Gathering strength to buy

[Allexas]

I must commend you ladies for actually gathering the confidence to go out and buy clothes or shoes and deal with the looks or the comments from other people. I certainly have not been able to gather that type of confidence. I did once go to the shopping store to buy pantyhose and as the result I got strange looks, and the cashier there stated I was 'looking' obvious as a crossdresser, and she laughed with her friend. There was also one older guy that gave me the worst looks.... and to make it even worse I found out that I had purcahsed knee pantyhose....

Anyway that was over 2 years ago and I have never gone to that same grocery store. I have been trying to prepare myself to go out and buy something for myself again. I alway prepare myself for the possibility of the me arriving and the shop is virutally empty and the cashier looks ok and tolerable but thus far I have not been able to go further and buy myself a skirt, or a pair of pantyhose or shoes..... Lately I have looked towards lower cheaper chinese 'goods' stores. The reason why is because most of these stores are unrecognizable in comparison to other stores, for the most part at times of the day these stores are virtually empty and the cashiers do not really speak much english and I doubt they recognize.

I managed to buy a pair of thigh high black socks from one of these stores but told the woman that it was for 'soccer', this was at night close to closing time and nobody was around. She was quiet helpful and insisted the socks were good quality. They were evidently female socks but I donno... she asked whether they were for me again.... and I told her again they were for soccer.... so I donno whether she suspects I am a crossdresser. The next time I went into that same store she was there with her daughter and she said something in Korean to her daughter as I walked in. I suspect she told her daughter that I bought those thigh high evidently female black socks.... maybe she caught me trying to browse to the womens clothing the other day as well....

Anyway... I am trying this other asian 'goods store' where they sell shoes, dresses and what not. They are at an edge of a busy road but its at that point where theres a 'dead end' for pedestrians to walk... if anybody can understand... so it is hidden... and I am trying to wait for a perfect day for my shopping.... where its raining, its in the morning to the point where the shop is virtually empty.... so yea I have the goal to get some black heels, a plaid skirt and other stuff..

I know I know... I could order some ebay stuff to my house, but then again I am still living with the folks (hopefully moving out next year, finishing studies this year) and I do NOT want to risk it. I mean even if I got something delivered it would be in a recognizable package.... and with work and studies and all I would not be able to moniter the package before the folks get home.

Urgh this is frustrating.... I must apologize for rambling but this is the first place I could let 'Allexas' out of me to run freely... I really have not given her enough attention..... she deserves it.... Im hoping to get my own place to the point where I could roam free as Allexas....

Does anybody understand what I am going through?

[JamieOH]

THAT is the problem, your going to the wrong stores, Any real store, will have little problem with you... GEEZ, I was just like you, scared to touch anything for fear everyone was going to sound the alarm "WOOP WOOOP! CROSSDRESSER ALERT CROSSDRESSER ALERT! WOOP WOOP! PLEASE EVACUATE THE AREA!" Trust me, that aint happening.. Most of the people will be very nice about it..

As stated over and over here, they are in the business to sell stuff, they dont care who buys it, as long as they got cash.. Read my latest post about the experiment I just tried, seriously, noone seems to care.. Granted I live in a very umm, "Friendly" city for all people who cross those barriers of normalcy, We have German Village, the area I live in, is predominately a gay community, The Short North, with tons of Gay bars, and Gay friendly establishments, even Gay bookstores, specializing in all reads of the GBLT variety, We have lots of areas like that, Clintonville is favored by the Lesbian Community, for it's small town feel and quaint houses.. This is a happening town if your queer, be it Gender or sex, This is your city..

So, Relax, take a deep breath, walk in and just look at the clothes, not the people, if a sales person comes up to you, just say, "No thank you" when they ask if you need help, or if you do have questions, ASK, they wont freak, they will , get this, HELP YOU, OMG, can you believe it?? They actually will DO THEIR JOB?!?!? wow.. Amazing isnt it? Trust me, (Wink) You'll be fine.. And try something on, it's the best.. I just recently did this, and it was incredible.. Nothing can describe how awesome it feels to be tryin on clothes in the dressing room, with the nice full length mirros, and great lighting, so you can really see it and tell if you'll like it.. And know that the whole world is out there, milling around, and your in a dress.. in a store, and people know it.. liberating it is..

[Yvonne York]

I agree with Jamie, you just need to go to the right place. I have been going into UK stores for years, buying stuff for myself (and sometimes my wife!). I am not sure that some of the looks are that bad - and frankly, I don't care what others think.

Sometimes it's better to go somewhere busy - other customers are too busy with their own lives. And if the SA is a bit inquisitive you could say its for someone else, or do as I do and say yes it is for me - do you think it will look good! Buying some lip gloss and nail varnish a few days ago, the young SA sat with her mouth open, and went even redder when I said it was for me! Did I care - no. Did she refuse to serve me, no!!!

Enjoy your life and gain the freedom Allexas deserves :)

[Allexas]

Enjoy your life and gain the freedom Allexas deserves :)

You are right... she does deserve it. I am planning to go out sometime next week and will surely let you guys know of my experience after.

[DeniseNY]

The other thing is that you are under no obligation to tell them why you are buying anything. Let them wonder about it. Walk in just as nonchalantly as you please, like you were buying something for yourself. Take the time, find what you need, walk to the checkout counter, and put it down like you were buying some eggs or a box of cereal. Strike up a conversation with the salesgirl and make her laugh. Don't act nervous in any way. And if someone does give you a dirty look or says something wrong, ignore it. How do they know your wife didn't send you in there to get her some socks, or that your daughter needed a pair before she had to go out? Let them figure that out.

Crossdressing should be fun, not stressful! :)

[Jenny Gurl]

You can always tell them it is a birthday present for your girlfriend if it is a clothing item like a skirt or dress. If it doesn't fit you can always take it back and trade it for another size. Makeup can be written on a piece of paper and if asked you can say she wants OPI Nail polish and the color is "Not really a waitress" She ran out and I was on my way home. There are lots of really legitimate reasons a guy could be buying a female item. Truth is, unless you look like the cat that swallowed the canary they will not even care. If it makes you feel more comfortable you can buy it along with a few other things to make it appear as if it is part of a shopping list. Once you do it a few times your fear will be replaced by the joy of shopping. We all had to work up our courage the first few purchases. Some drove to a neighboring town to shop so no one they knew might see them shopping for dresses. Some wait for Halloween so they can say it is for a costume party, and your girlfriend wants you to go as a girl this year. Halloween probably is the busiest time for cross dressers, I think it is our official holiday. You can buy everything from makeup to clothing, to your first pair of womens shoes. I took advantage of my first Halloween and used the same story at several different stores. I think I spent more than at Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, it is a present for your girlfriend. The truth is, once you get comfortable you won't need these stories, you can just walk up and start shopping like you have a purpose without the feeling that everyone is watching you. I do still feel peering eyes every now and then, but it is from the women going through the same discounted cloths rack as me hoping that I don't find the bargain they are looking for before they do. :heehee: Most of all, read here a lot. I can't begin to tell you how much it has helped me to understand myself and the cross dressing condition I was born with. I see it now as more of a gift than a curse. You will read about several people who went through what you are going through. You will read about what worked for others, what didn't work and why. You will also build the confidence you need by reading how others worked though these same issues. They not only lived to tell about it, most of them are happier and more comfortable with who they really are.

[Allyson Michelle]

See, if im buying in store I just tell em like it is, if they ask about it. but they usually don't ask about it because they don't know me and I don't know them.

What really irks me is when i was growing up, my mom would send me in the store to buy her pads/tampons, and the clerk had the nerve to ask if they were for me. Where the hell am i gonna stick a tampon?

When i worked at walmart we had a CDer come in daily. He was VERY fem in drab mode. He wore like leather vests and shorty short shorts. He would catch the Miley Cyrus $5 skirt deals, and other things. after a while he would only come thru my line because of my tolerance.

[Stephenie S]

OMG, sweetie. Don't tell them ANYTHING. It's nobodies business what you buy.

Will this help? You're not married. but you have a mother. If you asked your mother to stop by the auto parts store to pick up a 9/16 open end wrench, do you think the clerk would ask her if it was for HER? Would the clerks whisper among themselves about your mom buying a wrench? Would other customers wonder if your mother was a HOMOSEXUAL?

No, no, and no. Of course not. Why??? Because anyone has a right to buy anything they want anytime. Not only that, but the clerk in the auto parts store would be GLAD your mother bought the wrench. There's PLENTY of other auto parts stores she could have gone to.

Buying a new bra, a new pair of PH, a new dress, WHATEVER, is EXACTLY the same thing. The SA in the store WANT you to buy that new bra, PH, dress or whatever. They WANT you to buy it. They will fall over backwards trying to HELP you buy it. Gosh, sweetie, they come right up to you and ASK if they can help you. Did you think they wanted to help you scratch your butt? No dear, they want to help you spend money in THEIR store. That's how they get paid. That's how the store owner pays the bills.

And another thing. They have seen it ALL before. It's easy to imagine that you are all alone, but you ain't dear. There are thousands of crossdressers out there. Just look at this site. Anyone who deals with the public has dealt with crossdressers before. You aren't the first and you won't be the last. They don't care. They helped two crossdressers yesterday, and one of the SAs is looking forward to the weekly visit of her "friend" Krystal (and the hefty commission she gets), who spends a few hundred buck in her store every week.

So buy what you want, when you want. Hold your head up high. After a while, the SA will begin to know you and look forward to your visits. Shopping (as someone already mentioned) is FUN. Fun, fun, fun. Really. Shopping is fun.

Stephie

[StaceyJane]

Once you gain confidence you will realize that you have the same right as anyone else to buy clothes at their store.
Unless the clerk knows your family, does it really matter if they know you're a crossdresser?

[Alberta_Pat]

This all reminds me of several experiences I have had.

About 30 years ago, I was buying a gift of lingerie for my (then) wife. Yes, really :). As I went through the checkout, the cashier said that it "would look good on me". I was floored, as I had not even considered that. I was not dressing at the time, nor even considering it.

More recently, I was at a grocery store, and picked up some pantyhose for myself. Going through the checkout, the cashier asked if they were the right size. She had a good eye, as they were too small for me, but I told her that it was the size I was "told" to pick up. She then started talking about the movie with Mel Gibson, "What Women Think", where Mel puts on a pair of pantyhose, and looks so sexy in them. (Should have got her phone number)

A couple of years ago, I picked up some nail polish at "The Big Box Store", and the cashier said to me: "that colour will look good on you".

Was I "made"? I don't really care, but it was nice to be complimented on my purchases. I have never had a negative comment from any of the people at the stores where I purchase "feminine" articles.

Just go with the flow, and be yourself. It is all good.

[Miley]

Just today I bought two cute dresses that I had been eyeing off. I just went it and said to the SA that I need some help coz I am buying for my wife. I act alittle dumb and say that she is siz 12 or medium what one will fit. Everytime I do this the SA is very helpful, picks out the right dress and no one is the wiser. hope this helps. You go girl, have fun shopping.

[msginaadoll]

My opinion is I have as much right to belong there as everyone else. I do not have to justify my purchases to a Sales Associate. Only once I can think of did one ask if a purchase was for me. It was for Kiss press on nails. I told the young lady yes, I love that product. It shut her right up. There is freedom when u recognize you will probably never see that person again, so why fret.

[CDKaitlynn]

I remember going through the exact same thing! I am now way past that so i can share some of my ideas in case any may help.

At first i didn't know what to do and was self-conscious about... lets say acquiring what i wanted for dressing (i don't want to use the word "paranoid" for a specific reason).

1st - The basics, hosiery, makeup, the simpler stuff... The easiest way i think is to shop at a store with a self-checkout, this is what broke me into being more "brave" because i started looking and feeling so good i wanted to improve my look. Im sure you have some self-checkout there. Otherwise you can go to any grocery store or convenience store. If you have to drive another 10 minutes to a place you only go for that if you think you may run into a schoolmate or something then do that, or a half-hour if that makes you more comfortable, as you do it you will become more comfortable. It is better than sitting around and wishing you had some panties! lol

2nd - Stores are great, u can get to see the clothes and try them on, but if you are not ready to buy panty-hose yet, i doubt u would go into a store and try things on, lol (ask around about potentially CD friendly stores, this is more common then you might think). Anyway, I LOVE shopping online stores. You can get great prices and pick from thousands of things and get exactly what you want. Just do a search for a review to get something from the better business bureau or something.
YOU WIlLL NEED TO KNOW YOUR SIZE! Unfortunately this can be a problem cause sizes vary. I recommend searching for a male/female size conversion chart. Unfortunately you may get one or two items that don't fit the way you want, oh well, it will come with experience. Find a site and order a couple things cheap and cute to get your size right and then go bigger.

3rd - Actually buying from stores. This was the last thing that i became comfortable with. Other than these "CD" friendly stores (depends on your area, urban and hip areas may have more of these, i don't unfortunately). You can buy 1 or 2 garments and if anyone asks just tell them they are for your girlfriend. This was odd until i dated a super-cute full-figured women who was about my size and i bought something for her that i felt weird about.
Also, we have large discount stores that sell lingerie and are really cheap, you know the stores i mean, like general apparel and coat stores. Actually these stores often have some really cute or sexy items. Just pick up a few things and BUY THEM! Don't worry about the random person that doesn't know you at the counter.

I hope that may help someone,

Kaity

[Christineblake113]

I do all my shopping in drab. Call me a chicken if you want, but I've never been hassled by a SA.

I never offer an explanation either but if asked I'd probably say something like, yeah, these heels are for me, so what?

If you are shopping at a large discount store like Target or WalMart, most of them have self checkout lanes which can be handy if you want to avoid contact.

Christine

[CDKaitlynn]

At first I was really anxious and this made me look even more out of place or suspicious. I want to share something i discovered that turned this topic of uneasiness around to actually add some fun to my purchasing experience! Like the cliche "Turning you weaknesses into strengths."

The few times someone said something like "this will look good on you" or "are you sure this is your size?", it REALLY pissed me off! But check this out:

Usually, someone that would say something like that does not desire to hurt you, but they may actually be hip and fun and would prefer a witty response to being standoffish.
After i bought some things and realized how darn cute i looked and what i bought there, i went back.

The people at the counter were younger and kind of gothic. I was also feeling a little cute and picturing myself in what i picked out. When she told me how good this would look on me, i stood on one leg with my butt hanging out alittle and smiled and said "Thank You." WOW, that was liberating! Shoot, you will probably even make them smile and maybe even build a rapport with them and make a new "safe store."

Or... pretend what you have isn't really for you and play along with them just for fun!

ACTUALLY, now i am kinda looking forward to the next time someone "teases me" or "calls me out" for a chance to have some fun with them!

BRING IT!

Kaity

[alice clair]

When i go shopping i always say something nice about the SA or cashier, like your hair looks great or i like your nails or find something that you think looks nice about them and tell them and it throughs them off a little and whatever you are buying won't look strange or it seems so. It works for me. I always have shopped endrab but not forever.



Michelle

[Jean Ann S]

Just go in a nice womens store away from Home
When they ask if they can help you explain that you crossdress and need
.......... Then thank them for helping
Pretty much works every time

Jean Ann :heehee:

[Tranny Tee]

The more confidence you shpw the less you will be embarrassed. Simply choose what you wish to purchase and pay for it, it is not a difficult process. If a sales clerk makes a comment tell them the truth, say something like, "Yes, I thought this was cute, I have a nice little skirt it will go with." The clerk will ring up your sale quickly and never make a comment to you again except to say, "This looks nice."

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Allexas,

There's been a lot of great advice given already so not really much I can add except to continue with the encouragement. So many of us (me included) have been where you are right now, and have progressed to shopping with ease and enjoyment. I know you can too.

First time is the hardest.

Good luck

Tash :)

[Ms Jennifer]

I have found that if they ask is it for me then I tell them yes. so they are not quessing at sizes.And ask them if they sell to very many crossdressers,You would be suprised to know that they do and it makes the SA more comfortable also.If they frown and put you down,Then don't go back.Besides they are in the business to sell,and with today's economy us girls are good customers.In the smaller resale shops I always leave a tip and tell them to be on the lookout for the styles I like best.And when I return then there is a load of stuff sitting there waiting for me to look through.I try to pick the least busy times at stores.Usaully tuesdays and wednesdays are the best .Buying away from your hometown keeps you from running into your relatives or neighbors with a basket load of femme items .:o And most people are so involved with their own little world that they are not out cd hunting.As time goes by it gets easier and more fun too.:love:Good Luck and keep on shopping.:daydreaming:

[Karen564]

You can do it sweetie.....I know you can!

Because once upon a time about 30 years ago, I broke that fear & finally bought whatever I wanted in any store....
What did it for me was a specialty store at the mall called Sexy Heels...the guy asked if I was buying them for me, (well I HAD to have them :heehee:) so after a deep breath & gulp.. said..Yup :o
after that, the rest was easy..

Now after living as a TS woman for a year, I've never ever been asked who it's for...lol

PS, stay away from supermarkets for stockings for now...go to one of the big clothing stores..you may have less issues there..
:hugs:

[Tranny Tee]

There is a standard comedy routine with a teenager nervously purchasing his first condom. A similar routine could be made of a crossdresser buying that first pair of panties. First he lingers near the section and waits for all the other customers to leave, he looks around a few times then goes to the display. If a sales associate gets near he either bolts for the door or stammers out some kind of excuse. He quicky selects a pair and goes to the register. He makes no eye contact with any of the store staff. He pays cash so there will be no need for him to show an ID. Once he has paid for his purchase and they are safely in a shopping bag away from everyone's sight he quickly leaves the store and as his heart rate and blood pressure start lowering he congratulates himself on his bravery.
Buying that first item of clothing is not easy. Buying makeup the first time is not easy. Goung out the first time is more scary than buying that first pair of panties. But it is all fun and gives us sometihing to chuckle over in our golden years.

[Sarah L]

I have been coming here and reading posts for a long time but after reading your message,I had to join and make a reply.On another forum somebody said they go into the store with the attitude that everyone in there knew they were a crossdresser.I tried this and it worked for me.Since trying this I can buy anything I like or just look for a while and not worry.I don't know why this works(maybe it's like you have nothing to lose),but it does.I hope it works for you.Let us know how you are doing.

[Nicole Erin]

Most of my "firsts" were akward too. First time buying this or that, going out, meeting other TG, whatever. I know a few of my first purchases the stupid cashier was like, "HMMM buying pantyhose? Who are they for.... huh huh huh" I felt like saying - "They are for your mom, I was gonna rip a hole in the crotch while she was wearing them and..."

Not sure why but the akwardnes diminishes.
I think what happens during our firsts is we seem and feel akward so people react accordingly.

Once you get to a point of "I could care less what anyone thinks" is when people just don't react. For me I think part of it is I just look like a smart ass and they probably would not want to argue.

BTW - seems no matter how long you do this, there will always be "firsts" to experience. Even after 11 years of trahnnying I have firsts yet to experience, and I am close to being full time TS.

[neverthen]

hi alexas i totally know what you are going through and am also still strugling my self but on the oyher side of it the clothes etc that i have bought out on my own are some of the most wonderfull thing that i enjoy wearing just due to the fact that i went out and bought them on my own i think that with me at least that is somthing inside me that likes then cause i did that and makes me feel even more fem inside cause of it so try to get passed that and in my opinion youl enjoy yourself after a while and who cares what people think all that matters is your happiness,good luck

[NicoleScott]

You know, you really aren't obligated to answer questions like "who's it for". And you can turn defense into offense by coming back with a stern look and sharp retort. Or just walk out and shop elsewhere.

[AKAMichelle]

Don't let them stop you from shopping. What are they going to do - sound the alarm? No - they may laugh and snicker, but that is about it. So don't let them keep you in the closet. Go out there and be who you are.

[DonniDarkness]

Welcome allexas!

Ok, i know exactly where your coming from, but i have good news for you, you will be able to shop comfortably in male mode or dolled up, with no hassles at all.

Start out by going to a bealls, ross: dress for less, or whatever equivalent is in your area. Go in the morning 9-10 am.....most GG's dont shop that early and most men dont shop until their clothes fall apart.....so that is you best time frame.

once you are outside:

1) Walk in the door and SMILE

2) Look natural and if anyone greets you SMILE and greet them back. If their are people in the store shopping as well, forget about them, they will not bother you.

3) At this point, SMILING and being natural, walk through woman's section: Browse, Slide hangars, Find things you like, and just plain shop.
a) at some point a SA may approach you, and ask you if you need help. DO NOT FREAK OUT! Simply SMILE and tell her "Yes, would it be a problem if i tried things on? And do you have this in (your size)".

b) or you can just SMILE and say "no thank you, but thanks for asking"

4) Once you have found your new girly treasures, walk up to the cashier and put your purchases on the counter, SMILE.
Standard response from cashier: "Did you find everything ok?"
your response: "Yes thank you"......And because your money is green they hand you a receipt and a nice bag full of clothes

5) You say Thank you and walk out the door....bet your SMILING now!

Re-cap: Be natural, Be Polite, and SMILE

Smiling and being polite go a long way as in SMILES are contagious, and as long as your not skulking about the store being UN-NATURAL, no one will ever care what who when and why your shopping in the womans section

Carpe Diem little sis,
-Donni-

[juno]

It's just about self confidence. You will look out-of-place a lot more if you are nervous. I am a late bloomer to CDing, so I was shopping for women's clothes before I started wearing them. If you need a prop to help you, you can write your "girlfriends" sizes and colors/styles on a piece of paper, in case you want to ask for help. Of course, it probably won't work if you are asking for size 15 shoes.

[Dee Baker]

I understand what you’re going through, I felt much the same years ago. I found that at the larger malls/stores people don’t notice so much or care about what you’re buying. Over the years I have shopped a lot for my SO or myself. Whenever I felt uncomfortable I just imagined I was buying for my SO and it got easier every time I shopped.

[carrie-ann]

If you get the look as i call it. Pull a Pretty Woman on them. Go some where else stuff some bags full of any thing go back and say look I had money smile and walk out. Look most Sa's don't care. It will get easier the more you go out. Go out have fun.

[lingerieLiz]

When I was young I bought more clothes for my aunt and mother. Then I realized that the clothes were too old, so I bought things for my girlfriend. Funny they were always my size.

The best advice from lots of shopping is just tell them what you want. If they ask who it is for just say "It's for me" the clerks want to help and most will. Shop in stores that sell clothes to women you will be much less noticeable. And the clerks have heard it before.