True Freedom

[Kate Simmons]

Many times I see comments that suggest that many folks here equate true freedom with expressing themselves in a feminine way and striving to do that without restriction. As I mentioned in another thread, sometimes it amounts to merely exchanging one type of "bondage" for another. Some may feel restricted in male mode and feel they are missing something if not able to act and look feminine but what is that really? Doesn't it really come down to expressing ourselves the way we like and in return getting feelings that we think we can get in no other way? That is really the illusion. It's all about growing as a person and getting in touch with our feelings and not being afraid or ashamed of them in any mode or presentation.

Sometimes that seems to translate into fulfilling feminine criteria and maintaining such and maximizing that to get the feelings we perceive we are missing. What it really boils down to is how we process our feelings and we don't necessarily need to be "en femme" to do that. By thinking we need to do that we are really enforcing society's binary thinking in how the genders are "supposed" to act. When we are mature and confident in our own skin, it matters little how we dress or look. Making it a fun experience makes it more effective in my opinion. If it's something we "have" to do one way or the other it's not true freedom.:)

[erickka]

Thank you, Denise. You have once again summed up a bunch of thoughts or qurstions into one brief and insightful post. I much enjoy reading and understand much of your analogy on life in general. Have a great day!
Erickka.

[Charleen]

You're right Denise. The "freedom" starts on the inside.

[KayleeDahl]

For me, the freedom of it is the main motivator. Its the time that I can truly feel relaxed, and let the true me out.

Sometimes guy mode kinda feels like that show "Dexter" where the main char spends his whole life, almost every interaction with people, acting in the opposite way to what is his true feelings. Not that I'm some kind of serial killer, but as a transgendered person there is a secret there that I'm not ready to let out to the public.

The time that I can be "me", is something I desperately look forward to, to be free to be me!

Hugs
Kaylee

[AKAMichelle]

I think it takes awhile to understand your statement. When we first start I think you are right. We are looking for something and we trade one problem for another one. Then when we finally go deeper into understanding it do we begin to see the truth. We are the same person on either side. When we finally get it, then we are able to be us all of the time and the clothes don't define us anymore.

It took me a long time to get there. I call it balance in my life because I am the same now regardless of what I am wearing. Another component of this I think is acceptance of ourselves. Being willing for others to see us the same regardless of what we are wearing.

[NicoleScott]

One would think that after 4+ years and 11,000+ posts, you would understand that we do what we do for vastly different reasons. For many of us, it IS about the clothes and makeup and the temporary transformation process and experience. It is narrow-minded to claim that true freedom is maturing or graduating away from the need to be en femme. Some of us just like to dress up. Can't you get that and allow us to do that without elevating yourself above it?

[charlie]

Hello Denise!
I agree that it would be wonderful to not be afraid to present ourselves any way we want at any time. It would be great if I could go to my sales job and wear a dress but no makeup or wig. If I could go out to the mall with heels on and a bathing suit. If I could wear jeans and a bra to McDonald's....etc...and do all this feeling perfectly normal. However, although I have grown much more open about myself and more attuned to being only one person (me, as opposed to being male and female), I can't do these things. I do tend to side with the binary societal norms. I either dress male or female. I'm happy and myself either way, but cannot mix and match.

[sissystephanie]

Nicole, I think Denise understands very well why people dress! What she was expressing was the fact that some people on this forum feel they HAVE to dress! That is not usually the case. They are dressing because they WANT to, not because they have to!

I like to dress as much as you do, but I don't have to! No one is telling me to dress! I do it simply because I like to, just as you do! That is freedom!! And I think Denice knows that very well!

[kimdl93]

I think its true -- we don't have to dress to express the femininity we may have been hiding. Dressing is just the icing on the cake ;)

[NicoleScott]

Stephanie, some folks on this forum DO NEED to dress.

Your argument that you dress because you want to, not because you have to reminds me of smokers who claim they enjoy smoking while denying they are addicted. They smoke because they want to, not because they have to. Well, sure, nobody holds a gun to our heads and makes us smoke or wear dresses. I know; I've been addicted to smoking, and quit.

There have been threads on the forum that ask "if you could choose to be a crossdresser or not (that is, never have any desire to crossdress), what would you choose?" Many responded that they would choose NOT to be a crossdresser, that they see it as a curse. They crossdress, but don't want to.

Many crossdressers have purged, some multiple times. They have chosen NOT to crossdress. But they nearly always come back. They feel like they must dress. I know; I've purged three times.

And there are fetish dressers. Sitting around feeling feminine just doesn't do it for them. Dressing, even wearing just one special item, is required for them. I know; I'm a fetish dresser.

So I guess the point is that true freedom is not having to dress, and the rest of us that have not matured to true freedom are stuck in bondage.

Sorry, not buying it. Mumbo Jumbo.

[Danni Bear]

Denise,
You make some valid points,but then again not all are the same. Freedom to some is just being able to dress,others want or need to feel fem. And some know in their hearts that they are fem no matter the dress.I fall in the last category as do most TG/TS and some cd'ers.
So yes I'm bound by society to some extent,it is binary.Male and female,never more than two ,never less than two.does that scare me? not in the least. I am who I am. A woman who started life as a male.

Danni Beard

[Kate Simmons]

One would think that after 4+ years and 11,000+ posts, you would understand that we do what we do for vastly different reasons. For many of us, it IS about the clothes and makeup and the temporary transformation process and experience. It is narrow-minded to claim that true freedom is maturing or graduating away from the need to be en femme. Some of us just like to dress up. Can't you get that and allow us to do that without elevating yourself above it?Fair enough Nicole but I guess the easiest response is that we all have our own personal grid programs to fulfill. Mine includes discussing the dynamics of CDing with others and posing questions while evidently yours is about just enjoying it. Nothing wrong with that. In the end though it is what it is regardless of what any of us say. I can only be myself, however, as everyone else. Nothing more or less.:)

[gemsay32]

My theory is that some men ... their brains ... are like lesbians somehow. I know that the brain of homosexuals tends to be like the opposite gender. So a gay man has a brain similar to a women and a lesbian has a brain similar to a man. So, my theory is that some male crossdressors meet lesbians in between man <-> woman. This also means that there may be women who have male-like interests and would have a lot in common with gay men.

So there're gay men trapped in a womens body and lesbians trapped in a mans body.

I don't think every person in this forum fits this mold. I think some guys just have a sexual fetish for female clothing, but nothing more. There's no relationship between their brain and a lesbian. They just have a weird fetish. Like me.

People would fit this mold would be ... guys who grew up that had some interests in female things. Like nail polish, dolls, dress-up, makeup, etc. However, they're sexually attracted to the opposite sex. This is not like a gay man who is interested in female things because he is not attracted to women at all.

I know this sounds weird, but ... there must be an area in our brain.. a ratio.. where lesbians meet men and gay men meet women. This is just my hypothesis based on scant information.

[kellycan27]

Wouldn't a str8 cder, who calls himself a lesbian be..gay?:battingeyelashes:

[gemsay32]

Wouldn't a str8 cder, who calls himself a lesbian be..gay?:battingeyelashes:

Men <-> CrossMen/Lesbian <-> CrossWomen/Gay <-> Women.

Best way I understand it's that you have:

Fully Straight Male (female attraction) <-> Fully Straight Female

Gay Man (straight male attraction) <-> Gay Man
Lesbian (straight female attraction) <-> Lesbian

Crossman (straight female attraction) <-> Crosswomen (straight male attraction)

I made a diagram. You can't see it here, but crosswomen have more in common with gay men and crossmen have more in common with lesbians.That's what I came up with last night. I'm making the assumption that they all have an overall attraction to the straight gender, but only non-straight orientations have to make a compromise. The other possibility is that this restriction doesn't exist and that we will be attracted to the exact opposite orientation (not opposite sex).

This is roughly based on research. The brain of a lesbian is similar to a male. The brain of a gay man is similar to a women. It could be that crossmen and crosswomen only made it halfway to full homosexuality.

This is an interesting link, but it's the internet (remember, lots of pseudoscience):
http://viewzone2.com/homosexualx.html

My brother is gay and I noticed while growing up that he has a lot of interests in female things. His favorite TV shows involved women and things that women might like. He couldn't relate to the stuff I watched (stuff a gay would watch).

I consider my fetish for shiny/smooth/wrinkly/flexible female clothing and relatively weak male characteristics to suggest that I only made it part way to full homosexuality. That's why I'm still attracted to women and like man things. Futhermore, my sister is a lesbian and homosexuality is more common if you have brothers/sisters that're homosexual.

And yes my hypothesis IS pseudoscience. It's a personal belief based on scattered research.

[Nikki A.]

I guess every action has a reaction and that freedom in one way creates a restrain in another way. But that is what life is all about. A little give and take.
We single CDs want to find a mate that accepts this side of us and be there to help, and yet when we do there are usually boundaries for the relationship to work.
I think a better word than freedom is comfort. When you are comfortable with your feelings then you can find true piece.

[Joanne f]

I agree if you have to do it like a salmon has to return to it`s spawning grounds then it is not freedom , yet when you have done it you have a feeling of being feed from that overwhelming desire or need.
The problem is that life is just not about CDing when you have a wife and family to consider first the freedom to express your own needs can get pushed back a bit .

[Kate Simmons]

I agree if you have to do it like a salmon has to return to it`s spawning grounds then it is not freedom , yet when you have done it you have a feeling of being feed from that overwhelming desire or need.
The problem is that life is just not about CDing when you have a wife and family to consider first the freedom to express your own needs can get pushed back a bit .Well put Joanne, well put.:)

[sometimes_miss]

I think Denise understands very well why people dress! What she was expressing was the fact that some people on this forum feel they HAVE to dress! That is not usually the case. They are dressing because they WANT to, not because they have to!
Wrong again. The reasons why we dress are quite varied, and I don't think Denise gets that. And no matter how much you want to find THE ONE REASON, sorry, it ain't gonna happen. You can 'boil it down' all you want. But no single explanation fits all of us. Some like to dress, some want to, some need to, and it can all be for a different reason for each of us.