Too Close for Comfort

[AKAMichelle]

I am having a hard time because I recently met a woman who is connected to my business. We get along great and seem to really enjoy each others company. One of the problems is that she lives 763 miles away. That makes it difficult times 2 because I don't know how often we will be able to see each other. The bigger problem is that if she comes to visit in August like we are planning then she will possibly learn things which could be told to others. Like the fact that I shave my legs and underarms. You can explain away legs, but I haven't figured out underarms. Plus since she would be staying at my house, she might find things. Lastly I don't want to lie to anyone else about my cd'ing, so I am considering canceling the trip and just fading away without telling her the truth.

So have any of you pulled away from a person who might or might not accept without giving them a chance? I feel like this woman would possibly accept but since I own my own company and she could tell hundreds of my clients I am getting cold feet. The risk is so great that I don't know what to do. I tried to cancel things with her last night but couldn't. Time is running out (2 weeks before she books flight) and I need advice.

I think what makes this so difficult is that it is so hard for us to find someone to accept and love us in the first place and here I am throwing in the towel before I even try.

[Tomara]

Hi Michelle
If you are asking for my advice I will tell you what I would do in your situation.
Be Honest !
I would tell her that you really like her and that there is something very private about you that you would like to share with her , if she has any integrity she will keep what you tell her to herself and my guess is that she will have a great deal of respect for you being up front and honest with her.
Please don't sabotage yourself or the possibility of a great relationship with the fear of the unknown.
Best of luck to you.
Tomara

[SherriePall]

Michelle -- You are in a very difficult position. How many times have one of us said, "If only I was my own boss. If only I owned my own company."
If we worked for someone else, we could, hopefully find another job. Owning your own company, you risk more than a job.
I have no advice for you as we don't know the lady nor do we know all the circumstances of your situation.
I can only wish you the best no matter what decision you make.

[Billijo49504]

I agree with Tomara said, honesty is the best thing. Some people don't have much hair under their arms. Now if the rest of your body is furred out like a bear, I don't think it will work. If she is that important to you, go for it. If she rats you out, just brush it off at work, as a woman scorned, tryiing for revenge. Good luck...BJ:drink:

[JoanAz]

Dont worry about the Hairless Arm Pits, if she snuggles there she might like it....
No boldy realy cares about how much Hair you have legs arms Pits etc...
and again telling her is up to you..:hugs:

[celtic.blue.eyes]

You shouldn't cancel anything, and risk loosing a good relationship. You don't have to tell her the truth yet, you are not that close. As for the shaving, just tell her a previous wife (or girlfriend or SO or whatever) preferred you that way, and that's the way it's been ever since. In the very rare instance it comes up, I just tell people that antiperspirant works a lot better without the hair, and that I tend to stink a lot!

[AKAMichelle]

Well let me explain further so you can understand just how dangerous this one is.

She is partners with a client of mine. Her partner and I are possibly going to become partners in August which should be the final deal of my life. It has enough money on the table that I will be able to retire early and enough life. If I tell her and it doesn't go well then it could kill the project with her partner. She could tell other clients of mine which could backfire on me and cause me to lose additional money.

I don't know what I was thinking getting involved with her. She is gorgeous and smart. We are able to talk for hours. I guess that is what got me not thinking.

[dana 1]

same as any office romance, to much to lose, lot of fish in the pond, go fish somewhere else. unless your willing to come out, or feel very very lucky.

[Pythos]

Um, people seem to be missing the obvious problem with this budding relationship.

Distance.

Long distance relationships fail, even in this age of cyberspace. Well they fail most of the time.

I am curently talking with a girl I met on a Mana site, and she lives practically at another coast. I am keeping it at friend despite the fact she likes my fem look. LOL.

[ssandy]

Sweetie you have to much to lose...be careful.

[Stephenie S]

You are, as many here do, overthinking this situation.

You really have NO business telling her you are a crossdresser this early in a long distance relationship. Keep that fact to yourself until you are MUCH further along in your relationship.

That leaves you with legs and armpits to worry about and I don't see ANY need to explain either to ANYONE other to say you like it.

"Oh, I see you shave your armpits."

"Yeah, I like it."

"Oh, I see you shave your legs, too."

"Yeah, I like it."

Simple, short, and to the point. Not even a faint suggestion that you are a crossdresser.

Stop worrying. Invite this person and have a good time. Keep your CDing in the closet for now. Later on, if things get serious, you can reopen the subject.

Stephie

[Miss Misery]

Hi Michelle,

I understand your dilemma and think that it's easy to be brave with someone else's future - not so much when it's your own.

I too own my own business but will likely never have the business opportunity that it sounds like you have in front of you. So, are you concerned about what might be found when this person visits - can you do some "cleaning" to make sure that doesn't happen? I don't know what other "things" she might be exposed to that would tip her off that something's up - you need to decide on that. But my point is that there's no guarantee she would think anything is strange unless you tell her. I know this goes against all the honesty with SO's stuff we talk about on here but this is an unique situation and, in fact, I think that when to bring it up to our SO's is unique to each of us and our relationship. Sometimes later (not 20 yrs per se but ...) is better because our understanding of each other and our relationship has grown to be able to accept the idiosyncracies in our partner.

So - can you have your cake (relationship) and eat it too (business deal)? I would think so UNLESS there is some obvious clue that would spill the beans - I don't remember are you a CD or TS?

My best advice would be to cover the business first and I hate saying that but the relationship, like any new one, has a lot of unknowns regardless of the CD/TS issue. Take the "bird in the hand" and reach for the "bird in the bush".:) All the best to you.

[Angiemead12]

Hmmm I would play it safe first. Closes the big Business deal. And get to know her a bit more before revealing anything. If you make your hairlessness an issue then she may question it. But if you just act like nothing is wrong then it's up to her to interpret.

[FanciJewel]

It seems to me that this has nothing to do with hairy arm pits or legs and everything to do with a business or professional relationship. If you want you business partnership to succeed, then keep your relationship with a potential business partner at a professional level. Nothing destroys a business faster than a physical relationship with a business partner. Let the business partnership mature. If you become social friends later then think about the addressing the hairless arm pits. Fanci

[joanieb]

You can not live your life, if you have to hide some important aspects of it.

I know I'm going to get a lot of yes you can. And in actuality I do. I do it for those that I love. Having said that. This person that is coming into your life desirves to share with you every aspect of your life. Trust in her that she will hold your persona confedant. She can do this if your honesty if sincere. It's only when we lie to people that they become vengful.

If your honesty is something she can't tollerate, then she is not worth the time. And though she may spill the beans, hopefully it is not with in your reality. Be true to yourself and those you are involved with, you will benifit from it.

Sincerely Joanie

[Cassandra Lynn]

Business before pleasure, makes the most sense here. If you should confide anything, make it "i'm worried that any relationship other than friends and business associates could be trouble", say it nicely and that you do like her.
After things have solidified on the business end and the money is in the bank (so to speak), see if the spark is still alive.
Do tend to agree that body hair is much ado about nothing, and doing a sweep of the house to remove any evidence is doable.
mj (Cassie)

[carhill2mn]

I think that you are worryinng too much about the "little" things. Why should she care about your arm or underarm hair? If you are really "hitting it off" these things will not matter or maybe even be brought up.
Enjoy your new relationship!

[Billijo49504]

After you explained it, I agree that you shouldn't get your meat where you make your bread..:drink:..BJ

[Tina2]

I shave my armpits because it helps me smell less. I was doing it at my wife's suggestion years before I came out to her. It is not uncommon for men to shave their pits to reduce body odor.

[ReineD]

Michelle, if by telling her you risk losing out on the business deal of a lifetime, I would suggest holding off until after the deal has gone through. It is only another month, which is a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things.

I also think you should get to know her better before you do tell her. If you've no idea whether she is trustworthy or not, then your relationship has not progressed to the "need to tell" level yet. You are still strangers.

I would not walk away from the relationship out of fear of what she will do.

So .... instead of having her come up to your place in August, can you arrange to meet her somewhere else for an extended weekend?

[AKAMichelle]

So .... instead of having her come up to your place in August, can you arrange to meet her somewhere else for an extended weekend?

That is a great idea Reine. Why didn't I think of it first? :D

The truth be told is that the woman is going to be my main contact with this business deal. The business deal didn't even come up until after I had come back home from Dallas. When I came back from Dallas, I had already decided that I wasn't going back there for business and it left the relationship free of the intanglement. If it goes through then I will be working with her a lot. Very bad situation because if I blow it, it could cause an uncomfortable work environment. The other part is what bothers me the most. If I can't be honest with her then I have no business being with her.

I learned my lesson of not telling. I find telling early allows the person to decide quickly before they feel trapped. Even when we wait to make sure that the person is the one we want to tell, we must realize how the woman feels. It must be a terrible feeling to love someone and find out something this big. Then the woman feels trapped into accepting something which she can't do. That isn't fair to her because she tries so hard to accept and sometimes the truth is that she can't. She has committed so much time and energy and most of all her heart to this relationship. We have such a tendency to look at it from our perspective and ignore the woman's pain. Not everyone can accept our cd'ing, but we have to respect them regardless of the outcome. I personally feel showing the understanding of their feelings early allows them to see things clearer and improves your chances of them accepting.

Plus you get extra brownie points when they feel that you are so honest that you would risk everything to tell them this secret which could cost you so much.

[michellebesweet]

Michelle, You have an opportunity for love, you need to test those waters first. If that is what you really want out of life. You must also secure your future, and stay financially secure. Meeting with her should not be any issue. Nor having her stay with you. Hide what you need to hide, I would not share the CD side of your life with her right now, you really don't know this person. Spend some time with her, get to know her, make your deal, and if things progress to that point, then yes, the answer is be honest with her. If you want to spend the rest of your life with her, you must be honest. I don't think you are not being honest with her now if you don't tell her about this part of your life. I would look at this time as a time for learning about each other. It will fall in place if it is to be.

[Jamie14]

The underarms thing is easy. Just tell them it helps me cut down on sweat, body odor, and tht it feels more comfortable........

[AllieSF]

Michelle, I think that you have already answered your own question. I believe that in this situation your business should come first for all the obvious reasons already stated by you and others. If you want to be honest about it, sleeping with a partner is more than a valid reason to hold off and see where the new partnership goes and how the overall working relationship works out. You can always renew the relationship later when you yourself feel more secure in the overall business and potential romantic relationships. If you decide to back off now, you can tell her something came up on the home front that needs some TLC on your part and that you will reschedule her, or your trip, at a later date. That gives you time to work this all out on your time table. Good luck on all fronts.

[Cheryl James]

No advice from here, just a comment. Telling a woman in whom we have a strong interest knowing full well that the "news" may not be received with overwhelming enthusiasm is so difficult. Having said that, I do recognize the value of honesty, but at what price? Unless we are lucky to have found that one in a million person, are we doomed to never have a significant female in our lives? Are we forced to endure the risk that our honesty will result in disclosure to the world at large? And, your situation is doubly difficult because of the implications for your financial well-being. As I said, no advice, but I do have empathy for your situation and hope that you work it out in a way that is good for you.

[Miss Misery]

Hi Michelle,

.


This is obviously your call and you know the details and parties involved better than any of us BUT I would make the case that your experience or my experience in when/how to tell are only single observations and each one is likely to be different, as different people are involved. I'm not negating the pain a woman feels when her man comes out as a CD but the fact is we don't know how your friend will react and that's why it's a dilemma for you.


Plus you get extra brownie points when they feel that you are so honest that you would risk everything to tell them this secret which could cost you so much.

You said it right there, you're risking a lot. Are you willing to lose it all, her and the business etc because that is truly what's at risk here. I know this is hard and you want to do the right thing by her and for you. Just don't want to see you hurt emotionally and financially. Good luck.

[ReineD]

If it goes through then I will be working with her a lot. Very bad situation because if I blow it, it could cause an uncomfortable work environment. The other part is what bothers me the most. If I can't be honest with her then I have no business being with her.

The risk then isn't whether you should tell her about the CDing or not, but whether you should mix business with a personal relationship. What if you weren't a CD, it never crossed your mind ... then you begin a love affair with her, the business deal goes through, she's your main contact, and a few months later the relationship falls apart for any number of non-CD reasons.

What then? Could you continue to work with an ex-lover? Maybe there's a good reason behind the adage that you shouldn't mix business with pleasure, regardless of whether or not you CD.

It's a tough one Michelle. It's too bad she has to be the main contact.

But if you're OK with the possibility of working with an ex-lover, if you think you could still be friends should the relationship fall through, then the added knowledge that you CD isn't much of an added issue, is it? Take your time, get to know her character, her value system, and then decide whether you want to begin a relationship.

Or rather, the two of you should discuss the wisdom of entering a relationship together given the business connection. Would she be OK continuing to work with you if the relationship should fall apart? Is she pragmatic? Emotionally mature? Easy going? Have that conversation with her first, and then you'll be in a better position to know whether you should even go for it, before you talk about the CDing.

If you both weigh the risk of having it not work out and continuing to work together, then chances are she'll respect your privacy about a number of things should you break up, including your intimate lives together and the CDing.

[Shananigans]

Take a leap of faith.

Tell her.

[Veronica Lacey]

Given that you have "recently met" but get along great is there any horrible consequence to you to simply building a solid friendship over the next year or so?

Give your business the time required to seal the deal and give both of you time to cultivate your blossoming friendship, to get to know one another via the business? Maybe an easy opportunity will present itself in the future and you will have less to lose...or the opportunity to know she would not be interested and you will have lost nothing.

Hope that you find the right path :)

[connie23]

Hi!
I have read all of the ideas so far and can not get past the fact that you have so much to lose if you rush to tell her. I agree with all of the folks who have advised waiting until the business deal is done. I also agree that you don't know her well enough to trust her with the most private aspects of your life. I like the idea of explaining the underarms as a medical thing.
Please put yourself first and save her the trauma of having to decide if she is going to tell the other people involved in your business.
Good luck,
Hugs,
Connie

[AKAMichelle]

Unless we are lucky to have found that one in a million person, are we doomed to never have a significant female in our lives?

I don't think the odds are that great. I think many women are more accepting when they see the trust from you early on. I think the main problem we have with women has to do with betrayal and trust issues because we never told them. It is like having an affair only we are the other woman. It takes a long time for them to begin to understand and the biggest issue is they always wonder if there isn't more since we hid this from them. Trust suffers and they are left wondering what else we aren't telling them. If I could go back in time, that is the one thing I would change in my marriage. We may never have gotten married but if getting married to her was fate then maybe the problems that came from loss of trust would never happen. We might still be happily married today.


What then? Could you continue to work with an ex-lover? Maybe there's a good reason behind the adage that you shouldn't mix business with pleasure, regardless of whether or not you CD.

I could work with an ex-lover, but that isn't the question. Can she work with me later on? I made a terrible mistake by asking her out the first time. Now instead of just having a business relationship, I have to decide what is the next step. I thought about the what if tonight about not being a cd'er. Like you said the problem would still be there, but I wouldn't be afraid of her running off. If she lived nearby, then I might roll the dice and tell her and see if things could work. But now all of this is on top of 763 miles apart. I have a little more time to decide, but I am definitely leaning toward backing out of the relationship. Whether that is a little white lie to keep her from coming to Denver or something else. She needs to stay where she is if I'm not willing and prepared to be 100% honest with her.


Take a leap of faith.

Tell her.

You are just another hopeless romantic. That is my weakness as well. I would love to take that chance. I am just not ready for everyone in my business circle to know that I crossdress. Although it would probably explain a lot to many of them. In fact the women I talked to today would understand a lot of things that I have said recently about having a GNO plus one guy. I plan on going to Seattle sometime later this year and they all want to go out when I get there.

P.S. There is one major problem with not telling her until after the business deal goes through. Business deals can just as well sour and dissolve leaving me with nothing. Either I plan on telling her regardless or I need to let her go.

[eluuzion]

"Never give bullets to a person with a gun that has the potential to shoot you."

Mixing relationships with business results in what pharmaceutical companies call "potentiation".

Big head on shoulders is used 8am-6pm to earn money.
Little head in pocket is used 6:01pm to 7:59am for fun.
Hotel conference rooms are for business.
Hotel rooms are for fun, and naps.


I had a similar situation when I moved from Dallas to Denver. I met my friend every other week in a DoubleTree in Dallas. Her boyfriend was head of SWAT in DFW and a heavy drinker (typical). I blindfolded her in lobby and removed it when she got inside room. :heehee:

No regrets for that wisdumb....:love:

[Alice B]

Adding my two cents.

Finish the business deal, so you are set. Keep the relationship as it is now. Good conversation, getting to understand and know one another, but not completely yet. When the deal is finished and your life is solid you can then advance it, if the desire is still there.

A little patience is what you need to do now. Good luck

[Miss Misery]

I thought about the what if tonight about not being a cd'er. Like you said the problem would still be there, but I wouldn't be afraid of her running off

Would you consider it not being 100% open if you quit CDing and never mentioned it to her that you ever did? Just a thought.

I'm saddened that you might just break off the relationship that could have potential - for both of you. Any options of her leaving her part of the partnership (being bought out or whatever)?

[Lorileah]

rain...parade time

You worry about if it doesn't go well and your dressing becomes and issue, but in essence you are "fishing off the company pier" and even if the dressing is never addressed....you are risking her sabotaging it if the romance doesn't go well. So the risk is mute. If you really like her and plan to have a relationship, then you need to tell. The downside, in my opinion, won't be any worse than if you just have a bad breakup. But you have to take risks to get reward. I'd go for it

[Rianna Humble]

If I can't be honest with her then I have no business being with her.

I learned my lesson of not telling. I find telling early allows the person to decide quickly before they feel trapped.

I respect your position on the telling/hiding question but does she already know absolutely everything else there ever could be to know about you? If not, then you are not deceiving her by introducing it at a later stage in the process of telling her about yourself. Relationships are about learning to know the other person - not about telling it all in one go. It seems to me that you do not know enough about her to decide that it is time for her to know this about you. I may be talking out of the wrong orifice, but take time to get to know her and her feelings / likes / dislikes. :2c:

[Samantha Kelsey]

Just be open and honest with her. You have a perfect opportunity here and you would not be fair to eitheer her or yourself if you didn't take it. If you lose her then it wasn't meant to be and you will have saved you both a lot of heartache further down the line. BUT!! If she is alright with it then you can have a very happy life. Believe me, it's tried and tested.
Samantha.

.

[AKAMichelle]

You worry about if it doesn't go well and your dressing becomes and issue, but in essence you are "fishing off the company pier" and even if the dressing is never addressed....you are risking her sabotaging it if the romance doesn't go well. So the risk is mute.

That is as big a thought because the same outcome could come if you things didn't work out. This and 763 miles are the 2 items which bothers me the most.


I respect your position on the telling/hiding question but does she already know absolutely everything else there ever could be to know about you? If not, then you are not deceiving her by introducing it at a later stage in the process of telling her about yourself. Relationships are about learning to know the other person - not about telling it all in one go. It seems to me that you do not know enough about her to decide that it is time for her to know this about you. I may be talking out of the wrong orifice, but take time to get to know her and her feelings / likes / dislikes. :2c:

No I don't know everything about her and vica versa, but if the relationship is built on keeping secrets then it will fail or be the kind of relationship that I refuse to have. If honesty can't be achieved, then you don't need to be there. As you can tell, I learned that lesson well.

P.S. It really hurts that you have to protect yourself this much about being a cd'er. I have thought about the day that everyone would know. It doesn't bother me as much, but the damage could ripple down to my kids which still depend on me. So I have to protect them more than myself.

[Cherie]

Hi Michelle im in the same situation at the moment, im seeing a girl at the moment who i love very much she lives about an hours drive away. We spend every weekend together. she doesnt know about my cding but when she stays at my place Cherie gets packed away in a locked box for a few days.I know my lady suspects im different but when the time is right she will know its been this way for three years now .you dont have to rush it if she is worth holding onto you will have plenty of time to tell her. hope all goes well :)

[Amy Lynn3]

For what it's worth...I keep business....business and personal....personal ! I find if I mix the two I get in trouble. Second, a long distance romance is difficult at its best.

[Plasibeau]

It seems that everyone else has the important stuff covered so I'll just say this: Shaving your underarms actually keeps down on body odor. Thus not needing to poison your body with the chemicals in deodorant as much. My grandmother got me into that when I was young as puberty was cruel to me. :2c:

[Rianna Humble]

No I don't know everything about her and vica versa, but if the relationship is built on keeping secrets then it will fail or be the kind of relationship that I refuse to have.

If you look again, you will see that I did not advocate dishonesty, merely choosing the right time to tell her that you cross-dress.

[Miss Misery]

if the relationship is built on keeping secrets then it will fail or be the kind of relationship that I refuse to have.

Hi Michelle,

I guess I think that picking a later, more appropriate time to tell her is NOT the same thing as a relationship built on secrets. That kind of makes CDing or the deception of it, the centerpiece of your relationship. As Rianna says, there can be a better time than now to bring this up. Also, read the post by Giorgi in the Intro section -being forthcoming about our CDing does not, by any stretch of the imagination, guarantee acceptance or even a good outcome at all. Even with all the good intentions.

Interestingly, by breaking off the relationship, aren't you admitting that you won't be honest with her - something that you've said is important to you. If she really cares about you and you about her, breaking off the relationship could also be pretty traumatic. As my wife likes to say "life is messy."

Best wishes

[AKAMichelle]

Hi Michelle,

I guess I think that picking a later, more appropriate time to tell her is NOT the same thing as a relationship built on secrets. That kind of makes CDing or the deception of it, the centerpiece of your relationship. As Rianna says, there can be a better time than now to bring this up. Also, read the post by Giorgi in the Intro section -being forthcoming about our CDing does not, by any stretch of the imagination, guarantee acceptance or even a good outcome at all. Even with all the good intentions.

Interestingly, by breaking off the relationship, aren't you admitting that you won't be honest with her - something that you've said is important to you. If she really cares about you and you about her, breaking off the relationship could also be pretty traumatic. As my wife likes to say "life is messy."

Best wishes

I feel that if you start hiding things from the beginning then it becomes very easy to keep going and very hard to ever tell her. It's not that I wouldn't tell her later, but I feel uneasy about hiding things. If she asks a question where the answer is that I am a cd'er and I lie then I have started off lying from the very beginning. Not a good omen of what's to come. I think if I continue on with the relationship I would slow up and not tell her right off the bat. I am currently considering calling it off because of the distance and connection with my business. Those 2 issues are winning out right now. :D

[Miss Misery]

Michelle,

I totally respect your decision - you of course know the most about the situation AND have the most at stake.


I feel that if you start hiding things from the beginning then it becomes very easy to keep going and very hard to ever tell her. It's not that I wouldn't tell her later, but I feel uneasy about hiding things. If she asks a question where the answer is that I am a cd'er and I lie then I have started off lying from the very beginning. Not a good omen of what's to come.

I don't know if not telling her at any one point makes it harder to do it later. It's just plain hard to say that to someone. In fact, it's actually easier to admit to a direct question than it is to pop out with "How 'bout them Rangers? And, did I tell you I'm a crossdresser?" :eek:

Anyway - you must have felt something for this woman to initiate a relationship knowing that 760+ miles separate you 2. Don't lose sight of that. And, while we all recognize that the long distance relationships are difficult, at my recent HS reunion I was surprised at how many of my classmates who've divorced were in relations with people in another state. It's probably easier when you're further along in your life etc but don't write that off.

[Tallie]

I agree with Stephenie. I own my own business and if I were in your shoes, I would not tell her at this point. Your future professional life could go down the tubes if you do tell. Right now, you have a better chance of getting the partnership and a more secure livelyhood.

You really have NO business telling her you are a crossdresser this early in a long distance relationship. Keep that fact to yourself until you are MUCH further along in your relationship.

That leaves you with legs and armpits to worry about and I don't see ANY need to explain either to ANYONE other to say you like it.

"Oh, I see you shave your armpits."

"Yeah, I like it."

"Oh, I see you shave your legs, too."

"Yeah, I like it."

Simple, short, and to the point. Not even a faint suggestion that you are a crossdresser.

Stop worrying. Invite this person and have a good time. Keep your CDing in the closet for now. Later on, if things get serious, you can reopen the subject.

Stephie

[AKAMichelle]

Thanks for all of your great replies. They have caused me to think even more about this before making the decision. I have thought about it and came to the realization that I need to cool it with her for the following reasons.

Long Distance Relationship - I just feel like the distance is too great and neither are willing to consider moving to the others location.
Business involvement - Business and personal don't mix. Even though there is always that possibility that something great would happen, the reality is much different. If all of the stars don't align then things could go south and cause me to lose a once in a lifetime business deal.
Crossdressing - This one ordinarily wouldn't bother me since I have no trouble telling people that I am a cd'er. As long as it doesn't affect my company, I don't care who knows. But this one has the possibility to hurt my business.
Honesty - This one is the hardest to deal with. I think when you are around someone you care about, then you should be honest because the first lie you tell begins to destroy the relationship. If she was around me and all of a sudden everything connected the dots and she asked me if I was a cd'er and I lied about it would doom the relationship. I don't know when or if I could tell her the truth and in the meatime I am willing lying to her knowing full well the consequences.


I feel it is necessary to be the right kind of person to her or limit how much harm you do to her. I am sad but I know in my heart it is the right decision.

[Philipa Jane]

Hi Michelle.
I have read most of the replies and the one thing I may have missed is; how often does any conversation suddenly turn to cross dressing.

Certainly none of my friends or acquaintances have any clue as to my situation (until recently) and as such I can't see why this should be an issue here.

If you are bothered by the chance of being asked about your lack of hair in certain places keep your shirt and pants on.

Whilst I agree it would be nice to be totally honest, this and any other relationship is not guaranteed to succeed so why not wait to see how things go before you tell all and in the meantime close the business deal and secure your future.

Best of luck with you decision :hugs:
PJ

[Chickhe]

If I knew then what I know now... just treat her discoveries as a non-event. Is she really going to ask you why you shave your arm pits? Legs? Just shrug your shoulders and say, 'its been ages,... I don't exactly remember when I started, but I prefer it now...' or...'the place I go for chest waxing includes it for free...'.

[ReineD]

Philipa Jane & Chickhe, I think Michelle is thinking beyond just wanting to explain hairless legs and armpits, to the possibility of having a meaningful, long-term relationship with this woman.

Michelle, I think you're making the right decision .... for now. While this business opportunity is looming. But, this doesn't mean that you can't revisit the situation with her once you're set and you see how it all plays out. :) She'll still be your main contact, won't she? There's no telling what may happen 6 or 12 months from now. :)

[Sammy777]

I think canceling her trip could be just as bad as telling her your a CD.

Worried about your lack of body hair?
Simple - don't shave for the next two weeks.
Is it really that big of a sacrifice to make and it makes all the what do I tell her just go away.

Or stay shaved, and if it comes up just say in a joking manner oh I do it because I'm a CD'er.
If she laughs good, if she goes ewww well you have your answer.

Do a very good house cleaning being sure to remove/hide all evidence of your CD'ing.

Use this face to face time to discuss what both of you think of entering into a relationship of this kind will mean to both of you as well as what would happen if things didn't work out and you still have to work together.

There is nothing wrong with taking it slow or even just keeping in on a friendly level until later on.

[MargaretJ]

Michelle, if I was in your position, my practical side would come to the fore, and I would be looking after the business side to your dilemma before anything else. If you are able to secure a good financial future for yourself, it's a no brainer, everything else is a bonus.

I have never subscribed to the "being honest and truthful with yourself" line about coming out. I prefer to rely on the trust aspect, in that, can I really trust the person, and will they keep it confidential.

I hope it all goes well for you on both fronts.

Margaret