Mystery Solved! Now I Have A Problem!

[Persephone]

Looks like Kimberly (and everyone) (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=135274) is right - I have a stalker.

This morning I was on my run a bit earlier when the guy who talked to me in the intersection yesterday came by again and waved from his car.

A few minutes later he came down the street the other way and rolled down his window, talking to me and motioning me over. I'm usually polite so I went over to say "Hello" and to see if I could finally figure out who he was.

He said something about seeing me running for the "third time" and I finally realized that he is the little old man who stopped me several weeks ago and spoke with me.

This time, when he took my hand he kept holding it and started kissing it.

He kept asking me to please take a walk with him. I was still trying to be polite, so I kept telling him that I couldn't, that I time my run, that I had to get home, etc.

I finally got my hand back, waved good-bye and set off down the street.

I know that this probably happens to GG's all the time (if you're reading this, I'd really appreciate your help!), but it is a bit novel to me.

So help! what do I do? I really think he is just some little old guy looking for love in all the wrong places and I really don't want to intentionally make him feel bad, but, on the other hand, I really don't need nor want his attention.

My best thought so far is to keep to my regular route and, when he comes by, just smile, wave, and keep going.

Right? Wrong? Help!

[Kathi Lake]

Barbara, trust your instincts - male or female. If he's giving off "the spooky vibe" then let your gut be your guide. If you feel he's harmless, let it be. If you feel this could turn dark, then you flee.

:)

Kathi

[Babette]

Persephone,

If you don't feel absolutely right about the entire situation, then follow your instincts, consider it a dangerous wrong and quickly back away. If he persists, then forcefully order him to back off and quickly seek an escape route. Don't lead him on by being nice if you don't want his attention. In the future, I would suggest that you carry a cell phone with you in case you need assistance. Speaking from experience, trouble will surprise you regardless of the offender's age.

Please be careful.

Babette

[Tranny Tee]

Don't worry about his feelings, your safety is more important. Read the sticky about self protection. Stay in well travelled areas, don't forget your cell phone and think about carrying pepper spray.

[Shananigans]

Ahbwhahaha! You leave that little old man alone, you vixen!

Yeah, just be polite and wave...make an excuse to leave him. If he gets too fresh, tell him yo daddy don't let you date. ;)

[Loni]

but get some mace/pepper spray. use the foam with die in it. not the "spray" it can be blown back into you by a light wind.

your safety is the most important thing.

.

[sterling12]

I don't know if you have a Stalker....more like a Browser? Since he didn't grab you when he had The Opportunity, nor did he do anything really weird besides kissing your hand; lets chock this one up to "lonely and bad technique."

I would give him a polite warning The Next Time it happens, "Thanks, but no Thanks," and if he still is a bother, let him know that you will be letting The Cops know about The Situation.

Too bad, he's probably old and "needful," but don't trust him! Remember that Movie, "The Red Dragon!" Maybe he's got a real pair of lethal Choppers hidden away in The Glove Compartment!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[abigail43]

If you don't want his attention then don't go out of your way to get it . When he motions to you just wave back and keep running .Saftey first this guy probably think's that because you dress you must be up for sex. Which I generally know this is not the case .So if thats what he wants may be it might be an idea to tell him you are not interested.

[Shelly67]

I wonder if this will help sweetie . my mother many years ago worked in a large bookstore . One guy kept coming in and once made it very clear of his intentions . In a very loud stern voice my mother remarked " Do you mind "!!
With that the guy stood there transfixed , embaressed and glowing red .
He never came back . Perhaps if you acted in a similar manner ....?
Good luck .

[eluuzion]

Looks like Kimberly (and everyone) (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=135274) is right - I have a stalker.

My best thought so far is to keep to my regular route and, when he comes by, just smile, wave, and keep going.

Right? Wrong? Help!


I would vary the time and the route for 3 consecutive days and see if he shows up anywhere. My guess is he will. He probably knows where you live too.

Hiya P,

I am in the “hide-n-seek in the real world” business. I’ve seen what “normal” people are capable of doing, given the right circumstances and stressors. I can assure you that those things are anything but normal. If you have even the slightest suspicion that you are a “target”, it should be taken seriously. I can guarantee you that a stalker does.

Want to know the most common (initial) mistakes a “victim” makes with a “stalker”?
1) They do not take it seriously.
2) They make excuses for the stalker’s behavior.

Sound familiar?

“Paranoia” is a word I hear often. It comes with the work I do.
My perspective is that by definition “paranoia” refers to a perceived “threat” when there is no physical evidence to suggest any potential “threat” exists. The keyword here is “potential”. In my world, ignoring or dismissing “potential” is being foolish and can be dangerous.

Having a plan in place to protect your family, yourself, and your possessions is not “paranoia”. It is common sense. (BTW, thinking, “it will never happen to me” is not a plan.) The time to formulate a plan is now, not when you are faced with danger.

Right now, my questions to you are…
Do you know his license plate number? Could you describe the make, model, year and unique aspects of his car? Could you describe him well enough for a sketch artist to produce a good facial sketch?

If you are interested in information on “stalking” issues, this is a link to what I consider to be one of the most informative resources on the issues.

http://www.esia.net/index.html

If you want some options on any specific concerns, I would be glad to help. Just send me a pm.

HaveFun/BeHappy,

E

[Mirani]

I understand that a good option is to give a nil response. Give him no reward. It is like a child being naughty to get some attention. As long as you make a response he will be happy and live in hope.

If he continues to "appear" inform your local police. Stalking is NOT a joke - research shows that someone who stalks is more likely than not likely to be a risk to safety.

Do NOT engage with him again. If he persists then inform the police. Take a note of his car number. Tell them you are being harassed by him and that you just want it to stop.

He may be a "little old man", but he is a LOM with a problem.
It may sound heavy, but (I wont go into it here) I have experience of such things.

Be careful
Don't engage
Report it to police if he continues.

All the best.

[erickka]

This is one of those times you must trust your gut. It will NEVER lead you wrong!

[Rogina B]

Simple,get a pic of him as well as the car and plate.That should do it,either way. And why are you letting him get hold of your hand,anyway???:2c:

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds like u have the same "problem" some American women have!:eek: They REALLY can't say, "NO"!:Angry3:

Years ago, while bumming around Europe, I kept hearing from American girls how difficult it was to travel thru certain countries without a male companion. Because the native men wouldn't leave them alone.:sad:

I asked a European man why the native women didn't seem to have the problems traveling alone that the USA girls did. He explained the native girls made it VERY clear if they weren't interested in a man! While American women were so nice and polite, even when they said, "No", it sounded like, "Yes", to him!:brolleyes:

[Victoria Anne]

trust your instincts , if you are questioning then there is a problem,be careful. I strongly recommend carring maze/pepper spray , personally I carry a gun (I am trained) and with great regret have had occassion to use , I have carried for 30 years used it once on the job, but my point remains the same BE CAREFUL YOUR SAFETY IS PARAMOUNT!

[Stephanie Miller]

My thoughts are: The first time you got close enough to his car when he could have potentialy been a problem ( I have a gun pointed at you - get in the car ) you made a mistake. The second time was not getting license and discription, then writting the info down and giving it to your wife -just in case.
I would still get this info for your own use, or in case anything turns up in the news from someone else having problems. THEN CHANGE YOUR ROUTE!
When you know a snake is going to cross your path - travel a differrent path.
Maybe this is the action of paranoya, but I try not to give myself enough rope to hang myself.

[Ze]

Be careful there, Persephone. I'm sure none of us here would want you to get hurt. If you're not feeling comfortable, then definitely avoid him. If you want to be nice about it, then yes, just smile and wave and keep going. Don't stop, no matter what he says. If it continues to bother you or he tries to get fresher, tell him firmly that he's making you uncomfortable and for him to please leave you be. (I know it's hard, especially if he comes off like some sweet old man. I unfortunately have experience with stalkers. You just have to say it. They won't or refuse to pick up on polite subtleties.) If he continues even after that, that's when you get the police involved.

No matter what, be very careful approaching his car again. You never know if somebody else might be in there.

Edit: I also agree with the points Stephanie Miller makes. Seriously, you can't be too careful in these situations.

[SuzanneBender]

Grabbing your hand an kissing it <----CREEPY.
Old guy grabbing your hand and kissing it <---UBER CREEPY even its the cute little cartoon guy from the Pixar cartoons.

Bottom line stay away from him. A lesson I learned in the military... Its a good idea never to take the same route twice. If you do you give the bad (creepy) guy the advantage.

If he finds you again just keep on going. Its rude but it is safe. If he persists explain to him that you are not interested and if he feels the need he could try kissing a cop's hand.

[Cynthia GG]

Kissing your hand when he doesn't really know you is not normal behavior. He does sound like a stalker. Everything I've read about handling a stalker indicates that you should NEVER give them anything that could be misconstrued as encouragement. If he speaks to you again, say something like, "Leave me alone or I will call the police," and then follow through -- call the police if he persists.

[Tina P Hose]

Maybe just flip him off next time that you see him. LOL !

[Mikaela]

Kissing your hand when he doesn't really know you is not normal behavior.

Ha! Amongst the older crowd, that's a form a chivalry and courtship.

He's a stalker in the sense that he's interested in you, but is he a STALKER? Not every guy who wants to make your acquaintance is out to get you. He may be a 'chaser', he may not realize his quarry either, or he could be a bad man. That said, you don't know what he is and that means using common sense to protect yourself (information, defense, avoidance, offense) whether you are of any gender or dress.

[Chickhe]

Get his license plate and other information as much as you can and keep a record with date, time and what he said, did. If he is a problem, later on you can get immediate help if you have some evidence otherwise, you will be told to ask for help the next time it happens (which is really the 4 th)... share the information with someone you are close to who can support your case later on if required. It is prudent. One thing to remember, you can report such unusal behavior to the police without hassle which could provide them help solving another crime by identifying a suspect...who could have targetted someone else before.

[Persephone]

Thank y'all for all of your posts. I knew that the collective wisdom of the ladies here would be the best and I was right!

Some really great advice! Somehow, I mostly feel that he is pretty much just a lonely old man who just wants attention, but as Mirani wrote, he could be a lonely old man with a problem.

I didn't get a chance to run/walk Wednesday morning because I had a meeting, and I won't have a chance Thursday either, but I have made sure that my little can of pepper spray is properly placed on my running pack.

I do always have my cellphone clipped to the front of my pack too.

I will make sure my spouse also has my notes handy -- that too was great advice!

Thanks everyone and huge hugs!
Persephone.

[AKAMichelle]

My best advice would be to tell him you are not interested in guys. That way you let him know that there is no chance with you. Then politely ask to understand and leave you alone.

[SandraAbsent]

Oh my sweety Barbara,

Please please just be careful. Thats the only advice I can give. You're one of my favorite members here and I would just be torn up if anything happened to you.

XOXO
Sandra

[charlie]

OK, you have a stalker. How to get rid of them is the question. I think I would ask the police how to get rid of him and if stalkers such as he is dangerous. You really do not have to go into true details, just get some facts.