Feeling awful lonely in the CD world, thought I'd post here.

[felesaerius]

So after searching and searching, I've run into a few drag queens or androgynous guys who were nothing but buttmunches, knocking me down before building me up was their excuse. I live with 5 guys who are kinda into the sissy thing, but not comfortable enough to do anything like that with me, and while I do like being a sissy and being MADE to do feminization stuff, I... would like a friend I could go out with. I don't have a car, and don't really have the option to do anything like this at home without everyone kinda going silent, I now have a job which has a crappy schedule (Read: opposite of the 9-5). Money to play with (after I catch up on some debts), but I don't want to pay someone to be my friend. I want to go girl shopping! I want to get makeovers, or have someone teach me in person how to walk in heels, show me how to contour... I've found some shops down in San Jose that are tranny friendly, so I don't have to be uncomfortable about going in, but I... was never good at style as a guy, so as a girl it will be even tougher for me.

I... suppose this is kind of a last ditch effort to find a real girl (well, crossdresser girl :-D) friend. Some of you responded to one of my initial posts, am curious if any of you would be interested in hanging out or shopping? I've got a few things, but still am far from even getting to the point of making my first real outing en femme. Please send me a message or respond if you would like to hang out or even talk via a instant messenger. I would love to just to be able to call someone up on a day off and go "hey, wanna go shopping or hang out en femme?" and them be up for it. I realize most of our schedules don't allow for it, but I'm posting this on the off chance. Thank you so much for reading.

[AKAMichelle]

I would love to if I can ever get to San Jose. I don't come out that way often but if I do then definitely. It is hard sometimes to find others, but hopefully you will find someone to be friends with in your area.

[tonya2]

I think theres a salon called Carla's in your area, you may want to check them out. If you can't find them go to the Rivercity Gems website and they will have a link. Could be a starting point for you. I have heard there are lots of c/d venues in San Jose. Good luck.

[sandra-leigh]

but I... was never good at style as a guy, so as a girl it will be even tougher for me.


That's what I would have expected about myself, but I turned out to be good at women's styles, but I'm still not good at men's styles.

When you are in public, does your "impression" of a woman include what she is wearing? If so and you like to look at women, chances are that you have developed a feeling for what kinds of styles you like to see, and you have possibly refined that enough to have an idea of the sorts of things that work on women of particular size or race or coloring. That's enough to give you a good start on picking out things that might work on you.

[DonnaT]

Try Carla's - a shop and meeting place for the whole transgender community. Located right in San Jose.

http://www.carlas.com/

[felesaerius]

Try Carla's - a shop and meeting place for the whole transgender community. Located right in San Jose.

http://www.carlas.com/

You know, I've been there already, and paying lots of money for stuff that's falling apart just isn't something I'd like to do, nor is paying for someone to go out with. It's kinda something I mentioned already. If my only option is to go pay someone to be my friend to go out with or whatnot, then what's really the point? 2 million people in the metropolitan area of San Jose, and there's no one comfortable enough to help another guy out or be his friend? I'd have thought there'd be LOTS of GG's who would even want to help a guy! I suppose the main thing I need to get over is having someone to do things with. Thank you gals.

[jenifer m.]

girl why do ya have to live so far away.id hang out and teach you everything.i love hangin with my girly frends.we have so much fun together.however in january or feb i might be moving to san diego.is that close to you?if i do move to cali i will hook up with ya for sure cuz im gonna need to make new friends too.chear up girl go put on something girly to make yourself feel better.hugs.

[felesaerius]

girl why do ya have to live so far away.id hang out and teach you everything.i love hangin with my girly frends.we have so much fun together.however in january or feb i might be moving to san diego.is that close to you?if i do move to cali i will hook up with ya for sure cuz im gonna need to make new friends too.chear up girl go put on something girly to make yourself feel better.hugs.

Aww, you're too sweet. No San Diego is still about 600 miles away from me. Great town though, I love it there. Thank you for your kind words. :-)

[brina_cd]

You may also want to subscribe to the "iloveitgirl" yahoo group. It's in Fremont, but I'm sure that someone could give you a lift to one of their socials. If I still lived there, and my wife was even vaguely accepting (or at least tolerating) I would be there.

[tricia_uktv]

Oh hon, I feel for you but I am far too far away to help. My advice would be though to latch onto the gay community. I think they would be able to get you through this.

Remember to smile though

Hugs and all the best

[sterling12]

I took a look at The Advertising from Carla's. I think Donna is right, and I'm not so sure that it's not a "starting point" for you to meet people. Looks like they have a Wednesday Evening Social, and I'm sure you will make The Acquaintance of a lot of Gurls at an Event like that.

On The Homepage it doesn't say that you have to buy anything! I'm sure they would like you to peruse their stuff, and maybe make an occasional purchase, but we probably should try and steer some business toward people who are involved with our Community. It also doesn't say anything about A Charge to attend The Social. A small Charge is pretty common for Social Group Meetings, to pay for rent and stuff, so I would take advantage of The Opportunity, and see what is going on.

If you attend, keep an open mind, be friendly to others, stick your hand out and ENGAGE Them in conversation. To gain A Friend, you often have to BE A Friend. I have seen Meetings where Folks who were very timid, didn't interact with people, and then complained about nobody speaking with them. If you use this Opportunity correctly, you will meet new T-persons, who in turn introduce you to others, and new opportunities. If you have 2 Million in your Metro Area, trust me, there are oodles of Trans Folks out there, you just need to start to interact with them. They won't come knocking on your door...next step is up to you.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[charlotte_sp]

I don't know if you've been, but the Billy DeFrank LBGT center in San Jose has a transwomen support group every other Friday.
You can check their site for times.
They also have other general social events for the LBGT community which are of course trans-friendly.

I think you've got the wrong idea about Carla's...there's a weekly lunch I believe where you can meet other people.

If you're into um "kink," the Renegades bar hosts a social for that kind of thing on Thursdays 7-10 PM.
Not sure about the status of that right now.

San Jose Pride is in August, so put that on your calendar!

A couple of other trans-friendly venues that I've been to:

1. Brix club in downtown San Jose (I didn't like it, but anyways)
2. King of Clubs in Mountain View (has karaoke!)

[Presh GG]

I have to ask.
What do you mean you Pay someone to be your friend?

Presh GG

[felesaerius]

I have to ask.
What do you mean you Pay someone to be your friend?

Presh GG

As in pay someone to go out with me. Instead of someone who doesn't mind crossdressers or likes them and would love to go out with someone en femme. I don't understand how people who do makeovers can charge so much, like anywhere from $200 - $400? My god, I'd do people's makeovers for free if I could! I just don't know how to do makeovers. lol.

[SuzanneBender]

The bad news is being who we are is lonely business. We are surrounded by a world that doesn't understand and doesn't care to understand.

The good news is there are lots of us out in that world and I have found that many have huge hearts and are great friends. Step out to some of the meetings the girls on here have suggested. Keep posting on here you are bound to run into sisters given the area of CA that you live in.

If you can get away go to a TG convention. In all likelyhood you will make life time friends there. A couple of years ago I was in your shoes. Now thanks to stepping out and this site I have friends that I can express this side of me with.

Trust me. Its worth it. Nothing compares to tearing through Macy's with your sisters terrorizing the shoe salesmen.

[Nicole Erin]

Do not waste your money at shops that specialize or cater hardcore to CD people cause they tend to way overcharge. They know you are nervous about going to everyday shops, so they take advantage of that.
Here is how to do it cheap - you must get comfy with shopping at regular stores. I tend to like Fashion Bug. You can also to go thrift stores. It is a crap shoot to finding good stuff that fits but the price is always right.

Some makeup places like the makeup stands at the malls, or Sephora, or sometimes a Mary Kay rep will do makeovers. And yes the makeup is expensive should you buy anything but it is worth it. The makeover itself is typically free of charge. Once again the TG shops will overcharge for this.

Friends - Seek out good TG groups that have monthly or weekly meetings that are NOT sex groups. When you go to clubs or seek friends on some ghetto part of the web like craigslist, you will run into the flakey-ass CD who are either fakes or pains in the butt. I have not met a fake CD/TS in real life, so how do I know? They have excuses for not wanting to meet. The sex oriented CD groups you will find hicks or weirdos who like to dress as CinderFella and share their wife with other flake-CD's. Yes I came across one such group, never went back.

One thing - you look about 20 or 30 something? Often the CD/TS who attend groups are much older than us, so don't be shocked if that happens. Still worht a shot.

Stay away from drag queens, they are not CD in the sense that you are. They are gay men who are striclty men who do that as a job.

[Sarah...]

I was never good at style as a guy, so as a girl it will be even tougher for me.


Why? Did you ever stop to think why you were "never good at style as a guy"?

[Lexine]

Are GG's an option?

To be honest, I've never hung out with other TG girls and it's not because I don't like meeting new people. I feel that I have a particularly different set of interests than most TG girls. So when TG girls ask me if I want to go hang out, it's often equated to going to bars and clubs... which I don't find at all fun.

Because of this, I actually find myself hanging out with other GGs (en femme of course!) to go shopping, watching a movie here and there, or even dine at a local restaurant. To me, feeling feminine doesn't necessarily need to be all about the prospect of being hit on... it's being satisfied with who you are :)

It seems like we'd have a blast shopping! Unfortunately, I live in SoCal so hanging out is a bit unlikely. :/

[carolynn2fem]

Nicole. yOUR POST so speaks to Me. I am looking for a RL outlet. not sex. not being overcharged. just looking for a freind to bond with. even in guy mode. my problem is not knowing where to find groups for support. i would like to skip the pitfalls you mentioned.

[Bragitta]

Hi Felesaerius,

I live in funky Berkeley kinda of far away from San Jose. Ben dressing up for about 10 years but incognito. Work at the University. I would love to talk lady talk about clouthes with someone like you. E-mail me when it is convenient.

Love Bragitta,
[email protected]

[msginaadoll]

I can understand how you feel. I was in your shoes at one time> what I did was start going out to CD friendly clubs. I started coming out of my shell and talking to people. I also started talking to local girls online. Since then I have been out a few times with local ladies and hope to do more. Also had a chance to meet a wonderful lady from this room when she was in town. You just have to push yourself.

[felesaerius]

Wow, thank you all so much for the responses, I've come down with a cold (as some of you who've messaged me found out) but I'm getting better rapidly, but even then, my work schedule doesn't allow me to respond nearly as quickly as I'd like. Thank you all so much, I look forward to getting to chat (and meet!) some of you soon enough!

-Veronica

[pantyhoselover]

Veronica,
You are not alone. I occasionally visit your town, and would love to shop with you sometime. Feel free to PM me anytime.
PHlover

[sandra-leigh]

Stay away from drag queens, they are not CD in the sense that you are. They are gay men who are striclty men who do that as a job.

I don't know if they are all gay, though most of them do seem to be.

The drag queens that I have met around here surely aren't into it as "a job" -- except for the better known (and often better performers), tips are often less than $5 total, and the list of charity events they help out with is often long. They have to create costumes, find music, create choreography, practice, practice, practice -- they'd make more money working as waiters at places that pay below minimum wage. Oh yes, and at any but the top levels, they are expected to pay their own way to events around the country (and can be expelled if they don't go to at least 3) -- and this country is more than 3500 miles between the major centers in the East and those in the West.

I'm not saying that Drag Queens will necessarily be eager to make friends with Cross-dressers, and I'm not saying that the life of a DQ is not infrequently dramatic, but I would say that some of the DQ I have met have been fairly pleasant people actively involved in contributing to the community, not people to be avoided.