your problems in to something positive.

Can you take a vacation? Get out of town and do something fun, you will be energized and probably decide what you need to do.

[Melissa A.]

I'm so sorry, JoAnne, hunny. It breaks my heart to see you having to go through all of this. For your sake, don't deny your feelings. And as Kate said, Go ahead and crawl up into a ball and cry. See your doctor, as well. If you have no allies whatsoever there, and there is no community, then yes, you may want to start making plans to leave. I know there are places where you would be welcomed and treated SO well. And professionally, there are LGBTQ communities all over this country who would love to have you on their side, and groups such as Lambda who could always use another good attorney, I bet. Keep your chin up, sweetie. You started this for a reason and that reason ain't going away. You have support. Wishing you the best of luck and strength.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[boardpuppy]

My heart goes out to you JoAnn. I understand your feelings (about losing friends (non CD related)) and I have read some very good advice above. A short vacation with a suttle ilkling for relocating and emotional/physical resting. This idea is good and relaxing, just what you need to recharge yourself. The LGBT community is a good place to launch your new life, in a new town.

Hugs,
Alice

[Hope]

Maybe what you need is a bit of time away from your situation. A week or two in someplace you find delightful, surrounded by people who love you, away from the dementors, may help you to put your life situation in perspective, and help you get your head back in a healthy place. I am sure that in the past you have seen clients make bad decisions because they were stressed out unable to have perspective.

It sounds like a lot of $$$ but $2000 spent on a packed bag, and a decent hotel, some good food, and time away from the hell you are living in, may be a great investment for you.

Transition is by definition a liminal time of life... you will do better with a level head, and a clear mind. You can't decide what you really want, when all you really want is for the pain to stop.