Advice Needed:Coming Out To An Old Freind

[Samantha B L]

I need any and all advice about coming out to an old freind. I had a wonderful SO for years who's passed away. But actually my best freind lives in New Jersey about 10 or 15 miles from the Lincoln Tunnel and she works in Manhattan and Brooklyn. She lived in Brooklyn for years and she grew up in upstate NY in Binghamton. It's a best freinds/pen pals relationship which started in 1983 and we eventually went to the web and now facebook. We're not lovers. I had my SO and she has a guy she's lived with for years. He's a good guy and I send a "hi" once in a blue moon. She's a very cool person and she saw a lot of the very early punk bands like the Ramones and the Dolls in New York.


I have been thinking about coming out to her since we are pretty close. I've been thinking about it for years but I keep chickening out. I think I told her years ago that I was shopping around for a Ronnie Spector Wig which I now have courtesy of fifi-mahony in New Orleans and I also mentioned dying my hair and giving myself female hairdos but I don't even know if all that registered with her. Besides,my snailmail handwriting is horrible and my best freinds and relatives gloss over half of my letters as illegible!


Both of us are published as magazine writers in National Publications. She goes to Europe and the UK about once every 2 years with her guy. the point is she's a very neat person. I feel like I should tell her I CD.
But I keep chickening out! One of my concerns is that she could possibly feel like any mailing I might send telling her about all that is sort of "out of character" with the stuff we usually blab about on facebook and in email. But
I could be wrong. I just don't know. And there's also that she could be one of these people who are patient and tolerant about LGBT and TG/TS/CD people yet get very bored and derisive of "drag queens". I just don't know. this person and I plan to meet for an afternoon or an evening before we both get too old. We've known eachother since 1983 through the Harmony(not the same as eharmony)Rock Penfreinds club in Brooklyn. We talk to eachother almost everyday on email and facebook. Any advice is welcome,guys and gals


Samantha

[mklinden2010]

If a woman is keeping a relationship going over that period of time - while living happily with someone else - she's "keeping" a social life to have other and interesting people in hers.

What you would have to tell her would be "interesting," but not threatening or relationship ending. It would just be a bit of news about "her friend." You can probably count on her taking note of it, but not doing a lot about it.

I see no reason to come out all at once. You can do fine just telling her you've joined some organization, or, been in some parade. Add to that over time. She'll process what she knows of the world and fill in the blanks.

Best way to run anyone off is to offer drop something heavy on them. Go lightly and see if a little rain - along with you - isn't tolerable.

Good luck to you. Long friendships are great things.

PS

Really, join some organizations that can support your CDing. No need for one person to be "the only one" to know your secret. Your secret isn't unique and you don't want to put all your emotional eggs in one basket. Make like Parkay... Spread youself around and you'll go further.

[CallMeMeg]

Everybody's different. You never know how anyone's going to react, and I need to write a post about a similar thing, but I'll read your responses first.

I sent the text of this blog post (http://youcancallmemeg.blogspot.com/2010/06/but-i-digress.html) to a friend. I'd known her mostly through e-mail, although we met twice in person. I've told her most everything, except about Meg. I've sent her hints, like a picture of my painted toenails. Her reply: "Not. Your. Toes."

Well, now she knew and I knew I might have just lost a friend.

Instead she told me she's seriously into D&S and how it's the key bond (no pun) in her marriage. I think we learned a lot more about each other just because of that one step.

Again, everybody's different. Do what you feel is right. Maybe you're chickening out for a reason.

[Stephanie Miller]

What's to gain...... what's to loose? Gain: More to talk to a penpal about? Loose: Eliminate a penpal? Do you know if she has religious beliefs, or other convictions, that may make her turn away? All your "hints" that didn't register may have indeed registered, and been a place she is uncomfortable with, thereby she moved away from discussing. You know her better than us - so honestly go over her history and evaluate her reactions. Good luck. We all have that dilema with someone in our lives, and understand the desire to tell the world.