Dating and CDing

[psion128]

I have a hard time finding someone that will accept the fact that I like to CD at home. I don't like the attention so I don't go out in public.

Most sorta freak out and then I'm single again. What is it about CDing that women don't like. Its just clothes.

[Mi$$ Despair]

I blame most of society for the most part. Guys that CD to most women are thought of as gay, or we have something wrong in our heads, or we are sexual deviants that "get off" CDing...The reasons are endless for why women don't like CDer's seriously

[carrie-ann]

I see you don't get out enfem. If you would you would be suprised at what you might find. I meet GG's all the time when I'm out. They do better when they see it and how you act. So try that if you can.

[Shananigans]

Ehhhhh... In my experience, it's not just clothes. At all. It's extremely complicated and it has been a rocky road and full of tears. I don't know why girls freak out when they hear the words, "I'm a crossdresser." Maybe we know deep down that it's a lot more complicated than just getting off on wearing clothes. And, might I add that even when you give your SO all the support and love and acceptance that you can, you can still be stepped on, chewed up, and passed over. Not to mention taken for granted.

I think it's just life and dating.

It sucks on both ends.

[prene]

Ehhhhh... In my experience, it's not just clothes. At all. It's extremely complicated and it has been a rocky road and full of tears. I don't know why girls freak out when they hear the words, "I'm a crossdresser." Maybe we know deep down that it's a lot more complicated than just getting off on wearing clothes. And, might I add that even when you give your SO all the support and love and acceptance that you can, you can still be stepped on, chewed up, and passed over. Not to mention taken for granted.

I think it's just life and dating.

It sucks on both ends.

I agree with Shananigans.
There is always problems no matter who you go out with.
If they don't understand you then they are someone you should not go out with. Sometimes I don't understand me though.

Who knows what the GG's insecurity could be also.
Maybe your clothes are nicer than theirs?
I have had a GG tell me she wished her top was as large as mine.
Who knows.
Wish there were more Shananigans out there.
That is one understanding HOT GG!!!

[Shananigans]

I agree with Shananigans.
There is always problems no matter who you go out with.
If they don't understand you then they are someone you should not go out with. Sometimes I don't understand me though.

Who knows what the GG's insecurity could be also.
Maybe your clothes are nicer than theirs?
I have had a GG tell me she wished her top was as large as mine.
Who knows.
Wish there were more Shananigans out there.
That is one understanding HOT GG!!!

Aw, you're a sweetie. :hugs:

[kellycan27]

Most gg's have a preconceived idea of what they are looking for in a mate, for a lot it seems that cross dressing isn't part of the idea. I personally know a lot of gg's that don't have a problem with someone who cross dresses, as long as it isn't in their backyard. They may accept the fact that some men like to dress up in female attire, but they wouldn't want to date one. One can second guess their motives until the cows come home, but when it's all said and done.... it is what it is.

[Kate Simmons]

It's the time spent and the obsession of the "hobby" that many GG's object to.:)

[Gerrijerry]

I was told by a GG that she married a male and not another woman. That kind of said it all to me. Some woman don't mine but I think most do not want to be married to another woman even if it is once in a while.

[SteveDallas]

I was hinting around with my wife about CD'ing and she said "If you did that I'd be worried about you."

I asked "Why, it's not like I'm gay or want a sex change"

And she said "I'd just be worried". She couldn't really explain it. And she's a very tolerant and open minded person.

I let it drop.

But if she can't explain it, I am pretty sure that I can't.

What kills me is that we tolerate women "CD'ing" all the time. We all know the examples so I won't rehash them.

[Naomi Rayne]

Most gg's have a preconceived idea of what they are looking for in a mate, for a lot it seems that cross dressing isn't part of the idea. I personally know a lot of gg's that don't have a problem with someone who cross dresses, as long as it isn't in their backyard. They may accept the fact that some men like to dress up in female attire, but they wouldn't want to date one. One can second guess their motives until the cows come home, but when it's all said and done.... it is what it is.

This i know to be true in at least one experience. My SO. She now accepts and loves me for who i am and even participates in my CDing, but during the time we were talking things over and trying to figure things out one of the points she brought up to me was exactly this. That this bump in our relationship is going to take work to figure out, alot of work, because she had a plan for us and herself, and of course there is always room for a little big of indifference in their plan, but this is indifference that most women are not expecting to forsee.

So i think what it really comes down to is not how open minded or tolerant a person it, but its about how willing they are to stretch their preconceived idea that they had for the life they want to live.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I have a hard time finding someone that will accept the fact that I like to CD at home. I don't like the attention so I don't go out in public.

Most sorta freak out and then I'm single again. What is it about CDing that women don't like. Its just clothes.

I'm curious, I'd like to know more about how you tell them. It may honestly be an issue of how you're presenting it to them, and when. It may be too early in the relationship, or too late. Or if you're presenting it as "ok, so here's this weird thing I do," that may influence their response as well.

[Shananigans]

I'm curious, I'd like to know more about how you tell them. It may honestly be an issue of how you're presenting it to them, and when. It may be too early in the relationship, or too late. Or if you're presenting it as "ok, so here's this weird thing I do," that may influence their response as well.

I think earlier on, but not too early if that makes sense. Ryan told me after we were dating about 4 months. So, he waited to tell me long enough that I knew who he was and I cared about him a lot. I know a lot of guys tell a girl after they are already married. I tend to be the suspicious type, so I would be thinking, "Oh great, what else hasn't he told me? Do I even know this man at all that I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with?"

I think the style of doing it really depends on your partner. I'm a very blunt person. Subtlety is not one of my strong points. So, Ryan just straight up said one day, "Sometimes, I like to wear women's clothes." After that, he was really open and answered any question I had truthfully. Truthfully being the keyword.

I've heard some guys kind of spring it on girls and they'll like....dress up en femme and then walk out and be like, "HONEY, I'M HOME!" It hardly ever goes over well. I know personally if Ryan had done that, I probably would have been like, "So, what the hell are you doing?"

Him just telling me about it and answering any questions I had got me more comfortable with it before breaking out the clothing. If that makes sense.

[Pam.]

Hello psion


I have a hard time finding someone that will accept the fact that I like to CD at home. I don't like the attention so I don't go out in public.

Most sorta freak out and then I'm single again. What is it about CDing that women don't like. Its just clothes.

Just the clothes - no far from it.

We are not brought up to have a partner who wears womens clothes as we are not brought up to even knowing what cross dressing is. We are brought up to expects role models to be acted out. Thats is what most childhoods inform you about male & female relationships.

Most of us have no understanding of what TV or even TS is, what understanding there is is based about misinformation - such as you gay, perverted, not 'normal'. So out of bounds of most peoples experience of normal & safe.

As a natal who is with a TV, it did push my boundaries at first, even though I new before we got together. I accepted, even thought I did not know what it entailed in anyway.

Most natal's (not all) can have very negative body images, to have your partner frolicking in a frock without the addiction of cellulite & wobbly bits can heartbreaking. If your partner can wear the womens clothes which you only can dream of fitting into it can be destructive emotionally. So those who do stay within TG relationships can have extra demons to deal with.

So it isn't about just the clothes, it is about understanding what it is all about. It is a mystery to those who are uninitiated, a social taboo.

One day you will meet someone who loves 'You', then all aspects of you will be accepted.

Pam

[Alicia_lynn419]

I'm in the same boat... some girls are really cool with the idea of CDing, (not my husband or BF, though), some say it would be fun and would dig it! WHERE ARE THOSE GIRLS! HAHA

I'd really like to believe there is someone for everyone...

[kimdl93]

I think earlier on, but not too early if that makes sense. Ryan told me after we were dating about 4 months. So, he waited to tell me long enough that I knew who he was and I cared about him a lot. .....

Him just telling me about it and answering any questions I had got me more comfortable with it before breaking out the clothing. If that makes sense.

In my case, I "came out" after we had gotten serious about each other, but before we were engaged. I think in some respects, I needed to know if she would try to understand as much as she needed to know about my CDing. It worked out, but I know many women wouldn't have accepted me. Their loss :)

[mklinden2010]

I have a hard time finding someone that will accept the fact that I like to CD at home. I don't like the attention so I don't go out in public.

Most sorta freak out and then I'm single again. What is it about CDing that women don't like. Its just clothes.


Just clothes?

Geez, if the clothes got up off the floor, arranged themselves properly from top to bottom, and then started moving about the house, I'd be freaked out too!

That's what you're proposing, with, "Just clothes."

It's not the clothes, it's the person in the clothes. The person they thought they knew, the person they were expecting when they started dating, the person they were thinking they were going to wind up with someday.

You probably need to fill out the person in the clothes a bit better to be a keeper. If someone is so insensitive and unaware of the flash points that can and do come up with, "just clothes," then that itself is a red flag.

Most people are looking for solutions to life's problems - not new problems.

Keep that in mind as you go about dating these ladies.

What's so great about you that is more than, "just clothes"?

There are tons of folks on this site who are CDing in relationships with SOs. Some are good, some not so good, some are great...

I promise you, ALL those SO relationships are about more than, "just clothes."

[Kiera79]

I'm curious, I'd like to know more about how you tell them. It may honestly be an issue of how you're presenting it to them, and when. It may be too early in the relationship, or too late. Or if you're presenting it as "ok, so here's this weird thing I do," that may influence their response as well.


I think after the initial meet maybe wait a week or so and let them know. Either they will say yes or no I can't do this. And, usually if they say no and leave you better believe every GG friend they have is gonna know your secret.

(If they are to stretch their preconceived idea that they had for the life THEY want to live.) Meaning you are saying that the woman has all the power in the relationship. Usually the woman is the dominant one in the house just not many people get to see that side of a person relationship.

[Shananigans]

In my case, I "came out" after we had gotten serious about each other, but before we were engaged. I think in some respects, I needed to know if she would try to understand as much as she needed to know about my CDing. It worked out, but I know many women wouldn't have accepted me. Their loss :)

It seems like you chose a really good time to do it. If the situation were flipped on me and I was a CDer, I would definitely want my SO to know that aspect of my personality before we were engaged. I don't know why...maybe because I would want to be certain that this person is right for me...that this person IS committed and truly loves me for who I am.

So, good decision, I think.

Although, I think you'd be surprised at how accepting some women can be. I think this forum proves it. But, for those who aren't accepting...you're right...it's their loss.

[Lucy_Bella]

IMO,

It is a few things that hender our acceptance , first is the type of woman we are attracted to . That is important to me the attraction but my type isn't the type of woman who cares to have a man act like a sissy every now and then.
Next is society and the mis understanding for most CDers , common knowledge is if you like to dress in femme you are gay or so they think. For most of us that is far from the truth cding and sexual attraction are completly un related.

Next yes women do xdress but their mind set isn't the same as ours in this situation for most.. We or the typical CDer dress to emulate women they do not dress to emulate men.

[BRANDYJ]

For anyone, male or female that does not have a good clear understanding or education about the facts on CDing, there is a lot that she won't like. And that is very understandable since most women know so little or have a very low opinion of CD's thanks to shows like Jerry Springer and that idiot so called expert Dr. Phil. ( one show, about 5-6 years ago, was about a wife and husband and CDing. He insulted not only the wife but put down the husband too. He is clueless about gender issues.
now couple that with what the image of a man is to most any women and dresses and heels just don't go with it.
If you dated the right sort of woman, one who is compassionate, intelligent, understanding and open-minded, once she got to know a lot about you as a man, then and only then she may be able to handle the CDing. If it is brought up to soon, before she knows much about you as a person, a man, then it's goodbye. It's knowing what sort of woman will perhaps accept once they know you. Next is the fine line between telling early and waiting until it's to late to be upfront in the budding relationship.

[AKAMichelle]

It seems like you chose a really good time to do it. If the situation were flipped on me and I was a CDer, I would definitely want my SO to know that aspect of my personality before we were engaged. I don't know why...maybe because I would want to be certain that this person is right for me...that this person IS committed and truly loves me for who I am.

So, good decision, I think.

Although, I think you'd be surprised at how accepting some women can be. I think this forum proves it. But, for those who aren't accepting...you're right...it's their loss.

For 22 you seem to be much older and wiser. I do think a lot of women will accept but it is all about the telling and when.

After marriage - bad results.
Before things get serious - 50/50 as to the result but you do waste less time with women who will never accept
Prior to Engagement - I think this might be the risker time because everyone has invested so much time into the relationship and the woman may feel pressured to accept because of how much she loves him. Even though she will never accept.

I tend to think that earlier is better than waiting but what do I know. I have told 2 women before things got serious. The first one tried to accept because she was so desperate to find love. The second became a long time girl friend. Not of the romantic type. She went places with me while dressed. We still talk more like girlfriends than man-girl usually do. In fact she talked with me about her love life with her fiance. He might be a little upset if he knew that she told me such intimate stuff. He has never met me but will be meeting me soon. We decided that he gets to choose whether he meets male or Michelle.

P.S. I have to confess that I went to your photo album and you are one gorgeous woman and then it hit me that I was being a dirty old man. I have a son 3 years older than you. Bad Dad! :D

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I think it goes back to an overall negative perception of crossdressing. I was reminded of this a few weeks ago at a family get together. Somehow the topic of cross dressing came up during a conversation with some of my GG family members. Basically all of them considered cross dressing to be weird/bordering on perverted and their was no way they could ever tolerate dating or being married to one. I was unprepared to give a postitive outlook on it due to being completely blindsided by how the topic came from out of nowhere without outing myself in the process.

What I gathered from the discussion was that while here on this forum we are accepted, in the outside world it's another story. While leaving I asked my wife how the family members would have reacted if they saw a picture of me in order to give a more postive non Jerry Springer/ COPS picture of cross dressers. She said that would not be a good idea, being that it would really freak them out to see the "man" that they know dressed up completely with make up, wig everything.

Despite the fact that I might look somewhat cute being en-femme it would probably terrify my family members to see their strong masculine tough guy relative looking like a woman. What I took from this was that they expect their men to be 100% man with no feminine attributes what so-ever.

[Von]

I'm stilll struggling to understand it myself. And to accept it myself. I have trouble believing that everyone here didn't go through a period of similar struggle - however brief, lasting, recent or long ago. Why expect a GG to be any different?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Brevity is the soul of wit.
I could go on and on about it.

[kimdl93]

I won't speak to why some women do and some don't accept CDing. But I will suggest that you consider the on-line dating services, particularly those that are less "judgemental". Put your CD interests out there along with (but not overstated) the rest of what anyone might need to know, so that the girls know this is a part of you. You may be surprised how accepting some women are of a decent, honest, fair minded, and considerate crossdressing male.

[Tomara]

Accepting women are in fact out there !
I am in a very happy relationship with one who I was very luck to meet about 1 1/2 years ago. I told her about my cross-dressing early in our relationship (somewhere around two months) , she had quite a few questions and I answered them all HONESTLY and to the best of my ability.
I do believe that being honest and open with my feelings played a major part in her accepting my cross-dressing.

Psion , I like Ryan would be curious about your approach in telling your prospective partners , maybe there is something you could work on or maybe you are just meeting the wrong people.
I hope you do find someone to be happy with.
Tomara

[IMkrystal]

I won't speak to why some women do and some don't accept CDing. But I will suggest that you consider the on-line dating services, particularly those that are less "judgemental". Put your CD interests out there along with (but not overstated) the rest of what anyone might need to know, so that the girls know this is a part of you. You may be surprised how accepting some women are of a decent, honest, fair minded, and considerate crossdressing male.


:eek: I done this several times I put my male and female profiles ON THE SAME DATING SITE! without connecting the two. The results were interesting The Crossdressed picture and profile received twice as many responses from women as the male profile. Most of their responses ran from "you are beautiful" to "You are better looking than most women on this site" Most if all of their responses ended in "Good Luck in your Search" From these responses I had the same feeling as someone has already said, "not in MY Backyard" Yet it felt friendly. I could ask questions that men do not ask and get answers ( such as problems they were having with men on this dating site or pass relationships) but no dates!

The responses to the male profile were less feeling and cautious and from women that I was not attracted to ( older). Even though I had no takers as a Cder, I enjoyed the attention the CD profile received. I wish these women could move beyond the stereotypes and be accepting .:daydreaming:

[joandher]

Most gg's have a preconceived idea of what they are looking for in a mate, for a lot it seems that cross dressing isn't part of the idea. I personally know a lot of gg's that don't have a problem with someone who cross dresses, as long as it isn't in their backyard. They may accept the fact that some men like to dress up in female attire, but they wouldn't want to date one. One can second guess their motives until the cows come home, but when it's all said and done.... it is what it is.

I agree , like my wife she used to say that c/dressers fascinate her until she learned that I like to wear ladies clothes .never said it again

NOT IN MY BACK YARD

:hugs: J-JAY

[sometimes_miss]

Women want security; the concept of her man being a crossdresser opens up in her eyes the possibility of him progressing to transsexuality, thanks so much to the media. She would see that a the beginning of the end of her relationship with you.
The security issue again comes up because women depend on men for protection; when we demonstrate feminine behavior, it makes her suspect that we wouldn't 'stand up and be a man' if the situation arose where she needed physical protection.
Women are sexually attracted to masculine men, not feminine men. That will also decrease the number (very drastically) of women interested in any of us.
It's not just the clothes.
Think about it; how many men are interested in a woman who wears men's suits (not 'man tailored' suits, real mens suits), wears mens underwear, socks and shoes, no make up, and cuts her hair real short, uses bandages to strap down her breasts, changes her voice to a monotone and lower octave, pastes on a fake mustache and/or beard, changes the way she walks from a fem wiggle to a masculine swagger? Very, very few. We just deal with the reverse.

[Pythos]

My view on this is a quite common one.

Dating sucks. LOL.

Actually this day and age all of us should be very open and honest about what we do.

For one, it is not wrong.

It also can be a chance to show you can wear "feminine" styles and still be a great date, and or lover. Break the taboo that a man looking feminine is weak.

"Women are sexually attracted to masculine men, not feminine men. That will also decrease the number (very drastically) of women interested in any of us.
It's not just the clothes. "

But this raises the question yet again. What is Masculine? Mel Gibson? George W. Bush?

Well to tell you truth, my understanding is many more women like not so macho men that are sure of themselves. They are not too hot for guys that ACT like the stereotypical woman, you know, the weak and timid creature that is the figment of a culture that considers women weak and feeble, and unable to defend themselves.

If a woman this day and age dumps you or rejects you because of how "feminine" you present yourself, she is no better than the men that rejected women who wore pants.

[JoannaCaroline]

I know Im one of the oddballs here but I got married in my mid 30's and told almost every woman I dated before I got married. Only one ever ended a relationship over it and it was very amicable. Only one other kept dating me but never really accepted it. Everyone else was fine with it and my wife would be upset with me if I suddenly stopped being TG.

Where do you look/try to find women to date? Some of you will be offended but some of my criteria, but without a lot of conscious thought here is basically what I did

1. Do not date religious people. Most are not openminded enough and most are way too worried about what everyone else thinks about them and you. There are exceptions but statistically you will find more accepting women at a gay pride parade than in a church. And yes I realize most women at a Pride parade are gay.

2. Don't date bigots. As you meet women you can very quickly tell how open minded they are. If they are bigoted in any way or paranoid about other peoples opinions about them, move on!

3. Think about where you are looking to meet women to date. I never tried meeting people online so I will leave that for others to advise. I met some wonderful accepting women gay bars, straight bars, Dance clubs, munches etc. The bigger trick is who you hang out with. Your friends tend to introduce you to other people.

That last statement is an important one. If you are always hanging out with your straight laced close minded friends and expecting to meet the openminded TG accepting girlfriend, your probably making a mistake. That is kind of like going hunting for deer with 12 yr kid banging on trashcan lids.

[eluuzion]

What is it about CDing that women don't like. Its just clothes.

What is it about Tornadoes that women don't like. Its just wind...:brolleyes:

Well, just a few guesses...

-women do not like other people borrowing their clothes without asking...lol....jus' kiddin':D

-women like it to be about "them" not just "you".

-women as a general rule, are uncomfortable with lying, secrecy and distractions....er, I mean in their partners...(sorry that was a little confusing...lol)

-women do not like partners to spend potential quality relationship time focused on a obsessively self-interested activity.

-relationships are challenging enough without adding an incredibly complex issue to the fire.

[Lyric]

I find it interesting that so many of you see this a matter of dating/marrying women as a man and hoping she can accept your feminine inclinations. That, to me seems to be coming at if from the wrong direction. In truth, a relatively small segment of the masculine populous chooses to cross dress. That's us. It's reasonable to assume that an at least similarly small segment of the population of born women would be comfortable/enthusiastic about dating or marrying a crossdresser.

I've gone for years at a time and not run into another crossdresser (to my knowledge). Then along came the Internet and they're pretty easy to find. We fall in the category of a sexual minority. Women who can appreciate us fall into a similar minority.

The Internet is full of matchmaking means for minorities. There are clubs and events for sexual minorities of various types, too. I don't think a crossdresser should pursue dating the same way you would if you were not a crossdresser. To try and do so is really to try and deny who you are. And if you can't completely accept who you are, don't expect a random woman to do so.

Lyric

[mklinden2010]

I find it interesting that so many of you see this a matter of dating/marrying women as a man and hoping she can accept your feminine inclinations. That, to me seems to be coming at if from the wrong direction. In truth, a relatively small segment of the masculine populous chooses to cross dress. That's us. It's reasonable to assume that an at least similarly small segment of the population of born women would be comfortable/enthusiastic about dating or marrying a crossdresser.

I've gone for years at a time and not run into another crossdresser (to my knowledge). Then along came the Internet and they're pretty easy to find. We fall in the category of a sexual minority. Women who can appreciate us fall into a similar minority.

The Internet is full of matchmaking means for minorities. There are clubs and events for sexual minorities of various types, too. I don't think a crossdresser should pursue dating the same way you would if you were not a crossdresser. To try and do so is really to try and deny who you are. And if you can't completely accept who you are, don't expect a random woman to do so.

Lyric


This is a great comment. Especially that part at the end. There are too many "hang dog" guys who "fess up" about CDing as if they'd done it with the cat when they hit puberty.

Many women are looking for man - a man who can take care of whatever business comes his way, their way. They are looking for competent mates, partners, fathers, breadwinners.

"And, so you crossdress too? My, you are amazing!"

In my life, it has often surprised me how many women, on hearing of my interest in crossdressing, offered to get find men for me, do threesomes, etc. They're not bad people, they are just trying to be helpful and keep a good relationship going. No, really, I'm not kidding. And... then I have to decide if I want to dance this kind of dance in MY life...(!)

You can play your cards different ways in life. I don't have to tell people this about myself, especially in early dating situations. We all know that dating is just weeding out the ones that are suitable - to us - from the ones who are not. If gal looks like she'd have problems with the idea, I just move on. That's dating...

Loved the post about not bothering with outwardly religious types, bigots, and, hooking up with friends of friends. Internet dating is great for practice, but the odds are lower there than closer to home - usually.