How'd you feel when you started hormones?

[Ze]

I'm not really talking about physical or mental changes the hormones themselves caused over a certain time, but rather what you were feeling before your choice to start hormones, when you decided to start hormones, and when you actually did start them. Dysphoric? Anxious? Happy? Sad? Relieved? Unsure?

What pushed you to finally start the process?

I know the stories of others probably won't help push me to start my transition, but I'm still curious.

[Frances]

Totally sure when I decided, but a little unsure when I started (for a few minutes only).

Everything, and I mean everything, that happened thereafter on hormones has been congruous with my identity. Never was there a moment when I went: I don't want that to happen, or I wish I could keep that!

[Angel.Marie76]

Before I started Hormones?

I would have to say that, in hindsight, I saw hormones as the chance for me to really move forward with who I felt I was inside. Crossdressing, and presenting out in the public eye, had some meaning to it, but I just felt incomplete.. like I was still just pretending to be who I was.. that I was, for all intensive purposes, just dressing up, as though I really didn't have the nerve to go through with it all..

WHEN I decided to start hormones?

It was all hurry up and waitwaitwait!!! I almost started to loose my mind while I went over all the things in my mind that might or would happen WHEN I decided to get that first shot. For me, though against other's beliefs, I felt like starting HRT was a no-turning-back concept. If I was going to put myself into that situation, I'd rather die than stop once I started. I must have went over all the if-thens and then-somes over and over again, trying to work through all the possible outcomes. Now, I did generally go through these thoughts before I decided to start, however the determination I gained to dig so very deep multiplied once I decided that I wanted to move forward. One step at a time I reviewed everything, brought it up with my therapist, my closest family, my SO.. even my child (11), and then started talking to all my TG/TS friends.. more research.. finding a good Endo, telling my PCP, etc. I actually made myself wait nearly an entire YEAR from the point where I decided I wanted to push the button before I scheduled my first appointment with my Endo. Less than a month later, I received my prescription for Spiro, and 3 weeks after that, my Estro supplies.

THE day I started....

Unfortunately, I was so absolutely anxious and wound up, that I basically didn't eat well, and so I suffered a bit when the time came. I was so very nervous, (1) because I was going to be starting HRT!!!! (It was to be my new birthday!!!) and (2) Oh Sh!t, I'm getting a shot.. um.. where??? To quote the Furby: Oh Oh! Worrrrry.

I was nearly floored when I was told (surprise) I'd be giving myself my first shot, BY MYSELF!! *panic mode kicks in now* My heart was racing with so much emotion as this was the first time I'd ever put a needle to my flesh like this.. the anxiety nearly put me out on the floor. I did it, it was a rush, and then, nearly, bit it hard. Ten minutes later my body stabilized and I was up and out with the biggest smile on my face.. because from that day on, I was relieved to feel that I was finally starting down the path I'd been fighting for, for 20 years..

...and to this day it has been the most satisfyingly comfortable thing I feel that I've ever been able to do for myself, bar none.

[Karen564]

Sorry Ze,

That's a time period I don't want to think, re-live or talk about anymore...because I was such a total wreck back then...so all I can say is......... I was in a very very very very bad place..:straightface:

But can say after I started on HRT, I immediately knew it was right for me & felt SO much better soon after....:)

5 years later, I still feel great !........., mind body & spirit & all that....but of course I've still had my share of ups & downs along the way to get to the point where I am now....
:hugs:

[Laurie Ann]

Before hormones I was a very angry person knowing I was not in balance with my life.I started hormones to save myself and my sanity. I have been on hormones for over a year and for the first time I feel comfortable in my skin as who I am because I now have control. From the time my endo doc prescribed it to today Ifinally feel at peace with myself and happy.

[Ze]

Okay, follow-up question(s):

How heavily did you weigh the negative side-effects of hormones before you started them? Were/are you worried about them at all?

[Thornton]

Before T: man, if I could just get T, if I could just get T, if I could just get T

After T: I wish this would work faster, I wish this would work faster, I wish this would work faster

Settled into T: Why the **** is this shit so goddamn expensive?

(eh, sorry. I'm moody today)

As for the negative effects of T, it came to the point where I didn't care if it would kill me in a year. I'd rather live a month as a man than as a woman til I'm 90.

[sandra-leigh]

How heavily did you weigh the negative side-effects of hormones before you started them? Were/are you worried about them at all?

Until recently the various possible side-effects kept me from looking seriously at taking them, even though I had a "nagging feeling" that someday I was going to try them.

Recently I said to myself approximately "The various sites list so many scary possible side-effects as to be nearly useless: it is silly to be afraid of what-might-be's and time to start investigating what the effects would be on me. Doesn't mean I will definitely take them, doesn't mean I won't, but at least the decision will be an informed one based upon my own biochemistry."

Yes, the potential side-effects scare me, but I'm starting to transcend that, to find out what is realistic, what would be managable if it does happen to show up, what the "you just fall sick without notice and never get better" possibilities are, and so on.

[Veronica_Jean]

Ze,

As I started down the transition road, I had a lot of fears, concerns and was really nervous about it all. I really wanted to make sure everything felt right before I took another step.

My third therapy session, I decided I needed to see for myself if taking the HRT step was right for me. I had read all the stuff to read, and well.. If you read enough things you find you should not eat, or sleep, or breath, etc. So I figured I had very little to lose by starting. If things didn't seem to be good, I could always stop.

I was nervous about asking, but I had decided if I didn't push myself at least a little I would just go in circles for another decade (I will be 55 this year).

Then the big delay happened. Trying to find a doctor to prescribe them. My family doctor has a couple of other trans patients and felt comfortable doing it. Then she wanted me to go to the nearest big city and have then setup the regime, which she would follow. In the end, she started me on estrogen injections (since that to me is the best delivery method) and the rest is history. My blood work shows typical levels for a female so I am happy.

In the end, I am happy I moved forward rather than being afraid of "what may happen".

Veronica

[Karen564]

Okay, follow-up question(s):

How heavily did you weigh the negative side-effects of hormones before you started them? Were/are you worried about them at all?

No worries at all...None..

:drink:

[Sandra Dunn]

I am at the very beginnings of the HRT.

I have done a ton of research over the past few years concerning just about everthing TG. I have gone out many times and have been dressed for several days as a woman. I present as female about half the time if not more. In fact my boy clothes take up omly about 18 inches of one closet while my girl clothes take up two more full closets. I think I have maybe 3 pairs of mens pants and my jeans are womens.

The thing that got me to seriously look into transitioning was I hated doing yard work or other type of work that when I bent over my boobs would fall out or end up in wierd position. I thought I can do all I want to do as a woman with real boobs.

Then as I researched the medications I thought why take all those extra pills when a simble out patient surgeory would remove all that unwanted testosterone.

First step was to find a therapist and I found one who is very knowledgeable in TG issues. She was impressed with the amount of research I have done and has agreed after two sessions to write the first letter to get staarted on the mones, identifacation and name change and the removal of the unneeded testies.

My next step is to find a Dr near by for the surgeory and cost. I have a Dr for the mones already and she has help with the research.

To me there is one step which will cause some issues and that is when I announce to the world, actual family and all, that I am no longer that other person and that I am changing things to be me.

List of things to do all at once

Name & Gender change, court
Legal documents updated, DL, SS, etc
Surgeory
HRT
Job
New apartment, not divorcing yet just seperating for now

I figured if I am going to do this then let's do it. My bottom end will be some time down the road due to cost and I have been working my way along the spectrum looking for my balance point.

I enjoy being a woman and I am looking forward to my transitioning.

HUGS Sandra

[Kieron Andrew]

Before T: man, if I could just get T, if I could just get T, if I could just get T

After T: I wish this would work faster, I wish this would work faster, I wish this would work faster

As for the negative effects of T, it came to the point where I didn't care if it would kill me in a year. I'd rather live a month as a man than as a woman til I'm 90.

pretty much the same train of thoughts as Thornton...once i started to notice changes, i immediately felt a sense of relief...now i don't give it a second thought

[cdLainie]

before i started i was angry little things would make me blow up. depression was my constant friend.I was a little worryedabout side affects because i had a natural hormone imballance and i woundered how things would interfere, i had migranes 2-3 times a week and very mild seizures . now im happy most of the time and the doctor got the right ballance of things so now i have fewer migranes and seizures.makes me wish i hadn't waited so long.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Ze, I knew the possible side-effects and the risk factors for my age before I started HRT and made sure I knew all the symptoms to watch out for.

That however did not deter, delay, or hinder my decision to move forward with HRT. It was actually one of if not the best decision I have ever made.

[Nicole Erin]

Kind of what Thorton said.

It was nice to start but seeing how a lot of TS say that they have only subtil effects, that it is not a magic pill to womanhood, I hardly give a crap if I have them or not.

There don't seem to be any real studies of long term effects of HRT, and yes I do kind of worry about side effects like hoping I don't just drop over dead one day before my time.

I think T is probably more effective for the FTM than what MTF HRT is.

People are always looking for a magic pill to fix all. Overweight, sadness, ugliness, tiredness, there is no magic pill.

[DanielMacBride]

Pre-T: I researched as much as I could about the effects of T so I knew what I would be getting into, but there was never a time when I didn't want to be on it. I knew from literally as soon as I figured out that my identity wasn't completely female, even before I realised I am actually completely male, that I wanted T, and never doubted it (beyond a few times asking myself "am I doing the right thing?" and always getting a resounding "YES!" back).

On T: the minute I had my first dose of T the relief was HUGE. Finally I was on the road I should have been born on. Even before I started to notice changes, just the psychological effect of being on T was absolutely massive. And once I started noticing changes, pretty much what Thorny said, I wanted them all NOW lol. Now that I am 2yrs in though, I am kind of at the same time very settled in my own skin and yet I hate this body more than I ever did pre-T - I LOVE the body hair, the changed shape, the facial hair, the voice, and all the other things that T has given me that are masculine, but the things I can't change because I can't afford surgery are seriously becoming more and more distressing all the time. And yet, I seem to be better able to deal with things than I ever did before T - I am still depressed and have the same issues I did before I started, but I deal with them differently (sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes not). The biggest change for me though is that the T has absolutely solidified my identity. Regardless of what others see or interpret, I know EXACTLY who I am and what my gender is, and NOTHING can make me doubt it.

Side effects of T: I researched this, but my attitude is, if I take T, I get the same effects (good and bad) as every other guy who has T naturally in his system. Genetic guys don't get to pick and choose what effects they have from T, and neither do I. If I get pattern baldness, so be it, it's part of being male. If I get a beer gut, so be it - part of being male. If I have cholesterol issues or heart issues or any of the other stuff that males are more prone to, none of that bothers me because all the other guys in the world are at just as much risk of those things as I am - I'm a guy, why would I expect to be able to pick and choose what effects T has on me? I signed up for the entire experience, and that's what I want and will get. A lot of it I will love, some maybe not so much, but it's all part and parcel of being male and as such, I accept it as exactly that.

[Nicole Erin]

Yeah Ze, when you do get on T, your body will change more into masculine.
MAle pattern baldness - that could happen. Beer gut - well, lay off the beer, however, I do believe, from the way some drunk guys act, that beer has some form of testosterone. :heehee: Maybe it is kind of a psychological T, kind of like when a woman watches some sappy chick flick and feels all estrogenny*.

The FTM might know this but I wonder if T will cause a FTM sex drive to do weird things? I know for MTF, estrogen kind of kills it and the "seed" seems to decrease.


I don't know if that is a word, but it is kind of like when a man is acting or feeling all tough, I say, "he is acting testosterony"

Nevermind me. :o

[sandra-leigh]

T controls sex drive in both male and female. Low drive in females is sometimes caused by low T and in such cases is treated with dosages of T.

Males and females both need both estrogen and T, but in different ratios. There is a common precursor hormone for both that gets converted into T and then gets aromatized into estrogen. If I have interpreted the papers correctly, in males the androgen receptors take up most of the T, leaving not much to be converted to estrogen -- but later in life when the receptors stop taking up as much of the T, there is more free T lying around to be converted to estrogen and hence the prevailance (as high as 60% was suggested in one paper!) of gynecomastia (breast growth) in older males. I gather that conversely, females, having fewer androgen receptors, have proportionally higher T floating around to be converted to estrogen -- but I have not seen that part stated explicitly.

[morgan pure]

I did it almost unconsciously. And hormones have changed and complicated my life, and I'll never go back. I was idly surfing for breast enhancers and found them cheap from a Mexican on-line pharmacy. I'll have to be a woman someday. It's fate.