What do?

[CamilleLeon]

So a friend/fraternity brother of mine asked me why I shaved my legs. I didn't know what to say, so I said it "made me more aerodynamic when I fight" (a movie reference if you didn't catch it). He laughed, but I'm not sure how to handle this. We've hung out since and he hasn't brought it back up. I've come out to my family but not to any of my college friends. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be an issue amongst them, other than the awkward conversation of coming out. I have wanted to come out, but I don't want to be treated differently by my friends. What do you think I should do?

[Shananigans]

Tell about your other fraternity brother talking about fetishes with us and then all of a sudden, he says, "How about high heels?" I say, "High heels are always sexy." And, he says, "I'm talking about on a grown man."

And, the same guy talking to us about drag queens hours later.

I think they're on to us.

[ReineD]

It's my experience that when people ask questions, it is because there is something in it that rings bells for them, whether they've experienced it themselves or have witnessed it before in someone they care about.

I think it's time you tell your friend.

EDIT - Or maybe they found your stash, or saw you dressed, if you have several friends asking similar questions.

They might well treat you differently, but if they are smart guys they may be able to understand if you educate them properly. I don't know if you enjoy being a guy with them, but if you do and you continue to be your(guy)self with them, I sense that they will be able to take it in stride. After all, nothing will have changed when you are with them. It might be more difficult if you dress in front of them though.

[CamilleLeon]

Oh yeah, I meant to say I'd had suspicions that they're on to me, however, I feel that most of those suspicions are easily chalked up to paranoia/worries about being figured out

[Shananigans]

Yeah, I wonder the same thing.

But, I have to say...the whole leg shaving thing probably had people wondering. Unless he was too drunk/high to remember.

I mean, you're not exactly a swimmer...so..."why you shaving your legs, like a b*tch?"

[joannemarie barker]

I think he might suspect.I've never had much hair on my legs and nobody has ever asked if or why I shave them.half the men at the gym I go to are shaven smooth all over though and they can't all be cd :)

[Shananigans]

I think he might suspect.I've never had much hair on my legs and nobody has ever asked if or why I shave them.half the men at the gym I go to are shaven smooth all over though and they can't all be cd :)

Yeah, I feel like that would be the case for most people. Ryan is a Polack though and just generally really hairy all over. When he shaves it's a pretty big difference. And, when his hair is growing in, it's pretty noticeable.

[CamilleLeon]

EDIT - Or maybe they found your stash, or saw you dressed, if you have several friends asking similar questions.

They might well treat you differently, but if they are smart guys they may be able to understand if you educate them properly. I don't know if you enjoy being a guy with them, but if you do and you continue to be your(guy)self with them, I sense that they will be able to take it in stride. After all, nothing will have changed when you are with them. It might be more difficult if you dress in front of them though.

Well I did dress up for Halloween but it was very poorly done, being unshaven on both my body and face. I suppose it's possible he found my stash, but I think he noticed after accidently brushing against my leg. I fully enjoy hanging in guy mode with them and I don't know if or how much I'd really want to hang out with them en femme. It seems like that might be awkward for all involved. My friends are generally accepting and cool guys so I don't know what I'm afraid of

[SandraAbsent]

Shaving really isnt that out of the realm of normal even for non dressers. I have been asked a couple of times and I simply reply with, "it makes me comfortable." Never had any conversation beyond that. The question is do you really need to come out to them? If yes than do it, if no than why rock the boat.

[Shananigans]

Well I did dress up for Halloween but it was very poorly done, being unshaven on both my body and face. I suppose it's possible he found my stash, but I think he noticed after accidently brushing against my leg. I fully enjoy hanging in guy mode with them and I don't know if or how much I'd really want to hang out with them en femme. It seems like that might be awkward for all involved. My friends are generally accepting and cool guys so I don't know what I'm afraid of

One of your friends probably mentioned that you were moving in with a bag full of women's clothes and a box of high heels. :doh:

[joannemarie barker]

I guess the "I do it for cycling" excuse may be a bit cliche but there are other excuses to use I'm sure :)

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

Before I reached the point that I can just smile and say "I'm a crossdresser", I had every intention of truthfully saying that "I get skin rashes from my body hair."

[Shananigans]

I guess the "I do it for cycling" excuse may be a bit cliche but there are other excuses to use I'm sure :)

I'd buy that one. But, what if you shaved your legs, arms, armpits...everything? And, it was obvious that it was shaved when it gets prickly black hairs after a few days...

...I don't know...it's a sticky situation.

[joannemarie barker]

I'd buy that one. But, what if you shaved your legs, arms, armpits...everything? And, it was obvious that it was shaved when it gets prickly black hairs after a few days...

...I don't know...it's a sticky situation.

Yeah it's definitely a sticky situation,probably still salvageable but maybe an opportunity for taking the plunge and being honest :)

[CamilleLeon]

Yeah it would be nice to be able to be completely open and honest about it. I just don't know how I'd come out to 20+ of my friends

[joannemarie barker]

Yeah it would be nice to be able to be completely open and honest about it. I just don't know how I'd come out to 20+ of my friends

That is a lot of people to come out to all at once,I'm not sure I could handle it at all but why not pull the guy to one side and just explain to him?

[Rianna Humble]

So a friend/fraternity brother of mine asked me why I shaved my legs. I didn't know what to say

"Because it's less painful than waxing them"?

or

"I can't aford laser hair removal"?


:heehee:

[ReineD]

My friends are generally accepting and cool guys so I don't know what I'm afraid of

They're good friends? And don't fraternity brothers look out for each other? I have sons your age. I can't imagine any of their close friends dropping them if they knew something about my sons that they don't understand. They're all a pretty diverse bunch.

So if you think the cat's out of the bag, just carry on like normal with them and see how they react to you in the next while. If there's no difference, then they're Ok with what they know. If they ask more questions in the future though, I would consider telling them (if the timing is right and if it's one on one, and if he is a close friend). I mean if they keep asking the same questions there's a chance they know?

But ... and I think this is important ... sometimes people know and they don't want to know. If a friend asks pointedly, then it might be time to tell. But if they are making jokes that don't require answers, then just go along with them and don't divulge anything that is not necessary (if you feel comfortable doing this). But do understand that if they are laughing it is not at you or at what you do. Most people just don't understand about the CDing and joking is a good way to diffuse confusion.
:hugs:

[joannemarie barker]

They're good friends? And don't fraternity brothers look out for each other? I have sons your age. I can't imagine any of their close friends dropping them if they knew something about my sons that they don't understand. They're all a pretty diverse bunch.

So if you think the cat's out of the bag, just carry on like normal with them and see how they react to you in the next while. If there's no difference, then they're Ok with what they know. If they ask more questions in the future though, I would consider telling them (if the timing is right and if it's one on one, and if he is a close friend). I mean if they keep asking the same questions there's a chance they know?

But ... and I think this is important ... sometimes people know and they don't want to know. If a friend asks pointedly, then it might be time to tell. But if they are making jokes that don't require answers, then just go along with them and don't divulge anything that is not necessary (if you feel comfortable doing this). But do understand that if they are laughing it is not at you or at what you do. Most people just don't understand about the CDing and joking is a good way to diffuse confusion.
:hugs:

that's great advice right there :)

[Dana]

Its just this plain and simple ~ be who and what you are!

People come and people go ~ what they think and belive in really doesn't matter.

[CamilleLeon]

Thanks all for your advice. If my friends asks again, in a better situation, then I'll probably tell him. I guess the rest of my frat brothers will figure it out eventually. I'm really just playing this by ear

Edit
@Rianna
Good answers, I may have to remember those for future uses

[Shelly67]

Cycling or swimming is a regular excuse - it does mean however that you'd really have to indulge in either to enforce the excuse . If theres one thing that gives away sudden hairless parts of our bodies its the sudden change in skin colour . My legs are moontan white - easily noticed and remarked on by a few relatives .So were my arms . Then theres the eyebrows . I tried as calmly as possible to just comment I like to feel cleaner ( to a very concerned look in return ) and as the likes of David Beckham can get away with it why couldnt I ? It provided laughter all round , but then the subject was readily dropped . So many personalities , go metrosexual in personal grooming its growing in understanding and acceptance , and this notion led me to consider something that would go hand in hand with the shaving ideal - fake tan .
On the subject of informing friends and relatives of being a crossdresser . I may be ten miles off target here , but I'm begining to think most people couldn't really give it a thought - IF they really care for the person concerned . I consider it to be true that only those who are nosey , fececious and possibly cruel are the ones whose are really bothered . My nieghbours ( very questioning and snobbish ) have passed remarks to my wife on the subject in a patronising manner really making her uncomfortable . Perhaps they've seen my clothes on the washing line , or peered over the garden fence watching me in kitchen .Either way - I do not care . Only if the situation became slanderous or gossiping to cause distress will it bother me . I can appreciate the questionable fretting that some situations bring on , but the only thing thats true remains .... if someone truely considers you a friend , a heartful companion , then if the truth were to emerge then they'd at least try to understand .... not make you feel guilty , ashamed or embarressed .
And thats why my nosey next doors , theyre attitude to my wife , the ridiculous snobbery and all will have to accept , they wont be coming round here for bar-b-qs anymore .............well not unless they like my shaven leg hair for burger relish !!

[ReineD]

So why is it exactly that cyclers shave their legs? Does it make all that much difference with aerodynamics if you are not cycling competitively? +?

[Miley]

I think there are people you can tell and people you can't, they are just not mature or accepting or prone to gossip. You know your friend the best but you never know he might accept because he like to crossdress too but never had the chance. When I was about 17 i would crossdress amoung friends and i was supprised when they after time started to let the girls dress them.....i guess i helped brake the ice.

[TinaMc]

So why is it exactly that cyclers shave their legs? Does it make all that much difference with aerodynamics if you are not cycling competitively? +?

Not really, it's more about how bad cycle shorts look with hairy legs than anything else.

[CamilleLeon]

Not really, it's more about how bad cycle shorts look with hairy legs than anything else.

So a similar reason as to why we do it, huh? :)

[ReineD]

lol.

[alice clair]

I have to shave my body the hair grows to about 1 or more inches long then i have ingrown hairs everywhere so i have no choice but to shave so when someone asks me about my shaved body that is what i tell them. Have fem day and enjoy your 4th of july and celebrate this great country of ours.

Michelle

[SandraAbsent]

So why is it exactly that cyclers shave their legs? Does it make all that much difference with aerodynamics if you are not cycling competitively?

Not really, it's more about how bad cycle shorts look with hairy legs than anything else.

There are some actual technical reasons. As a former competative cyclist, there were two giant reasons. One is evaporation of sweat happens faster on a shaved body resulting in keeping you cooler to some extent. The other is most important I think. If you crash, road rash is 100% likely. Clearing pebbles from your leg wound is painful enough without having to remove embeded hairs at the same time.

When I swam comeptatively the reason were different. I think drag was only a minor consideration. Obviously shaving exfoliates. and when done just soon before your heat, this would have a "sudden chill" adreneline effect on the body when you first came in contact with the water. I remember this feeling would even be exentuated by coating the body with icey hot before your hit the blocks too.

Ok probably TMI, but there ya go!

[Jenny Doolittle]

Hannah,


How about just saying i like the feel of smooth skin?

[Anneliese]

Cycle shorts look bad no matter what. I ride my bike to work a lot, as well as on my days off. Wear denim shorts (maybe someday my Daisy Dukes)

People have asked me if I shave my legs (and arms) because I have very little hair. I never have. Despite having dark brown hair (at least before it grayed), the hair on my arms and legs is naturally blonde. Not sure why.

[AKAMichelle]

Shaving your legs is such a non-issue. Just tell them that you do and that is the end of it. No reason for an explanation.

[Naomi Rayne]

I dont really have any advice for you about whether or not you should come out to your brothers. That should be a decision made by yourself.

As far as shaving your legs are concerned you can simply tell them that your prefer it that way and let that be the end of the conversation. Part of the reason they may have noticed would be because your had some hair growing in. If you are gonna shave make a habit out of it and keep them shaved all the time. That might make things a bit easier and will also go along with the reasoning i explained.

As for why cyclists shave their legs there are tons of different reasons why. Aerodynamics do play a certain part. Swimmers shave their legs because of this. The hair creates drag in the water and it does cut some time off. Not enough to be noticeable but in those races where its a matter of winning by inches it does matter.

[kayegirl]

So why is it exactly that cyclers shave their legs? Does it make all that much difference with aerodynamics if you are not cycling competitively? +?

No its got nothing to do with aerodynamics, or opening pores. For this cyclist it started after falling off and needing medical treatment, well a line of 48 stitches down my left leg, protected by a long strip of band-aid or whatever. When the time came for the stitches to be removed, the nurse ripped off the band aid in one none too swift movement, leaving me with a stripe down my leg like a soldiers dress uniform trousers. I shaved my legs soon afterwards, and have kept them clear of hair ever since. The irony, well now I wax my legs, so its almost back to the begining!!!

[Jocelyn Quivers]

So a friend/fraternity brother of mine asked me why I shaved my legs. I didn't know what to say, so I said it "made me more aerodynamic when I fight" (a movie reference if you didn't catch it).

If you are refering to Pineapple Express that's an excellent movie. I just tell people "Haven't you heard? All of the real cool guys are doing it." On a lighter note it came out during a family get together yesterday that I do shave my legs. No big deal was really made about it. I'm still here and I have not been banished from further family functions.

[Fab Karen]

Depends on how good a friendship it is- the true-blue friends will accept, whether they understand it or not. If it's someone you'd think twice about telling, you could always answer if it ever comes up again,"I prefer being smooth."

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

So why is it exactly that cyclers shave their legs? Does it make all that much difference with aerodynamics if you are not cycling competitively? +?
The explanation I've heard is that if they fall off and get gravel rash, the hair makes cleaning the wound harder and can increase the risk of infection.

That was told to me by a competitive cyclist, who is also a CD. :)

[Chrissy be good]

I work outside all day and I was asked why i shaved my legs the other day by a coworker. I looked at him stone faced, and told him it just looked better in a skirt without all the hair there. I'm a very sarcastic person and he took it as I was joking. I then told him how I did it in the summer to keep cool, kinda like how they do it for dogs. He smirked and said he never thought of that. A week later he grabbed me to show me his shaved legs and said I was right, he felt cooler in the heat. Hahaha

[kaitlin]

When we were still dating, about 7 years ago, during a long deep talk she talked me into letting her shave me from the waist down. There hasn't been hair there since! I've had a couple of people make comments at a distance, one guy I know asked why and I told him "because I like it!' and while in a store one day two women asked me if I shaved and then said "I wish our husbands would, your legs look so clean and neat" So I would say just do it and not worry about it! If you and your girl enjoy it then the heck with the rest!:)

[Sara Jessica]

Just reply "nylons look better on smooth legs"...that'll start a conversation, for sure!

In all seriousness, I'm in my third summer of smooth legs and have barely had a comment, if any. I'm not saying people don't notice or perhaps say things amongst themselves, I'm sure they do. I'm just not hearing it and that is fine with me.

It happens that yesterday I showed up at a 4th of July pool party. My first stop was to talk to the wife of one of my friends on the far side of the pool. When I approached the guy's table, I ran into another friend who said "I was wonderng who the biker was across the pool". Did he surmise this himself or did the table discuss my appearance??? Either way, it doesn't matter much.

If I were asked, I could use the bicycling "excuse" because I do cycle regularly. However, I'm thinking that I'd add that I simply am not a big fan of body hair. While I don't have to shave my arms (naturally not so furry there), that'd help explain the smooth underarms should anyone notice that.

[Taylor186]

Have to agree with Katlin, "because I like it" or "because I prefer it," are the only answers I give the rare questioner. Then silence, which they can fill if they want. Any more explanation than that seems like lame excuse making to me, true or not.

[Pythos]

Perhaps this would be a good reason to stop hiding.

I would hope that if ever I was found out to do full on cross dressing I would have the guts to say

"Yea, I crossdress, it is a fun and harmless hobby"

Many people know of my skirt or leggings wearing when in male mode :)

Don't get me wrong though, there are groups I actively hide from.

[ReineD]

I looked at him stone faced, and told him it just looked better in a skirt without all the hair there. I'm a very sarcastic person and he took it as I was joking. I then told him how I did it in the summer to keep cool, kinda like how they do it for dogs. He smirked and said he never thought of that. A week later he grabbed me to show me his shaved legs and said I was right, he felt cooler in the heat. Hahaha

This has got to be the best explanation I've EVER read on this board. It is truthful, unapologetic, it doesn't get into any details, and it leaves the other person free to draw any conclusions he might like, based on his impression of you as a person, and not by what you do.

Bravo! :thumbsup:

[Allyson Michelle]

Just ask him why he cares.

I mean Its ur body, unless he has a thing for you, he shouldn't care what u do with it.

[DonniDarkness]

Hey hannah im a little late but,


Yeah it would be nice to be able to be completely open and honest about it. I just don't know how I'd come out to 20+ of my friends

Two words: Birthday Party

You could do it at a b-day party, come dressed as Hannah.....

or you could just let them wonder forever....nothing wrong with that, either.

[Josie M]

I was in a drug store not too long ago and saw "Veet for Men". If you're a cyclist or a triathlete, you're golden since many shave their legs (makes road-rash easier to treat and reduces likelihood of infection, so I understand).

I mean, they might be on to you, but the leg shaving is not too hard to buy off these days....armpits not so much ;)


There are some actual technical reasons. As a former competative cyclist, there were two giant reasons. One is evaporation of sweat happens faster on a shaved body resulting in keeping you cooler to some extent. The other is most important I think. If you crash, road rash is 100% likely. Clearing pebbles from your leg wound is painful enough without having to remove embeded hairs at the same time.

When I swam comeptatively the reason were different. I think drag was only a minor consideration. Obviously shaving exfoliates. and when done just soon before your heat, this would have a "sudden chill" adreneline effect on the body when you first came in contact with the water. I remember this feeling would even be exentuated by coating the body with icey hot before your hit the blocks too.

Ok probably TMI, but there ya go!


That's a new one on me....there are places I would not want to get Icy Hot in....:heehee:

[Shelby]

I was a at July 4th party with relatives and some of the women commented that 2 of the men, one being my uncle have very little to no hair on their legs. One said it was just genetics. Well I'm standing there with them and they look down at my legs. Now in anticipation of knowing that I would be showing my legs at this pool party I didn't shave for 2 weeks and had some hair grown back but very short. The Ladies all looked at my legs and one even said "well even he has short leg hair." I replied that I thin it down or it gets to long and prefer no body hair. Then they said "oh" and moved on to the next topic.

You could always say that you just never had much leg hair there to begin with and what you did have looked silly, so you shaved that off. All or nothing is a good answer.

Oh and now I finally shaved my legs and it feels so good to have smooth legs again.

[Chris7ina]

Just tell them that you are an extremely hairy person and you don't like it.

[Chickhe]

Try in a joking tone answering that they look better in a skirt that way! Your friend will laugh and drop the subject. Later if, caught enfem, you say...don't act so surprised, I told you so... Ah, now this halloween you have dress up to the nines...especially if someone says something about your shaved legs...

[t-girlxsophie]

If I used any Sporting excuses it wouldn't work,well unless Its a Sumo Wrestler:D No If anyone asks I just say my Wife likes it (which she does) :heehee:

[Tommie Rae]

People often do not expect, nor do they believe the truth when it sounds entirely out of character. So tell them you look better with shaved legs when you wear a skirt. This has the benefit of being the truth and being outrageous. When they ask "Do you really wear skirts?" just smile and tell the "Of course I do." They won't believe you, they will think you are just being crazy today, and they will probably drop the subject. You will have outed yourself in a non-confrontational manner yet you can still joke about it if you want to. I have outed myself about things way more controversial than alternative clothing choices and the world did not come to an end. Let's try taking some small steps towards being honest with ourselves and with others and see what happens.

[kaleyg]

thats my excuse. 2 good reasons: faster swim (sort of) and safer if you crash your bike -- trying to clean and bandage a hairy leg is bad.

[Shananigans]

thats my excuse. 2 good reasons: faster swim (sort of) and safer if you crash your bike -- trying to clean and bandage a hairy leg is bad.

That would work if Ryan was really active....

...But....

:D

Love you, babe...but, you're lazy.

[Rogina B]

When asked,it can always be the SO's idea and" I like it now".As far as being a sluggo..well you are apt to hurt yourself IF YOU DO exercise and no hair will help with the wound care!:devil:

[kimdl93]

My son mentioned that a frat brother shaved himself from head to toe - the guys only explanation was he preferred to be shaved. That was good enough for the frat. He may have had another reason, but didn't need to share it.

[StarrOfDelite]

The explanation I give for shaven legs is that the skin tone on my legs is fish belly white, and I have to use spray tan and bronzers to get a tan on them. Since I also have blonde hair which is turned orange by the bronzer, I have always shaved my legs in the summertime for aesthetics, male variety. This also has the advantage of being true, as anyone who has ever seen my legs without bronzer or spray tan in bright sunlight would testify. The sunlight reflects off my legs like a solid white wall.

I suppose that if you have olive complexion skin this might not work as well, but no one has ever bothered me, and only a few have ever asked.

[JulieC]

This summer in particular, it's become particularly irritating to slather sunscreen on my legs and see hair there looking like something out of a greaser show. I think it's really ugly and frankly somewhat disgusting.

I'm getting to the point where I hate my leg hair. If someone ever challenged me on not having leg hair, the above is how I would respond.

[Lorileah]

I have a novel approach to answering questions like that, I say "Don't ask questions unless you really want a true answer." That shuts half them down and the other half really DO want to know. So I say, because I like the way it looks and feels.

The trouble with making up a story ( I swim or bike or lift weights or was held down by a roving band of hairdressers) is you have to back that story. You will meet a person someday who will say "cool..lets go biking sometime." and you don't own anything but the old Schwinn with the bell on the handle bars. Or you can't swim or the roving band of razor wielding hairdressers really exist and now they are after you for dissing them.

Fess up, you like the way it looks and feels. Ain't nuthin' wrong with that

[Shananigans]

Thought of the best reply.

Tell him you're getting ready for you guys' next brorgy.
:devil:

[Carly D.]

It's my experience that when people ask questions, it is because there is something in it that rings bells for them, whether they've experienced it themselves or have witnessed it before in someone they care about.

I think it's time you tell your friend.

EDIT - Or maybe they found your stash, or saw you dressed, if you have several friends asking similar questions.

They might well treat you differently, but if they are smart guys they may be able to understand if you educate them properly. I don't know if you enjoy being a guy with them, but if you do and you continue to be your(guy)self with them, I sense that they will be able to take it in stride. After all, nothing will have changed when you are with them. It might be more difficult if you dress in front of them though.


It's the "educating" part that I worry about.. Telling someone in my family would be easy if I knew how to show them the reasons why I or anyone else would care to cross dress.. I have no clue how to tell someone why I do this because I'm not sure myself. So when I was setting up this paper I was getting all this information put together so I could have something set up to show someone in the event of my accidental death. And all these pages were set to show someone the ultimate answer to why I cross dress, which included sights from both the people who like cross dressing and those who explain it as a bad fetish or even go as far as to say it is an illness.. After putting 50 pages (front and back) I decided that just wasn't good enough so I shreded the whole lot.. except for three pages and then a month later got rid of the rest of it.. So now I guess if I leave this earth accidentally and it is found they'll just have to figure it out on their own.. Like I did.. (sort of)

[Mikaela]

My son mentioned that a frat brother shaved himself from head to toe - the guys only explanation was he preferred to be shaved. That was good enough for the frat. He may have had another reason, but didn't need to share it.

When I was in one, an upperclassman had disappeared one night in the canals of Tampa and when he had returned, shaved his head, only to realize that his eyebrows were too bushy. So he shaved them, too.

[livefree83]

Hey Hannah, I'm sure your fraternity brother was just curious since you don't see too many guys walking around with their legs shaved, especially here in Alabama. I keep my legs shaved and no one has really said anything. The couple of people that did ask me why I didn't have any hair on my legs, I just replied "I shave them because I prefer them that way and it makes me feel cleaner." After that, the subject was never brought up again. The way I see it: if guys can shave their face, head, chest, stomach or any other area the body, what's so wrong about the legs? It's just a matter of preference.

As for telling your fraternity brothers that you crossdress, that really depends on your relationship with them. I think that's awesome that you told your family. Again, it's all a matter of what is comfortable for you. For me, personally, I would never share the fact that I crossdress with anyone besides the members of this community and my SO. However, that's me. If you did tell your fraternity brothers, I'm sure they'll be cool with it.

Anyway, hope I helped. ~ Christina

[lisa_alba]

I have been shaving my legs for 10-12 years now and at first people asked all the time but now when they ask I just tell them that I do not shave them, the hair just does not grow anymore.