Probably been posted before, might make for a good sticky...

[Zoiq]

Here a reality check with lots of information for those who are less informed and well informed alike.

http://www.mtftransition.com/t-girl.htm

I warn you its a loooooooooooong read, but well worth it.

Big Hugs, :hugs:
Love, Zoiq.

[pamela_a]

I've seen and read this before. She brings up some valid points but IMO it's terribly negative.

[Veronica_Jean]

I to recall reading this more than once.

It is quite negative although the warning is good for those that are not ready for the commitment and life changing result that transition brings.

I do believe that we can have a positive outcome and so I don't really care so much for this article as a result.

veronica

[Melissa A.]

It wasn't the negativity, so much, that troubled me. It was the dogmatic approach and insistence on the existence of an indisputeabley right and wrong path for....well, just about everything. For instance, while I did move to another city, it wasn't all that far, and all I really did was move back to my hometown after being gone for a very long time. There are people here who only know me as Melissa. There are people who knew me before(some family included). That I can't control their(especially, and mostly those at my job) perception of me is not a source of great anxiety. She plays a variation of a zero-sum game in alot of her reasoning, and I can understand where that originates, but I also think her screed, while often true and necessarilly eye opening for many, could be a little harmful for others in the early stages of possible transition.

She's also, I suspect, a "Woman born Transsexual" or Harry Benjamin Syndrome Transsexual. While I feel a whole lotta kinship with them and how they view themselves, I am often opposed strongly to their opinions about others whom they don't feel fit the necessary criteria.

You're right, Zoiq. This has been posted before. The responses I saw were mixed, and perhaps a bit tilted towards the negative...sometimes very! Don't get yer hopes up for it's "sticky" status, dear.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[EnglishRose]

You might as well look through tsroadmap; it's just as grounded but also less emotive and more useful because of that, if you ask me.

[Rianna Humble]

Although I agree that it comes across as quite negative when taken on the most superficial level, I do think that it contains a lot of truth albeit stated in an uncomfortable way.

A while ago,there was a thread rubbishing the argument that says "I didn't choose to be this way". In some ways, this article redresses the balance. You don't become TS, you either are or are not. It merely takes some of us longer to give in to that truth than others.

I do think she paints a very bleak picture, but if (to use her phrase) "your bell has gone off", then you are probably prepared to lose everything and can therefore feel grateful when you don't. I know I was and I am grateful that it has not turned out that way. Am I abnormal? Most certainly yes! Although I do not know what normal looks like.

When I went to see my doctor and the psychiatrist, I didn't tell them "I want to become a woman", I told them "I need to live as the woman I have always known that I am", but I think that what may have helped them understand was when I added that even though I will never be a beautiful woman, I would rather die an ugly woman than continue to live as a man.

Some of her definitions are probably a little simplistic, but I do think that the underlying message is the right one - transition is not something to do because you think it is a cool idea, it is a solution of last resort for a life-threatening condition.

[CharleneT]

There are a lot of different viewpoints about this stuff, hers is I think too "black and white". Reading those pages does bring up questions, some worth consideration. I'd hate for this to be the first thing someone read about TS or transition though ...

[Hephaestus]

That article has valid points, but is horrible overall. I've read it before and in the depressive funk it put me in for weeks, I almost took her sage advice:
"Hon, get the gun, put it to your head, and pull the trigger now. It’s over. You will not win this one."

Other winning advice in there is the hint that since finding a job is hard for a TS, perhaps escorting is the best way to make ends meet. (Not knocking anyone who has done this, of course, just saying that suggesting this strategy to all TS's in general is wrong)

^I agree that this would be a terrible first read... and not worth reading at all, in my opinion. I suppose the article is trying to "scare straight" cross dressers who want to play with hormones for fun... However, if you know you are a TS, that is, if you NEED to transition or else die on the inside (or out), then there is no need to read this woman's opinion of what will happen to you. (that 'your life will be destroyed by the tornado that is transitioning')

..There are plenty of good TS sites out there. (TSroadmap for one)

[Faith_G]

I read it early on and it scared the crap out of me. Thank God I already knew some trans women and could ask them "Is it really that bad?"

I can honestly say that so far my transition has been the best time of my life. I can't remember the last bad day I had, life is that good. Does that mean that nothing negative ever happens in my life, that there are no losses or pain? No, but the joy of being the woman I was created to be far outweighs the speed bumps I sometimes hit on this road. :happy:

[Traci Elizabeth]

Faith reflects my situation as well. Transitioning has been the happiest time of my life. And so far, I have been saved negative reactions or consequences for my living outwardly as the woman I have always been on the inside.

I found this article to be of little value for mature adults and designed to place the "Plague of the Locus" directly over your head. Perhaps younger folks who are still searching for a direction in life and who also might be easily swede by such rhetoric might take to heart some of her advice and comments. And perhaps that might be good for those not really ready to make such a decision of transitioning YET in their life.

[Terraforming]

I read this one quite a while back. It was good for me at the time, because after reading all of those negative things I did my soul searching and decided that it didn't matter. I had to be true to myself no matter what the negative consequences were. However reading it again I can't possibly recommend this to another person. She's trying to be a dire realist, but for the most part it comes off saying that there is only one way, and you are very likely to fail at getting any kind of acceptance. I'm in the positive reinforcement mindset when facing a challenge, so it makes something that is quite frightening even more daunting on reflection.

I second Kristin and say just stick to TSroadmap.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I think its something a transsexual person should read. It's not that she knows everything, and she seems like a jerk, but there is more than a nugget of truth.

One mistake I would not make is to limit what information you take in. Sticking to TSroadmap limits you. I barely looked at TSRoadmap. I clicked on all the links years ago and almost all of the info is from somewhere else. I like that they call it roadmap, because that's all it is...and frankly, there is nastiness there towards folks like me that didnt understand my feelings when I was younger.

It's your own responsibility to make sense of things....ignoring bad things or risks or even someone else's negativity can deprive you of wisdom. This is true even if the wisdom you gain is simply that you don't want to be negative.

[EnglishRose]

One thing you can take from the article is the Bell Going Off thing. My bell's ringing, where do I go to remove the clapper? :D

[BreenaDion]

Read it a year ago an posted it. Thank you for relisting it. I consider it my " HOLY GRAIL " a book of who I am a , it quenched my thirst of the question i was asking myself . " who am I"... I am pages 9-12.
This book also touches the possibity of PTSD which thankfully to my electrolysis who is also a Registered Nurse mentioned that i might be suffering from . Low an behold I do an am in treament for it.

Open your mind and you can heal yourself and except love again . Me!


Bree

[subaru_forster]

I believe that if people play the "tough love, this how it is" card, they should do so objectively and factually. There should be sound reasoning if there is any use to be made.

This piece strikes me as opinionated, emotional, and factually buggy at best. A lot of things here are said that are either factually incorrect, or trip over itself in explaination. (for instance: saying that people who are able to go stealth are "very, very, very rare" and immediately saying that there are no reliable statistics to measure it)

I agree that we should read many sources on this subject, even sources of varying quality. I just feel that this source itself is low quality.

[Midnight Skye]

That was a weird read. There are some things good in there, mostly in the form of take off your rosy glasses and realize being transgendered is tough and dangerous. But otherwise it strives to say things are black and white which is far from true.

Probably the single best reality hinted in there is asking oneself if a boring male life with highlights of femininity is... really worth starting all over. I think for many "starting over" is indeed what happens. But not everyone... my life won't change that much as I move forward (go figure lol)

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I wouldn't recommend it as reading material to anyone who thinks they are trans. What I've found is to believe in yourself, seek other transwoman as friends to learn from and to lean on God. All three chapters were in my view very negative. They did have some useful advice but overall was negative. :battingeyelashes: Kimberly Marie Kelly