What if you had taken them up on the offer?

[Toni_Lynn]

In a thread over there ---> it was asked about your parents making you wear girly things. I didn't want to hi-jack it, but Kathi Lake posted something that gives rise to deeper thought:


Of course, long before (and after) this, I had the urge to do a little "dressup" of my own. I had a skirt that was given to me by a neighbor girl that I used to keep under my bed. My stepfather found it and - being the ex-Marine he was - was going to "drive the girl out of me" by making me wear it to school. my mom talked him out of it, but things were never the same between us again.

Similar things happened in my teen years when my mum said stuff like, 'do you want to put this dress on you and make you go to school wearing it?', as she held up the dress she had found stashed in my room.

Naturally I think that each and every one of us in this situation shivered and quaked with fear and may have even cried as we said 'No'.

But what if we had answered 'Yes'. What if we had called their bluff.

I can't say if she would have done it, but I know it would have ended up badly and physically painfully. But still, at this age in my life, with 20/20 hindsight, there is this movie that plays in my mind of grabbing my dress from her (my first dress I might add!), and defiantly saying YES as I disrobed down to panties and bra (sheesh -- under dressing even then!) to put it on.

Oh well -- just a thought

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Jenna Lynne]

This is a fascinating example of parental discipline exerted by means of peer pressure. The parent is saying, in essence, "Your friends will laugh at you and make fun of you." That part is true, and it's useful information. But the other implication is, "And your friends would be right. I'm on their side, not on your side!"

I'm still hoping to find a copy of that old cartoon ... the mother is sitting in a chair beside the bed, and a cute 12-year-old girl is sitting on the edge of the bed, looking cheerful and perky, and the mother is saying, "We need to talk about your future, John."

See, that's how it should be. The parent should be saying, "Your friends will have a problem with this, and you need to understand that -- but I'm on your side."

How sad that that doesn't happen!

Jenna Lynne

[Kate Simmons]

We probably did do it in an alternate time line reality my friend. This is why we have the feelings, they bleed over to this time line.:)

[Proteus]

Every now and then there's a column in the paper written by some trendy blogging latte drinking green feminist (especially if it's a man) parent who's talking about those awful gender roles and whether or not they should allow their child go to school dressed as a girl. It's just the kind of hot air that gets your name in the paper without actually having to make a sacrifice. But keeping kids from bullying each other is a tough nut to crack.

[Lorileah]

George Carlin once said his mom told him "I'll wash your mouth out with soap" to which he replied "I'll blow bubbles out my a$$." You know in most households how that would have gone. If we had been threatened with anything back then we would back down. Oh how I wish I was threatened with plaid pants and platform shoes, then at least I could have blamed those pictures on that.

In a corollary to that I am sure we remember one parent or another saying that if you didn't straighten up they would put you in panties (strange seemed a hollow threat even then).

"Do you wanna grow up to be a sissy?" Yes, that was my plan from day one.

[CharleneT]

My parents never used such threats, instead, they told me that unless I shaped up, I would be sent to military boarding school. Now this particular threat made my blood run cold, so it worked whenever used. I was having enough trouble trying to fit into a regular school... the idea of an all boys military school... eeekkkk !

I've realized later in life that they would not have done that, or I do not think so. Alas, I did not know it was an empty threat !

[lisalove]

I think I was 10 or 11. Mom decided to do her anual spring cleaning of the kids rooms.
She found my stash of clothes, which was more panties than anything else.
When I got home from school, she barely spoke one word to me. i didn't know why, I hadn't done anything bad that I knew of. That was until I walked into my room, and saw all my clothes thrown in a pile on my bed. That was around 3:00. it was almost painful waiting til Dad got home around 6:00.
I stayed in my room, just staring at my clothes. I heard Dad come into the house and then hear Mom telling Dad what she had found. So I knew what was coming now.
Dad comes into my room and picks up the first thing he saw and asks "what the hell I'm doing with this s#&T." I told him flat out I bought them because I like them. He asked what I did with them? I told him I wear them what else would I be doing with them? I didn't know there could be a sexual side to them. To me they were just beautiful clothes.

The interogation went on for like 10 minutes, I don't know really how long it went on. Then he said, your Mom's going to take all your boy stuff down to the thrift store and you can wear all of this stuff, is that what you want?
I said straight up, yes that's what I want. I called his bluff.
I didn't fall for BS then, and I still don't today.
They didn't go through with it, as I knew they wouldn't, but I so wanted them to. At age 11 I started wearing panties full time. I had to wear them under my ugly tighty whities,becuase of gym class, but I was wearing what I wanted to.
I also experimented wih bras and hose and I got a wig at the thrift store, and was experimenting with make up. All this was up to the age of 18, when I moved out on my own.
Ogh I almost forgot, theannual spring cleaning went on as usual, and Mom found my clothes each and every time. the only things going on was ridicule and discust from my parents each time for a week or 2 then it was back to "normal".
When I was about 19, my Mom was deathly ill with cancer, so I thought it was about time she met Lisa Marie.
There was no internet at the time, I had no idea there were others like me, all I could know about anything Trans was in books at the library. I have to say I never had a problem with what I did and who I was. I knew it was how I was and I was happy.
Mom was in the hospital and dad was at work, so I got all dolled up and did the best I could with my wig and make up, I drove to the hospital that was about a 2 hour drive.at Travis Air Force Base.
I didn't think about how I was going to get in the gate, My ID was male.
Some how I got in. The guard just looked at my ID and asked where I was going. I told him about Mom in the hospital.
I walked into the hospital, past alot of people, not paying any attention to anything around me. I got on the elevator, and got to the floor where Mom was. Again passing alot of people. I knocked on her door then walked in. She was groggy at best when I walked in. She gathered enough strenght to first recognize me and then to say "it's about time I met Lisa".
Before when I went to visit her, I just couldn't wait to leave. Not only was i bored with her not being able to talk much, but because it was a very depressing place to be. But this time we sat and talked about everything about me and Lisa for what seemed like hours. It was finally time Ileft as she was getting weaker and more and more tired.
I kissed her cheek and said my good byes, not know at he time, but I only had one more visit with her before she passed on.

[Fab Karen]

Most parents, if you had called their bluff on wearing the dress, would not have gone through with it. Though sadly if you had a homophobic military father, some kind of physical abuse might have followed calling the bluff. The movie "American Beauty" comes to mind.

[Rita D]

My mother used to drive me crazy with mixed messages.
When I was 4, she wanted to (and did) dress me as a Geisha on Halloween- eye makeup, lipstick and the whole deal. About 5 years later when she caught me with one of her half slips; she screamed at me and told me she was going to take me to a psychiatrist. 5 or 6 years after that, when I had to wear a costume at Halloween for my part-time supermarket job- she suggested (you guessed it) dressing as a girl. :Pullhair:

[Proteus]

The movie "American Beauty" comes to mind.

Thanks for reminding me! It's brilliant, but I haven't seen it in ages.

[Kathi Lake]

I have to say, I was sorely tempted at the time to call his bluff. It certainly was running through my mind as a convenient "excuse" for doing what I always wanted to do. I had already been dressed up at school (a group of three girls "bought" me during a "slave day" auction - knowing exactly what they were going to do to me), but this would have been different. Sure, I could have passed it off as some sort of weird punishment from weirder parents, but I'm sure it would have ended badly.

It's not that I would have gotten beaten up for it (no more than normally :)). It would have been more of a paradigm shift - in myself and others. People would have looked at me differently. I would have looked at me differently.

Ah well, as I am extremely happy with how my life currently is, I certainly can't look back at the events that shaped me in a negative way, can I? Also, when I dress now, I don't need an excuse. I don't need a costume party or prank to explain my attire. I dress because I want to!

Kathi

[Toni_Lynn]

The parent is saying, in essence, "Your friends will laugh at you and make fun of you." That part is true, and it's useful information. But the other implication is, "And your friends would be right. I'm on their side, not on your side!"
...

See, that's how it should be. The parent should be saying, "Your friends will have a problem with this, and you need to understand that -- but I'm on your side."

How sad that that doesn't happen!


Wow! Bingo! You hit the nail right on the head for me! Through my teenage years I always had fears that resulted in nightmares of this sort of thing. And in fact when kids in school taunted me for being different and I came home crying, yep even at 14, 15, and 16, I was told that I brought it on myself and that I was a loner. Kinda reminds you of the bull about a victim of rape asking for it because of the way she dressed.

And when I was forcibly outed at age 30, mummy dearest was there on the the side of those hurting me, doing exactly what you say above.

As I've said in other threads-- if only she had taken the time to see the person inside.


My parents never used such threats, instead, they told me that unless I shaped up, I would be sent to military boarding school. Now this particular threat made my blood run cold, so it worked whenever used. I was having enough trouble trying to fit into a regular school... the idea of an all boys military school... eeekkkk !


Oh yes -- that kinda thing scared the living poo out me! The son of some friends of my folks got sent to military school because he was a total juvenile delinquent -- underage drinking, rowdiness, vandalism. Yet here was like ol' me, who went to Mass faithfully every Sunday, got good grades, and stayed home and read the Reader's Digest and listen to records -- yet because of my love of wearing dresses, bras, and panties, was threatened with the same thing.

Now I ask you, which kid was the saint and which kid was the sinner.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[mklinden2010]

Very few people will volunteer to be humiliated... Which such an offer really is... So, I, personally, wouldn't waltz into that buzz saw. And, I come from a large family, so there was no need to go anywhere to "get some" ridicule, if that's what was going to be on the menu...

But, I have to say, again, that for the most part nobody ever ratted anybody out about anything "private" that anyone had going on. It was more than just, "I won't tell if you won't!" There was just some basic decency to leave people alone about some things.

To the CD issue, for example, everybody had to know "something" was up. But, nobody ever made a major issue about it and nothing ever suddenly turned up missing.

No shouting, no tears - on either side, no nothing.

Not an exciting story, of course. But, who really needs any extra drama?

[Ronni Seymour]

I never gave my parents an opportunity to reveal how they really felt about seeing me in my sisters clothes. Even though there was occasional experimentation, I never really pushed the envelope.
Knowing my parents, I think my mother would have lightly discouraged it, trying not to make too much of it. My father probably would have been a little more harsh.
At about 7 yrs old, I do remember when my brother-in-law playfully tried to pull me out from underneath the bed, that I ran and hid under, when I put on one of my sisters dresses.
Overall though, I never had any negative consequences concerning my girly desires.

[Veronica Lacey]

I hazily recall (when I was about 15) my mother accosting me about some panties she found in a locked drawer of my personal dresser, a locked drawer to which she had a key that I was unaware of. She did not threaten (I had actually mustered the courage to purchase these panties at a local mall) but she was upset and, in retrospect, I give her good marks for maintaining her composure. She is from a small farming community and I know that even now she would not understand this component of my personality.


My mother used to drive me crazy with mixed messages.
When I was 4, she wanted to (and did) dress me as a Geisha on Halloween- eye makeup, lipstick and the whole deal. About 5 years later when she caught me with one of her half slips; she screamed at me and told me she was going to take me to a psychiatrist. 5 or 6 years after that, when I had to wear a costume at Halloween for my part-time supermarket job- she suggested (you guessed it) dressing as a girl. :Pullhair:

Rita...did you ever discuss these messages with your mother? Does she/did she know of your dressing later in life?

[Alberta_Pat]

Firstly:

Wow Lisa, what a touching story. I too was a "base brat", RCAF, first 12 years of my life. Yes, I know what it is like to have a sergeant as a father. Many times I hung by an arm while he whailed on me with his belt (Oh how I wish his pants had fallen down).


Fortunately, (or not) I did not begin to embrace this lifestyle until I was an "adult". The first time I showed this interest to my ex wife, she laughed. ( I was wearing some teal coloured pantyhose). I put it all away for a long time then.

Later, I remarried and while home alone, I made a video of me underdressed with the webcam on the, then, only computer we had in the house. My wife, and dearest companion, found that clip and thought it was something I had downloaded. At least that was until she recognized some of my features.

When I got home from work, I was asked (not confronted fortunately) about it. Blushingly, I admitted that it was me, and that it had never been posted on the internet. She told me that she would like me to show her what I was wearing, yes, on me, not just the items. (can we say frightened?)

Well, grudgingly, I went and dressed as I had been in the video and presented myself to her. An interesting and very enjoyable evening followed. ;)

Today, my sweet and loveable wife, enjoys the relatively few times I dress and helps me to make myself more presentable. I love her so much. Thank you.

OK, I am sorry if I "hijacked" this thread. Bad me.

[KerryLynn]

I love this topic the idea that my mom would have given me a choice would have been cool. However it never happend but now it make me wonder what could have happend

[Michaela42]

First off, my Mother never made any threats like this when she found my 'stashes'; and for those of you that had experiences like described I am truly sorry for the childhood you had.

But if for some reason she would have done so I can guarantee you I would have been beaten up over it (at least until I reached my senior year in high school).

I was/am a big nerd and as a result I was picked on constantly, until I reached high school and stood up for myself. :devil:

[Cheryl James]

My mother always allowed (encouraged?) me to dress as a girl for Halloween. She, also, had to have known about my forays into her lingerie. Then one day I was shopping with he (I was 12 or 13) and we passed by a table with teen bras on sale. She, point blank, asked me if I wanted her to buy me a couple. I said no, but, oh how I wished I would have said yes. Life could have been so much easier for me growing up had I said yes.

[Tina2]

I think sending a son to school in a dress would probably attact the attention of social services today.

I was caught a few times as a teenager. It wasn't really discussed.

However, one morning I didn't have any clean underwear. I told my mom and she said, "just borrow one of mine." I was mortified. I got one of my pairs that looked clean from the hamper. Later she asked me what I did and I told her.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened had I had the courage to borrow one of her panties with her knowledge.

[ReineD]

I can't imagine any parent using shame tactics with their children, under any circumstances, no matter the issue, no matter how afraid they are.

To all of you who've experienced this, I am so, so sorry. :sad:

[Shananigans]

Wow.

Thanks mom and dad.

[Miley]

Most parents, if you had called their bluff on wearing the dress, would not have gone through with it. Though sadly if you had a homophobic military father, some kind of physical abuse might have followed calling the bluff. The movie "American Beauty" comes to mind.

I had one of these step fathers, he was a vietnam Vet and very high up in a one% bike gang. He used to threaten me that he would put me in a pink dress and make me go out. ...How did he know my taste:).....growing up showing any kind of feminity was a death sentence, just trying to be a man was hard enough. Well anyway even though I wanted so badly to wear the dress (and wondered if they had one ready for me) i would always refuse. But now, i have my dress and so much more but do wish i had loving and accepting parents that would let me be who i felt most comfortable with being.

[RachelDenise]

My Mom found my stash only once when I was in high school. She left a note to get rid of it. No discussion and certainly no threats about making me wear the things to school. I wouldn't have done it and complied with whatever she wanted me to do because I couldn't be found out. Stepfather at that time was not very involved and never really fogured into anything. No threrats, no acknowledement, and definitely no acceptance. Same goes on today in my life. It can be a lonely trail we blaze......

[Christina Horton]

My parents never knew that I like to dress. The dress I would wear was that of my late aunt Linda and was in a trunk under the stairs. So they never knew and when I told them I am A crossdresser they were unprepared for it. But the only thing close to that KIND of threat my mom made to me was when I was whining about something , I was about 10 , I can't remember what it was about but, mom said "Well if you going to act like a baby I''l put you back into diapers....you want that? " Well need less to say I did not want that . But if she said "You want me to put you in a dress and dress you like a little girl....Well do you?" I'm not sure is I would have said yes. School was a hard time for me cuz I was one of the most unpopular kids. But I think I might have said yes cuz I remember thinking then that if she said she would put me in a dress I would say yes. And that was in the moment when she threatened to put me into diapers , moments after that I thought "Man I wish she would say that about putting me in a dress. Not sure if I would have said yes but I would have wanted to.

[Rita D]

Rita...did you ever discuss these messages with your mother? Does she/did she know of your dressing later in life?[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

No Veronica- My Mom is still with us, but it has never been discussed, and to my knowledge she has absolutely no idea about Rita. Have often thought about bringing it up; but have also just as quickly dismissed the idea, thinking it could cause more hurt to HER. After all, I've accepted who I am now, MY pain is in the past- seems as though it would be vindictive of me to go that route.

ReineD-Thank you for your compassionate words on this subject.

[Danni Bear]

happened when 14 said ok and never looked back been out for 48 yrs now

[JOJO44]

This is a fascinating example of parental discipline exerted by means of peer pressure. The parent is saying, in essence, "Your friends will laugh at you and make fun of you." That part is true, and it's useful information. But the other implication is, "And your friends would be right. I'm on their side, not on your side!"

I'm still hoping to find a copy of that old cartoon ... the mother is sitting in a chair beside the bed, and a cute 12-year-old girl is sitting on the edge of the bed, looking cheerful and perky, and the mother is saying, "We need to talk about your future, John."

See, that's how it should be. The parent should be saying, "Your friends will have a problem with this, and you need to understand that -- but I'm on your side."

How sad that that doesn't happen!

Jenna Lynne



I saw that cartoon just this past week!
Now I have to go back in my mind (what's left of it) and try to find it.
I was on the internet, so now something to do tonite (after my grandson's birthday party.

Jo

[AmandaM]

You girls are lucky. I got beat.

[Susan4]

The two seminal experiences of my youth were 1) moving from a small town to a big city at the end of grade seven and 2) my mother discovering me dressed one day and 'asking' me if I wanted her to tell my Dad.

In the first instance, I didn't just change schools. I had been home ill for a couple of months before we moved. It was a pretty complete break. New school, new friends ... a long way away.

A couple of years late, when my mom asked me her question ... I remember thinking, 'Yes, please tell him ... let's get this out in the open' I had used the move as the basis for a fantasy about my medical problem involving my gender dysphoria and had dreamed for months about not just moving and changing schools but starting a new life ... showing up for grade 8 not just as the new kid ... but the new girl. If she told him .. maybe this dream fantasy could be made real.

What I said, however, was 'No, don't tell Dad' ....

Had I had the courage then that I have now, the knowledge of the pink fog and the benefits of starting female hormones at or before puberty ... what a different it could have made.

To be fair, tho ... I didn't know any of that. I thought I was alone ... and, I suppose, the world being quite different in my youth ... the last thing that would have happened was that my mom and dad would have sought out the counsel of a sympathetic medical community.

Sigh ... so ... I suppose the universe had to unfold as it did.

As someone suggested earlier ... I can only hope that I made a different decision in one of the parallel universes.

Hugs
Susan

[Frédérique]

Similar things happened in my teen years when my mum said stuff like, 'do you want to put this dress on you and make you go to school wearing it?', as she held up the dress she had found stashed in my room.
Naturally I think that each and every one of us in this situation shivered and quaked with fear and may have even cried as we said 'No'.
But what if we had answered 'Yes'. What if we had called their bluff.
I can't say if she would have done it, but I know it would have ended up badly and physically painfully.


I was never in that movie. It was impossible to hide anything from my mother, which may explain my late CD blossoming, but I was “reading the part” for years and years. I was never hiding female clothing from anyone when I was in school – I didn’t have any, didn’t have access to any, and I could barely dream about someday fulfilling my dream of crossdressing by actually owning some. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as crossdressing! :eek:

If I did have a dress stashed away somewhere during my youth (oh, ecstasy!), my mother probably would’ve found it, but I know she would not have come up with the idea of “driving the girl out of me” by making me wear it in public. My father was hands-off during my formative years, so he was negated from the equation. As long as I pulled weeds in his garden, he was happy, but I need to say that both of my parents were older, more tired, and less inclined to pay attention to the things I was doing. It’s a long story, but the need to crossdress and the desire to be more effeminate grew out of this familial situation – I’m glad it did, but if I had sisters closer in age imbued with imagination, I certainly would’ve been crossdressing much sooner. I can visualize my older sister, who I’m still living with, sheltering me from the prying eyes of my mother as I (we) experimented with gender via clothing. Alas, it never happened…:sad:

To get back to the OP, where I went to school (New England), a boy wearing a dress to school is unimaginable. Peer pressure, specifically in the form of physical abuse, would have scared me out of trying the exercise, even though I was already ostracized by other factors and solitary by my un-ness (and choice). Hypothetically, I wonder if it would be possible to extinguish the desire to crossdress merely by immersing me in a cruel world. What else is new? The innate need to be different and wear the appropriate clothing to express it grew out of the world as I experienced it. It (crossdressing) is not a fly-by-night operation that can be dismissed – it has a strong foundation derived from one’s nature. Frankly, I would be terrified to wear a dress to school, mainly because I don’t want to see, hear, or feel the abuse – maybe I would make a connection with someone, or learn something about my sexuality, or simply paint myself deeper into the corner of life. Who knows, but I’m sure my mother would’ve protected her little boy at all costs…:straightface:

[DonnaT]

I used to think about getting caught all the time. I even did things trying to get caught, although not very hard. One day my mom did catch me in her bra.

I was ordered out of it, but she said nothing else. She told my dad that evening. He asked about it, but I basically evaded answering. Mainly because I didn't want my four brothers overhearing.

Nothing more was said. No threats, etc. But I kept wishing that my mom would borrow some teenage girl clothes from the neighbor and make me wear them.

She found my stash, but never mentioned it.

Five years ago I came out to her. She asked why, and I told her everything. She apparently had no recollection of past events.

But she was quite accepting, has given me clothes and jewelry.

[sissystephanie]

My mother died when I was very young, and my grandmother took care of my sister and I while our dad worked. Quite often I was dressed in my sisters clothes to play in. Since our play group was all girls except for me, it seemed O.K. to me. Of course I loved wearing panties too!! Surprisingly, my Dad, an Army vet, never said a thing about my girly clothes!

[carrie-ann]

I snuck my sisters clothes when i could. I was beat up every day in school. So if I would have got caught and gave the choice of what to wear I would have been in girls clothing as fast as possible. I was already tormented everyday anyway. What more could they do me!

[Toni_Lynn]

But I kept wishing that my mom would borrow some teenage girl clothes from the neighbor and make me wear them.

--sigh-- THAT is something that I certainly wished for and prayed for every night as I knelt next to my bed. Not necessarily that she would 'make me wear them' but that she 'allow me to wear them'.

Nowadays as I lay in bed at night falling asleep, I pray that I could at least dream that. Maybe that would make the hurt go away

Huggles

Toni-Lynn