SandraAbsent
07-18-2010, 08:31 AM
Well I went and did it again. The evening started pretty normal. Myself and my partner from work decided to head to have a few drinks after work this Friday. One of my favorite places to go is a little sushi bar a few blocks from my house Very small place, clean, well decorated and lit, and a slightly more upscale customers (my town is ridden with hole in the wall joints so here is always a refreshing change). The other big reason we go there is that the bartender is just an absolute sweetheart.
Well after dinner and a few drinks my friend went home, but i was having a good time (in drab) so I stayed. I mentioned earlier that the bartender is a total sweetheart right? Well I have spent plenty of nights staying there for hours talking to her while we were the only two people in the place. Needless to say over time we have gotten to be pretty good friends. A while back I told myself that with any new friends I made, I would make sure they new about Sandra. I guess its just easier to tell someone you are just becoming friends with than someone youve known for a lifetime. Maybe just less risk?
Ok fast forward...So here I sit with about 6 or 8 other patrons around the bar and the consensus was that we would watch good old fashioned re-runs of "Cops" on the tele. Well one of the arrests they were making featured a crossdresser. It looked pretty sad actually as she was involved with a crack bust and prostitution. I surmise that this is not too uncommon as we all know that the transgender community is plagued with depression, and drug abuse is often synonymous with depression. Well this was all going on my bartender and newest friend was very openly sympathetic to the situation. In the meantime some yahoos at the end of the bar were laughing hysterically while referring to the girl on the tele as "IT" and "HE." Amazingly even the police had the respect to say "SHE," even though her wig had clearly fallen off and she was clearly a genetic male. Well by now myself and my friend behind the bar were engaged in a conversation about how embarrassing this must have been for her and how rude it was that these guys were calling her "IT".
Fast forward again. After some long discussion it turns out that one class this girlfriend of mine had taken was a gender study class and the issues of gender and the transgender community was covered in length in some of her other womans studies classes. This friend of mine has a nack for dating men in uniform. So another tid bit I discovered is that as part of modern police training, gender issues are thought at length and at least in most law enforcement training future cops are trained to refer to us as "SHE." It was nice to see it actually happening on t.v.
So now I have a pretty good idea that my friend is probably going to be pretty accepting if I tell her. After a little prepping, "if you tell anyone else I will kill you" I just went ahead and let it roll off my tongue. Ok her first response was "OMG I would have had no idea." She then put the last two hours of conversation together and it made a bit more sense to her why I was so open to a gender conversation. It turns out that one of her other best friends is TG so it was no big deal to her. Needless to say, I was soooooooooo relieved. And now I have not just another friend, but another supporter! Well it was locked in with showing her some of my pictures and the comment was "OMG YOU LOOK AMAZING!!!" After a very long week and month with many frustrations, this night was one of the best nights I have had in a very very very long time. I am still grinning ear to ear.
I do find it interesting after a long discussion with her how the transgender community is approached by some within the academic community. I think the most important point of sharing this story with you all is that we are all afraid we wont be accepted. Yes there are some ignorant people out there, but I think its balanced by some very open minded people, and even some that have actually taken some time to educate themselves. This experience has given me a lot more insight and confidence as I struggle to bring myself to comming out to those I care about. I hope it helps you too.
xoxo
Sandra
Well after dinner and a few drinks my friend went home, but i was having a good time (in drab) so I stayed. I mentioned earlier that the bartender is a total sweetheart right? Well I have spent plenty of nights staying there for hours talking to her while we were the only two people in the place. Needless to say over time we have gotten to be pretty good friends. A while back I told myself that with any new friends I made, I would make sure they new about Sandra. I guess its just easier to tell someone you are just becoming friends with than someone youve known for a lifetime. Maybe just less risk?
Ok fast forward...So here I sit with about 6 or 8 other patrons around the bar and the consensus was that we would watch good old fashioned re-runs of "Cops" on the tele. Well one of the arrests they were making featured a crossdresser. It looked pretty sad actually as she was involved with a crack bust and prostitution. I surmise that this is not too uncommon as we all know that the transgender community is plagued with depression, and drug abuse is often synonymous with depression. Well this was all going on my bartender and newest friend was very openly sympathetic to the situation. In the meantime some yahoos at the end of the bar were laughing hysterically while referring to the girl on the tele as "IT" and "HE." Amazingly even the police had the respect to say "SHE," even though her wig had clearly fallen off and she was clearly a genetic male. Well by now myself and my friend behind the bar were engaged in a conversation about how embarrassing this must have been for her and how rude it was that these guys were calling her "IT".
Fast forward again. After some long discussion it turns out that one class this girlfriend of mine had taken was a gender study class and the issues of gender and the transgender community was covered in length in some of her other womans studies classes. This friend of mine has a nack for dating men in uniform. So another tid bit I discovered is that as part of modern police training, gender issues are thought at length and at least in most law enforcement training future cops are trained to refer to us as "SHE." It was nice to see it actually happening on t.v.
So now I have a pretty good idea that my friend is probably going to be pretty accepting if I tell her. After a little prepping, "if you tell anyone else I will kill you" I just went ahead and let it roll off my tongue. Ok her first response was "OMG I would have had no idea." She then put the last two hours of conversation together and it made a bit more sense to her why I was so open to a gender conversation. It turns out that one of her other best friends is TG so it was no big deal to her. Needless to say, I was soooooooooo relieved. And now I have not just another friend, but another supporter! Well it was locked in with showing her some of my pictures and the comment was "OMG YOU LOOK AMAZING!!!" After a very long week and month with many frustrations, this night was one of the best nights I have had in a very very very long time. I am still grinning ear to ear.
I do find it interesting after a long discussion with her how the transgender community is approached by some within the academic community. I think the most important point of sharing this story with you all is that we are all afraid we wont be accepted. Yes there are some ignorant people out there, but I think its balanced by some very open minded people, and even some that have actually taken some time to educate themselves. This experience has given me a lot more insight and confidence as I struggle to bring myself to comming out to those I care about. I hope it helps you too.
xoxo
Sandra