How do you deal with peoples reactions?

[Naomi Rayne]

As CDers there are many types of reactions we may possibly get due to many different things. Style is all personal choice, but being "different" is frowned upon in society. I have been working more and more to understand and decipher just what i want out of my want to CD and sometimes it has put me a bit on the sidelines because i do not want to out myself in some way or show that i am different in some way in order to avoid the potential bad reactions that are out there.

Lately i have been big on toenails and fingernails. I have been painting my toenails for a couple months now and i recently started to paint my fingernails in a french manicure style. Nobody has yet to notice my fingernails and say something about them to me if they had noticed.

Being that its the summer where i am i have had plenty of opportunities to go swimming with friends. I have held back because none of my friends know about me and i do not want to take off my toenail polish just to swim and then have to put it back on at some other time because i enjoy having my toenails painted.

For those of you that do paint your nails or toenails or do something else that can be particularly noticeable, What are some of the reactions you have gotten from others? (good or bad) How do you deal with the bad reactions? How have you learned to overcome them and not worry so much about what others might think?

[AmberDay]

I cause confusion with a lot of people. My coworkers do not know about me but have noticed I shave my legs, wear pink earings, and grow out my fingernails and coat them with clear shiny nail polish. They say,"Did you paint your nails Jason?" or "Do you shave your legs?" I say yes, but they also know I am married so they have this look that things aren't adding up. I'm not going to tell them I crossdress, but not going to completly hide it.

On another note, I had my nails painted silver while eating at Bob Evan's and our waitress complemented them. I gave her an extra two dollar tip.

Amber

[Gerrijerry]

well you say you have your finger nails done. People notice them. However co-workers and friends would not normally say anything about it. They may talk to each other but not to you. So since you are already out with your finger nails no one will reallt care about your toes. IN fact I would expect that they would think you have them done already. Go swimming enjoy. If some one says something just say yes they are manicured and polished I prefer them that way. Nothing more 99% of people are curious but in our world today people know what CD are and REALLY MOST DO NOT CARE.

[abigail43]

I go out all the time and people are always looking and in strange ways I often get looks of unbelief and comments from children about look mummy taht man is wearing a dress you just have to learn to ignore these things it is not about what others think it is about me and how I feel , I figure as long as I am not hurting any one then I see it as a learning experience for others .If they only knew how ignorant they were.

[Naomi Rayne]

well you say you have your finger nails done. People notice them. However co-workers and friends would not normally say anything about it. They may talk to each other but not to you. So since you are already out with your finger nails no one will reallt care about your toes. IN fact I would expect that they would think you have them done already. Go swimming enjoy. If some one says something just say yes they are manicured and polished I prefer them that way. Nothing more 99% of people are curious but in our world today people know what CD are and REALLY MOST DO NOT CARE.

My fingernails are done. But not enough that its obvious. I keep my natural pink tone of the fingers and add off white to my tips. The biggest thing that people would notice before the off white is that they are shiny. But my toes i paint colors.
In regards to my friends or people that im with i would think most of them were just curious, but i also think there are a couple that would have nothing all that nice to say. These are the ones i am worried about, not so much because i would have to stand up for myself, thats no problem, but it could cause that awkward atmosphere among people.

[Christina Horton]

Lately i have been big on toenails and fingernails. I have been painting my toenails for a couple months now and i recently started to paint my fingernails in a french manicure style. Nobody has yet to notice my fingernails and say something about them to me if they had noticed................Being that its the summer where i am i have had plenty of opportunities to go swimming with friends. I have held back because none of my friends know about me and i do not want to take off my toenail polish just to swim and then have to put it back on at some other time because i enjoy having my toenails painted.



Ok well first of all. If you have french tips people will notice them . Will they say anything No. Guys will not say anything unless the nails are PINK , Why I'm not sure but that way what happened to me when I had my nails painted and long for a year 24/7. The women would comment on the but the men would only comment on my nails when they were PINK. GO figger Tigger!!!!!

They won't say anything cuz they don't know what to say. I would be talking to someone and I would watch them glance and my hands and do that like once every few seconds . It was soooooooo Funny. But yes people who you know know you have french tips. Sorry it's just a fact.

I made a thread about my nails I had for a year and will give you the link.http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=115011

No one cares that your nails are painted but they are curious as to why but can't ask .

as for dealing with peoples reactions , I just look people in the eye when out dressed and smile to them. Remember when they see one of us , it could very well be the first time they have ever seen a CD. Like the first time you see a movie or TV star in person. You want to talk to them but are afraid to. Or just want to stare at them . Same type of thing here just that we don't make the same kind of money. LOL.

If people are going to read you then show them that wee just people to and be so nice that when they tell there friends all about the CD the saw that they say "and she ahh er He....what ever was soooo nice too." That way its a good thing.EH.

[Naomi Rayne]

Ok well first of all. If you have french tips people will notice them . Will they say anything No. Guys will not say anything unless the nails are PINK , Why I'm not sure but that way what happened to me when I had my nails painted and long for a year 24/7. The women would comment on the but the men would only comment on my nails when they were PINK. GO figger Tigger!!!!!

They won't say anything cuz they don't know what to say. I would be talking to someone and I would watch them glance and my hands and do that like once every few seconds . It was soooooooo Funny. But yes people who you know know you have french tips. Sorry it's just a fact.

I made a thread about my nails I had for a year and will give you the link.http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=115011

No one cares that your nails are painted but they are curious as to why but can't ask .

as for dealing with peoples reactions , I just look people in the eye when out dressed and smile to them. Remember when they see one of us , it could very well be the first time they have ever seen a CD. Like the first time you see a movie or TV star in person. You want to talk to them but are afraid to. Or just want to stare at them . Same type of thing here just that we don't make the same kind of money. LOL.

If people are going to read you then show them that wee just people to and be so nice that when they tell there friends all about the CD the saw that they say "and she ahh er He....what ever was soooo nice too." That way its a good thing.EH.


This was very well put. I got a lot more confidence out of this for some reason. So thank you :D. Its strange that guys wont comment on them unless they are pink. Of course women would be the ones who would notice more because they get their nails done and would be much more in tune ( i guess you could call it that) with noticing the difference.

I read your post on the nails and first i would like to tell you that i love them, both the pink and the other ones. It must be nice to have long acrylic nails. My natural nails have the potential to grow that long as i have very nice natural nails so i let them grow. although they are not that long they are decently noticeable. In the end it does not matter what people say and i do not care how they react. I was more so curious about how others dealt with the bad reactions of people because i have just started doing this to my nails and could be potentially noticeable to certain people.

My SO is very supportive of me and does not mind if they are painted. I also have a select few friends that do know i CD and encourage me to do as i please because after all its just paint. My SO has also told me that she doesnt usually notice the white tips. More so what she does notice is when they catch the light. So they very first thing is that they are shiney. Which i have no trouble with because i have been putting a clear coat over my nails for quite some time now and only had one or 2 people notice which was no big deal.

[Nicole Erin]

I no longer care what people think. As long as there is not a threat of violence, I don't even pay attention. I have had good and bad reactions to who I am. I just don't care.

[Fab Karen]

First of all, if a friend would shun you because of it, they aren't your friend. As for strangers, as long as violence is not involved, who cares what they think? Look at it the same way as if in guy-mode you chose to go around in a day-glo pink suit ( actually you'd get noticed a LOT more that way than dr.a.g. )

[Chickhe]

How about making the first move... Say, I'll go swimming, but don't ask me about my painted toenails... or just say you have some nail fungi and had to paint them with the medicine, but they looked yellow so your wife painted them red so that they looked better!

[Diane Elizabeth]

For those that think coworkers won't say anything, I beg to differ. I have several obnoxious loud uncouth co-workers that love to pry into my personal life. So until I am ready to come out into the open I will not paint my fingernails for work.

[Naomi Rayne]

How about making the first move... Say, I'll go swimming, but don't ask me about my painted toenails... or just say you have some nail fungi and had to paint them with the medicine, but they looked yellow so your wife painted them red so that they looked better!

I love this idea lol. I am trying to find ways to fit it in. Today i took the paint off to go swimming and the GG's i was with were talking about nail polish and i wanted to just be like oh yeah i have great polishes too, sorry that i took mine off for you gals haha. In the end i couldnt bring myself to do it but the thought was funny.


For those that think coworkers won't say anything, I beg to differ. I have several obnoxious loud uncouth co-workers that love to pry into my personal life. So until I am ready to come out into the open I will not paint my fingernails for work.

I dont really have co-workers like that but i can definitely understand that decision.

[Jamie001]

NO DON'T MAKE EXCUSES! There is no reason to be ashamed. Just tell people that you like having red toenails. It's really that simple.


How about making the first move... Say, I'll go swimming, but don't ask me about my painted toenails... or just say you have some nail fungi and had to paint them with the medicine, but they looked yellow so your wife painted them red so that they looked better!

[AriannaVillota]

I'm past the point of caring what others think. It gets to the point where I only have enough energy to worry about myself. =)

[Christina Horton]

How about making the first move... Say, I'll go swimming, but don't ask me about my painted toenails... or just say you have some nail fungi and had to paint them with the medicine, but they looked yellow so your wife painted them red so that they looked better!

Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why....make any excuse on your painted nails. If they ask just say you like them that way and so does your SO and leave it at that. If your not ready to (come out) don't say any more if you don't care what they think just tell them your CD. 99% of the people I tell just go "oh ok " some thinks it's neat others just don't understand.But all don't have any real prob with it cuz "I ANT THERE FEET OR HANDS PEOPLE"............."THERE YOURS" ! But thats just my thoughts on it. Make up your own mind and do what YOU want. That's all anyone can do.

[Naomi Rayne]

Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why....make any excuse on your painted nails. If they ask just say you like them that way and so does your SO and leave it at that. If your not ready to (come out) don't say any more if you don't care what they think just tell them your CD. 99% of the people I tell just go "oh ok " some thinks it's neat others just don't understand.But all don't have any real prob with it cuz "I ANT THERE FEET OR HANDS PEOPLE"............."THERE YOURS" ! But thats just my thoughts on it. Make up your own mind and do what YOU want. That's all anyone can do.

Its not that your wrong, because your not. I just cant bring myself to not hide them. Its some wall i just cant seem to get over. I am working on it though. Little by little.

[Joanne f]

I have my finger nails done in what i would call a translucent (had to be trans):heehee: purple all the time and even when people notice they really say anything apart from "i like your nails" but this week i have changed it to a pink/movie sort of colour which has sparkly bits in it ,OK a bit young for me but i like it, and i have noticed that i am getting a reaction from females when i pay for something , they seam to be more friendly and one even touched my hand in a odd way , but yesterday i did have a young girl who served me at the checkout and kept look in disbelief which brought a big smile to my face .

[Mirani]

How about making the first move... Say, I'll go swimming, but don't ask me about my painted toenails... or just say you have some nail fungi and had to paint them with the medicine, but they looked yellow so your wife painted them red so that they looked better!

Don't start down that one. It is silly and obviously not true.
So:

Q "Why do you paint your nails?"
A "I like to"
Q "Why?"
A "I don't need to justify it - as I said I like to"
Q "But painting nails is for women"
A "Obviously not"
Q "Doesn't make sense to me"
A "Never mind"

End of.

[Joanne f]

That has just reminded me of a time when i went into a local supermarket with red varnish on and i went to the checkout and it was someone i know and also know she is bit of a nosey bitch , Q" Why have you got red varnish on "
A "because it is not blue" a spaced out look from her and just carried on , and knowing her she told everyone after me about it .:D

[marlacd]

I use swimming as an excuse to change the color of my toenails!

[PrettyFlowingGown]

I've never really had a bad reaction from other people while dressed, particurely straight people. I go out to a gay place in brsbane and a few straight gg's go there with freinds. One night a girl said my make-up did'nt suit me, but thats the only bad feedback i've had. Mostly, i get great feedback cause i always wear formal whatever the occasion. I like long dresses, skirts so I always wear them out whenever I get the chance. However, sometimes other cd's have had something to say like "Why do you always wear long flowing dresses, you should show some leg". i've been honest, i'm not into shorter skirts or dresses, plus I think longer dresses are more lady-like.

[Katheryn]

Being that its the summer where i am i have had plenty of opportunities to go swimming with friends. I have held back because none of my friends know about me and i do not want to take off my toenail polish just to swim and then have to put it back on at some other time because i enjoy having my toenails painted.

A suggestion there as I am a pedi fan....


They make waterproof swim shoes that cover toes pretty well, I have a pair by Nike. They're not high heeled however....





For those of you that do paint your nails or toenails or do something else that can be particularly noticeable, What are some of the reactions you have gotten from others? (good or bad) How do you deal with the bad reactions? How have you learned to overcome them and not worry so much about what others might think?

I had a full set of acrylics done for a trip to North Carolina. The hills on the west side. Other than getting stopped at each airport for a security check, no problems. Got some strange stares by some of the locals at restaurants, but got a few compliments from some of the young ladies working at stores in Boone where we stopped for a day.

Kate

[Jenny Doolittle]

Confidence = Dressing for yourself and not for others.

[wanagione]

I shave my arms, legs, well ,everything. I work mostly with gg's i know they notice it but they don't say anything to me at all about it. As for outside of work, no one really says anything about it at all. I do have one ear pierced, they noticed that and did ask me about it. but that has been 2 years now and its do common its not an issue.

[Mi$$ Despair]

I never had a prob with anybody concerning my nails or eyemakeup in my male mode, few second takes by tough rednecky guys but they don't give a shit and go about.

Only go outside in female mode for gigs and few other events I'm asked to attend, so everyone expects it.

[AKAMichelle]

I usually wear sandals in the summer and with my toenails painted I have been wearing sandals en femme and shoes that hide the toes in male mode.

I am planning on getting a mani and pedi next week. Maybe I need to change the color.

[Naomi Rayne]

That has just reminded me of a time when i went into a local supermarket with red varnish on and i went to the checkout and it was someone i know and also know she is bit of a nosey bitch , Q" Why have you got red varnish on "
A "because it is not blue" a spaced out look from her and just carried on , and knowing her she told everyone after me about it .:D

This one made me laugh a lot. And its right up my ally because it sounds exactly like the kind of sarcastic and smart a** answer i would give to a person, friend or stranger.

My fingernails are done in a french style and for some reason i have no problem displaying them because they do sort of look normal, but my toes are painted colors and thats obvious and attracts attention. I am working on not caring what other peoples reactions are and everyone here is definitely helping.


A suggestion there as I am a pedi fan....


They make waterproof swim shoes that cover toes pretty well, I have a pair by Nike. They're not high heeled however....





I had a full set of acrylics done for a trip to North Carolina. The hills on the west side. Other than getting stopped at each airport for a security check, no problems. Got some strange stares by some of the locals at restaurants, but got a few compliments from some of the young ladies working at stores in Boone where we stopped for a day.

Kate

Waterproof shoes would be even more foolish in my case then the pained toenails thing. That would raise more questions and get a lot more laughs i think because i am 20 and so is most of the crowd that i hang out with.


I shave my arms, legs, well ,everything. I work mostly with gg's i know they notice it but they don't say anything to me at all about it. As for outside of work, no one really says anything about it at all. I do have one ear pierced, they noticed that and did ask me about it. but that has been 2 years now and its do common its not an issue.

I shave my legs also and have both my ears pierced, but the are gaged a bit. GG's are usually pretty intuitive to stuff like that, but at the same time dont seem to care. I have no experience with telling any males though so i am not sure how that works out for people.

[Christina Horton]

I shave my legs also and have both my ears pierced, but the are gaged a bit. GG's are usually pretty intuitive to stuff like that, but at the same time dont seem to care. I have no experience with telling any males though so i am not sure how that works out for people.


When I was 22 I told all me friends and my best friend Dave.I've know him since we were 8 and . I called him up and told him I needed to talk. He came to the door and he saw me in a taffeta gown . I was fully dressed form the neck down and I said "this is what I wanted to talk about". We talked for an hour before he asked me to change. If your male friends are real friends they will understand if you talk to then one on one. Just make sure they know how hard it was to tell them . The sooner you tell them and come out of the (Closet) the better and the quicker you can go out fully dressed and live life tha way you want and need to.

Oh ya one other thing......DON'T EVER PURGE!!!!!!!!!! If your not sure what that means , it means you get all frustrated with the CD thing and mad ,ashamed E.T.C... and you though all your stuff away.

This Crossdressing thing will NEVER go away. It may lay dormant for months or years but will ALWAYS come back. So if you think you need to purge just put all your stuff in boxes and put them away somewhere you can find them WHEN you need them in the future. LOL it could be that your purge took so long to except that you need to CD again that your clothes are out of style but you'd still have them to wear to get more in style stuff, LOL.

That's just FYI. Have fun.......

[Naomi Rayne]

When I was 22 I told all me friends and my best friend Dave.I've know him since we were 8 and . I called him up and told him I needed to talk. He came to the door and he saw me in a taffeta gown . I was fully dressed form the neck down and I said "this is what I wanted to talk about". We talked for an hour before he asked me to change. If your male friends are real friends they will understand if you talk to then one on one. Just make sure they know how hard it was to tell them . The sooner you tell them and come out of the (Closet) the better and the quicker you can go out fully dressed and live life tha way you want and need to.

Oh ya one other thing......DON'T EVER PURGE!!!!!!!!!! If your not sure what that means , it means you get all frustrated with the CD thing and mad ,ashamed E.T.C... and you though all your stuff away.

This Crossdressing thing will NEVER go away. It may lay dormant for months or years but will ALWAYS come back. So if you think you need to purge just put all your stuff in boxes and put them away somewhere you can find them WHEN you need them in the future. LOL it could be that your purge took so long to except that you need to CD again that your clothes are out of style but you'd still have them to wear to get more in style stuff, LOL.

That's just FYI. Have fun.......

Yeah see the thing is about male friends is that i dont really have many and most of them i cant see being real friends throughout my life. Although that makes a lot of sense to talk to them one on one. I am not quite sure if i would answer the door in a gown haha, but that is a good way to do it.

Bleh purge? yeah right. lol I dealt with the whole ashamed thing for a couple years as i had all the thoughts of CDing and the wants without every really trying anything for fear of it. I have come to an understanding with myself and i have no problems with the way i am. I could never throw all the stuff away. It may just be stuff, but its a part of who i am.

[Sarah Doepner]

Our comfort zones are all different and change over time and with different situations. I never thought I'd be comfortable shaving my mustache off, but it's been gone so long most people don't remember it. I never believed I'd be comfortable having my legs shaved in the summer time, but here I am. My fingernails are longer and smoother and shinier than ever before and I don't believe I'll ever be able to go out with my toenails painted. That too will probably change.

The purpose of the story is get you to relax and recognize your comfort zone is a new place all the time. You don't need to rush to the next step, no one is going to take away your Crossdresser Permit if you don't meet "The Schedule" of coming out. Enjoy what you are willing to do and don't worry about the rest. Swimming with friends is fun, be there and enjoy their company. Nail polish can go back on once the swimming is done and it's fun to do.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Lola,

I think you're talking about being in guy mode and having particularly noticeable painted fingernails and toenails - right? Yes. I do that too :)

What are some of the reactions you have gotten from others?
Most of the time I see that people do notice, but they usually don't say anything. I see their eyes looking at my hands. I've had teens giggling, women smiling, and men frowning. A couple of times I was at stores and the GGs who were checking me out at the register said "I like your nails", not sure if they really did like them or just wanted to let me (and everyone else in the line) know that she noticed. Both times, I just said "thanks, I like them too". :)

How do you deal with the bad reactions? At the moment, the only "bad reaction" I've had was some guy in a line at the grocery store. He looked at me and gave me an obvious look of disgust or that I was like "a piece of something smelly stuck to his shoe" :sad: ... he made me think that I was doing something threatening that he didn't like. I felt a little bit scared but I knew he wasn't likely to hit me or anything, not in the store in front of a load of people. Anyway, that's the only time anything "bad" has happened and it wasn't "that" bad.

How have you learned to overcome them and not worry so much about what others might think?
IMHO you have to experience a "bad reaction" and then nothing come of it. In other words, do it, be prepared for some negativity, have a rehearsed answer if anyone asks you and when you get through it unscathed you realize that you're ok and it was nothing. In my case, my rehearsed answer (that I've only ever used a couple of times ) is "yeah, I know it's different, maybe even a bit weird, but I still like like it". Mostly, I've had either people looking but saying nothing, or looking and saying "I like your nails" (and I say back "thanks") and one time I had a GG ask me where I got them done, at what salon? .. and I told her that they were my own fingernails and I paint them myself :)

[Naomi Rayne]

Hi Lola,

I think you're talking about being in guy mode and having particularly noticeable painted fingernails and toenails - right? Yes. I do that too :)

What are some of the reactions you have gotten from others?
Most of the time I see that people do notice, but they usually don't say anything. I see their eyes looking at my hands. I've had teens giggling, women smiling, and men frowning. A couple of times I was at stores and the GGs who were checking me out at the register said "I like your nails", not sure if they really did like them or just wanted to let me (and everyone else in the line) know that she noticed. Both times, I just said "thanks, I like them too". :)

How do you deal with the bad reactions? At the moment, the only "bad reaction" I've had was some guy in a line at the grocery store. He looked at me and gave me an obvious look of disgust or that I was like "a piece of something smelly stuck to his shoe" :sad: ... he made me think that I was doing something threatening that he didn't like. I felt a little bit scared but I knew he wasn't likely to hit me or anything, not in the store in front of a load of people. Anyway, that's the only time anything "bad" has happened and it wasn't "that" bad.

How have you learned to overcome them and not worry so much about what others might think?
IMHO you have to experience a "bad reaction" and then nothing come of it. In other words, do it, be prepared for some negativity, have a rehearsed answer if anyone asks you and when you get through it unscathed you realize that you're ok and it was nothing. In my case, my rehearsed answer (that I've only ever used a couple of times ) is "yeah, I know it's different, maybe even a bit weird, but I still like like it". Mostly, I've had either people looking but saying nothing, or looking and saying "I like your nails" (and I say back "thanks") and one time I had a GG ask me where I got them done, at what salon? .. and I told her that they were my own fingernails and I paint them myself :)


The last part about the being prepared for a "bad reaction" is something that i am experiencing. I feel like im on guard at all times just waiting for someone to notice and comment on my fingernails. Not because i am worried about the reaction, or because i expect it to be bad. I am just on guard. I am sure you are right when you say that i need to experience some type of reaction, good or bad, before i can relax and put that guard down and realize that its really not a big deal at all.