SA Loses Sale

[lingerieLiz]

Had some erands to run today. Shorts, sandals, t-shirt style top. Top was light colored and while bra didn't show through the outlines were obvious. As I was driving by the outlet mall I remembered that they had a Bali... store in the outlet mall. I've purchased bras there before so I decided to stop and see what they had. The store was as empty, except for a whole new set of staff, as many stores are today.

As I was looking at bras an older SA asked what I was looking for. Told her a bra and before I could say anything else she asked "What size does your wife wear?" I just told her what size I was looking for. Then she started 20 questions with "She prefer underwire or not... padded or not... I ansered "I prefer ... to each of her questions. I started to say "Hey it's for me!", but I only found one bra that I liked, it had a cute pair of matching panties too. The funny part was I was standing in front of her with my Cs stairing her in the face with cup lines showing through my top. I figured she didn't want to sell anything and I wasn't going to buy a bra without trying it on. Besides I was headed to another store anyway. So I just walked out. I figure they will have a new set of staff soon.

[sterling12]

A Courteous Letter to Company Headquarters would seem in order. They like to know when their employees do either good, or bad. I would imagine you will get a reply, an apology, and a Mea Culpa from that particular Store Manager. Bet she'll be ringing your cell phone off the hook!

If you do this, bet you get treated better The Next Time you stop in. Heck, I bet everybody will get treated better The Next Time they stop there. I bet The SA's suddenly get treated to Sensitivity/Diversity Training. Management really likes The Color Green!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Freddy12]

Some people are so set in their sterotypes that they don't notice anything. Is it possible that she was totally oblivious? I'd rather think that she didn't notice how you were dressed, but maybe she was trying to discourage you. I know that I too often look for the negative in comments when cd'ing.

[victoriamwilliams1]

She sounds like she was one fry short of a kids meal!

[AKAMichelle]

A Courteous Letter to Company Headquarters would seem in order. They like to know when their employees do either good, or bad. I would imagine you will get a reply, an apology, and a Mea Culpa from that particular Store Manager. Bet she'll be ringing your cell phone off the hook!

If you do this, bet you get treated better The Next Time you stop in. Heck, I bet everybody will get treated better The Next Time they stop there. I bet The SA's suddenly get treated to Sensitivity/Diversity Training. Management really likes The Color Green!

Peace and Love, Joanie

I think is excellent advice. Besides you might even get a coupon for that bra for free.

[lingerieLiz]

They have such high turnover at that store that I would guess she won't be there next week. She wasn't discourteous just oblivious. I find that when shopping, and I do a lot of it, a lot of sales women don't seem to acknowledge the obvious. On the other hand why should they. If I'm shopping for a bra they don't know if it is for me until I let them know. They really treat me about the same as my wife gets treated. But, when I say, "I like the fit of the Wacoal do you have something similar?" they usually are more than happy to show me bras.

[Pythos]

Hold the phone here.

Am I the only one noticing an incongruity here.

Am I mistaken to think that the op was enfem, or were they dressed as described as a man?

I am confused as to why the sales associate (I used to think they were called sales person, or sales lady, or saleman LOL), would ask you what your wife wanted, if you looked like a woman looking for a bra.

I may have missed a detail here.

If I were in this situation, and I was in my fem mode, I would be straight forward and tell the person what I am there for. I have done it for a corset for my costume, but I was in obvious male mode. :)

[Shananigans]

Hold the phone here.

Am I the only one noticing an incongruity here.

Am I mistaken to think that the op was enfem, or were they dressed as described as a man?

I am confused as to why the sales associate (I used to think they were called sales person, or sales lady, or saleman LOL), would ask you what your wife wanted, if you looked like a woman looking for a bra.

I may have missed a detail here.

If I were in this situation, and I was in my fem mode, I would be straight forward and tell the person what I am there for. I have done it for a corset for my costume, but I was in obvious male mode. :)

I have to agree with Pythos what the heck? So, you were clearly dressed as a woman and she continued to ask what size you wife wore...even after you said, "I prefer..." to her the first time around?

I'm confused.

If that's the case, I sure would write a letter to the company.

[Tranny Tee]

Liz, I am very sorry, but it appears that you didn't pass.

[Nicole Erin]

I would have flat out said it was for me and not thought twice about it.

In fact no, I would have given my ex-wife's bra preference cause we pretty much liked the same ones.

[lingerieLiz]

I'm sure that I didn't pass as I was in male mode shopping by myself. I was wearing a pair of women's shorts and a cream colored t-style top which was snug enough to show bra lines in the front where the seams came across. But to give some leeway it wasn't standout obvious from across the street.

The SA or whatever you would like to call them, asked if she could help. I told her I was looking for a bra. From then on it was a lecture about how to buy my wife a bra and how much I needed to know. I didn't mind that she assumed it was for my wife before she could clearly see me and I told her three times that "I preferred X or that isn't the style I like. I could also see that she looked directly at my chest on more than one occasion. I could have jumped up and down and told her that "It's for me!!!", done that, been there. When I asked her if they had any of their Lace Desire bras it was obvious that I knew a little bit about their product. She didn't want to wait on me or just refused to accept that a man would wear a bra. She also ignored a woman who walked in during the conversation. She never moved more than a couple of feet from where she was when I walked into the store.

As for telling her it was for me, I was shopping in a store one day and liked a particular bra. The SA asked what size my wife was and I told her that the bra was for me. She looked at me and said NO. It just blew her mind. She turned around and walked away to wait on two women. I was running out of time so I left. The next day I came back because I really liked the bra and had some time to kill. A different girl was in the department. I told her I liked the bra and would like to try it on. She said fine. As I was walking out of the dressing room the older woman from the day before was walking in. She about had a heart attack.

[Rachel Morley]

I would say this is a difficult one for us here to call as we don't know how you were presenting or acting.

If you were fully en femme and doing your best to pass and you still got this attitude then I do think you have cause for complaint but if you were in boy mode or girly-boy mode (even with C cup breasts) then this SA just might be a little "disconnected" (to put it nicely :)) ... and perhaps wasn't listening to your "I" statements ... or maybe (?) even when you said "I" she might have even thought you were some sort of dominant husband who decides what his wife wears for underwear. Who knows? Anyway, my point is let's not jump to conclusions about what this (probably lovely GG) was thinking. :2c:

[MrKunk]

Most the sales associates I have dealt with lately are extremely polite and only want to
help, what area do you live in? Are a lot of your sales associates like that?

[Ronni Seymour]

Give the SA a break. Not everyone is going to accept and agree with our crossdressing. Fact of life! And we shouldn't turn around and get an attitude when they don't.

[windycissy]

Live and let live, that's my credo...it's unfortunate that your feelings were hurt, but we really don't know what was inside the head of that SA, if she's like most people in this economy she really needs that job. You were right to vote with your feet and take your business elsewhere, leave it at that.

[Pythos]

You just said you were shopping as a man.....wearing a fully visible bra.

I think I would have a hard time serving you.

and I am a very open minded person. But being one of variant fashion ideas I would find you going about like that as nothing more than an absolute punch in the face to getting people to try to accept us. We all need to put across a positive image.

It would be like a Goth going about feeding the stereotypes that goths are rude, mean and twisted. Which is not true for the most part. CDs have the unfortunate styma of being perverts, which is unwarranted. But you walking about as a man, wearing a bra, just feeds that stereotype.

Remember, when people see a man, they do not expect to see visible bra straps. Just like when they see a woman they do not expect to see Breasts AND a beard.

This would put most people off. I know I would be put off.

[Renee]

Liz, I went shopping for bras at a Lane Bryants last week. (I was in total drab). The SA asked if she could help me and I told her that I was looking at the bras. She started with the same type of questions concerning my wife. I just kindly looked her in the eye and said I am looking for a bra for myself. She just smiled and said, well lets see what we have in your size. I gave her the size and we went thru the entire line of bras with her picking out one in each style that they had in my size. Then she said follow me and you can try them on to see which ones you like. They were having their buy 2 bras get 2 free sale. She even kept looking in storeroom while I was trying on bras and brought 2 more that she found there. I finally settled on 4 new bras and bought them with a smile and left. Shopping can be so much fun and I am always right up front about the fact that I am shopping for me. I always shop in drab. If you arent treated properly I am a firm believer in letting the management know. Good luck in your future shopping trips.

[BRANDYJ]

Give the SA a break. Not everyone is going to accept and agree with our crossdressing. Fact of life! And we shouldn't turn around and get an attitude when they don't.

Bravo! I agree. Who says anyone has to accept, like or understand our lifestyle. If never educated on the topic because they have never been around another CD in the family, it is expected that they think we are all sex crazed weirdos! You can thank Jerry Springer and shows like his for all the bad exposure most people get.

We all have our limits of what we like or will tolerate in our lives. We are all somewhat judgmental about some things. Especially things we don't understand.

[sissystephanie]

I would have to agree with both Ronni and Brandy. You said she was new, so she probably did not know much about CD's and even less about men buying bras. In my over 70 years of being a CD I have run into all kinds of SA's. But, I always treat them with respect! They are trying to do a job to make money. Sometimes they are good at it, but sometimes not! But they are still a human who needs to be treated as one!!

Sometimes I shop for femme clothes enfemme and sometimes in drab. But I always let the SA know upfront that the clothes are for me! Regardless of how frilly or lacy they are. And since my dear wife passed away I go out shopping dressed enfemme but looking like a man most of the time. My late wife always did my makeup and fixed my wig! I don't bother with either.

A letter to corporate headquarters might be appropiate, but let them know how you were dressed and why. That is only fair to the company!

[sandra-leigh]

You just said you were shopping as a man.....wearing a fully visible bra.

Bra seems were visible for the original poster, not the full bra. I am not the original poster, but I have sometimes worn a pretty visible bra (e.g., a contrasting colour underneath something that was't thick); I've never had any difficulty beyond a few odd "Hah!"'s.



and I am a very open minded person. But being one of variant fashion ideas I would find you going about like that as nothing more than an absolute punch in the face to getting people to try to accept us. We all need to put across a positive image.

It would be like a Goth going about feeding the stereotypes that goths are rude, mean and twisted. Which is not true for the most part. CDs have the unfortunate styma of being perverts, which is unwarranted. But you walking about as a man, wearing a bra, just feeds that stereotype.

Your assessment does not appear to be in accordance with the reality of the area I live in. I have gone around "gender-bending" (a guy in a dress, a guy in a skirt, a guy with a 40G bust) in four of Canada's 7 largest cities, with seldom a discouraging word, and never been called "pervert" in the 6 years I've been doing it.

I go around to so many places gender-bending that I have de facto become many people's introduction to gender variation, with (as far as I can tell) a fair number of people coming to decide in short order "I guess it might all seem odd when you look at it that way, but he's a nice guy and dresses well; he doesn't come across weird or perverted at all."



Remember, when people see a man, they do not expect to see visible bra straps. Just like when they see a woman they do not expect to see Breasts AND a beard.

Well, you can "own" that social restriction and accept it into yourself, or you can politely challenge it without making a fuss.