Some thoughts on this whole crossdressing thing...

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Hey girls...

Time to put some thoughts down here...

I've been dressing for several years now and to say the least it's been an interesting experience...one that has forever changed me...

When I first came here I couldn't imagine being able to go in public like the Karren Hutton, Kathi Lake and others who I was reading about...I use to marvel a bout Wow!!, do they have some serious C.O. Jones or what?

In addition, I've read many a post here on the forum from many many of you girls about your own experiences...some sad, some funny some crazy some just plain flat out entertaining...but all personal...all part of a journey of which each is their own, but also one that we all share in some form shape or manner...

From those of you who are new at this....to those who are still closeted to those who have come out and go about being femmed on a daily basis...

What I've learned is that for some making the transition into being "out and about" has been easier for some than for others...while for some who have come out it's been costly, but a price that they are willing to pay to be free...

So of it seems on a daily basis have posted about comign otu to SO's or wives with very bad results...while others write about all the great things that they do with their wives or SO's like shopping going out to clubs or other places...how they shop together etc....

So there seems to be a whole vast spectrum of experiences we've all shared...some with very good results and some with not so good results...

So the question came to me and it's this....what seems to make for successful results with some where as others have not had good results??? In addition, how many have been faced with catastropic situation, i.e. a decision to tell the wife or GF, an illness or just reaching a point where because of age circumstance or illness one decided to hell with it I want to be free and open about who I am and what I am...basically a desire to no longer hide who or what we are.

For me I started dressing at what some would consider a late point in life...

Told the wife forst about wanting to try it before I did so I was open there to her...

Had major problems along the way...and finally got passed them so that now it's all OK. Stephanie can come and go as she pleases as far as going out...can go to the clubs or to CD paries whenever she wants...dress at home whenever or however and is open to those who she feels she wants to share with....the girls who do my brows, or my nails...to SA's when I shop...yes I'm looking for a dress or slacks for "Me"..."oh I dress enfemme"...and not worry about "oh what will they say or think"...because as Brett Butler said in 'Gone with the Wind'... "quite frankly my dear, I don't give a damm"!!!! and that pretty much sums up my attitude...

I've reached the point that being true to myself is far more important to me than what others think....but for me to reach that I had to grow both in age as well as dealing with two catastrophic illnesses which pretty much drove home the fact that I won't live forever...so I need to do what I want to do now because I don't know fi I'll have tomorrow to do it...

Sure, I may have a much shorter christmas card list to write, but that's fine...with stamps being what they are it means less money there and mroe for heels...a good thing I think.

But it also means a new sense of "freedom" to be who I am and what I am...and as the commercial says ..."and THAT is priceless"!!!!

So where are you? "Free and out" or wishing you could be like some of the girls here who are "living life to the fullest"...

So what is holding you back or what has set you free??? Where are you at now from where you were when you first started dressing and how has it changed your life???

We each have a story...what's yours????

Stephanie

[Misty G]

I really don't think there is enough space available on this forum to start my story. I started writing my story about 8 years ago and it has know tuned into a book.

There has been many ups and downs A Lot of disapointments and some great times. However all in all I wouldn't change a thing. My first marriage end due to the crossdressing but my present wife totally accepts and supports it and am free to dress when ever I wish and to go out with some of the gurls from time to time

[StaceyJane]

I'm in the "Free and Out " club and I can't imagine going back in the closet.

I didn't come out by choice. Last January the day after my daughter moved out of the house I found a letter written by her. The first line gave me a heart attack, stroke and seizure at the same time.

"I know about you wanting to be a woman"

She went on to tell me how my wife had found a picture of me and had told her about it. My daughter then looked online and found some blog enties I had done. She was very supportive and told me I had only one life and I had to do what makes me happy.

So I talked to my wife about it and she was supportive but some bad things also came out which caused some problems.

I remember getting dressed and building my nerve up for the first time I went out in public. I told myself

"I want to live my life like this so I need to do this."

And I did it. The first few times I was scared of everything thing but I worked on it.

Back in March my daughter came back to visit and she saw me dressed for the first time. We went out together and the feeling of acceptance was amazing. After that I lost my fear and I really enjoy going out.

[Lissa Stevens]

I have to say I am more out of the closet that I ever thought possible. I go out pretty much enfemme every where I go, sans wig and not full makeup. This forum and a couple other social networks have helped me.
What has held me back from being totally out of the closet? Fear. Afraid of how my family will react. They are very traditional in their views on this sort of thing. When my mom and dad found my clothes, when I was about 17, their first thought was I was gay. There was something wrong with me. I already know from many comments my wife has made, her feelings on CD's and TGs. I do love her and don't want to lose her.
I have a feeling one day I will be fully out whether I intend it or not. I guess I will have to deal with that at the time.

[sterling12]

Oh yes Baby, you have Grown! And, for so many of us around here, I think that's The Idea. If we looked at CD.Com in Retrospect, I imagine we would have tons and Tons of Positives and not much in The Way of "Sorta-Positives."

Your Progression represents A Journey that probably hundreds, if not Thousands of Gurls have traveled. A lot of it was with Courage, Instruction, sharing, and Insight, provided courtesy of CD.Com.

Here's a Neat Idea. I would like to know if there's ever been a Thread that went: "I tried going out a few times, it Sucks, and I'm going to climb back into my Rabbit Hole!" Conversely, we have Thousands that went, "Loved it, cant wait to go out again, why did I wait so long." Obviously, Our Nefarious Scheme is working!

Know What? Just thought about it. It's really great fun to watch people "grow." Maybe that's why some of us stick around....it satisfies!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[charlie]

Hello Sherry!
My story started when I was 10 and has been going on and off ever since. When I married my wife 10 years ago I had not CD for 12 years and thought that part of my life was over. I did not even think about telling her, although in retrospect I wish I had. Three years ago the "pink fog" descended heavily on me and I started dressing, shopping and going out to bars and clubs. My first trip to a bar was probably my worst outing, but my most fun. I bought a short plaid skirt, dark nylons, red strappy heels and a blouse. I wore no makeup or wig. I got more then a few strange looks and was even given a few free drinks. Several girls there befriended me and helped me get a wig and showed me how to apply makeup. As the trips continued I purchased many outfits, went to more and more public places and now am fairly comfortable going to most any public place. I finally had to admit to my wife that I was a crossdresser and she has not gotten over it yet. She hates the idea of me dressing and constantly tells me that it is "not normal". She may be right, but it is a part of me. I dress about 4 days a month when I go out of town on business. We have a second house in Phoenix where that business is, and I have all my clothes hanging up in the closet. When I go there it is 4 days of being "Charlie". My wife knows this and hates it at the same time. She removed her clothes from the closet as a form of protest. She has never seen me dressed and probably would have a heart attack if she did. I'm doing what I can to keep my wife, and still have time for my needs as well.

[Fab Karen]

Nothing smells as sweet as the fresh air of freedom.
As Freddy Mercury ( & Queen ) said spread your wings and fly away

btw, you mean Rhet Butler, I think Brett Butler is the name of a female comedian.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

LOL Your right and wrong Karen... I did mean Rhett but Brett played Centerfield for the Dodgers...I'm bad!!!! LOL

[Fab Karen]

I looked it up, I wasn't wrong :)
http://www.corporateartists.com/comedy_brett_butler.html

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Well the Brett I was thinking of was the baseball player...LOL

[DonniDarkness]

Well you have many questions here.

I would like to say this:

In the time i have been reading these forums, i have felt many of the same victories or heartaches for another friend here.
I have also (very recently) discovered that amongst all the ashes of read forums and dead threads....arises a phoenix that shakes the very core of this whole community. No matter the spectrum. This phoenix of the proverbial question of "public-acceptance, self-acceptance, and the acceptance of a companion" has led some to their ultimate goal...others have gotten lost in the path along the way. Some of us can be helped by the advice, comments, and thoughts of others. Some see the very same things that rings true in our hearts as a different point of view that has no value to their current dilemma. Some come here for answers...yet many come here to explore....and even some come here for no apparent reasons at all.....But in all the dead threads and server cobwebs the question still remains....What ever question that is...for you...personally.

Your post is about setting goals for yourself and then reaching them, that is the point i think we all try to make as a support community....no matter if its "going clubbing enfemme!" or "Just tried on girls clothes!" or "Telling my SO for the first time"....but at the end of the day you have to ask yourself "Did i let others determine my goals? or did i take the initiative for myself"...if your looking for the one answer that solidifies WHO you are....i am proud to say you will not find it here.....for that you must look inward.

Some here, i have found, are caught in a time loop of self destruction, they cannot be helped..... they merely re-live the same experiences derived from the lack of the answer...the phoenix.....burning up their present lives...consuming all they are, until only ashes remain...until the question arises a new life, only to complete the cycle again....

Yet those who take grasp of their own lives from the "IDEA" of the question are forever changed, for the good......

My thought too,
-Donni-

[PretzelGirl]

It's about personal growth. It's about relationships. It's about life in general. We just do it with a twist.

There are most certainly many varieties of stories here that are captivating. There are others that are humorous. Some are sad. But the whole thing is that we are living it together and growing together. And because of that, it is always good to see someone have a happy event or take that next step and feel good about it.

For me, the complete acceptance is the biggest part of my growth. I am okay with who I am. And if I change as I grow older, that is okay too. That is a normal thing for non-dressers so why should we be different. And I fully believe that balance is all parts of life is important.

I went out the first time on December 31st. And yes, it was with the encouragement of Kathi who I not only got to read all her shopping stories, but got to experience one of those trips too. That gave me the early message that it is okay to do this. After going out, I thought I would be going out quite regular. Well life happens and I haven't been out near as much as I thought I would. But that is okay because it just means that other parts of my life had their priorities too.

Through this, my wife has been at my side. She has been supportive the whole way and I believe there are two keys to this. First, I never hid from her. She knew up front and I was always open with her about my feelings and where I felt I was. Secondly is that I allowed her to state what she was uncomfortable with and I lived within that. The result is that the things she was uncomfortable with went away over time. It was just a matter of allowing her the time to work out her feelings and determine where she stood. This is why I am a believer in being up front.

[kimdl93]

there are so many different stories and situations out there, but I think we share the common themes with the rest of humanity. Some of us have personal issues that spill over into our relationships...or combine with those of our SOs with predictable results. Some get their lives on track and others face continuing struggles. Some of us learn from disappointments and mistakes, some do not.

[sissystephanie]

I started my life as a CD over 70 years ago at age 6. That is probably longer than most of you have been dressing! In that time period I have had many "Ups," but very few "Downs." The most memorable "Down" was the loss of my wife to cancer several years ago. I had told her that I was a CD before we married and she fully accepted and supported me for the almost 50 years we had together!

Losing her has changed my life in many ways! But I still dress! However without her to fix my wig and do my makeup, I dress enfemm but go out in public looking like the man that I am. Only I am wearing a skirt, or dress, and other feminine apparel. At my age I don't care what people think! As long as I am decent, what I wear is my business and no one elses!

[Charleen]

Great thread and great posts!
What a long strange journey it's been! My earliest recollection is trying to walk in my mom's heels at the age of three. By the time I was 12 to 13, there was no turning back, but then the troubles started in with self doubts as to why I HAD to dress in women's clothing even though at that young age I new I had the wrong plumbing, and knew I was a girl. Bak then in the 60's there wasn't the information available. What was available was just alot of ignorance being spread.
As I grew older, I stopped a few times like when I was in the service, but the first chance I got........yet the percieved guilt and shame and the confusion grew. I had no idea until I found this forum 5 years ago. The vail was lifted from my eyes! I went from a confused person to finally understanding who I am and have been all my life. It's taken quite a while to shred all the preconceived notions out of my head, but I have come to terms and to be honest still working on fully accepting me.
I'm at the point that except for work, I'm enfemme. Just a little make up doing errands and such. At home, I'm a widow so it's not an issue. I've reached the point that I decided to take a vacation in September entirely as me from the time I leave 'till the time I get back. In other words, go out into the world and let them see the real me.
None of this would be possible without everyone on this board.
Thanks, Charley

[NathalieX66]

As Freddy Mercury ( & Queen ) said spread your wings and fly away

Absolutely love that song..."pull yourself together because you know you could be better".

I can only speak for myself. my out & about phase has only been just under a year, discounting a few experiments while in college. Even as a crossdresser, I came to self-acceptance late in life. I now have found that being a CD'er is the glue that holds me together, and wherever the journey in life takes me, that this fact is going to be with me for the rest of my life. I'm pretty sure I won't persue HRT (neither did Su Rassmussen or Charlie Anders if I may cite some examples). I never wanted to be the next Renee Reyes, that's too narcissistic for me. But I have this side of me that just wants to to get out and be a person amongst other people. I'm finding my outlets, and meeting friends, and I'm cool with it. :shades:

In conclusion, if there's any dissatisfaction with my situation, I accept it. From what I've known from nearly most of the CD/TS's I've met, they'res always some level of compromise wherever along the journey you're at. You either accept it's imperfections, or you don't.

[Kathi Lake]

Stephanie, it has been a joy seeing you spread your wings, and a sadness knowing everything and everyone you gave up for this life. Still, you have remained true to yourself. That is the secret.

As for my secret, the secret is that there is no secret (Great. Now I have Kung Fu Panda running through my head. Ah well, run away, Po - there's plenty of space up there! :)). I have no "secret sauce." My dangly bits are probably the same as anyone else's (except for the varicocele - but that's another matter). So why - other than base stupidity - can I go out there and do what I do? Sue nailed it. Complete acceptance. Being comfortable with who you are. I am a man that enjoys dressing and being pretty. To me, there's nothing wrong with it. So, when I go out there, I meet people with the outcome already in mind - that I accept me and they had better accept me as well. Usually, it's a pretty self-fulfilling prophecy. Sure, there are those who are even thicker-headed than me - that just don't get it. I mentally pat the poor dears on the head and move on. It doesn't crush me, nor should it.

So, Steph; you keep keeping on. Life is fun, if you'll make it that way.

:)

Kathi

[Sherry-Stephanie]

What Kathi says is the approach that I've come to...one has to be able to accpet one's won self own idenity one's own personality one's own traits and move forward....

There are a number of people now who know I dress and lo and behold...the world didn't come crashing down....actually they've seen either me dressed or pictures and have said I'm better looking as a woman that a guy so why not...

Oh they have fun with it but the imprssion I get at times is hey if you wan to do it and enjoy go for it. But I also get the feeling that they wished they could go out and do things that they're interested in not neccessarily dressing but just having the moxie to go do it...

It all comes back to being able to break free and not be held back by fear or concern of what others will think...and with this break out comes freedom and with freedom it is wehn we really start living.... because when we start living we truly can succeed in a way that doesn't restrain us...we lose those strings that others at times can pull on us so effectively...

[melissacd]

I could not be any other way now than the femme person that I have become, the truest expression of who I really am and yet the cost of getting here was very high. I was one of the ones who lost a long term (25 year) relationship due in large part to my cross dressing. And yet, I know that it was and is the only path for me.

I am comfortable now living much of my life en femme. There are still a few places that I have to cross that bridge with but for the most part I can just be the real me now.

Thanks for the interesting thread.

[Kate Simmons]

Only by knowing yourself can you truly be free. Even being adept to CDing can be merely exchanging one type of "bondage" for another. In the end it's who you are as a person is what really counts.:)

[Christy_M]

Some here, i have found, are caught in a time loop of self destruction, they cannot be helped..... they merely re-live the same experiences derived from the lack of the answer...the phoenix.....burning up their present lives...consuming all they are, until only ashes remain...until the question arises a new life, only to complete the cycle again....

My thought too,
-Donni-

This comment has really struck a chord with me...I can't believe how many stories and/or comments I have found here that relate to the things I have been going through for the last 35 - 40 years. I may not be at the self accepting stage yet but I know with the reaffirmation from this forum I will get there.

Thank you for this...I haven't been emotional like this for quite some time.

Christy

[Chari]

Great stories filled with much information from all previous posts! IMO, we all are at different points on this life gender scale which is constantly changing. Only you know what makes you comfortable and confident in who you are - regardless of the "packaging". Some family and friends will always accept our choices, continually being there for us to give whatever they can, and offering their special strength, wisdom, and courage, while many others will abandon us due to lack of understanding and ignorance. Bottom line - we have make the final decision as to how far we want go to satisfy our desires.

[Naomi Rayne]

Wow this has turned into quite an amazing thread. Heres my story and thoughts:

Im 20. I only started to dress recently, it hasent even been a whole year. I have had thoughts most of my life about dressing but i did not really get into it because i was always searching for information about it. Being so young i never found information that i could understand. Little by little i learned, found other people out there like me, and stumbled across this website. That sparked it all. Coming across this website and lurking for a while reading other peoples posts about being comfortable with themselves and growing. Thats when i told my SO. As soon as i knew i wanted to pursue this i knew i had to tell her before trying anything. I think that is what has given me the most success with her is that i never hid anything. I said something as soon as the thoughts entered my brain and i had mulled them over. So with her together we grew into this and i do what i want to do when i want to do it with her full support. I do worry about what others will think but sometimes you just gotta do what you need to do and let the chips fall where they may. Most of the time the chips land in good spots.

It is great being here and in this forum and talking to people. The greatest thing is having contact. Knowing your not alone and that there are other people out there who identify as all types of genders and support and understand others who do the same.

The greatest thing i think one can achieve is being comfortable with themselves. Once that happens the weight is lifted and the big fight is over. After that you decide how you want to approach certain things but if you have accepted yourself then it helps others accept you because you can approach it with a confident yes this is what i do as opposed to so im kinda weird.

Everyone here goes through many stages of their lives and it is right to say that the best thing about this forum is to watch people grow and achieve things.

[Tasha McIntyre]

So where are you? "Free and out" or wishing you could be like some of the girls here who are "living life to the fullest"...Stephanie

I am free and out - but only on a limited basis, maybe a few hours every couple of weeks or so, weekdays daytime only. Whilst I am happy with that at the minute, I am beginning the feel the irresistable force of wanting more in the near future.



So what is holding you back or what has set you free??? Where are you at now from where you were when you first started dressing and how has it changed your life???Stephanie

The only thing that's holding me back are the boundaries set by my wife and I, which I won't break. She wants to know when and where I go out, but cannot (and probably never will) be encouraging or participative.

What has set me free is discovering this forum, and like minded people.

Tash :)

[cdterri]

Problem most of us have are family,and work. Just can not see myself facing grandchildren While wearing a dress, at least until they are old enough to understand, Work is a major problem, wife works the same place as I do, not one person We know would understand and We would both be the brunt of jokes and humiliation. I could probably take it myself but would not want my loving wife to have to tolerate it.