Can someone please explain ...

[ReineD]

... clothing fetishes? What do they mean to you? How important are they in your lives? How did they start? What is it about the particular piece of clothing that makes it so exciting, almost more exciting than a SO? How much of it is tied to your femme identities and how much is just worshipping the item for the item's sake?

Honestly I don't want to single out anyone, but there's a thread about stockings (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=135790) going on right now that I'm using as an example. There have been other threads about different types of clothing ... lingerie, skirts, suits, sweaters, boots, it doesn't matter which.

When I read the threads it sounds as if the item in question is one of the most important things in the world. How does this happen, and how is it possible to love a SO equally as much, when it sounds as if nothing can compare to the excitement of wearing whatever item floats your boats?

I know that not everyone in this forum feels this way about specific items of clothing, but there seem to be an awful lot that do and I'm just trying to understand.

Thank you all for your replies. :hugs: You don't have to answer point by point, each and every one of my questions. I'd just love to hear your thoughts in your own words. :)

[Barbara Dugan]

Kind of the same question my therapist asked me the other day. but she was more specific to my past and present expirences with crossdressing and gender comfusion she mentioned about how the textures of some fabrics relieve the anxiety either as a child or adult or simple arouse somebody. I answered her that I never had and attachment to the feeling of textures on fabrics or clothes because I never tried to crossdress as a child, even I was aware at early age of the meaning of clothes on gender, and when I started dressing to me the clothes mean just and adjustment to find a place on the gender I feel more comfortable

[Maryesther M.]

I reckon CD-ing in general is one great big fetish. This can of course express itself in focussing on individual items of femme clothing which themselves represent a real turn-on for that individual.
Erotic feelings have a lot to do with it. For me an example would be a preference for thigh-high leather boots and seriously short minidress over, say, teeshirt and shorts, both of which are femme, but the public vibes are very different

[MarinaKirax]

Dont have one about a specific item, Reine. But there are a few things that I love to think about, and wear, and that distill all the feelings of femininity and sexuality into a single garment. Corsets, stockings, stillettos, perhaps. MK

[Lucy_Bella]

Reine,

For me my fetish started years ago when I was a little boy, I remember having the urge to wear my sisters panties and dresses at 4 years old.
When caught my parents would force me to wear them and make fun of me while I was in them, they would have me go outside around other kids and my 2 older brothers..
I soon wised up to not getting caught anymore, I have always had the fetish to resemble but no be a female. No it's not more important to me than my S.O. or children other than that I would be open about it to them ( my children) but I do have to have my girl time ( if you will ) .

If I do not let it out it will soon find way out even at my weakest ( when I am depressed or angry ) It makes me happy for the relief it sheds for some reason. I like the feel of the clothing and the fit it feels foreion , I like how it changes my appearance sometimes . In saying that I do like being a male also and how some say this is nothing new and has been around for centries .

Other than that I can not explain other than the fetish I aquired is mostly for nylon but it grew into resembleing and I hope it stops there ,so far so good.

Hope I helped:hugs:

[Stephanie Miller]

You raise a very good question. (Gold star to the cute girl in front!) I think this very same thing whenever I see a panty thread. I mean really, is it really that much of a turn on to know that 45% of the girls on this forum wear pink lace thongs? Maybe it would shatter their world if the replies came back 45% men’s torn boxers.
But, then before bringing it up in a thread, I stop and think about just what most of us – me included, (just in case you were going to flame me) on this board are doing in the first place. How many have given up the lives they shared with a spouse, the kids they raised –or are raising – just so they could wear women’s clothes. There are lots of women wearing men’s clothes right now. Couldn’t they default to staying in men’s clothes, act like the women they want to, and still keep an obligation intact? So, without stealing your thread I would really like to know the answer too. Just what gives with this clothes fetish?
(Besides the fact that they look better and are more comfortable than mens :heehee: )

[Kathi Lake]

I don't think my wearing of women's clothes is at all fetishistic. I don't worship my bra. I just use it to hold my breast forms in place. I don't think much about my underwear. I just want something that isn't going to show a panty line under my tighter-fitting skirts. My shoes? I think they're cute, but not in a sexual way.

For me, there is no fetish or fetishistic tendencies with what I wear. They're just clothes. Maybe that makes me the odd one (like that's news to anyone).

:)

Kathi

[ReineD]

So, without stealing your thread I would really like to know the answer too. Just what gives with this clothes fetish?

Well, I guess some CDs will say that CDing in general is a fetish to them, therefore all women's clothing is a turn-on, but this is not what I'm wondering about.

I was wondering about the CDers who obviously do enjoy dressing, but who also get weak in the knees over a particular item of clothing. How does this begin and how central is it to your lives or rather, how much pleasure to you derive out of this one particular item of clothing, compared to say, eating a banana split? :D



For me, there is no fetish or fetishistic tendencies with what I wear. They're just clothes.

Like I said in my OP, I know there are lots of CDs to whom this will not apply. But we seem to have our fair share of members who love to wear something in particular, more than other items of clothing. :)

[Dee Baker]

Hi Reine,

You have me wondering now if I have ever had a fetish. Have always thought I had a fetish for stockings and garter belts.
Something material (pardon the pun) could never even come close to the feelings I would have for a SO. Even the ex that I don’t get along with so well today rates higher than that.

Maybe that’s not the answer you were looking for…that’s just me.

Regards,

Dee

[Samantha43]

Fetishes are something that cause sexual stimulation. Fetishes are mostly a male trait because males are visually stimulated. Watch men's heads turn when a woman walks by wearing a skirt, heels and stockings.

I'll admit I have my share of fetishes. I like high heels, stockings, makeup, leather, long finger nails....just about everything feminine. I like wearing them myself and I like seeing them on GG's. I love seeing my wonderful wife dress in her lingerie, stockings, heels and sexy makeup. It's not something we do often because of our busy schedules, but it is special when we do it. I get visual satisfaction / stimulation and she gets the satisfaction of me treating her like a princess (I treat her like that all the time, I just bump it up a notch :battingeyelashes:) We both get the benefit of more enjoyable sex. It's not the most important part of our relationship, actually it's a small part, but it's icing on the cake.

Crossdressing can be considered a fetish although for me it's less of a fetish and more of a feeling of contentment as I grow older.

To answer your question, I have fetishes but in no way are they as important as my wife. They are simply an enhancement to our love life. There are those, however, who let their fetishes dominate their lives and lose control.

[Cheryl James]

I can't remember a time in my early childhood when I didn't go to bed without hoping that I would be a girl when I woke up. So, in 6th grade when the girls breasts began to grow and they began to wear a bra, I wanted that, too. I was an only child and my mother was out a couple of nights a week. This gave me the opportunity to begin to wear a bra. I was hooked. As breasts are one of the big physical differences between the sexes, a bra gives me the illusion of having them. And, a bra, to me, is like a warm hug from a great friend. Now, I know that many women would have a hard time understanding that because they don't like wearing them, but how else would I have breasts? I will admit that it was sexual in my puberty years, but not anymore. I just like to wear a bra.

[LaurenEP]

I'm attracted to femininity.

I admire it; I want to be in its proximity. Crossdressing, for me, is like being awash in femininity; basking in it. Like being a part of it, while retaining who I am.

I don't want to be female, however. Though, it'd be cool if I could shapeshift into one on command, though, and be better able to pull off fantastic things I see other CDs and GGs wear.

I also collect props and toy merchandise from media properties. The Star Trek phasers I have immerse me in that world. I don't hallucinate and mistake fantasy for reality, and believe the Federation is real. But holding a toy phaser or tricorder immerses me in that fictitious world I enjoy.

Wearing nail polish, or velour, or panties similarly immerses me in femininity.

I collect figures of comic and cartoon characters who possess qualities I want to cultivate in myself. Compassion in this one; presence of mind in that one; dogged determination in this one; perspicacity in that one. By looking at them, regarding them ruminatively, I lock on to what ever quality I'm trying to cultivate.

The colors I choose in my nail polish, or the fabrics I choose in my womens clothing, help me to lock on to qualities I admire or desire in femininity.

In a nutshell: Proximity to feminity.

[Naomi Rayne]

What your asking seems like a simple enough question, but its really hard to give a direct answer. Fetishes usually start when you are a child and grow with you. Some fetishes may not be realized until later on. The hard part about all this is the answer sometimes just cant be explained, even through logical thoughts. A fetish to a specific type of clothing can be rationally explained through example an emotion, but to really understand it is hard unless you have a fetish like that yourself.

For instance using the stocking fetish that you also used as an example in the OP. People who have them can say they like to see women in them. Then you can rationally explain that through example such as it pulls the look together and makes a womens legs look smooth and "perfect", it adds an element of excitement when getting intimate because it is something else to take off, and things like that. Then people who have stocking fetishes and wear them can say that they love to feel the fabric hugged around them, or they love feeling the smoothness of their legs in them and so on.

The interesting part about all this is some fetishes, even a stocking one can potentially have nothing to do with CDing. A person may have had a fetish about an item long before that item is ever put on, or if it is ever put on.

A fetish can run very deep and can be extremely central to a persons life. Someone having a stocking fetish that admires other women wearing stockings would most likely take notice to a women wearing them as opposed to someone who wouldnt even notice.



how much pleasure to you derive out of this one particular item of clothing, compared to say, eating a banana split? :D)

In relation to this if bananna split was your favorite desert that you could eat all the time no matter what the circumstances were and it came with your favorite toppings and ice cream in it as opposed to a "normal" bananna split. That is what it would kind of be like.

[JennaR]

Reine,

Were just guys in skirts and generally are kinda stupid when it comes to this stuff. We like shiny things that catch our eye and never really think about how it affrects our SO. I guess it's a survival thing, if males weren’t selfish we might be extinct as a species. Don't ask why I think that way, I don't know. But, if you track our M.O. it's always Oh, this is sooooooo important to me and the next week it's something else. Panties, stockings... I won't try to pretend I know what’s it's like to be a woman and it's in your best interest to let sleeping dogs lay, lie, what ever. It’s clear you’re a caring person but sometimes you just have to chalk it up to fact that were different, but, as stupid as we are we love you very much

[vivianann]

I am like Kathi Lake, in that no particular item of feminine clothes turns me on either, I just like the feminine image looking back at me in the mirror. However from observing crossdressers over the last 5 years I see a certain pattern of sexual arousal over a certain item of feminine clothing such as panties, or lingere, etc. I dont get it either, because it is just clothes to me, I wear them because it makes me feel complete.
I believe that if a certain item of clothing arouses you that it is a fetish.

[Angiemead12]

Well for me it started as a fetish because I could not get it or wear anything when I was younger, as my SO accepted my CDing I started with all the sexy stuff, corsets, matching bra panties, lace sets, bridal sets, stiletto patent high heels, garters, stockings and all the other super sexy lingerie I could get my hands on. I always wanted to look like a cabaret dancer or pussy cat doll.

After going out of control my SO did question my interest for sex as well, she asked is it the item I was wearing or was it her that turned me on, in fairness its both but Im equally turned on by me being sexy and feeling desirable. And the items did enhance my sexual desire and pleasures! It was sort of a rough patch to assure my love and support for her and always try not to outshine her.

5 years after I hardly wear the items I started with, now my fetish is feeling femininity by looking and feeling pretty and I realized that I would not look or feel this way if my SO did not love and accept me. Knowing that she can love me for whoever I am is the biggest turn on for me now and Im so lucky she let me be me.

[Kate Simmons]

I've never had that particular feelings but evidently there is a longing for a particular item of clothing that wells up into the heart of the individual. This clothing then empowers the associated feelings with being feminine that the individual perceives is given to them by the clothing. It is kind of another way to go around the block without doing it directly.

[Alice Torn]

I have to admit, it started out with a nylons, and pantyhose fascination, as a kid. High heels, hose, tight pencil skirts, sleeveless sheath dresses, bras, all are magical almost to me!I went gaga when i see a pretty lady in them, and now i am that pretty lady, when i dress in them. But, I am now wearing mid calf skirts too. As a lifetime solitary bachelor, i dress as the lady i have not been granted.

[suit]

any ideas that the male brain is wired to learn sexual triggers that may be the local custom for that troop of hunter gathers ?
that makes the luxuries that are common place a snare and a dillution to the original easy simple see her watch smell her touch ..... well now you can touch her ..first thing little Jhonie finds she covetts is her .....shoes! ( pick anything)
oooooohhhh my! with no crowd to judge (the most dagerous thing a child likly encounters in there mind,and three's a crowd) this feels difdferent....sniff hey what! what the heck is ......wow! poof a fetish is born ..and not a nother breathing sole there to redirect the attention.

[MargaretJ]

I'm firmly in the Stockings and Heels splinter group of the CD world. I was fascinated by these when I was as young as 4. Can't really give much of an explanation for it, other than I thought they were really elegant. As for CDing in general, I have always thought of womens clothing as more colourful and pleasing to the eye, than male clothing.

[BRANDYJ]

I don't get it either. To me the clothes simply project the image of myself emulating what I truly adore, admire, respect and love. There was never a time that any article of clothing replaced an SO or ever could. I would not trade in my desire for my mate for anything in the way of my cross dressing. sure some articles of clothes are more feminine to me then others. But to be fixated on any one type as in fetishistic has never happened.
I'm fascinated in trying to look and even act more feminine when I cross dress. Not to replace my love of my mate, but in a very small way to be more like her. Like others, it might be an escape from my man world.
If I had to, which I'm glad I don't, I'd give up all my fem clothes, makeup and heels in favor of my SO. Nothing on earth can replace her or is more important to me.

[GaleWarning]

I'm a leg man ... always have been, always will be ... love to see women in hosiery and heels!

Love to wear them myself!

That's just the way it is!

[michellebesweet]

That is this girls opinion. I do not see my enjoyment of being a woman, real or not, being a fetish. I see this as a way of life, more of a lifestyle.

As for fetish clothing, that to me is just a sexual thing. More of a way to stimulate one during sexual encounters. Some of us do have kinky sides, bondage, spanking, feet, rubber, sissy's, and so forth, but I do not see this including CrossDressing. Wearing sexy undies, pantyhose, lace, nice boots, corsets, garters and stockings, are not fetish, it is just simply sexy clothing. Even wearing leather, in some cases it might be part of a type of fetish wear, but just because you are wearing a leather skirt or jacket, it does not mean you are a biker, or a Mistress. Just this girls opinion.

[Sara Jessica]

Someone mentioned that the fetish thing is a predominantly male phenomenon. However, I'd like to turn the tables just a bit and ask what is the closest approximation from a woman's POV?

If I were to guess, it would be the woman who chooses to wear something particularly pretty or sexy underneath her clothing for how it makes her feel. It likely doesn't have an overt sexual connection. Perhaps she feels more radiant, confident, even sensuous in her presentation...even though she may be the only one who knows what's underneath.

This is my guess because it's what I feel sometimes. Not all the time, just sometimes, a feeling that I find adds another element to the expression of what is in my heart.

[ReineD]

I thank each and every one of you for your wonderful responses! You're the best! :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

"Fetish" might have been too strong a word. I didn't know what other word to use to indicate a strong preference for a particular item of clothing.

But reading through all the responses, I understand it better now. For some of you, it is the item of clothing that approximates femininity the most, and this is why you have a bent for it.

I'm also guilty of perhaps reading more into it than there is, as I often do. lol. When I just read the posts isolated from other topics, to me they read as if the item of clothing is the most important thing in the world, but of course it isn't. I'm sorry for having made that very shallow assumption. (Sometimes late at night little things take on more importance than they should). :p

Thank you all again for your great responses and for helping me understand!
:love:

[Pythos]

I need to come in here about this with my own question.

Why is the idea of someone having a fetish almost approached in such a manner it makes it seem dirty, or wrong, or what ever?

Also why are women that have fetishes not considered or acknowledged most of the time such a discussion is stated?

Now, there are those that would say I have a nylon or spandex fetish. This would be based on the fact that I wear spandex leggings more often than jeans. I also would like to integrate them into most of my clothing for different activities. Women have done this with jeans or pants, does this mean they have a jeans or pants fetish? In some cases the answer is an emphatic yes, only difference is, men in leggings= weird and rare. Women in jeans= common and accepted. There must be something wrong with the guy, whereas the woman is completely normal.

Also when wearing skirts more often than not I have my legs covered in hosiery.

Personally I do like the feel of these items, I like how smooth they are on my legs, and to the touch. I like the way they look. Sometimes when putting them on I get a little tingle of excitement. Unlike pants which you can just pull on, and be about your business, leggings, or hosiery there is a definite process needed to get into them without damaging the material. For me the transformation of my pale white legs to a sheer black, or gray, or solid black is just neat. Usually while doing this process, I am in a naked state aside from the garment being put on. (hose or leggings are the first item I put on). The increasing snugness on my legs and soon lower body is like a gentle hug. This is something for the most part men have been denied, just because of their sex. Women on the other hand, for the most part take it for granted.

When I see a woman in either of these items I know how nice they must feel, or of the possible discomforts she might be feeling.

I also love the look and feel of skirts, and I really like the feel of wearing a full body catsuit, minus the face mask.

As far as it being a fetish. When I think of a woman putting theses items on, it can be arousing. Would it be this way if guys in general were forbidden from wearing these items? I don't know really.

What I object to though is the underlying notion that a fetish is wrong, or sick, and is only applicable to men. (I am not accusing the OP of this by the way)

I know of women that have fetishes for these very same items. I think the reason may be is THEY CAN BE VERY SEXY.

Look at pantyhose. When worn usually they are all the underwear you have on under a skirt. This is one of the characteristics a woman who calls herself "Sweet" has identified as one of the things that turn her on. Along with the look and feel.

There is another girl, Aurora, who has a zentai fetish. She loves how it feels to go out wearing only a spandex suit, with her face covered, and go about life. She also wears tight shiny clothing when not in zentai.

When my girl friend put on her first catsuit, you should have seen how she reacted. She was running her hands all over herself, and this was not only to turn me on, SHE genuinely was arousing herself. She loved the electric feel as her fingers moved along the slick fabric.

Still other women have a fetish for being tied up and immobilized...which frankly I cannot understand. I also do not understand men that find this appealing in anyway. Talk about power trip. But if someone likes it, and no one gets hurt, more power to them.

Then lets not forget the body part fetishes, such as foot fetish, hair fetish, hand fetish. There are also the completely acceptable one that even are seen on TV such as, leg fetish, ass fetish, BREAST FETISH (my god guys, did you ever get weaned correctly?), crotch fetish. Though common and relatively un-noticed, these last ones are indeed fetishes.

I think the word fetish has been way over used, and has been turned into something bad as far a most of society is concerned. There are some genuine cases of clothing fetish, but I really think this is only because of the sexiness of the item. A tight skirt with fishnet hose is by far more sexy than loose baggy slacks.

[ReineD]

Why is the idea of someone having a fetish almost approached in such a manner it makes it seem dirty, or wrong, or what ever?

I appreciate all your points, Pythos, but no one said that a fetish is dirty or wrong.

Also, you mentioned that GGs like to wear certain things more than others so they do the same thing. But it is not the same at all. I can't think of a forum where GGs post thread after thread about how good wearing mini skirts make them feel, or angora sweaters, or their panty hose, unless they are specific fetish sites.

But this is not a fetish site, yet there are so many of these threads here, and I was wondering why the marked preference for one type of clothing over another. Anyway, thank you for your POV! :)

[Pythos]

I think the reason why you don't see women posting such stuff about what they like, is because it is not forbidden for them. Look on the net and you will certainly see several women out there that genuinely love a particular item of clothing, once you sift through the girls that in reality only say they do to turn men on, there is no shortage of that.

Plus, it is the items themselves. Loose baggy boxers, or crummy tighty whities do not hold a candle to a nice pair of hose, or even satin or silk panties. A tank top is a joke compared to a bra (for some guys, my view on them is Meh). Work coveralls pale in comparison to a catsuit. And baggy short that go down to the knee, just look awful compared to a skirt of similar length.

In short, most of men's clothing choices are drab and or utilitarian, and women's are everything else, for the most part.

When it comes to fetishes though, what is the general public view about them?

In my experience in general the word fetish has a VERY negative connotation. Just look at how the media treats the idea. How many times does the criminal in the crime drama have some sort of "perveted, sexual fetish"?

[Kathryn Martin]

I don't think my wearing of women's clothes is at all fetishistic. I don't worship my bra. I just use it to hold my breast forms in place. I don't think much about my underwear. I just want something that isn't going to show a panty line under my tighter-fitting skirts. My shoes? I think they're cute, but not in a sexual way.

For me, there is no fetish or fetishistic tendencies with what I wear. They're just clothes. Maybe that makes me the odd one (like that's news to anyone).

:)

Kathi

I completely agree with you. I have always thought women's clothes are just that, women's clothes. I find wearing them simply frames me differently so that self-expression of the female side of myself becomes outwardly visible. It is really in this sense a cue. Like the power suits and ties I wear to work. For me it is not sexual nor does it float my boat in that way.

[Sarah Doepner]

Reine, I hope you don't mind one more long answer to a good question, but it gives me a chance to work things out in my own mind. If it doesn't make sense, tell me. I need to get it right one of these days.

First, I don't want anyone to think I'm saying crossdressing is and Addiction, I don't believe it is. However, there are some commonalities that seem to make sense in this discussion. Also, I can't speak for anyone else, and not being a professional psychologist I could be wrong in how my story really goes. It could be just the rational I've developed over the years and not a real explaination, but it's the best I have at this time.

I think we will find there is an initial encounter with our "gateway" article of clothing. "What Was The First Article of Clothing You Tried On?" is the way we see it here. Mostly, the situation is one where we are doing something we recognize as forbidden. Even before I reached puberty I recognized an attraction to girls things but knew they were off limits. So when I finally was able to try on something, it was very special, a thrill that made me feel good. I had satisfied my curiosity and since I couldn't share it with anyone, I got nothing but positive feedback. When I was young, I couldn't get enought positive experience and this was a great and dependable source. That initial experience seems to be very similar to the addiction process.

Now hit puberty and seeing (even thinking about) anything female, anywhere, anytime could lead to an arousal. The opportunities to pair that physical desire with a psychologial need seemed like the best banana split in the world. My goodness! These soft, smooth fabrics, sometimes even with a pretty scent on them were a gateway to a world of everything I couldn't get outside that experience. A pattern continues to be reinforced and even grow as I became braver and more experienced. Even in the most guarded environment, panties were easily accessed, dependable and easily concealed. What's not to like about that? And now the level of the dose has gone up as my experience has broadened.

For the longest time, staying hidden and/or not accepting my crossdressing for the deeper thing (I think) that it is, the opportunities were pretty much physical in nature. It took a long time for the psychological implications to seep in. Up to that time when I finally began to understand this wasn't just a physical thing, that it was a personality trait, the few undergarments I had aquired were damn near mystical. Why did it have to be panties? Couldn't piece of nylon camping gear do the same thing for me? Not at all, be cause it was more than physical. So now you find me asking the question "What Can I Do to Feel This Good and Not Be Crossdressing?"

Was it replacing my S.O.? At times, yes. Why? Because as a guy I'm pretty simple and the complications of a relationship are daunting and my private time in the closet was 98% complication free. Except for the guilty conscious, of course. Again, once I accepted my crossdressing was much more than physical, I accepted it as part of my personality and my wife became aware, the dynamic changed. I'm still working on what it all means, and probably will until I die. But still, when I first begin to dress, there are patterns in the back part of the brain that are still active and respond to how they were trained back when I was a child.

[linnea]

I must say, Reinie, that I don't get it either. But for some CDs and some GGs--Imelda Marcos is the most extreme that I know of--particular items of clothing seem to be the most important part of CDing or, for that matter, life itself.
I remember my first sensations when I wore nylons on shaved legs; they were wonderful. But that was novelty, a sensuous and sensual one but still a novelty. I still like to keep my legs smoothly shaved, but I don't get any special thrill out of wearing (or not wearing) hose.
I don't have an answer except for the fairly obvious point that people are turned on by a lot of things. I have no idea where that comes from.

[mklinden2010]

... clothing fetishes? What do they mean to you? How important are they in your lives? How did they start? What is it about the particular piece of clothing that makes it so exciting, almost more exciting than a SO? How much of it is tied to your femme identities and how much is just worshipping the item for the item's sake?

Honestly I don't want to single out anyone, but there's a thread about stockings (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=135790) going on right now that I'm using as an example. There have been other threads about different types of clothing ... lingerie, skirts, suits, sweaters, boots, it doesn't matter which.

When I read the threads it sounds as if the item in question is one of the most important things in the world. How does this happen, and how is it possible to love a SO equally as much, when it sounds as if nothing can compare to the excitement of wearing whatever item floats your boats?

I know that not everyone in this forum feels this way about specific items of clothing, but there seem to be an awful lot that do and I'm just trying to understand.

Thank you all for your replies. :hugs: You don't have to answer point by point, each and every one of my questions. I'd just love to hear your thoughts in your own words. :)


R,

I'm surprised you'd ask this group these questions. There exists plenty of research about fetishes of all sorts, and the definition of a fetish, and the general motivation for nearly all fetishes is pretty clear. In this case, it's stockings, but it could just as easily be womens teams' baseball cards, cat collars, or, bottle caps.

And, if the "panty crowd" had real insight into their behavior, they'd direct you to a dictionary and just go on about their business. As it is, you just give them a chance to talk more about their excitement with their particular fetish. It's like asking, "Why does do you jump when I poke you - HERE!" and, their saying, "I dunno... Do it again!"

I think the more important question you are asking is, "Why do you hold a person, your SO, in equal esteem to your fetish?" Perhaps they're just stupid. Perhaps they're just immature and have never let go of the first bad notion that got their attention. Perhaps they have other problems they can't or won't deal with and this distracts them from the unpleasant facts. The simple answer is, and they ARE telling you what it is, there is a positive payoff to them in what they do.

But, "Why" people do things is often a less profitable question than the observation "that" they do something...

If my SO's daugther spends too much time fooling with the dog, I call her on it: "That is a dog. Do NOT give it food from our table while we are eating; do not talk to it when the neighbors are asking you for something; do not insist that it go on vacation with us or you will both have to stay at the kennel."

I don't care very much why the kid does what she does. At this point she's a KID, who's "cave man ignorant" of a lot of things, and probably watching too many Disney movies and thinking, from what she has seen, that this is what she is "supposed" to be doing. However, in real life, the dog can't talk, knows only that it can manipulate THIS little human for food and attention, and it, the dog, cares nothing for the observable damage done that taking up the kid's time does the kid, or, anyone else.

My SO, my SOs in my life, have always had the absolute right to note objections to ANYTHING I was doing. If I gambled too much, they had the right to call me on it and lay down the limits of what they would tolerate - and then act on it.

Why do people value their fetishes, "habits," and vices over other another human being? There are all sorts of reasons. But, like most things, unless the behavior is causing a problem, very few would bother to ask, "Why?" Which is an important clue...

If you feel you HAVE to ask, "Why?" you may feel or be thinking YOU would rather be spending your time with someone else, somewhere else, doing something else.

It's a good question, the second one, because it has to do with the pay-off you get. The first question... They should be asking that of themselves, and probably do, but too few seem to give any weight to the fact they're questioning their own behavior - and then doing nothing about it but burrowing into it deeper...

Time put into one thing is time taken from something else.

Bottom line, I guess, if the fetish is that important to someone, and bothersome to someone else, they probably both need to formulate new plans in life.

Just sayin....

[Naomi Rayne]

I'm not sure that thread actually qualifies as fetishistic. As Samantha pointed out, fetishes cause sexual stimulation. But as to the question of why one piece of clothing over another?

Certain pieces of clothing (stockings included) have a more immediate feeling of femininity than others.

I don't think it is worshiping the item for the item's sake, and I definitely don't feel as if they are more important than my SO. I think for most of us, it is simply what makes us feel the most feminine. I think that's true for GGs, too. It's just that we don't have as many opportunities, so the objects often do become more important to us and than to GGs.


This is a great point. Some things do make us feel more feminine than others so we tend to wear them more often than not. But some people do have fetishes towards certain items.




I'm a leg man ... always have been, always will be ... love to see women in hosiery and heels!

Love to wear them myself!

That's just the way it is!

This point is also great. Because a person who has a hoisery fetish and sees a women in hosiery is more likely to be attracted to that women.



As far as the thread in question you may have been looking a bit too much into it, but it all depends what you are trying to understand.

[ReineD]

Thanks everyone for your continued responses! But Linnea, I think Imelda Marcos had more of a shopping addiction, which is different. She was known for having lots of shoes (well, maybe she had a shoe fetish or compulsion, who knows, lol), but I bet her shopping addiction spilled out into other areas as well.

[Leslie Langford]

Well, since many of us here are children of the 1950's and 1960's where there was a far clearer demarcation line between typically "male" and "female" clothing, and since many of us were still pre-puberty and pre-teen when we first became aware of our "strange" feelings (typically starting at about age 5 or 6), it's not hard to connect the dots that we would be especially be drawn to the exclusively "girl" clothing of the time as the focus of our attention and desire. And in those days, that typically meant high heels, nylon stockings, garter belts, bullet bras, girdles, skirts, and dresses. And who better embodied the concept of femininity back in those days than elegant, sophisticated, classy, and well-dressed ladies such as Catherine Deneuve, Sophia Loren, Gina Lollobrigida, Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, and Jackie Kennedy?

Throw in the occasional case of Oedipus complex and identifying more strongly as children with our mothers rather than our fathers, and - voila'

[Dena]

In my opinion, a lot of women's clothing is completely foreign to a guy. There is nothing similar in a males' wardrobe to the feel and sensation of lingerie and dresses, etc...

So when curiosity comes along, there can be quite a bit of build up mentally. I want to wear that, I can't wear that, I did wear that, I'm not going to wear that again.

There's a desire and a denial thing a lot of times that can lead to a heightened experience. Which I think is part of the reason.

[eluuzion]

A fetish is of course, a sexual arousal that is stimulated by and focused upon an inanimate object, which is typically an article of clothing or a particular material. I tend to relate to (learning) theory that a paraphilia (“unusual” sexual interest) was associated with sexual arousal during childhood and conditioned learning occurred. A “fetish” is simply a term that points toward whatever particular object or material ignites the fire.

When I was a young kid, I happened to walk in to my mom’s room when she was getting dressed (attaching nylons to a garter belt). Although I did not begin to CD until my 30’s, I’ve always been incredibly aroused by “nylons”, specifically to “legs” wearing nude, taupe or beige garter hose or thigh highs.

I did not buy or borrow any “nylons” for personal use in my dating years and I never had any urge to do so. But I can say that it was probably a factor in the women I chose to date. I dated a girl in high school for many years that had great legs and always wore nude (or beige) panty hose. It is still a turn-on to look back at those days and how she looked.

When I began to CD, the primary focus was always on “smooth legs” and “thigh highs”. Black and darker colors are “ok”, but nude, beige, taupe, etc are the shades that ring my bell. For whatever reason, I am not attracted to “fishnets”. Maybe because it distracts the “view”, similar to looking through a screen door…lol.

Fetishes have different levels of compulsive sexual magnetism just like anything else. I am certainly not one of the extreme examples. I do not stockpile them, sleep with them on my pillow, put em’ on my head or any of that behavior, lol. Likewise, they are not “required” to be a part of each and every sexual escapade. As a matter of fact, I have recently noticed that I am becoming more focused on bare, smoothly shaven legs (and bodies). (But I am only attracted to shapely legs, not the “heavier” models, lol).

In summary, I do believe that the “fetish” originated from the event with my mom, with the “nylons” coinciding with what was probably one of my first experiences of sexual arousal.

So, that's my story...and I'm stickin' to it :heehee:

I am afraid our time is up for today Ms ReineD…we can discuss this further in next week’s session…hehehehe
:love:

[DemonicDaughter]

You didn't specify if GG's couldn't answer so I'd like to. I have a huge fetish for corsets. I find them sensual and quite arousing. Being they weren't always just for women, that isn't a factor in my love of them. Its the feel of them, how sexy/attractive I feel they make me look, the severity of them, a borderline BDSM feel if you will. Its all a part of looking attractive to myself and feeling I'm attractive. If I felt jeans did the same, I'd probably be addicted to those too.

But as for loving a partner and comparing it to a fetish... well I disagree that they are on the same level. I can love my partner and my fetish without them overlapping or one feeling threatened by the other. Well... I can't say if my corsets feel I love my partner more or not but I do know my partner is fine with the obsession over corsets. :heehee:

The key is moderation. Its no longer a "fetish" when it starts destroying your life. It becomes an addiction. The line is pretty thin between the two but there is a line and crossing it is when the partner starts feeling a great deal more left out and out of control in their own relationship (control being their place not over their partner).



Also, you mentioned that GGs like to wear certain things more than others so they do the same thing. But it is not the same at all. I can't think of a forum where GGs post thread after thread about how good wearing mini skirts make them feel, or angora sweaters, or their panty hose, unless they are specific fetish sites.

Go to BDSM forums or things of the like and you'll find countless threads on fetish wear. From rubber to corsets to shoes to ties. And there are GGs on there posting endless panty threads as well. Its all a matter of where you choose to look.


I think the reason why you don't see women posting such stuff about what they like, is because it is not forbidden for them.

Ask any woman over 30 if her discussing a sexual fantasy and/or fetish in a public forum (or even this forum) will not raise some eyebrows. Ask if there are any repercussions of such a discussion. Things like people assuming she's promiscuous or other such nonsense. Is it forbidden? No, but it isn't forbidden for men either. You can discuss your fetish just as freely. The only difference is a woman will be thought of as "easy" or a "****" where you'll be thought of as "gay" or whatever.


Plus, it is the items themselves. Loose baggy boxers, or crummy tighty whities do not hold a candle to a nice pair of hose, or even satin or silk panties. A tank top is a joke compared to a bra (for some guys, my view on them is Meh). Work coveralls pale in comparison to a catsuit. And baggy short that go down to the knee, just look awful compared to a skirt of similar length.

That's a matter of opinion. As I stated in your other thread, there are men who get just as sexually turned on by their male attire as you do of women's attire. Just because you prefer thongs over boxers doesn't mean that one is any better than the other, just a matter of preference.


In short, most of men's clothing choices are drab and or utilitarian, and women's are everything else, for the most part.

Again, that's a matter of opinion and I'm sure there are quite a few transmen on here that can easily argue this point.


In my experience in general the word fetish has a VERY negative connotation. Just look at how the media treats the idea. How many times does the criminal in the crime drama have some sort of "perveted, sexual fetish"?

That holds true for both men and women. Its always going to be implied that deviation from the "norm" is a fetish and the cause for an individuals deviant behavior. Male or female.

[tashaly]

I say if it looks good, I'll feel good about how I look, and I'll wear it. No shame in trying to look nice! I think ReineD's opening point is that wanting something to the point of always needing it at all times might be unhealthy, but it seems like what she's observing is our sisters expressing the delight of finally getting to find out how good they look in (insert item of clothing her) for the first time in their lives. My guess is that most of us are trying to discover our style.

There's also something about the Y-chromosome that makes us love to talk shop, so you have girls talking about stockings like they would talk about, say, cars. (Both involve trannies! Sorry, couldn't resist.) Actually, I don't know anything about cars, so I can see how going into lots of nitty-gritty details about something I'm not particularly interested in might seem a little obsessive.

[ReineD]

I think ReineD's opening point is that wanting something to the point of always needing it at all times might be unhealthy

No .. I was wondering why a preference for one type of clothing over another, i.e. hose (this is a big one), or boots, etc, but thanks for your response! :hugs: