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emmicd
08-27-2005, 10:33 AM
Was curious if there are legitimate transsexuals who for whatever reasons never go forward with their internal feelings and remain living as male with no regrets?

If so does the crossdressing alleviate those feelings?

Emmi

Natasha Anne
08-27-2005, 11:31 AM
Well I can't say I managed. I've been a TS forever, but somehow got married and had children and decided I could not go through with transition. Crossdressing seemed to be OK, then wearing a dress to a work function seemed to help, then wearing female clothes to work (slacks, sweaters, flats not dresses and heels) seemed to work, and then one day I went to work in drab and felt disgusting. A few weeks later I had a breakdown, then I saw a psychiatrist. Now I'm on hormones and close to going full time. I'm nervous as heck, but have never been so at peace with myself too. I got to a point mentally where I had no choice but to proceed despite any consequences.

So for me, crossdressing helped delay things, my decision to not go ahead was just me running away, and now I'm going to transition and try and keep seeing my children and wife (although not romantically, she knows who she is). My wife is my friend though, she never ran.

Everyone is different. I'm relating my personal experiences in case it helps anyone that reads this thread. If in doubt about transitioning, just don't. A psychiatrist that deals with these sorts of issues can really help you figure out your feelings a lot better than any forum can.

I do know that there are TS' who decide not to transition for a number of reasons. I don't know if they're happy, sad, or were convinced they were TS but maybe they were not.

kazeparker
08-27-2005, 01:07 PM
I'm one of those.

Crossdressing doesn't really alleviate it. I just stick to my imagination, which has gotten me out of more jams concerning my feelings about this than can be counted.

And of course, my hope for my next life to be different helps a lot too.

Jeanette TS
08-27-2005, 02:42 PM
Hi iam like that two.I have a wife and kid's and now i am going to start the long road to being Jeanette 24/7.
I have been out dessing for 4-5 years now,and i have come to the piont that it is now time i live life how i should be.There.s nothing i can do but leave every one.I know what i am and i have to follow that or i will go mad.

I will see my kids as much as i can and my wife is backing me up. But she will not tell the childern untill they can under stand.There is the prob they are very young still.So i will not see them for some time and that is the hardest thing about this.Why? is it befor we can be your self's we have to loss every thing that is dear to us.Yes we should have not hiden what we are for so long but we did.Wrong or right it's done now.
It's is the pits :mad: what has the world got agenst us? We are who we are peopel just living the way we should.But for us to do so. I have to give up the two things in this world that mean's the most. :cry:
Well i will get of my soap box now

Lov Jeanette xx

Lisa Golightly
08-27-2005, 02:56 PM
I'm one. Bad gene-pool options mean I'm at risk of DVT, cancer, and heart disease. The 1 in 1000 statistics reduced to 1 in 10 for me. I had the choice... life, or probable death... not much of a choice really.

To be truthful I see a lot of people far worse off than myself, and as I can not be a mother either in this body or a modified version of it then I can live with what I am. I do regret both the sex I was born, and the fact I don't really have the option to rectify it, but life is precious and I love it.

Lisa xxxxx

Deborah757
08-27-2005, 04:12 PM
Was curious if there are legitimate transsexuals who for whatever reasons never go forward with their internal feelings and remain living as male with no regrets?

If so does the crossdressing alleviate those feelings?

Emmi

Not sure what you mean by legitimate. But yes I am not going forward with my internal feelings and yes I have lots of regrets. To tell the truth I feel like I am in a box buried under the ground from which there is no escape (hopeless). Fortunately, I can put these feelings aside enough to continue functioning.

Deborah
08-27-2005, 04:22 PM
Just because we don't transition doesn't make us any less TS. I have 3 children and I am a single parent. I choose not to put my kids through it. Especially after the messy divorce they suffered through already.

Does it kill me? Oh yes....lesson learned to late though.:(

Sierra
08-27-2005, 08:35 PM
I can't live without my wife and two sons.So I walk a tight rope trying to balance being TS on hrt,live androgenus sorta,take low doses to keep sex life alive,be Dad and feel like I'm a woman inside.Work with blue collar guys and keep love alive with my wife and family.Have been on hormones since "99",so boobs are very obvious. :confused: :rolleyes:

Julie
08-27-2005, 08:42 PM
I think you need to read some of the posts here before you ask these types of questions. You will find the answer to this question many times here.

Deborah757
08-27-2005, 08:52 PM
And of course, my hope for my next life to be different helps a lot too.

Whether its afterlife or next life, I fully agree. If it wasn't for that I'm not sure this life would be worth continuing.

Tristen Cox
08-27-2005, 09:42 PM
Was curious if there are legitimate transsexuals who for whatever reasons never go forward with their internal feelings and remain living as male with no regrets?

If so does the crossdressing alleviate those feelings?

Emmi
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8547

All my answers are there;)

Deborah_UK
08-28-2005, 04:39 AM
I find myself in a similar position to Deborah757 (is it something in the name I wonder :) ? ).

I knew from the age of 5 or 6 that there was something "wrong" with me, for many years I assumed I was a transvestite (the term crossdresser wasn't used back then), but I had two moments of clarity in my life about 5 or 6 years ago, on one occasion I lookled in the mirror and suddenly saw the real me, the woman I know myself to be, and then on a visit to a friend (gg) in the USA, and she put her finger on it better than I did, she could see how uncomfortable I was as a guy, and it was only as a woman did the real me appear.

However I'm also a coward. I'm too scared to transition even though its my deepest wish.

But in response to one of your questions emmi, since I realised who I really am - the need to crossdress has actually diminished, having said that I still like to put on my gladrags just like any girl :D

Rachael Warren
08-28-2005, 07:49 AM
I too have no desire to change, well desire sometimes, but intention definately not.

My wife actually broached this subject with me this morning, and I have been pondering how to put her mind at ease about it.

I could not put my family through the grief, and would prefer to die than give up my wife. I have far too much invested in the life I lead now.

As for the pain and suffering required to go all the way, well I'm too much of a coward, I don't even visit a dentist unless I have to, and I can't stand hospitals.

So there's my answer, can't be more honest than that.

Rachael.

Jeanette TS
08-28-2005, 11:21 AM
Hi i can see what some of you are saying,but i have to do this i am lucky.Well sort of.I have my famiely who are standing by me.

mum dad sister's and my wife she is the one that told me to be true to my self.I would not be going down this road, unless i had her backing,but that is not to say. I would have not gone on with my transitioning.

I would have when the kid's were older and abel to understand what it was.It is now i can do this for me,yes i will loss them for some time but i will see them as much as i can till i look to much like some one else to them.

I think every one has had the talk oh how fare do you want to go oh just dressing and on more.That has been my words about 3 years ago and look at me now.Doing all things i said i did not want to do.This life has it's little thing of coming up behind you and kicking you in the ASS :eek:

Milla
08-28-2005, 11:52 AM
I'd like too, but when I look into the consequences of transitioning I can’t see my self coming out on top. Both for health reason and loosing my family. Since of knowing of transsexuals as a child I have always understood one must be ready to sacrifices all they care for . Loosing myfriends and family has always been a major hertle. The guilt and shame alone kept me from cross-dressing for many years until recently.
Unfortunately I have been pretty much single all my life, I am attracted to women, there has always be something in the way. This has lead to much lonelyness and dispare through out my life. Hopefully canceling and meeting others TG/TS will help me over come this and find some kind of peace.

I am deeply considering HRT and living androgenus, Im going to take this realy slow, though I wish I could speed things up.

Natasha Anne
08-28-2005, 12:02 PM
This statement is remarkbly similar to something I would have said a year ago. Then it all came crashing down around me and I couldn't see how I could live without proceeding. It just happened all of a sudden. It was a sudden turning point. If I look back now I can see the things that led up to it, but I could not see what was going on while I was in that situation.

Rachel, I hope you have the strength I couldn't find and are successful and happy for many years to come.

I'm happier now that things are happening.

I too have no desire to change, well desire sometimes, but intention definately not.


My wife actually broached this subject with me this morning, and I have been pondering how to put her mind at ease about it.

I could not put my family through the grief, and would prefer to die than give up my wife. I have far too much invested in the life I lead now.

As for the pain and suffering required to go all the way, well I'm too much of a coward, I don't even visit a dentist unless I have to, and I can't stand hospitals.

So there's my answer, can't be more honest than that.

Rachael.

Deborah
08-28-2005, 12:17 PM
This statement is remarkbly similar to something I would have said a year ago. Then it all came crashing down around me and I couldn't see how I could live without proceeding. It just happened all of a sudden. It was a sudden turning point. If I look back now I can see the things that led up to it, but I could not see what was going on while I was in that situation.
I'm happier now that things are happening.

Being and understanding that i was TS hit me when i was around 11-12 and i still wish i was born a GG at 35. That's around 24 years of dreaming. Cease to function? yes i have a couple of times. Life goes on i had to pull myself out of it. Its all mind control i guess.

mand
08-28-2005, 12:44 PM
Oh Emmi love :) you do ask some home hitting questions, please don't ever change ;)


I wish I could give you a straight answer but things are a little cloudy here with regard to a definate direction of the future.

One thing that is without a doubt, I will never live, dress, or put on the act of being a man again. Physically my body is male but my mind and soul are female.

All I can say is ask me again in another years time and hopefully I'll be able to give a more clearer answer.

lots of love mand xxx :)

kazeparker
08-28-2005, 01:20 PM
I also want to input that if there was another option for transition, I'd give it another consideration. I have a lot of personal feelings about the current process and know there probably won't be another process in the near future, and that's what keeps me from transition right now.

Rachael Warren
08-28-2005, 01:25 PM
This statement is remarkbly similar to something I would have said a year ago. Then it all came crashing down around me and I couldn't see how I could live without proceeding. It just happened all of a sudden. It was a sudden turning point. If I look back now I can see the things that led up to it, but I could not see what was going on while I was in that situation.

Rachel, I hope you have the strength I couldn't find and are successful and happy for many years to come.

I'm happier now that things are happening.

Hi Natasha, I hope so too.



In my case I am in a mature relationship and have been working through this for many years.



The thought does still cross my mind from time to time, but for the most part I am ok with myself. I truely love my wife and can't imagine life without her.



Our relationship is strong, both emotionally and physically, and I won't risk loosing that. If I am allowed to be as I am, I can see no reason to change.



At the end of the day; life is about compromises, this is one of them for me. Maybe there is such a thing, as reincarnation and I will get my chance next time, having done the right thing now? After all you are supposed to progress to a higher level of life and woman must be higher than man! ;)



When I have those down moments and start to think about it I just open up a link I have stored in my favorites, a picture-by-picture documentation of the surgery required, that puts things back into perspective for me. I am terrified of hospitals and doctors etc.



I feel extremely lucky at the moment, my wife is being very supportive and understanding, I hate to think of how much hurt this has caused her over the years, but she is trying to put it all behind us and accept me for me. I have never questioned my feelings for her so I feel that we have a very good chance.



I fully understand your situation and support you in what you are doing, but for me this isn't an option, and I doubt it will ever be now.



Strangely, when my wife asked me this morning that if we hadn't met and married, what sex would I be now. I had to reply probably female. My thoughts after that remark were that it could have been the biggest mistake of my life.



Sorry to have rattled on, but just wanted to explain myself.



Love, Rachael.

Natasha Anne
08-28-2005, 01:38 PM
Its amazing how many of us find ourselves in the same dilemma. I've been with my wife for nearly 16 years, and married for almost 9. I have two children 4 and 8, and all three of them are near and dear to me. If they left my life I would be shattered. As I said earlier in the thread, in past years I could not conceive I would be doing this now.

I have many fears. Fears for my career (being a sole provider and needing to provide for my loved ones causes me huge concern). Fears for losing my family (I thought my wife would leave, as she always said she would - but now I realise she was posturing to try and stop me with a little blackmail). Fears of losing my friends - so far those I've told have not run, but as I change markedly I expect that will change dramatically and I'll find out who my real friends are and hopefully get closer to them then ever before. I woulld think you are reacting to your own fears in the same way I used too, and I hope that in time you will find peace in what you have decided.

In reality, I'm one of the lucky ones whose wives are trying to stick through this. I hope we both make it, and am grateful for each and every day she sticks around.

Noone can deny you being a TS. I read some articles by Richard Reid that spoke about TS' often self-diagnosing themselves and then exploring that with their GP or therapist to figure out how to proceed.

No one gets to say who is TS and who is not, only you know. It's something that nags inside that you cannot ignore, even if you don't act upon it.

I also beleive we're sent to this Earth to learn so we can reach a higher level. In my particular circumstance I think I've chosen the harder path, and think that is what will see me through. For you it could be very different. I've often considered which path is the path I'm meant to be on in terms of getting to a higher spiritual plane, and to be honest, I can't really tell what the answer is. I think I'm doing what I'm supposed to, and I hope your choice leads to the right result for you.

Hugzz
Tasha

Deborah757
08-28-2005, 01:55 PM
Was curious if there are legitimate transsexuals who for whatever reasons never go forward with their internal feelings and remain living as male with no regrets?

If so does the crossdressing alleviate those feelings?

Emmi

I wanted to give a little bit better answer from my perspective than I did yesterday when I was feeling a little bit depressed.

For me crossdressing maybe helps a little bit for a very short time. But it really doesn't address the real issue. The issue is my identity, not what I wear. What I wear doesn't change who I really am and what my body says I am. The only time it really helps is when I can create the illusion within myself, if only momentarily, that my mind and body are the same. Usually this has to involve not only dressing but also drinking. I hate this but sometimes it is the only way to feel good about myself.

As for a sexual component, I hate that the most. Although I will often use that to induce enough guilt into myself to at least stopping thinking about it for a while.

I took hormones for a while and for once in my life I actually felt good about myself. The sexual component was mostly gone and even the desire to dress was greatly diminished. But for once in my life I felt at peace with myself. I quit for a while and now all the familiar torments are back. I'll probably start them again soon if for no other reason than peace of mind. Maybe I am as crazy as everyone would have me believe.

So, why don't I choose to transition right now. Primarily because of fear. I am fearful that I would fit in after transition no better than I fit in now. Trading one set of problems for another set doesn't seem to be much of a solution. Also, I am married and the thought of total loss of income when I have sworn to support my wife is unacceptable. She knows what I am. I recently told her and even gave her 45 printed pages of transsexual information in her native language (not English). We are still working everything out, but she has not condemned me. In fact with me being honest with her for the first time in my life, she is being nice to me. So, where do I go from here. I don't know. I take it one day at a time and don't worry too much about what tomorrow will bring. Maybe next year I'll be on this forum telling all about my transition, maybe not.

The only thing I know for sure is that this forum is a blessing to me. There is strength in knowing that I am not alone.

Rachael Warren
08-28-2005, 02:45 PM
Its amazing how many of us find ourselves in the same dilemma. I've been with my wife for nearly 16 years, and married for almost 9. I have two children 4 and 8, and all three of them are near and dear to me. If they left my life I would be shattered. As I said earlier in the thread, in past years I could not conceive I would be doing this now.

I have many fears. Fears for my career (being a sole provider and needing to provide for my loved ones causes me huge concern). Fears for losing my family (I thought my wife would leave, as she always said she would - but now I realise she was posturing to try and stop me with a little blackmail). Fears of losing my friends - so far those I've told have not run, but as I change markedly I expect that will change dramatically and I'll find out who my real friends are and hopefully get closer to them then ever before. I woulld think you are reacting to your own fears in the same way I used too, and I hope that in time you will find peace in what you have decided.

In reality, I'm one of the lucky ones whose wives are trying to stick through this. I hope we both make it, and am grateful for each and every day she sticks around.

Noone can deny you being a TS. I read some articles by Richard Reid that spoke about TS' often self-diagnosing themselves and then exploring that with their GP or therapist to figure out how to proceed.

No one gets to say who is TS and who is not, only you know. It's something that nags inside that you cannot ignore, even if you don't act upon it.

I also beleive we're sent to this Earth to learn so we can reach a higher level. In my particular circumstance I think I've chosen the harder path, and think that is what will see me through. For you it could be very different. I've often considered which path is the path I'm meant to be on in terms of getting to a higher spiritual plane, and to be honest, I can't really tell what the answer is. I think I'm doing what I'm supposed to, and I hope your choice leads to the right result for you.

Hugzz
Tasha
Hi Tasha, it is strange isn't it? This story seems to arise time and time again.

I have been with my wife for seventeen years; eighteen come January. We have two children, a daughter of 16 years, and a son of 14, both of which are aware and accepting of me.



An added problem that I have is the very small community that I live in, this place is so small that everyone would know in almost an instant, and I would have nowhere to hide. The population is some 80,000 on a small rock!



Thinking about it, if I were able to go down this path, I would still have to work in drab and follow the same routines, so what would I gain? Self-satisfaction at great personal cost?



What would I loose? You are lucky your wife is still with you, I would love to think that of mine, but I think that would seriously strain our relationship or bring it ultimately to an end. I am not willing to risk this; I am hers for life, that’s what I promised when I married her, and so it stands unless she changes her mind.



Like you I am the main breadwinner, that would be severely affected as I am basically self employed, I can't afford to loose clients, and certainly can't afford to take time out off work, I am ultimately responsible for my family, and as such I must come second to them.



For me I have decided to play the cards that I was dealt, there are a number of reasons for this, as outlined.



So for me it's TS maybe, TV part time, and Husband full time.



Thank you for helping me to explore this, it is something that I often try to forget about, it's good to bring these things out and have a good talk/think about them.



Love, Rachael.

Rachel_740
08-28-2005, 02:58 PM
When I have those down moments and start to think about it I just open up a link I have stored in my favorites, a picture-by-picture documentation of the surgery required, that puts things back into perspective for me.

Rachael,

Could you either post a link to these pics or PM me with it - I am still after as much information as possible about the op. I'm very squeemish and may not even be able to look more than a glance but would like to give it a go.

Anne

Rachael Warren
08-28-2005, 03:32 PM
Rachael,

Could you either post a link to these pics or PM me with it - I am still after as much information as possible about the op. I'm very squeemish and may not even be able to look more than a glance but would like to give it a go.

Anne

I'll PM you with it, the information would not be suitable for posting here on the forum.

Love, Rachael.

Natasha Anne
08-28-2005, 03:41 PM
Look for the links on Lynn Conway's site. There are loads, but they're not for the squeamish amongst us.

Of course if you're going for SRS, the pictures will amaze you, but then you've probably seens loads of them already.



Rachael,

Could you either post a link to these pics or PM me with it - I am still after as much information as possible about the op. I'm very squeemish and may not even be able to look more than a glance but would like to give it a go.

Anne