Can Cross Dressing Become Feelings of Gender Dysphoria?

[Allyson Michelle]

OK, I've been CDing since, well forever. Idk why i started cuz before puberty, you don't really get a sexual thrill from it. But after puberty, i discovered that i did get a sexual thrill from it, so i did it a lot. Well here recently, those feelings have gone away, and I have come to just dress cuz it feels right. I don't do it for fun anymore. It has become a part of me.

Since I was just a little "boy" I always felt that something with me wasn't right. i thought it was the fact that i cross dress disgusted me, but it wasn't.

However i didn't show the typical signs of a child with gender dysphoria growing up. I played with boy toys and I was into sports, watching and playing them. That doesn't mean I didn't play with barbies and such, but for the most part, it was Transformers and wrestling action figures. I only dressed in private.

Now I STRONGLY believe i am TG. I have told most of my family except my dad and grandpa. I know that i need to seek therapy about this, but what if its just a false alarm. What if the therapist tells me that I'm not. i can't just go back to being normal after I've told half my family that i am TG.

I know I've asked a similar question about this before, but I'm just SO confused about myself and I'm looking for guidance from you all.

Please Help.

[celeste26]

Quick find a gender therapist they are equipped to deal with issues like this and if it is truly TG they can offer a recommendation for HRT.

[Kathi Lake]

Celeste is correct. Most of us here are not gender therapists, and I let my license lapse years ago. We can't therefore give you advice. We can give you support, though, and do so freely. Many of us have been there before, have felt the same feelings. We are all on a very wide gender spectrum and even different areas on the whole transgender spectrum. There are those who felt exactly as you do who are now women. There are those who felt exactly as you do who are now, . . . well, . . . the exact same. There are those who felt exactly as you do who are in a kind of "middle-state" to coin a phrase from Sara Jessica. Those people, like myself, may never transition at all for a variety of reasons.

What I'm trying to get across to you is that you are you. You are not us. You need to work through this on your own - preferably with a therapist familiar with gender issues. Only then will you know where you belong.

Still, we're here for you every step of the way - no matter which path you take.

Kathi

[Katelyn]

I would also strongly recommend talking to a Gender Therapist. They can find out how you feel, if it caused depression or not, etc. etc. I never played with dolls growing up. There's a lot of "Key Factors" that didn't apply to me. I decided to finally seek help because it was on my mind all the time. The thereapist can help you find out if you have gender dysphoria or not. If they decide that you are, they can help you move forward with your life and transition. And if both of you and the therapist agree that you are not transgendered, then they may tell you something along the lines of keep doing what you're doing and that Crossdressing is ok. I hope this helps.

[shayleetv]

Don't be worried about what you are not, embrace what you are. Since your not sure, and I speak from first hand knowledge, GET TO A THERAPIST!!!! We (m2f) are all transgendered. The scale on which we ride from black to white has a spectrum like my computer screen, millions and millions of shades in between. We function better when we know our own personal spectrum. You need a professional who can help you decide where that is. My professional not only helped me but also helped my wife understand my personal spectrum. Don't worry about what you have said to others. That can all be clarified when you really know what you are. Good fortune and get started.
Shaylee

[Sally24]

Since you've been crossdressing for years, then you are TG. That covers the whole spectrum of gender variants. I think you'll find that many here have gone thru this exact same feeling. I didn't dress fully until I turned 50, and then went out, and out and out....

At this point I identify more with my female part than my male. In another time and place I could be possibly a TS. That's not uncommon as a CD ages and learns, they find out more about themselves. Many of us have had some counceling and I think for the most part it helps. Go to a gender specialist though becuase many councelors don't know the first thing about us!

[VeronicaMoonlit]

There are those who felt exactly as you do who are in a kind of "middle-state" to coin a phrase from Sara Jessica.

We call it "the middle path" on another board of my acquaintance.


What I'm trying to get across to you is that you are you. You are not us. You need to work through this on your own - preferably with a therapist familiar with gender issues. Only then will you know where you belong.

Good advice, though I was so full of self doubt that I asked others what they thought I was. Not that it helped, much, or that people were willing to say in public.


Still, we're here for you every step of the way - no matter which path you take.

Kathi

Yes, indeed.

Veronica Rogers

[TGMarla]

I know that for me, it magnified a feeling that had likely been there all along. I'm transgendered, and dearly wish that I'd have been born female instead. This feeling has intensified over the years as my crossdressing has become more frequent and involved.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

the short answer is YES

crossdressing is a fundamental way to express your femaleness...i have often thought of the word femininity vs femaleness...some men, and most women enjoy feeling feminine.

i can tell you from my own experience that i love my clothes but in the past they meant something different to me....i don't like them less, i just feel differently...they are just my clothes..

[Faith_G]

Don't worry about your childhood activities so much. I wasn't Barbie obsessed either, I spent my childhood either playing with toy cars and trucks or taking apart everything in the house.

Like you, I started cross dressing well before puberty. I think the sexual thrill during puberty happens because we are able to be ourselves and that excites us on many levels - including sexually. With all those teenage hormones raging we get "excited" pretty easily, and being able to express our gender is powerful stuff. Once the hormones settle down, so does the excitement.

[Midnight Skye]

I concur with seeing the therapist. But otherwise your story sounds exactly like mine... not that your ending should match... unless you want it to ;) But I always felt weird growing up... detached from my bodies puberty... envious of girls I grew up without knowing fully why. And then crossdressing like crazy behind the scenes... both sexually and otherwise. It is a horribly confusing way to grow up... and unraveling it takes time. A therapist can help you unravel what you feel inside and help you find the answer you need.

Now... from the sounds of it... if you felt deep enough to tell your family you're TG... you sound like you're in the same bloody spot as me. I'm getting ready to tell my family I'm TG. I know I'm TG and I want to live that way. But as I look to move forward... its so freaking scary it actually makes me question if I am transgendered. Sounds like you're thinking the same thing. You're at that cusp where its becoming harder to go back... its new ground and a huge change in life. What you're really asking yourself right now is can you live transgendered? And that's a tough question... get to the therapist and kick your thoughts around, and keep posting these questions ;)

[Melissa A.]

Your question could be phrased the other way around: Does Gender Dysphoria manifest itself through the need to crossdress? The answer? It could. I started dressing when I was 5. But my feelings that there was something wrong-that every time someone called me a little boy, they were maybe making a horrible mistake-were present a year or two before that. Maybe sooner, although I can't remember anything earlier than around age 3-1/2. Outwardly engaging in typical male activities for your age isn't uncommon in people born transsexual, male and female. Happens all the time. There's alot of confusion and mixed messages there. Hell, despite my persistent feelings that someone was gonna pick me out of a line in gym class and say, "Hey you-you don't belong here!", I tried very hard to fit in, and it didn't always feel wrong. What felt wrong at that age was me, in general, and I had no idea how to express it. But I did dress. It made me feel...well, right. And I was ashamed and scared of it at the same time, always fearful that someone would find out. I happened to have been an active kid, and very good at physical activity, and later on, athletics. When adults and friends encourage you to pursue something you are seemingly good at, well, ya do that. But while I didnt play with girl's toys much, There was always a part of me that felt like I should be at least be hanging out with the girls. And before 6 or 7, the time when boys and girls start to really segregate, I did. And I remember clearly feeling sad when that started coming to an end. But the girls wanted me around less and less, and the boys wanted to be my friends, and wanted me to do boy things with them, so what was I supposed to do? I did that.

I'm sorry to go on about me so much in your thread. Guess I'm trying to say don't put alot of stock in outward appearances or activities. Find your feelings, talk to a professional, and find them some more. Fact is, while there are a ton of common experiences and feelings, there is no typical transsexual, despite what you may see on say, 20/20.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Rianna Humble]

I don't think that cross-dressing can become a feeling of Gender Dysphoria, but I do know that it can help you to recognise those feelings.

I had buried my sense of being in the wrong body so deep I had almost convinced myself that I was not unhappy being a man. I still didn't relate in the same way as others, but I had done a pretty good job of lying to myself.

Last year, I started getting down and losing sleep to the extent that I had to choose either to accept that I was (at the very least) a cross-dresser or to commit suicide, and there seemed more future in accepting who I am.

After I had been cross-dressing for a while, I recognised that I just couldn't go on any longer burying my feelings and just knew that I had to transition.

Each of us is different, and what was right for me might not be right for you, so I would echo the other advice you have already received to consult a therapist as soon as possible.

[LisaM]

Lots of good answers here, Allyson. There are many of us here that started dressing before puberty. You need to find a therapist who is knowledgeable in gender issues.

[Allyson Michelle]

your story sounds exactly like mine... not that your ending should match... unless you want it to ;) But I always felt weird growing up... detached from my bodies puberty... envious of girls I grew up without knowing fully why. And then crossdressing like crazy behind the scenes... both sexually and otherwise. It is a horribly confusing way to grow up... and unraveling it takes time. A therapist can help you unravel what you feel inside and help you find the answer you need.

Now... from the sounds of it... if you felt deep enough to tell your family you're TG... you sound like you're in the same bloody spot as me. I'm getting ready to tell my family I'm TG. I know I'm TG and I want to live that way. But as I look to move forward... its so freaking scary it actually makes me question if I am transgendered. Sounds like you're thinking the same thing. You're at that cusp where its becoming harder to go back... its new ground and a huge change in life. What you're really asking yourself right now is can you live transgendered? And that's a tough question... get to the therapist and kick your thoughts around, and keep posting these questions ;)

You have no idea how much that statement above puts me at ease! To know that I'm not the only person who didn't have a typical TG childhood.

I thought there were "rules" to this. Even though I feel the way that I do, and have always had a rough idea for as long as i can remember, I though a therapist wouldn't see it as such because of me being rather manly in childhood and adolescence.

Maybe the CDing was my way of coping with this. I was SOOOO afraid to tell anyone about it because I was afraid of being shunned by my own flesh and blood. But now that I have told most of them, I have no idea what I was afraid of! I WISH I HAD TOLD THEM WHEN I WAS 13! If so, I would probably already be physically sound with my mind. I would already be known as Allyson to all of my friends.

I think its was also because I was lying to myself that I didn't come around sooner. Because I tried so hard to be a man. To be masculine, grow a beard, hang out with the guys and watch football non stop from Friday to Sunday! I think I still will watch football, I just don't think the guys (being my male friends) would approve of this new me. Maybe they would, but I'm gonna make 110% sure this is who I am before I tell anyone else.

Thanks again Skye, you truly are a life saver.

And to everyone else that answered, I truly do appreciate your support and understanding. :hugs:

I know first thing is see a therapist, but I need a job first. So I'm off to the drawing board!!

[Katelyn]

I felt the same way as some of you too. I hid and supressed things I liked when I was a child. Everytime I was told something like "boys don't play with those toys" or "boys don't watch cartoons like She-Ra, My Little Pony and Care Bears" I just accepted it as natural to pretend to not like something. There is no rule book to this. I waited until last year to see a therapist because even though I knew how I felt, I thought that the only ones that see therapists and transition are the ones who feel suicidal. I'm happy to say that this was false. Unfortunately, most documentries are based on extreme cases like that.

[AnonyMouse]

Atypical childhoods happen more than you might realize, and I think it's really important that those of us who had them speak up about it. I'm FTM, and I was totally into girls' toys as a kid, but from a very young age I wanted to be "one of the boys."

Natal girls play with boys' toys quite regularly as kids. Usually they're called "tomboys." If it's acceptable for them, it's acceptable for you, too.

Anyway, if you strongly believe you're transgendered and your therapist disagrees, it's time to find a new therapist. No one, no matter what snazzy credentials they may hold, is entitled to tell you what is or isn't going on inside your own head. (They can help you figure it out sometimes, but that's a different thing altogether.)

[Empress Lainie]

Solely from reading so many posts of people that realize they are truly female persons after crossdressing for years; YES I think CD may SOMETIMES be the first indication if they person did not already KNOW they were the other sex.