Advice, please, on going out dressed

[Michaella]

I’d like some advice please.

I may have an opportunity to go to an event (a book club discussion) where people would, I am sure, be fully accepting of me dressed fully femme. But they do know me, and I don’t want to present myself as a woman; that is, I would not try to “pass” at all. The idea is to be able to wear feminine clothing in a situation where it would not be a problem, and not carry out any deception. I should add that to get to the event I would have to go by public transit and would therefore have to be passing/blending. That’s not the issue, but rather whether to go to the event dressed or not.

I have gone out a maybe a dozen times dressed and attempting to pass, and it has not been a problem at all. Either people pay no attention, or I do pass, or I don’t but they don’t create an issue. Fine.But this is different, as it would be me, male, but looking more or less female. I’ve never done that before except in situations where it’s been a specific cross-dressing event. I don’t particularly like that sort of thing as it becomes all about the dressing, instead of being something happening I want to attend and to which I can go dressed. Those I’ve been to have been at bars and have loud music and drinking and those are just not things I want to do. By comparison this book discussion is something I do enjoy very much, which is why I want to take up the opportunity. I’ve gender-bent—wearing some feminine items such as a skirt while presenting as fully male—but that’s limiting and awkward sometimes (getting there is the problem) and I have presented as female as I said, but this is different and I’m not as confident.

As I’ve said here before, I see crossdressing for myself as not a matter of wanting to be a woman, but simply wanting to wear feminine clothes. (I am not critical of those who do feel they are really women inside and want to become one physically; I just know that is not me.) Dressing fully femme and attempting to pass is then just a means of doing that without hassle, if I can pass or blend. In this case it would be doing the dressing in a situation where I would not even attempt to pass. So, it should make sense for me and I should be alright with it. But . . . . it is nonetheless something new and somewhat anxiety-provoking.

Thank you in advance for your thoughts.

Michaella

[Debb]

I'm with you on this one. I do this, and every time I see someone on the street, the 'ol jitters come back... they're fading, but too slowly.

I don't have any real advice other than to get out there and do it, and perhaps your anxiety will fade ... maybe quicker than mine?

[Tricia Lee]

I'm not sure what you are planning. You say you don't intend to pass at the event. Does that mean no feminine hairstyle or makeup? But you will travel there in public, so I assume you will be made up.

Regardless, when I'm in public, I take the same approach as you. I'm not looking to fool anyone into thinking I'm a woman, but try to look good enough to not be noticed, such that people may assume I'm female at a glance.

I think that same attitude will be perfectly acceptable at your event.

One idea that might ease the jitters is to tell your plans to other friends who will be there. If they are expecting you enfemme, it will be easier to enter the room and immediately be welcomed by someone with no extra confusion or explanation required.

[Michaella]

One idea that might ease the jitters is to tell your plans to other friends who will be there. If they are expecting you enfemme, it will be easier to enter the room and immediately be welcomed by someone with no extra confusion or explanation required.

Thank you Tricia Lee. I think I'll contact the book group leader about this.

Michaella

[Michaella]

[QUOTE=Tricia Lee;2206997]I'm not sure what you are planning. You say you don't intend to pass at the event. Does that mean no feminine hairstyle or makeup? But you will travel there in public, so I assume you will be made up.
QUOTE]

I realized I hadn't replied to this. You are correct, I will travel there "passing" and that will mean make-up and wig. And I think I just look better like that. Or am I rationalizing? In any case, I don't intend to remove them for the meeting.

Michaella

[windycissy]

Awww, go for it! Wear something that will get you there without being hassled and that you'll be comfortable in with the girls once you get there, like slacks 'n flats or capris and sandals, keep it simple and have a wonderful time.

[VeronicaStyles]

Goin out in a group or with a friend is probably the best way to do it, going somewhere that no one might recognize you is also a little more reassuring. Try shopping out of town en femm

[noeleena]

Hi.Michaella,

Im just a woman & dont pass as one i dont try to be a girle girl or go dressed up with make up to try & be what im not you see my pic thats what every one sees no make up just lippy & eye brow liner my clothes are just normal womens clothes & i go every were & im just accepted for who i am no more no less ,
if some one wonts to prove some thing then go for it i dont , i dont dwell on what im not ,
I just go out & let people see the real me & go from there , id go & have fun & enjoy your self just be you ,
as iv not seen a pic of you i have no idear of how you look any way no matter. or howll youll look on the day / night. just go & be comfortable in your self,

...noeleena...

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I am sure that I do not pass as a woman and that is alright for me. I do try my level best to look and present like a woman when I go out dressed. Do the gender proud, no bizarre outfits and try to look as good as you can look, everyone will be OK with it and the ones that are not are close minded biggots. Wear something comfortable and stylish and you will see how fun this could be.

[Billijo49504]

I do it every day. Bra and panties, jean shorts or crops and a big t shirt. My loafers came from Avenue and my flip flops are from payless. The rest is from Lane Bryant or Avenue. Can't be any more gurlie than that. With a wig and some, ok a lot of makeup, I do well on the street or out shopping....BJ

[Fab Karen]

Awww, go for it! Wear something that will get you there without being hassled and that you'll be comfortable in with the girls once you get there, like slacks 'n flats or capris and sandals, keep it simple and have a wonderful time.
I've gone out in a dress or skirt with flats and not been hassled. Not that I would be in high heels either, but not comfortable for walking around.

[Nikki A.]

My advice, look your best, but be yourself. The easiest way not to be nervous.

[AKAMichelle]

I don't see a problem of you going dressed, but ultimately it is your decision. You say that people there will know you as male. So do you want to remove all doubt in their mind and show up dressed? Do You? :D

[Michaella]

I don't see a problem of you going dressed, but ultimately it is your decision. You say that people there will know you as male. So do you want to remove all doubt in their mind and show up dressed? Do You? :D

I really don't know anymore. Having doubts.

Michaella

[linnea]

"My advice, look your best, but be yourself. The easiest way not to be nervous. " I think that this advice (from Nikki A) is very good and what I would recommend.

[donnalee]

I don't see a problem of you going dressed, but ultimately it is your decision. You say that people there will know you as male. So do you want to remove all doubt in their mind and show up dressed? Do You? :D

Are you channeling Dirty Harry?

[Tranny Tee]

What is the worst thing that could happen? They could ask you to never return. Book clubs are usually full of liberals who do not go to the meetings carrying guns or accompanied by attack dogs. Seriously,you could go to a meeting in drab and ask if it would be appropriate to attend en femme, or you could ask the chairperson of the group or sound out a member or two. It would be fun to just show up en femme, you would probably be the 600 pound gorilla in the room, you would be noticed by everyone butno one would comment.