Do You Get Paranoid Episodes Concerning Crossdressing?

[KateSpade83]

All of my past Paranoid Schizophrenic episodes concerned crossdressing. Have purged twice in 2000 and 2001 because of it. Last short episode this July 5th 2010 I thought demons gave me a sign that they "were waiting for the kill" [me] in the far future because I have a big stash of womens clothes [$30,000 worth] that I cannot bear to purge. Thought "Angels" were keeping me safe because I'm such a good Catholic.

Last year's paranoid episodes were terrible as I wasn't on Geodon and I thought I kept seeing demons and angels in real life portrayed as regular people. Lots of mysterious events happened and I almost purged but couldn't bear to do it!

How about you? Do you have paranoid episodes concerning crossdressing? Has it ever convinced you to purge?

At least my paranoia qualified me for the $1095 monthly SSDI that I get. This helps me survive unemployment and this terrible jobless recession or depression.

[AllieSF]

Nothing for me yet, Kate. However, if what you have is that bad, I would recommend talking with a trained professional. Seeing demons may be more serious than you think. You don't want to be in a situation where the demons want you to do something very risky and dangerous. Sometimes it goes from bad to worse very quickly. Good luck and keep working toward the positive side.

[KateSpade83]

I'm ok now; I see a psychiatrist monthly and I take Geodon every day which controls / prevents my paranoia. Last year they cut me off SSDI and Medicare so I had no Geodon and thus suffered a real bad paranoids episode lasting 3 months or so.

[sissystephanie]

Kate, I am glad to hear that you are O.K. now. I certainly hope you can stay that way.

BTW, I am a very strong Catholic myself. I have talked to 3 differents Priests, one of whom is a Retired Archbishop, concerning my CD activites. All three told me that God doesn't care what we wear, as long as we are decent and within the laws where we live. So you should have no worries there!!

I personally have never had any problems like you have had, and don't want to. Losing my dear wife to cancer 5 years was as big a problem as I ever want to face!

I also haver a very large amount of feminine clothing, but I don't think it matches your!

[AllieSF]

Thanks for the clarification Kate. I do wish you the best in the future.

[NicoleScott]

Kate, I never thought about it like this until I read your post, but it occurred to me that my past purges were largely based on paranoia (I better quit doing this before I get caught). My third (and final) purge was over 15 years ago. I'm still in the closet to my family, friends, and co-workers (wife knows), but I'm not paranoid about CD-ing, so I know I won't be purging ever again. Sure wish I has some of that stuff back. Lesson learned: if you feel the need to purge, pack up and store, don't trash.

[Alice Torn]

Kate, Thanks for sharing. I can relate, as I suffer paranoia, too. Maybe i should try geodon. Whenever we go off meds cold turkey, weird stuff happens in the brain. I tried quitting meds several years back, and had awful withdrawals, seeing stars, brain doing barrel rolls! I don't go out dressed much, partly because of paranoia, and emotional tramas from the past.

[Christina Horton]

Well I'm sorry for what you have to go through but I don't really understand why it happens. When I first read your thread I thought that sound fake but I know thats just cuz I have not knowledge on this. It's a lack of education on my part and I would like to know more about this. I always say that if people know more about CDing so Why should I not want to know something like this that I don't understand.

I hope you have a better time with this and remember that you have family here to talk to vent with and understand you.

[Kate Simmons]

It's more about the program breaking down Kate. You seem to be more in touch with it than most. For many it will fade to black abruptly.:)

[Nicole Erin]

Sometimes when I am out en femme, I fear that Flash Gordon will appear in a speedo and give me a bikini wax.

[carrie-ann]

It's funny I was more paranoid when I went 247 last year than when I only dressed in public some times. The more I'm out in the public the more confident I am. Even in very small towns in the country I do very well. I do use humor and smile alot. I'm very courteous as well.