How Do You Talk Like a Woman?

[connie23]

Hi,
I have been going out en femme for a while but, so far I have been by myself and I have avoided much discussion. I went to a nail salon and had a manicure. I was greeted and treated as a woman until I started talking and then the people in the store immediately knew.
Is there a good way to learn to speak in passable tones? I don't want to sound screechy but, my normal voice, while a tenor, is not high enough to pass for a throaty woman.
I want to take this to the next level and I need some help.
Hugs,
Connnie

[Lexine]

Having a feminine voice isn't just all about pitch. It's also two other things: resonance and melodic intonation.

Resonance is that deep rumbling that you cause when you speak as a male. This happens because all the resonance happens in your chest area. In order to minimize this, you'll have to move the resonance from your chest to your head. A lot of Youtube videos recommend speaking from your male voice and raising the pitch until you feel the rumbling on your chest disappear and even going as far as to speak in falsetto. This is done so that you can learn to control your throat muscles and be able to move the resonance easily. Search for CandiFLA's or karmatic1110's voice videos for some more explanation on this.

Melodic intonation is that "sing-songy" type way that women speak. Men speak in a monotone type manner a lot of the time, but women often vary the way that they speak. This can be learned by observation or watching a lot of shows with women in them ;)

Hope these help!

[connie23]

Thanks so much, I will go on youtube tonight and get started. Do you think I should record myself to see how I am doing?
Connie

[Lexine]

Absolutely! That way you can keep track of your progress or if you want other people to critique your voice too (if you want)!

[SandraAbsent]

was going to reply to this, but i will simply say this...."what she said" lol

[Alice B]

I don't even try. Could never pull it off and would draw more attention to myself.

[Kate Simmons]

Never shut up?:heehee: I know I've been accused of this. It's really not the tone as much as it is how you say things and what you talk about. Women have strong interpersonal skills and a strong sense of unity and compassion.:)

[connie23]

Hi!
Thanks everyone, as I said earlier, I am going on you tube tonight and will start practicing. I have a recorder so I can monitor my progress. Maybe I will get up the courage to join a group of girlfriends in the DC area for a night on the town or a visit to another nail salon,
Thanks again and hugs,
Connie

[Annaliese2010]

Hi,
I have been going out en femme for a while but, so far I have been by myself and I have avoided much discussion. I went to a nail salon and had a manicure. I was greeted and treated as a woman until I started talking and then the people in the store immediately knew.
Is there a good way to learn to speak in passable tones? I don't want to sound screechy but, my normal voice, while a tenor, is not high enough to pass for a throaty woman.
I want to take this to the next level and I need some help.
Hugs,
Connnie

Do you have a fave female vocalist who is in your range? Pick a song, play it over and over whenever you can, while driving for instance. Learn it intimately, every note, the timing and intonation. Then begin practicing, singing in unison with the artist. Stick with it and in time you may amaze yourself at how well you can sing it, how good you sound and maybe even...at least for that one song, just how close you come to being indistinguishable from the recording.

Now. Simply practice staying in that voice when speaking. If you lose it, just go ahead and start singing your special song then, pause ever so briefly and, switch to everyday speaking.

Becoming proficient in that one song is fun, and it becomes a tone-portal you can activate just as you do almost without thinking with your mood, your sensitivity, your frame of mind & thinking, your overall graceful movement across the room, the side-to-side rhythm and grind of your booty as you walk, and all the tiny little gestures that come to you as you dress, sit in front of your mirror applying your makeup, primping and preening, slowly making your transition complete, from boy to girly-boy to girly-girl.

All I have to do now is softly hum my song when I begin transitioning. After awhile thats all you have to do to go to your girly voice - dont even have to sing - just a gentle humming becomes the key, taking you up to your other voice - as he becomes she, as you become her, I mean.

Practice practice practice! Remember...
Practice makes perfect.

[SarahLynn]

Another bit of advice, talk softly even when in loud locations. You will get the picture soon.

SarahLynn

[Jenna Lynne]

I've got a whole list of tips for voice on my blog (http://jennawillow.wordpress.com/2010/06/23/other-voices/). Have a look, and let me know if anything there is not clear, or not helpful.

Listening to women's voices on the radio and practicing those tones and inflections is a good tip ... but I would steer totally away from the idea that you should try singing songs along with female vocalists. The pitch range won't work, for one thing -- you'll be straining to hit the high notes, and even if you don't hurt yourself it will sound totally unnatural. But just as important, you won't learn a darn thing about normal speech inflections, because singing is not speech.

Jenna

[t-girlxsophie]

Can pull it off for a (very) short time,but more often than not I sound like Some Hideous Monty Python female character.
So I don't bother trying,after all I don't pass so It would be rather pointless mimicking female voice

[carhill2mn]

IMHO there are several things that one can do to sound more "feminine". There are many GGs/GWs with low voices but you can usually distinguish them as being female.

Most women tend to use softer sounding words or phrases; they speak less "authoritively"; they speak from "higher up" in the "voice box" thus changing the "timber" of their voice (this is not the same as speaking in falsetto); they use more hand and body gestures; they smile more (a friendly smile is, perhaps, your best "tool");
it is also important to appear to be confident and to not act as if you are afraid or embarassed and to act as if this is normal for you.

I do not have a naturally deep voice so it has been easier for me. I have never had anyone react strangely to my speaking voice and have conversed for as much as 10 to 15 minutes without any difficulty. It is important to practice and to be ready to speak as a "woman" when your are en femme.

Good luck, have fun!

[Katt GG]

Having a feminine voice isn't just all about pitch. It's also two other things: resonance and melodic intonation.

Resonance is that deep rumbling that you cause when you speak as a male. This happens because all the resonance happens in your chest area. In order to minimize this, you'll have to move the resonance from your chest to your head. A lot of Youtube videos recommend speaking from your male voice and raising the pitch until you feel the rumbling on your chest disappear and even going as far as to speak in falsetto. This is done so that you can learn to control your throat muscles and be able to move the resonance easily. Search for CandiFLA's or karmatic1110's voice videos for some more explanation on this.

Melodic intonation is that "sing-songy" type way that women speak. Men speak in a monotone type manner a lot of the time, but women often vary the way that they speak. This can be learned by observation or watching a lot of shows with women in them ;)

Hope these help!

Wow, I'm a GG and I learned a lot from your post.
Cool,
Katt GG

[SusanLaine]

I was out yesterday and passing just fine, having a good 'ol time...until I had to speak. Even speaking softly it was the one thing that let people read me. In fact, I believe it was the fact that I was trying not to speak that made it worse.

I've been studying the youtube videos (mostly moderately helpful) and I have Melanie Ann Philips DVDs but it's difficult to do entirely on your own since I can't really tell when I'm making progress.

Anyway, At Souther Comfort this year Kathe Perez will be there and she seems very good at voice feminization.

http://www.exceptionalvoice.com/voicefeminization.html

[suchacutie]

When we get the pitch and the upper-voice resonance under control, there is then the word usage to worry about...use of contractions, construction of sentences, etc.

I'm only beginning down that latter road, but I can see it's going to be very interesting...quite akin to learning a new language.

tina

[CharleneT]

HUGE topic ... a very short answer:

1. talk more softly and raise your pitch higher - but only to where you can speak comfortably and without sounding too "fake".

2. "Women's" speech is more about intonation, feminine language forms**, word choice and body language than it is about pitch. Spend most of your time on the non-pitch issues. The "sing songy" thing is very true, but it is also made up from specific intonations. Read on the net and you'll find plenty about those.

3. Women speak as much with their body as their mouth. Eyes and how they move is important. Men "stare", women "engage".

4. This will take practice, quite a bit of it, but you'll be surprised how helpful it can be to speak without worrying too much about how it sounds.... practice with a voice recorder if you can.

5. In a subtle way women are often trying to encourage "relating" over "information", they often speak in a way to keep a conversation going.

** things like tag questions, hedges, super polite structure etc...

[connie23]

Thanks for all of the really helpful suggestions. While at work today, I was listening more carefully to my GG friends and realized that you are right -- it is not about tone, it is about engaging and using intonation to convey interest.
I have started recording myself and will keep on practicing until I am ready to engage in a real world setting.
You are really great!
Hugs,
Connie

[bianca66]

This will allow you to hear the difference between a male and female voice

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7qSJ19f_QU

[txrobinm]

OK hear goes...

I'm a musician, so a lot of good tips up above. I HIGHLY recomment NOT using falsetto- that's right into Monty Python charicature territory. As a tenor, you're better suited to this than most, who are baritones or bass-baritones. There is pitch overlap between m/f voices, and you naturally speak there if you're a tenor (see "This is Your Brain on Music", by Daniel Levitin. Overlap area is roughly 'a' below mid c to about 'e' above mid c). That means to cut the resonance as stated above, and work with inflections. You'll probably sound "gay" (sorry, hard to think of another word that would fit this situation) to yourself instead of rocker-dude (most rock/pop male singers are tenors).

To get the resonance out of your chest and into your head, you'll want to breathe shallow (NOT use the diaphragmatic breathing a singer would use) while still pretending to yawn (this pretend yawn can help create more overtones, making it more ring-y) as you speak.

My wig shop manager coached me briefly, and cautioned me of going too high where it sounded strained, even before falsetto. This will probably not be a problem for you as a tenor, but the rest of us reading the post will need the clarification. Takes practice to speak with lot of inflection but within a fairly narrow range. I've allowed myself to relax a bit, not all the way to full male mode voice, but it's no good being super uptight, either. Especially if I'm with just a known friend or two, I'll lapse almost into my regular voice, moving it around depending on the situation.

As another friend said, part of it is confidence- the "holy grail" of passing as a woman is usually attainable only by those few who've been on hormones for 20 years, yet we'll ALWAYS pass 100% as trans-something. It's OK to be a crossdresser, it really is.

And GOOD FOR YOU FOR GETTING OUT THERE!!!!

[StaceyJane]

I just bought the CD from Kathe Perez. I've been listening to it and doing the vocal exercises while driving to and from work.

[Annaliese2010]

... but I would steer totally away from the idea that you should try singing songs along with female vocalists. The pitch range won't work, for one thing -- you'll be straining to hit the high notes, and even if you don't hurt yourself it will sound totally unnatural. But just as important, you won't learn a darn thing about normal speech inflections, because singing is not speech.Well it worked for me. But it's...hmm, hard to explain. No not scientific voice training...Oh IDK, it helps to make my voice transition is all; something that happens over the course of a few minutes - not like a snap of the fingers, ya know? More like... applying make-up and dressing. It's...a way to alter the 'mood-set' of my voice? Works for me.

Please let me clarify as I wish not to be responsible for misdirecting nor to frustrate and lead astray the yearnful efforts of those who so much desire to transgenderize their male speaking voice to enhance the pretty poem they have otherwise become in so many other ways: I chose A female vocalist who was just above and somewhat overlapping with my males upper vocal range. And I use A fave song of hers and know it intimately now and if I dare say so myself, I sound quite like her when I sing that one particular song. I'm not straining, and I agree with you, that one shouldn''t just randomly sing-along with female vocalists on the radio day to day (teehee). That's why it's so important to choose the right artist. That little technique alone has helped me define what is a very lovely (god, I'm shamelessly bereft of humility...I know, but duely so...lol) expressive, innocent and when in the mood (which, when am I not? :o) silky sultry sound; one that's natural and easy as pie; sweet but not too much; so that it's... yummy 'tasting' not yucky sweet.

Now that I 'own it' so to speak (my voice, that is), humming my song or even sub-vocalizing it is simply my way of 're-membering' my femme voice i.e. the voice that expresses the personality of she (muah) who is by default 'dis-membered' as in forgotten i.e. repressed most of the time, of necessity. My feminine voice does not sound eeenything like a Monty Python character (lol). Forgive me for being self-indulgent: my voice is sweet, but not too; is situated within the upper range of my natural voice, which is now higher than before; has variability in tone, tenor and pitch, in a manner that is seamless, non-stressed and so...allows me to just be me, say what I want to say, when I want to say it, to whomever I wish without forethought, worry or calculation, nor the need to 'self-monitor' by trying to gauge the 'reaction' in others. I love my voice, I love my body, I love my warm heart and deep soul. I go out whenever I am able and would love to even more - if I had an accepting local TG or GG gf for instance. So, all in all...maybe I'm atypical or lucky but... voice concerns? Nah uh, this girl's girly-girl through n through. Book-learning your way to a better voice is ok; a very male approach; and might be necessary for many - I guess. But to me it's intuitive; it's fun; a little work and a lotta 'tude. So sure am I that this is true, I am inclined to say on-cue: you can take that to the bank - boop boop de boop. :battingeyelashes:

Sheesh...

[lavistaa62]

Have you used the inflections/body language/language style in your "male" voice / persona as well? If so have you found it increases your connection with people or acts as a turn off. Just wondering if people would notice it if you are otherwise fully male. Seems to me it might be a useful tool in everyday life but I haven't even begun to develop the voice and mannerisms so I can't say. Just interested in your experience.

[Annaliese2010]

Have you used the inflections/body language/language style in your "male" voice / persona as well? If so have you found it increases your connection with people or acts as a turn off. Just wondering if people would notice it if you are otherwise fully male. Seems to me it might be a useful tool in everyday life but I haven't even begun to develop the voice and mannerisms so I can't say. Just interested in your experience.Brilliant question I think. I find a Female --> Male carryover happening with me but...it's something that requires thoughtful governing depending on who I'm with. I haven't embarrassed myself yet. I think I can communicate more effectively now, am more relaxed and expressive and find it easier to connect to people. I'm less guarded when communicating with GG women and get a lot more smiles and warmth, which always surprises and delights me. Not that they 'can tell' I'm TG, just that they feel they can open up to me, are relaxed and trusting - without my 'trying' to elicit this response. It's something I've never experienced before - so uptight was I around most GG women. I've only been a 'practicing TG' (for4 want of a better way to say it) for a couple years. This change in how GG women behave towards me is a very recent thing - started a few months ago maybe?

I do not feel the intimidation I used to feel before GG women, which came from some misguided sense of having to be very 'respectful' and helpful and yielding to all women all the time in almost all situations (because of my authoritative, genteel upbringing?). I'm not 'trying' so hard anymore to please just for the sake of pleasing based on the assumption that that's what your'e supposed to do. As a result, I believe they find my presence more pleasing. LOL.

I think being actively transgendered allows one to be more fluid and you automatically adjust to whats best. Your behavioral repertoire is expanded. This may be an inkling at what lies ahead in the future. For now I'm mostly either male/or female. But I suppose over time my feminine and male personalities will fully integrate and result in a new me that hopefully represents the best of both worlds.

This is a ways away though since it takes time to discover all that is naturally feminine in me and allow it to blossom and flourish, grow as much as it's going to, in however and to wherever it will. Once I've arrived and become as feminine as I will be, which I think I will intuit when that point arrives, I think the next step is integration. And that this will happen on its own accord resulting in a 'better me' that is more balanced and complete. How this will impact the lesser things such as how I dress or physically behave will be interesting to see. I doubt it will be as girly as or as male-like as is now the case depending on which side of the line I find myself at any given moment.

[lavistaa62]

Having a discussion with my SO I mentioned that it was only the "good parts" of being a woman that I tried to emulate. I knew what I meant at the time but upon reflection it's probably true that the good must come with the bad.

As one of the trolling males here has reflected; some CDs (not myself) tend toward the stereo typical male fantasies of women- lingerie etc. That's not the "good part" in my view. Instead, the ability to always, always have your loved ones understand that you will support them in all their decisions stands as the primary pillar of feminity in my book. Being smotheringly protective and adopting the air of the oppressed and relying on other people to support you would be a negative aspect of modern feminity.

The more I thought about these two aspects, the more it seemed they differ more in degree than sentiment. It's why I would be scared to transition as you seem to have been able to. The fear comes from the realization that I greatly underestimate the advantages of being male and gender's place in determining or fate.

[Diane Elizabeth]

That is my biggest problem. How to sound like a female. I have listened to the instructions and have tried the youtube stuff, but I don't get it. Are there any others out there that don't get the resonances and pitch and tempo and all that. I can't go out and buy a chromometer. The SO is around so I can't use any vocals for her to hear. I am at a loss.

[eluuzion]

Sound like a woman?
It's easy, repeat after me...

Honey...
I need some money for gas..
I need some money for groceries...
I need some money for the nail salon...
I need some money for the hair salon...
I need some money the health club dues...
I need some money to get my car washed...
I need some money for dinner, too tired to cook...

Oh, you mean "sound"...like noise...I get it now:heehee:

You can try out the free training info here...I have not investigated in depth as to what is free and what isn't, but it looks like it has potential...
http://www.genderlife.com/products-page/voicetutor

Ok, back to practice now..
Honey...I need some money for (fill in blank)

:love:

[jif]

There were many things said about the voice. I hope I can add some useful notes about other aspects of talking. You can read about those findings a lot in scientific literature, but I think that from studying women's communicative behavior yourself (in real life, movies, TV shows etc.) you can learn more. These things will make you just appear more convincingly to be a woman.


You may focus your attention to these points. Of course, they are only general tendencies:


Women in a conversation with men speak shorter than the men. A lot of talking like a women is remaining silent.
But in total women speak more than men.
Women don't succeed in taking a turn as often as men do. They let men talk first and allow them to interrupt them more often than vice versa. Again, remaining silent is sometimes appropriate.
Women don't lead a conversation as dominantly as men do. They often don't set the topic, they often don't change the topic.
Women use to some extent their own vocabulary. It's more emotional, non-technical and larger than men's. So you have to learn to actively use new words.
Women talk about other things then men. Their more prominent talking about family and social relations may be the most obvious difference from men. But also compare what a man would say to his male friends in a bar to what a woman would say. First of all, a woman would less likely meet her female friends in a bar but in a place where you can understand each other better and thus talk more profoundly and need not shout at each other.
Women are less confrontational in conversations. They more try to get along with other people instead of trying to be the winner in a talk. (Well, on average!)
Women speak softer, much more melodic, and let their emotions influence their voice more freely. This is very important. Just think how women voice their opinion to facts they hear or things they see. You have to learn a large set of eehs, uuhs, oohs and so on. You can see a similar behavior in discussions on the net. Women use emoticons much more frequently and intelligently than men. :heehee:
Women frequently give signals that they are still listening and understanding, e.g saying ah, um ....


As you see from this incomplete list, to talk like a woman it would be very helpful to think, behave, feel and have a social life like a woman as well.