Surely we owe it to our wives.

[RachelPortugal]

I think that if you really and truly love your wife, then she deserves to be told about your cd'ing. There have been many threads about the issue of coming out to our wives and I have said on more than one occasion that the deception is probably a bigger cause of problems in the relationship than the actual cd'ing.

As genetic males, statistically our wives are likely to outlive us. The grieving process is bad enough when you lose someone dear to you, but to also have to come to terms with a hitherto unknown secret can only make matters worse. Your "stash" is sure to be found when your effects are sorted after your demise.

I say this because I watched an uncle, after his wife's sudden death, struggle for two years to uncover the truth about another side to her life which she had hidden from him for 30 years. His efforts were thwarted at every turn by those who knew her secret. He was very close to discovering the whole truth and I was able to help him with some anonymous enquiries shortly before he died suddenly, probably brought about by his tireless struggle to come to terms with the fact that the loving wife, to whom he devoted so many years of his life, could harbour a secret.

Think about it. Would you want your widow to suffer in a similar way?

Are your affairs in order?

[Joanne f]

I agree with you in that having a secret like this is not good and it should not have to be but(always that but) it is not always that simple, many have to weigh up the risks of telling , and there are risks for some, and it also depends on why you want to come clean with it .
If you feel that you only want to come clean with it because you no longer wish to keep a secret from your wife , that is good and it will also make it easier for you to do it , that is also good as it puts you in a better frame of mind but if you wish to come clean just so that you can pursue your hobby to the extent of becoming more feminine more or all of the time which is going to upset a lot of wives then i am really not quite so sure , only the wife could answer that one .
But it should be that you both can trust one another enough so that you can share things like this and work something out that will suit you both and the longer you leave it the harder it gets , but you have to be a realist in that some will accept it and some wont .

[Leilani]

I think that everyone should tell their SO before they ask them to get married. Marriage is an important thing that should last a long time. UNdoubtedly it will be a tough conversation to have and you may lose that person but this is the person who you are going to go through all your worst moments with and you have to be able to trust them with your proclivities. Not only crossdressing but any particular character traits or oddities that they will have to deal with at some point should be laid out. To not do this disrespects the person you are marrying. I am not here to blame anyone so please don't get offended if you got married without telling, but the fact is if I got married and then had a bomb dropped on me that I had never expected, it would damage my trust in that person and leave me feeling that I had been duped. If I don't want it done to me I don't want to do it to someone else.

[Joanne f]

Leilani,
i would agree with you on that but you can almost split it in to three categories ( i know i am over simplifying it by 3), the older ones had little choice in whether it was safe to tell plus there was little understanding of what you where at that time, (that's my excuse covered):D, the middle aged , a risky time but more was acceptable and known about it , the younger ones well they should not really have an excuse but you still have to remember that it is a leaning in process for many so even that is not quite so straight forward.

[AKAMichelle]

Well Said. That is why I finally came out to my wife. I was tired of living a lie and wanted to be me.

[StaceyJane]

I came out when I found out that my wife and daughters had already known for a year.
It was still hard but I can't imagine living in the closet now.

[SuzanneBender]

Your words are very true. Typically it is not the idea of hubby in a dress that is the biggest issue It is the betrayl that comes along with keeping a huge secret from the one you love. It's best to tell her prior to marriage, but I have met many sisters that thought that all they needed was love to "overcome" who we are

Coming out comes with oh so many issues and will often result in divorce. Once the genie is out of the bottle there is no putting Barbra Eden back in. However, in my humble opinion it is the only right solution

[Angie G]

I told my wife 4 years ago because she stopped working And I would be unable to dress. She was good with it and I dress 5 days a week @ home And wear my girl panties Almost 24/7.:hugs:
Angie

[kimdl93]

I know its very hard and risky for some individuals. I told my SO before we got married, and fortunately, she was very supportive. But that's not always the case. I know that some of our sisters have a very legitimate fear that they will be rejected, lose their family and everything they've worked for. And sadly, it has happened to friends here...fairly recently.

So I think we owe it to our SO to be honest before we get married, and would prefer that we be honest with our spouse in marriage, but I can also empathize with those whose fears may be well founded.