Questions

[Sophie Lynne]

I was out Saturday night.



As I was driving from my makeover to the motel, I started asking questions of myself. Let's face it- I was dressed head to toe as a woman- that WILL spur thought and some soul searching!

:straightface::D:doh::sad:

When did I become comfortable wearing a skirt? Like second nature comfortable?



When did I stop being fascinated by looking down and seeing I have breasts (when dressed) and see it as perfectly normal?



When did Sophie become critical to my life?



When did "oh my God I'm out in public dressed as a woman!" become "Ok, I'm dressed- where can I go that's safe-ish?"



When did I suddenly own more heels than guy shoes?



When did losing weight become a "dress size" thing instead of a "health" thing?



When did lying to my wife about my whereabouts become so much easier? (but still hurt just as much)





Why do I want to keep doing this so badly?

[Danni Bear]

Sophie

just stop lying be open to her

it hurts you and her to lie

give her a chance just don't ever push
you will be surprised by her

most can accept if given the opportunity

if you are one of the unfortunate ones who have one that can't

don't see it as the end of the world it's not

all you really need is love and communication
it will work wonders in your life


love
Danni Beard
once cd
but now loving wife
Sept.13,2010

[ReineD]

Why do I want to keep doing this so badly?

Because it's a fundamental part of who you are. The progression you describe is natural.

For how long will it be easy to hide this from your wife?

[charlie]

Hello Sophie!
"There is nothing worse then a reformed addict" is the saying. My wife found out about my dressing and it has been a year from hell. She intercepted a package sent to my work from a clothing store. The goods were obviously mine. Since then she does not accept anything about "Charlie" and hates my dressing. Yet, I have followed all the progression that you stated in your post. I love going out in public, all dolled up and strutting in my 4" heels. The worst part in my life is that my wife keeps telling me that she can not trust me anymore because I lied to her all the time that I was dressing and not telling her. That part for my wife was worse then the actual dressing up in female clothes. Neither was stellar however. You Sophie, have obviously been dressing for some time to get to the comfort level you have.....as such you have been lying to your wife for some time now as well. From my experience, bite the bullet and come clean. Your wife already knows some of it already. Your walk, body language, crossing your legs, interest in clothes, interest in seeing fashion magazines, interest in shows like Tyra Banks and Runway are all clues that give us away as being different. Telling her will save you from the damming part of being a CDer as well as a lier if or when she finds out. It is also quite freeing. I'm in the open now. No need to hide or lie.

[tricia_uktv]

Hon, you know the answers. Good luck and hugs

[TonyaV]

When I confessed to my wife last year, I tried giving her the information in small doses. After few (very few) doses, she could only handle so much of the devastating news as far as she was concerned. Initially she stated (or probably pretended) that she would try and understand. But after few short days, she decided she did not approve of any of it. She knows I like to CD. She now can see the femme me is part of my make-up, my being. We talk about it, and I try telling her that I really want her approval, and that I promise I'd only dress in private. Unfortunately for me, my wife is no dummy. She said if I do, I'll always want more - the said part she's right. So, for the past year, I honestly tried not to CD at all. But, once again, the urges keep coming back stronger. When I am out of town, if I go out, I don't tell her anymore. I am torn. I love her, and can't see her suffer because of me. So i lie about the going out part. I wish I don't have to lie to her, just like I wish I am not a woman trapped in a male's body. As long as I can manage and tolerate my status quo, I am not fessing up to the fact I do go out while away. All she knows is that few times, I bought dresses, brought them to the hotel room and put them on. Little does she know how knowledgeable Tonya is about beauty tips, fashion and make-up.

[Sophie Lynne]

I know that if my wife finds out, I will be tossed out. As my job is in retail, I'll be living in a refrigerator box.


I wish i could AFFORD to tell her! :(

[AKAMichelle]

When you let her in, it becomes easier to be her. It happens so silently that we don't even realize it. Just like you it happened to me. I can't remember when she became integrated into me. The only problem that you have though is hiding and lying from your wife. You are hurting your marriage my setting the standard of distrust and deceit. Think long and hard about your next steps as either you tell her or one day you will be caught and it is too late to control the telling. Good Luck to you.

[Rianna Humble]

I'lll try to answer some of your questions, but these will only be my best guess

When did I become comfortable wearing a skirt? Like second nature comfortable?

I imagine that this happened shortly after your truly accepted yourself as a cross-dresser

When did I stop being fascinated by looking down and seeing I have breasts (when dressed) and see it as perfectly normal?

Probably shortly after you became comfortable wearing the clothes

When did Sophie become critical to my life?

She's always been a critical part of your life, hun, you just didn't know it

When did "oh my God I'm out in public dressed as a woman!" become "Ok, I'm dressed- where can I go that's safe-ish?"

This one is a bit more awkward to guess. I'd say maybe not long after you realised how important Sophie is in your life and that this importance is not a disaster

When did I suddenly own more heels than guy shoes?

If you're anything like me, it was shortly after you started shoe-shopping for Sophie

When did losing weight become a "dress size" thing instead of a "health" thing?

LOL, this one really is proof that you are a t-girl through and through! When I did a healthy eating programme at work a few months ago, it was agony having to talk about the health effects rather than the fact I had gone down nearly 2 dress sizes! Now that I'm out at work, I can tell the other girls the truth.

When did lying to my wife about my whereabouts become so much easier? (but still hurt just as much)

No answer for this one, hun. I think you'll just have to weigh the situation up for yourself



Why do I want to keep doing this so badly?

Because cross-dressing isn't just something you do, it's part of who you are

[sissystephanie]

I am going to have to go with Rianna pretty much on this one. Except of course for telling the wife. She married a man, not a woman! If you really want to be a woman, meaning you are a transexual, then admit it to her and let her decide what to do! It is her decision to make! Of course you can tell her you love her and all that, but remember. she married a man!!

Who knows, she might accept you "as is!" Anything is better than a marriage based on a lie!

[JulieC]

Little does she know how knowledgeable Tonya is about beauty tips, fashion and make-up.

It's an unfortunate detente. I think it wonderful, in a sense, that you feel guilt about lying to her. Spouses that freely lie without guilt, I really wonder about.

Anyway, detente situations are hard. But, it's self inflicted; you don't want to know, but you know it happens. You hope you don't hear about it, hope it never happens, but never know where your questions edge into areas where it has happened. So, on it goes. I think in this situation, an encapsulated lie is in some sense acceptable; i.e., "It's ok to lie about that, just not about anything else".

Even if not verbalized, it's the situation as it is.

I'm reminded of a scene from Far & Away, where the two parents have a detente about the husband's drinking. He thinks he's being sly, but she knows, and they comment on the detente, not really wanting to change it even though they both know it's a lie.