A very blurry question between the binaries.

[SandraAbsent]

I have read several topics here regarding being single and dating. As a single transgender girl myself I have also lamented over this. I find myself not pursing dating as a result of not feeling I would be accepted. But it does pose an interesting question I feel needs to be discussed.

There is a gender and a sexual preference binary and each are truly separate I believe. Every one of us here falls somewhere in between the 1 and 0 and its up to us as individuals to decide where exactly where we fall.

Personally I dont believe I am a man and I identify myself as feeling, thinking, and believing myself to be a woman despite the fact that I #1 cannot transition due to medical issues, and #2 do not present full time although it will happen eventually when the time is right.

I am not gay as I am not a male attracted to men. I am a transgendered woman that is attracted to women and I realized today that enjoying time with a woman does not exclude transgendered woman. I dont think its fair to call myself lesbian due to the genetics. So what does that make me? Understand I am not speaking of sex here at all, but rather intimacy (communication).

(BTW she is a fantastic girl and we spent almost 9 hours talking today and being accepted was such a non issue we could just open up to each other with no barriers.)

O.k., guys for me are icky and I have tried it once to confirm this. I think that makes me something that hasn't been labeled yet, nor do i want it to be. I realize that by definition this would be labeled as gay or bi, but "ITS NOT A MAN" that i am falling for. She is a wonderful woman that is tender soft and smooth like me.

So here i sit once again with my brain and my heart challenging the binaries and wondering to myself what the heck is going on with me. Uff and really getting tired of being on the verge of tears all the time. I just want to share my life with someone that accepts me for who I am and I guess now I realize that gender identity doesn't matter to me as long as she is a woman.

So whats a girl to do? I am very attracted to her on an emotional level, but i cant identify with the parts and pieces if ya know what I mean. If it ever gets there do I just enjoy having a partner and never mind the rest. Besides I would trade a deep meaningful relationship, kissing, hugging, and cuddling over sex any day of my life at this point.

So once again Sandra comes to you with another giant mass of confusion. Enjoy this discussion and I look forward to the comments.

[prene]

I want to be the female but I am not physically a female.

If I was a female I could see myself with a male but, only sexualy, otherwise they are hairy, lumpy, smelly, . . . yuck.

Love the soft feminine body and persona.

[erickka]

I want to be the female but I am not physically a female.

If I was a female I could see myself with a male but, only sexualy, otherwise they are hairy, lumpy, smelly, . . . yuck.

Love the soft feminine body and persona.

HA HA! You crack me up!!

[sherri]

I wouldn't worry about what to call yourself, but fwiw it sounds to me like you're a hetero crossdresser. Your quandary, it seems to me, is the rather universal one of finding a GG interested in a TG. As for a relationship with another TG, what you seem to be seeking is an intimate friend. For anything more, it might not be reasonable to expect another gurl to forego sex as most of us do consider that to be an essential ingredient in a relationship.

[DonniDarkness]

Well sandra,

I would look at it like this: Having only one experience with a male and using that to form your opinion about this person who you are into, is kind of the equivalent of having a bad experience with a woman and then writing females off the list based on that one "bad" experience. Your experience with this new girl could be totally different sexually, emotionally, and/or spiritually, but if your setting yourself up with the expectations based on past experiences, then inevitably your not being fair to you or her.

I think you should enter this with an openness. A clean slate.
You could however, clam up inside your own ideals and miss out on a great relationship.

From you description it sounds like this new girl may have the "bits and pieces" of a male but, if she is a girl, the sex may be different entirely. You could be looking at a softer, more intimate, male-male lesbian relationship. And to boot, maybe her being a girl, intimacy may be different for her as well, than that of the typical guy.

My best advice sandra: Dont condemn this relationship before it even starts based on expectations derived from one bad experience.


Uff and really getting tired of being on the verge of tears all the time.

And SMILE.......dont cry girl, you have a new friend.

Enjoy it.

-Donni-

[AKAMichelle]

Only another nerd would understand the term binaries. So nice to meet you.

The bad things is that life doesn't fit the definitions a lot of time. I can only tell you how I dealt with the issue because I am happy at this point, but I am facing a tough decision. 2 years ago I met 2 different women who knew nothing about it at first. The first one struggled accepting, but that relationship was lacking chemistry. The second one was extremely unique for me. I told her about me and we became friends. Now we could have had sex at any time, because we almost did one night. But our relationship was more of just friends. That is where our relationship stayed. We went out almost exclusively as girlfriends. That was something which I had never experienced before. We have stayed friends and hopefully will remain friends. I can tell her anything and get acceptance. She doesn't fit the definition of who would accept. She is a devote Baptist from the bible belt and only attracted to men.

Now I come to my current dilemma. I have met a woman in Dallas who knows nothing of this part of my life. I think she would accept but telling her may out myself to more people than I am comfortable with. I haven't told her about me yet, but we can talk for hours. So sometime in the next 6 weeks I have to make my decision that I will tell her or not. Since we have a distant relationship, it is not required to tell her but I feel guilty not being honest. And I feel that dishonesty will doom the relationship. So if I don't tell her then the relationship will end. I won't be with anybody that I can't be completely honest to. The decision is this case has more to do with my career than any other.

There are plenty of women out there who would accept but you haven't tried to connect with them. The only thing you can truly do is get back up on the saddle and keep trying. It may seem futile but you must try or you are guaranteed to fail. Personally I would rather fail a hundred times than to quit trying. Someday I will find that person who accepts me completely and we can share the rest of our lives together.

[DonnaT]

So whats a girl to do? I am very attracted to her on an emotional level, but i cant identify with the parts and pieces if ya know what I mean. If it ever gets there do I just enjoy having a partner and never mind the rest. Besides I would trade a deep meaningful relationship, kissing, hugging, and cuddling over sex any day of my life at this point.

Problem is, she (whomever she may be) may need the sex along with everything else. Even if she's into women as well.

You can put everything on hold and sit and wonder all day every day, or get on to telling her how you feel, and then on with the rest of your life.

[Nikki A.]

I understand your quandry and it's tough to find someone, especially if you aren't sure what you want.
As for me, I'm looking for a lady, someone who is confident enough in herself that she does not see my femme side as a competitor. I'd like to be the husband at times and other times I'd like her to be able to appreciate the femme me also. Tall order yes, but not impossible. I've met one and she is involved with someone. I've been open to another but there were some insecurity issues and it didn't get much further also we do still talk. Right now there are other concerns, but I will keep my eyes open and hopefully I find my own diamond