Therapy

[Mya Summers]

Last month I went to see someone about anger issues that seem to be getting worse. Well it was my first time seeing her myself other than going with my SO to see her for a problem she has, and of course first time visit with some one of that nature they ask all you all of these personal questions and such, and one of them was of home issues with the spouse and I, well I told her one of the main issues is that she has a problem with me CD'ing but not a huge problem, and it dawned on me, why in the heck did u go and open your mouth dummie??? So she asked me other questions like do I desire to be with a man, or desire to transission, and a few other questions, and of course not wanting to totally hang myelf I said Nope!!. As the session went on I felt a huge cloud hanging over me, and I was getting nervous and gloomy at the same time. But as we neared the end she looks at me and say's I am lesbian and am married to a woman and have 3 kids, my jaw hit the floor and the cloud went away instantly, and we began talking some more about the isssues and I opened up a little more to her after she told me that piece of info. She seem's to think that my anger issues stem from the fact that I can't really be my Fem side as much as I want to be, but I don't know. She is going to try and get me in to see a phsyciatrist who specializes in the area of CD's to try and help me through this and my wife as well even though it could very possibly mean making a 1 1/2 hour drive to St.Louis. but I think it would be worth it for my wife and I, but the first time there would only be me. But I will find out more about the phsychiatrist thing on Thursday when I go back to see her. I'm actually thinking about making sure my nails are clean and put on a clear coat of polish and possibly underdress when I go to see her Thursday. I just hope that she did find me someone else to see for this so that things might actually start getting better for my SO and I. I will keep you gals informed of what is going on.

[Tomara]

Hi Mya
Now that you therapist has opened the door for you be honest with her about what you are feeling and let her help you to better understand yourself. I would bet that a lot of your issues will fix themselves once you are able to talk about what your wants and desires are and make sure you include your wife in these conversations.
I see a therapist and have made great strides in my self acceptance of who I am , I'm much more happy and content in my life and relationship with my girlfriend.
Good luck going forward.
Tomara

[Teresa Ann]

Mya I am glad that you are working things out, so this might be a way to get a happy ending to. Good luck Mya!

[LeannL]

Mya,

Congratulations on taking the first step. From experience, once you can talk with someone honestly about who we are, the better you will not only understand yourself, the better you will feel about your self. I was quite comfortable with myself but had to see a therapist because stress was really getting bad. Of course the CDing came up (stress and CDing do interact) and I found that talking with her made me even more comfortable with myself.

The key to succesfully working with a therapist is to find one that understands our CD/TG/TS nature. Finding one that doesn't have an understanding is worse than none at all. The fact that your lesbian therapist has recommended another one is a good sign but if you find yourself uncomfortable because this new one doesn't really understand, do not be afraid to find another. St. Louis is a big city (I used to live there) with a significant "alternative" community. So there will be someone who can help you. Reach out to the local CD/TG/TS community if you need to find someone else.

Lastly, the 90 minute drive may seem like a lot but it is worth it if it is the difference between finding someone that can facilitate your growth or not.

Good luck,
Leann

[AKAMichelle]

I know what you mean by the anger issues. I figured mine out a long time ago. My anger comes from the fact that my wife wants totally different things from me. I have to go along with her to keep the peace and it builds up resentment which is shown by anger when I have had enough. Then I will calm down only to find the cycle repeating. My resentment though had little to do with cd'ing. I wondered early on if cd'ing wasn't a way for me to deal with the resentment and anger because I like to go for long drives to calm down. But the ultimate decision for me was divorce which is what I am preparing for. I hope the 2 of you can find a better solution to your issues than I did. Good luck to you both.

[mklinden2010]

I told her one of the main issues is that she has a problem with me CD'ing but not a huge problem, and it dawned on me, why in the heck did u go and open your mouth dummie??? So she asked me other questions like do I desire to be with a man, or desire to transission, and a few other questions, and of course not wanting to totally hang myelf I said Nope!!


I don't have time (at the airport) to check into your profile, etc., but why not just answer the questions as honestly as you can?

"Yeah, sometimes I think about that." "No, it's an idea, but it would cause us a lot of problems and the kids are the priority right now."

In this setting, it's all personal questions... It's all personal issues... You and your SO are there to benefit from the feedback - if you wish- or to look elsewhere - if you wish.

My SOs would rather talk about "the real" and deal with it than be left to wonder if I'm being honest with myself, and thus, them.

They got me trained, a long time ago, to say, "Yeah. Sometimes I think that might be cool..."

And, then, bless 'em, a lot of times they start offering tips on the issue.

Sometimes we CAN all just get along....

[kimdl93]

I'm glad to hear that you took this big step. The source of the problem may be repressed desires, or a combination of things. But I'll wager that the solution will be changing the way you respond with the situations that currently anger you. We often say " she made me mad" or "that makes me angry". In reality ANGER is a choice, often learned early in life, to life situations. There are other, more healthy responses to events/situations that don't involve expressing 'anger'. It takes practice and time, but you can learn to deal with disappointments, frustrations, unrealized expectations, etc in other, more constructive ways. Keep with it, and good luck!

[Sarah Doepner]

Anger, for me, usually represents frustration over my inability to have my expectations met. Before I'd come to accept my crossdressing and later admitting as much to my wife, my expectations were unrealistic and seldom well thought out. So it was real easy to get angry. Being able to talk about it, honestly, has been a great help in developing expectations that can be met or at least are based in reality.

Talking to the therapist helps give you perspective that can get that balance in your world that helps keep anger at bay. Good luck.

[Mya Summers]

I am going to be as truthfull with the therapist as I possibly can be. But I do not think all my anger comes from not being able to CD whenever I want to, but it does have in part to do with it. I will take it one step at a time with the therapist as well, I just hope and pray that my wife will want to go and actually listen to what is being said, and maybe understand things a little more. But I will keep you all updated as time goes on.