Are or do?

[Katheryn]

Having read many of the threads and posts here over time, as well as having conversations with friends and passing acquaintances, I find that the one thing about cd's and gay people at the core of both is,

Is this something you do or is this something you are?

I found out, to me, it's something I am, having tried to not do it. You can do or not do something, but it's hard to not be what you are.

Any thoughts?

Kate

[Susan4]

Vestio ergo sum

[Keely]

It's what I am so it's what I do.

[Yvonne York]

With you Keely!

[suchacutie]

No matter which gender I happen to be presenting, Tina exists. She is a part of me, has a personality, likes and dislikes, and character traits.

So, she is!

tina

[Michelle James]

I dress therefore I am

[Rianna Humble]

I think that there is plenty of anecdotal evidence that people cross-dress because they are TG - they can stop cross-dressing but they cannot stop being transgender so inevitably the need to CD comes back.

As there have already been some references to philosophers, your question is a little like the disagreement between Aristotle and Descartes

One says "To be is to do" and the other says "To do is to be", but my take on that is Frank Sinatra got it right when he said "Do be Do be Do" :heehee:

[kaitlin]

For me, I am a crossdresser! It is my lifestyle choice, the only way I feel complete as a person!

[Rachelyorkcd]

I do it because I like it, we only live once so why not do as each of us wish

[Raychel]

I have tried to stop crossdressing many times in the past. It has never worked for good. The crossdressing always comes back. If I go for any length of time and I do not get to dress, then I get real moody and frustrated.

I always feel so calm and more like myself when I get to dress. So I guess it is just who I am...

[Rianna Humble]

For me, I am a crossdresser! It is my lifestyle choice, the only way I feel complete as a person!

That last part suggests that being a CD is part of who you are

[PretzelGirl]

I tend to go against the grain here. I think if you can imagine a possibility with us, then someone is fulfilling that possibility. It is quite obvious most feel TG and so it is something inside of them. But I certainly can see there being some that just want to try dressing for a while and can walk away later. Or never walk away, but they still don't feel TG. We are all different, so why can't there be people filling every possibility. One thing I have learned since joining this site is that all things are possible.

Now having said that, I believe it is something I am. But it is a learning process, so I have the right to change my mind. Interesting aside on that note. If I feel I am part femme, then do I have a women's perogative to change my mind and say I'm not. But if I say I am not part femme, then I can no longer change my mind???

[Samantha43]

Crossdressing is something I do, so it's part of who I am, therefore it's something I am.........

Does that make any sense at all? :)

[marisa]

i won't say this is what i do, for me its a simple case of, this is who i am and as such this is more of a requirement for personal well being.

[connie23]

Hi!
There is a part of me that needs to dress to feel calm and free of anxiety and there is a part of me that needs to dress to feel excited and ready to take on the world. Both of those parts can be dormant for long periods of time but, since they are part of me, they remain below the surface.
I think we can prevent the behavior but, the essence remains. I also think it makes me more interesting and more empathic.
Let's stop asking why and start asking how.
Hugs,
Connie

[Lorileah]

I am of two spirit. I am one I guess therefore it is who I am.

[Dee2U]

I am transgendered whether I am actively crossdressing or not. Sometimes I am not dressing because I'm in the closet, but often it is not necessary - I express my femininity in other ways as well. It is a way of being and a way to interact with the world. Dressing and makeup are just part of it....Dee

[Nicole Erin]

If it is something you enjoy and feel, then it is who you are.
If it's something that you do for like a job but feel indifferent, then it is something you do.

[Samantha B L]

I spent most of my junior high and high school years in denial about it. One thing led to another and I faced up to what I knew already. I am one. I can't think of anything more fun.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

It's something that I am so I do what I am suppose to do ...isn't that the way it's suppose to work????

[Ann Thomas]

For me it's who I am, not something I do.

I know what you mean about 'do' vs. 'am'. Where I live, there's a whole lot of 'do' and it's different from the 'am' which is well-hidden. Two examples come to mind - one serious, the other is quite funny:

My daughter and I moved here almost a year ago now and one thing my daughter told me is that even though the people here are dressed perfectly, their houses and streets are well maintained, and so on, they have an enormous drug problem. They're very good at hiding it, and even though they are very religious (a wide variety, btw) that doesn't seem to matter even if their religion historically denounces drug use. Very insincere.

The second thing that comes to mind is bicycling around here. During the week you see a few people actually using them for transportation. On weekends, omg, the roads are full of bicycles. But what's so funny to see these huge groups of people all dressed in the latest cycling fashions (very expensive and colorful), riding in huge groups down the road (like 50-100 in a pack). And they are so close together that if one fell down, the whole group would be in a huge pile in a split second. It's actually quite funny to watch - there's so many like that and you know they're out for pleasure. Your question made me think of this - they 'do' cycling!

But, it does lead me to ask, if I don't do it then am I still?

I tend to act girly no matter how I'm dressed, and strangers regularly call me "ma'am" on the phone, so I look and sound like it no matter how I dress. To me that's the sincerity I am looking for from my self. I have both female and male attributes and I let them both be expressed without reservation wherever possible. Circumstances tend to dictate which I can express more openly at which time, though, but that's for survival.

I love your question - made me think about a lot of things!

Hugs,
Ann

[Rianna Humble]

But, it does lead me to ask, if I don't do it then am I still?

Isn't that a bit like the old question "If a tree falls in the forest and there is no-one to hear it, is the man still wrong?" :heehee:

[Karinsamatha]

It is something I am, It is something I must do for my mental well being. As I have progressed in my personal growth it became most clear that the male persona is not the dominate, Karin is. She can be such a brat at times when she can't have her way. But after many many years of being "locked up" can you blame her?
:hugs:

[sissystephanie]

It is something that you are, but also something that you do! I believe that we all have two parts, male and female! If you are born a male, that part is dominant! But that does not mean that YOU cannot choose to indulge in the the other part.

Yes, you do choose to do so. No one is holding a gun to your head saying that you have to wear panties. etc. You want to, so you do so. But it is your choice, and yours alone!! And you can stop if YOU want to. You alone control your life for the most part, so if you want to stop dressing and have the willpower you can!!

I did stop twice, once while I was in the military and again just because I wanted to. I only started up again because my dear late wife begged me to!! She missed Stephanie in her life!

[patti1569]

My wife had a very hard time with my dressing many years ago and asked me to stop. I put it this way to her: I am a crossdresser, I can dress or not dress, but I will always be a crossdresser.

[Nicole Brown]

This is definitely something that I am. I accepted a long time ago that I was a crossdresser and this acceptance has only increased since then. Today I fully accept myself as Nicole who has become the predominant part of me as a person.

[Ruth]

There are a lot of different CDers here doing a lot of different things, and the only fact in common is that of males wearing female clothing. So I think the answer, overall, is 'both'.
It's funny because I was thinking the other day "It's not about the clothes." Strange thing for a CDer to think, you may say, but what it means is, CDing is something I do when I want to express my TG nature, but when I'm not wearing a dress, I'm still TG (I think).
Good question though.

[Annaliese2010]

I'm not gay, nor that way nor this. I've stopped categorizing, it's all a big mess. I got nothin to prove, don't need to impress. I am what I am, I like to express. But...whatever I am is subject to change without prior notification. As if...anyone really cares anyways - we tend to overvalue our own importance. Worry too much, over trifles. No one Really cares & nothing's so god-awful important to warrant such concern. In the end you're forgotten, so completely it hurts anyone who thinks too much.

Long as I'm not hurting anyone, I'll do whatever I want to do for my own reasons. As long as I'm not hurting you, I'll not let you hurt me by your deceit, disapproval, self removal, or conditional affections.

"To thine own self be true" is prerequisite to a life that's fun to live, interesting, upwardly mobile, freely expressed and valuable to others of like mindedness. We're all in this together. Might as well be loving caring supportive friends. Life's too short for the inner turmoil that results when, out of your own insecurities you need to 'fit in', 'pass' or posses some elusive 'stamp of approval', no matter the source. I carry the imprimatur of my own style of beingness. This is sufficient.

[Fab Karen]

Cue up the song
"I am what I am"

[Proteus]

Crossdressing is of course something you do, but the reason you do it comes from who you are.

I don't hear the term bigender a lot here, but that doesn't feel too far off for me.

[lisa_alba]

i am what i am, love it or leave it

[LizaPond]

I feel that I have created a new person I love being and living as Liza. So then I am

[Anna Maria]

"Do you what you gotta do and don't misunderstand me...." Beth Gibbons and Rustin Man. For non UK girls, Beth was a memeber of a band called Portishead. Google it. ;)

[Fab Karen]

"Do you what you gotta do and don't misunderstand me...." Beth Gibbons and Rustin Man. For non UK girls, Beth was a member of a band called Portishead. Google it. ;)
No need to google, cool music.

[erickka]

I Yam what I Yam! Guess that's my reason to dress.

[Frédérique]

Is this something you do or is this something you are?

I can safely say that if you are engaged in the act of crossdressing, and you made your way (via a circuitous route) to this place, you are a crossdresser. If you DO it, and yearn to learn more about it, you ARE one of us. It’s not a profession, you know. The level of interest may vary, and some are more passionate than others, but you are what you do, darling…:battingeyelashes:

I have a second (or is it third?) cousin whose profession is photography, so he is a photographer. I take (make) photographs for my artwork, yet it is not my profession. However, I consider myself to be a photographer – it’s something I AM, because I’m passionate about it, and I want to grasp what I see. I once tried to talk to my more knowledgeable cousin about our mutual interest in photography, but I found out he had absolutely zero passion for his craft – he merely DOES it. Quite surprising, I must say. I imagine if someone (a male) puts on women’s clothing just for a laugh, he is DOING crossdressing, but isn’t an actual crossdresser by definition. It’s not what he IS. It’s a drag, but I digress…

In my case, this is something I AM, so I DO it. As they say in Kansas, “Where you all at?” Well, I’m all here, doing all this, so I all AM all that, OK? It all makes perfect sense to me…:eek:

[Tranny Tee]

I would have not chosen to be a crossdresser, I did not choose to be a crossdresser. I was a crossdresser before I put on that first pair of panties, if I had not been a crossdresser I never would have wanted to wear them. Crossdressing is something I do because it is something I am.

[Kate Simmons]

For myself at least, it's all about who I am not "what" I or others seem to think I am.:)

[Jaclyn NM]

I guess, that being a CD is who I am, because I've never been able to completely stop, and even when I stopped for a short time, it's all I thought about. I'm at the point now where I will never again try to stop, because it's who I really am.

[pattyv]

Susan4- you beat me to it.

I dress therefore I am-I am therefore I dress.

Apologies Descartes.