I'v got a little problem.

[patti1569]

After a very long time my wife is accepting of my crossdressing (again). Now she says that it’s all good, but she would like to control how fast things move. So far nothing has been off limits in terms of dressing. Now here is the dilemma: one thing she freaked out about years ago was my use of the internet. So right now she doesn’t know that I joined this forum. She also doesn’t really know that I have created the persona of Patti online or that I refer to myself that way. I hate keeping things from her but I don’t really think she is ready to hear all about this yet.
So should I:
1) Tell her everything
2) Tell her nothing
3) Tell her first about “Patti”, and slowly tell her about my internet usage?
Any advice would be great!! Thanks, Patti.

[Debb]

Patti, is "Patti" just a nom de plume, or an actual persona? My wife takes Bethany Marie as my pen name, and it really is ... it's the name I would have liked to have when born, and I use it on the forums and in real life when dressed, but it's not a persona; I'm still just me, dressed the way I wish to appear.

The internet has grown in popularity, and misunderstanding it has lessened ... perhaps your wife has come to the point where she can understand that you need to talk to like-minded people, not for reinforcement of your ideas, but for shaping of them, understanding of them.

I think especially if you're uncomfortable with your perceived dishonesty, you should absolutely sit down and discuss it. Really take pains to explain how important it is; it's a form of therapy, not led by a therapist but by yourself.

[Victoria Anne]

Patti it is primarily the lying that women hate so much as it is seen as a betrayal so I would advise that you tell her everything and keep nothing back.
She will still love you and yes there maybe some hurt feelings but once everything is in the open you can move forward unfettered. She will appreciate the honesty.

[linnea]

Though it may be difficult and painful, I would say that at this point, i.e., the point at which she has said that "it's all good," you should tell her more and ask what else she would like to know.
A lot depends on the progress that you made previously, how accepting or antagonistic she was, how you feel regarding her attitude--only you can determine the answers to those topics.
Don't rush, and check on her feelings the whole way through.
Good luck.

[Alberta_Pat]

Patti;

My thougts are that you should approach your LovelyWife with proposition #1. (You put it first for a reason ;) ).

As for joining this form, tell her the truth. You joined to learn more about yourself. You are now "ready" to share what you have learned.

You are now both able to explore further together. Invite your bride to join, and she will soon be able to enter the "FAB" section, where she may discuss her personal concerns with other GG who have and are experiencing the things she is.

[JennaR]

Tough one, This is what I would do, right or wrong. Sign off crossdressers.com. close the account. Don't access it for now. The internet thing, is she dead set against any usage at all? if so I don't know maybe it's option number 2 (if it's important enough to you that your willing to take the heat) And you could deal with the distrust, and cynicisum issue if she finds out :eek: That aside, Pick the perfect time, tell her you found a website that treats the cross-dressing in a mature and transparent environment (we have tough admeanistrators, good gosh you can’t hardly get away with any devious stuff, try as we might)
Just say I want to be a part of this and want you to be as well. If she say’s absolutely not, well there’s option 2 again but I don’t advise it. Then slooooowly move on the name thing give it a month or two. Come on use your charm you could do it, timing is everything. As far as option 1, To be honest I wouldn’t divulge that I secretly had already started the process but then again I’m kinda a jerk sometimes. Face the facts, it won’t make you feel better telling her that you already crossed the line and what’s the benefit to her? No really, what does it help to create all this drama.

Good luck

[Joanne f]

I can understand your wife`s mistrust of the use of the Internet as we all know that there are many types of sites that one could go on and to a certain extent my wife is the same as she would not tolerate me going on anything that i could chat to other females or look at other females so when i showed her this site she was OK with it , yes there is the possibility of messaging other females on here but i avoid that for many reasons, so i think there is a good chance that your wife would be comfortable with you on this forum and i am sure that your wife would understand the need to create Patti as a need to communicate on the same level as others so i would tell her all in one go and also explain that there is a forum also for the GGs which we cannot have access to .

[pattyv]

Patti-my wife supports my CDing. She is very comfortable with me on this forum. She knows I'm not interested in other women or men. Introduce her to this forum, and discuss her concerns. Show her the humorous as well as the serious side of our discussions here. When she realizes we are not a threat, but a support for you and her I believe she will accept it.
Let us know your progress, and good luck.

Patty.

[BobbiU]

I think it it very important to have your SO accept your cross dressing. It will make your life better, and her's if she's a part of it. I am a firm believer, that things like this need to be worked on over time, and she needs to become comfortable with it again. Personally, I think it will benefit you if you DO try to limit your internet usage. She's willing to accept your CDing, I think in good faith, you should try to accept her request. Trust and acceptances goes both ways. If we want our SO's to accept our desires, we need to accept their request also. Build up the trust and accepting of your CDing, and over time, you will have the opportunity to discuss the internet usage and formals, and since she'll have had time to accpet CDing more, I would expect that she will eventually be accpeting to usage of the internet, Especially a site such as this, that is a real resource for the CDing person, and the SO. It's a great resource, and the time will be right to expose it to her.

Just my :2c: worth.

[ShannonIL]

i'd tell her. any issue she has with your internet use is going to come from her belief that you're hiding something, so it doesn't make any sense to hide this from her and prove her right.

[Shelly Preston]

You will have to be honest with her

I would tell her you found this site that will be able to help her understand more

She could join too like other partners have and some have even made good friends in the process

[Tasha McIntyre]

Patti,

Your wifes fear of the internet may stem from believing that it is full of smut, deviants and sexual predators.

I would be totally up front, explaining that you have found this site that is (in my experience anyway) fun and informative. Invite your wife to explore the site, either with you or on her own. I used that tactic with my wife, and it worked beautifully to the point that she even joined herself. That has lead to greater acceptance and understanding.

Good luck.

Tash :)

[Chris7ina]

She already accepts you. Isn't that enough. You don't have to tell your wife/SO everything... IMO.

[Pam.]

Hello Patti

Tell her everything. If your wife is understanding, she may be mad at you & so she should be, but she may well settle & join herself.

Lies only catch up with you & place strain on you also. Find a quite time & share all of who you are with her. If you love her - be open with her.

Pam

[patti1569]

WOW!! Thanks for all of the great advice.

Bethany, I guess “Patti” is more like a pen name than who I become while dressed. That would be a great way to explain it to my wife. Thanks!
Jenna, I love your advice and hadn’t thought of that option. I think that in reality, I will probably do something along those lines. I probably jumped in a little too fast and joined this forum. I should have told her first, and then joined. Too late now, but if I back up a little, toss it up to a learning experience, and move forward from there I think we’ll be good! I like how you think! Thanks again.

Christina, I was really leaning this way to be honest. I kind of like having some secrets. I actually had a therapist tell me (in reference to my dressing) that little secrets are OK in a relationship and we don’t need to tell our spouses everything. However, I think this is one thing I will share, eventually… Plus I think it would be cool if she joined too.

Everyone else, THANK YOU ALL!!! This is the reason that I want to belong here. All of this advice from peeps that know what I'm going thru is the best! Much love to everyone!

[ReineD]

Patti, you can't close out your account. We don't do this. Besides, you just only joined a few days before beginning this thread! :)

When your wife expressed her discomfort with internet activities, I'm sure she was referring to the meet-up, kinky sites. I'd feel awkward if my SO chose to hang around those sites too. I'd feel as if he was looking for sex partners.

But joining here for education, friendship, and support is quite a different matter. You can tell your wife that you understand her concerns about the sexual aspect of the Cding, but cd.com is not "one of those sites" and you do need to obtain answers for yourself. And you want to meet others who, like you, are not interested in the kinky stuff. Invite her to join here too, and join FAB (see the link under my signature) for support, and also encourage her to read the threads in the MtF with you. Then you can tell her which of those threads fit your circumstances, and which others you find are down right silly. :)

Don't forget to point out that members here span all ages, are single and married, are straight and homosexual, are CDs and TSs, and everything in between. Many of the topics that are discussed here will not apply to you or to your relationship.
:hugs: