So, today the wife said.

[Chloe Renee]

My wife is supportive of some of not most of my CD habits, and is trying to understand my TG nature. Here are three things that were said today that struck me.

As I was getting ready for work in the bathroom this morning the wife knocked on the door. Followed by "princess I need to come in there" she does what she needs to do, as I finish up.
A little later I am ready to walk out the door for the office in ( woman's) jeans, (men's) polo and sneakers, my usual attire. We're taking about what we need to do tonight, stops mid discussion and says " you do not pull off boy very well anymore. Since you came out (tg) it is not convincing" this led to a short discussion of why and how. I don't see anything that I am doing differently, but apparently my gesturing and movements are different to her .

Tonight, after my leaving wallet at the house she told me "you need a purse, so you just have to grab one thing when we go somewhere, you have never been good at grabbing everything"

I just had to share.

[Kathi Lake]

Interesting. I wonder if it is due to perception on her part, or a greater and greater comfort level on your part. My questions are; How do you feel when she says these things? How does she feel saying them to you?

Kathi

[Inna]

Looks to me like match made in heaven. Such an acceptance or rather encouragement is aether a blessing or curse. Just as Kathi pointed out, importance is in weather those statements are truthful or sarcastic in nature.

[Chloe Renee]

I do know that her perception has been altered. I am sure I've started to become comfortable with myself. So it is safe to say that it is a combination of the two.

When I try to present as male it bothers me a little. But I am what I am. I've always been girly so it doesn't shock me that I'm giving off girl.
I can't speak for her, I do know she is somewhat uncomfortable with the subject. Yet she has told me the "princess" thing she finds funny and does it to tease me. If it is good natured teaseing I don't mind it.

[ReineD]

Well, I don't call my SO 'princess', lol, but there have been many changes since she first came out to me. The eyebrows are now plucked, the ears are pierced, she has had several permanent laser facial hair removal sessions, her nails are now permanently long and shaped (no more need for press-ons), there is no more arm, leg, upper chest, and upper back hair, and her naturally long and curly hair is styled and dyed on a regular basis. Her toe nails are painted much of the time too and her skin is much paler than before because she now wears sun block on her face and arms. She doesn't wear femme clothes in guy mode, but her guy look has most definitely taken on a more feminine appearance, which is not surprising, given all the changes.

I'm OK with most of this most of the time. I've not had feminine looking partners before and I'm not attracted to women, so it is natural that I've had to make some adjustments. And I've done this because I do love her. All of her. But I don't know if she is aware of the struggles that I've experienced. Throughout all of this I wanted to support her and I didn't feel it was my place to voice any objections to any of the changes. Deep down I knew that I could stretch, although at times I did struggle with it and I didn't know how far it would go and how far I could stretch.

We also are not in a committed relationship so she is quite free to do as she pleases. Even if we were committed to one another, I can't ever see myself giving or not giving anyone permission to express themselves however they see fit. The only thing I can do is to move on (with far deeper regrets and sense of loss than I can ever express), should my SO and I ever reach the point where her femme expression becomes greater than I am wired to be attracted to. Trouble is, I do not know what that point is until we get there. But I still don't know if there are more changes to come, so there is an unsettled feeling that hovers in the background. It doesn't come to the surface much, but it is there.

You say that your wife is supportive of some but not all of your CDing behaviors and that she struggles to understand. If she is like me, she may be doing her best to support you, but she may still be experiencing some internal conflict. I'm not suggesting you stop doing what you do, but you may wish to consider asking your wife how she feels about your presentation? If nothing else, it will give her the feeling that you do care about her feelings and if she is feeling conflicted, just knowing that you care may help her get over any struggles she may be experiencing. Her mind might be eased all the sooner.

I love my SO and it was much easier to put on a brave front than to voice any uneasiness. I did not want to cause her such discomfort that she would have felt compelled to hold herself back, even when she needed to make the changes that she made. I feared that she would have resented me in the long run if this happened. If that makes sense.

What I've just said comes from the bottom of my heart and from my own experience, and I have no idea if your wife is experiencing what I've described. But I do want to make you aware of the possibility, just in case.

[Crysten]

We also are not in a committed relationship so she is quite free to do as she pleases. -- I love my SO



"I love my SO more than anything but we sleep around with whoever we want and if I have to leave, well I'll regret it but I'll get over it".

This makes....absolutely no sense to me. If you are totally free to be with any guy you want...why on EARTH would you care HOW your "SO" presents himself? Seriously.

[Jenny Doolittle]

I am happy your wife is supportive and sees humor in your partnership, I think that kind of teasing is a way to show acceptance and love. My wife also uses humor as a way to acknowledge my feminine side. Yesterday as I was dressing she patted me on my butt (panties) and said, Cute panties! Then she said wait, and came up behind me and bunched my panties up and said...."Look, a Thong!" and laughed.

Anyway, just keep telling her how much you love her and go shopping for that purse!
:D

[wanagione]

Since I told my wife about 5 years ago she is still coming to turms with all of this. I told her I have 40 some years to work on this, I can give her all the time she needs. I shave everything and she is ok with that, I do wear panites all the time and we actually fight over who's panties are who's, she takes my tops and i even had to lend her a dress to go to a party. She has see me dressed. She still however, is afraid of me being "caught" by neighbors when i go out. and she doesn't want our kids to know about this. Although one son has found pictures of me dressed.
She has asked me if i wanted to ever transition, and she did send me to a confrence for my birthday. But i knkow that she is still stuggeling with the issue.

[AKAMichelle]

She is seeing the real you. That is why she sees you failing at male presentation now.

[Joanne f]

When we are given the space and freedom to act and feel what is inside of us we drop are guard and start to do it naturally and freedom of expression grows on you and it is our SOs who notice this the most , some can absorb this quite easily and some need more time and some find it hard to cope with , i know that if my reins were not occasionally tugged at i would go over the top with it , i have sensed for a long time that there are some GGs who are fully supportive of their CD/TG SOs yet have some concerns within themselves in coping with it so i admire them immensely for showing this unselfish act of support towards their SO and others who need it, but they really do need to let some of it out sometimes as bottling it up all the time is not good for you and if i can sense it then i am sure the SO can also , let them help you a little bit .

[kaitlin]

I know that feeling very well! Kiss you wonderful wife and love her, enjoy your fem side with a blessing from her!!!!

[ReineD]

"I love my SO more than anything but we sleep around with whoever we want and if I have to leave, well I'll regret it but I'll get over it".

This makes....absolutely no sense to me. If you are totally free to be with any guy you want...why on EARTH would you care HOW your "SO" presents himself? Seriously.

You completely misread my post. Nowhere did I talk about sleeping around. I am referring to someone's presentation.

[Chloe Renee]

Reine, I agree with your post.
My wife and have had an ongoing, open dialog since I admitted to myself how I felt. It is not easy for her, she like you is struggling with the situation.
This, the whole "Honey, I want to be a girl" bomb is something that is more than a little hardto take. I have wrestled with my feelings for 20 some years, and I still don't understand it completely. She has told me that coming to grips with that is forcing her to change how she thought her future would be. She is faced with being viewed as out of the norm by society at large, or to be perceived as a lesbian by people. (disclaimer neither of us think any thing is wrong with being gay. Let's face it there is discrimination out there) She is scared that all I have worked for will be for naught, if I transition. She is rightfully concerned about having children, and what torment they may face.

Thankfully, we have a friends within the lgbt community that she can talk to. I have suggested the forum to her, it is not her thing, face to face is. This gives her an outlet other than me, to voice concerns and fears. These friends are a godsend, delivering alternative perspectives I cannot. I know what I want, but I know I have to go at her pace, if I want our relationship to remain intact. Which is one of my goals.

That being said, 8yrs back when I admitted to being a crossdresser. Neither of is ever thought she would be okay with my dressing. Let alone shop for/with me.

Odds are this post will need editing in the am, I am over tired and rambling. I think. Gnite

[StephaniAnn]

That was a very honest post, Reine. That openness is a gift.

(the last time I truncated someone's post, I got screamed at.....)

[ReineD]

My wife and have had an ongoing, open dialog since I admitted to myself how I felt. It is not easy for her, she like you is struggling with the situation.


I'm glad the two of you are talking. That's what's most important. And it's a blessing to have friends that your wife can talk to.

I don't struggle with my SO's appearance now so much. I was saying that it was difficult when she was making all the changes. I wasn't prepared for them and they seemed to be happening, one right after the other. I didn't know how far it would go. My SO doesn't identify as a TS but she does say she is dual-gender.

Our biggest challenge would be if she wanted to go full time or transition. As I indicated earlier I have no idea, until actually faced with the situation, how our relationship will play out if this happens.

Your wife is more than welcome to join here and become a member of FAB. FAB members run the full spectrum on levels of support, from the GGs who are struggling to those whose partners have, or are undergoing transition. The vast majority of our FABs are here because they do wish to support their husbands.
:hugs:

[kimdl93]

In my case, the "bomb" was dropped long before we decided to get married, but it was a bit of a surprise to her. My surprise was how accepting she was and how over time, she even coaxed me towards being more at ease with and accepting of myself.

[tomkitty]

Since I told my wife about 5 years ago she is still coming to turms with all of this. I told her I have 40 some years to work on this, I can give her all the time she needs. I shave everything and she is ok with that, I do wear panites all the time and we actually fight over who's panties are who's, she takes my tops and i even had to lend her a dress to go to a party. She has see me dressed. She still however, is afraid of me being "caught" by neighbors when i go out. and she doesn't want our kids to know about this. Although one son has found pictures of me dressed.
She has asked me if i wanted to ever transition, and she did send me to a confrence for my birthday. But i knkow that she is still stuggeling with the issue.

LOL !!! Yesterday my SO was "working from home" and emailed a photo .... she was wearing my new shoes :brolleyes:

[Billijo49504]

Like on the Geico comercial, a Europeon man bag....BJ

[TxKimberly]

Interesting. I wonder if it is due to perception on her part, or a greater and greater comfort level on your part. My questions are; How do you feel when she says these things? How does she feel saying them to you?

Kathi

There Kathi goes taking the words outta my mouth again. Yeah, what Kathi said and asked. . .