My Changes on HRT a.k.a. Where Have My Balls Gone?

[Traci Elizabeth]

As a lot of you know who have read my posts, I have been on HRT for just over six months and a lot has changed physically rather quickly for me that I want to share.

First, let me give you my staring position: I was just over 5' 7", 148 pounds, had little body or facial hair, and have always had "man-boobs" since I started puberty. I have always had a high sex drive, and was fairly well endowed.

TODAY (Obvious verifiable Changes That Even My Wife Comments On):

1. My skin is a lot smoother.

2. You can no longer see the pores on the face & chest that were visible b4.

3. What hair I did have on my arms and legs have all but disappeared and has been replaced with some "peach fuzz" but very sparse.

4. The growth of what little facial hair I had has slowed down drastically but still there. My wife thinks it is less than I had b4 but I have not seen that yet. Now, I only shave my face twice per week and then it is only stubble's.

5. GROSS Comment (weak stomachs need not read): I use to have my fair share of nasal hair. As hard as it is to believe, I have virtually none that is "visible" anymore.

6. I actually weigh less (now at 142) than I did b4 I started which I though I would have gained weight. But to be honest, I eat very healthy these days and work hard maintaining our large property on a daily bases which I am sure is why I have lost weight.

7. My skin is more transparent & I can see more veins (Have not gotten use to seeing that yet).

8. My breasts have over doubled in size and even though I am still in an "A" cup, I really fill it out. My breasts are large enough now that no matter how large of a shirt I wear, they protrude out and are obvious even when not wearing a bra.

9. My "well endowed" member is NO more. It has really shrunk both in length and girth.

10. My "sex drive" is FOREVER gone. I can honestly say I have NONE. Even when using the max mg Viagra, I can't get aroused and really don't care which is really strange for me.

11. BALLS! Where the hell did they go? Over the last several months, my balls have gotten smaller and smaller. Since the last three weeks, they have disappeared "literally." Obviously, they have withdrawn inside of me. But they never come out anymore.


My mental and emotional changes are too difficult to articulate into words here. But I no longer feel like a man and can tell I am not the same person I was before starting HRT. My moods, demeanor, and thinking processes are all different but I can't explain how.

My mannerisms are strongly feminine now and I have to consciously force myself to hide them when around folks I have not come out too yet. But it is becoming increasingly difficult to hide my femininity. Plus, I don't want too hide it.

This is still a source of discussion between my wife and myself about the timing to come completely out. My wife wants me to take it slower and in small steps. She realizes the ultimate outcome and supports me but she wants it later than earlier.

Well that is me at Six months! I can't wait to see what changes occur over the next six months (hopefully more).

[Victoria Anne]

I am happy for you Traci , I have been on doctor controlled HRT myself for the last 5 months . I am jelous as my changes have not yet been so strong but I am thrilled with them . I have had nearly all the same changes but hair is still a big problem to me . Oddly enough my libido is still intact for the most part for that I and my wife are greatful but at the same time I cant wait to be rid of that thing and my wife is very encouraging when it comes to my transition.

[kellycan27]

Been on HRT for close to 4 years, lots of exciting changes except in the boob dept....only gained a cup size,( but I fixed that). As for my sex drive... it's through the roof although it has changed from physical to more emotional now. Sounds like you are getting great results! :hugs:

Kel

[sandra-leigh]

I appreciate the description of the physical changes.

One thing that I've seen written a number of times is that when you are on HRT, at some point it will become "obvious" to those around you and you will effectively have to "come out" because you won't look male anymore. These people might have been partly referring to breast enlargement but they didn't seem to be -- e.g., several people around have had augmentation without HRT and said that it wasn't a problem / wasn't something they effectively had to reveal to everyone around (or their employers or whom-ever).

This leads me to the question, "What physical changes that come with HRT lead to the point where 'everyone notices' and you are more or less pushed to come out?" And correspondingly, "What is the time frame to get to that point?"

Thanks,

[kellycan27]

I appreciate the description of the physical changes.

One thing that I've seen written a number of times is that when you are on HRT, at some point it will become "obvious" to those around you and you will effectively have to "come out" because you won't look male anymore. These people might have been partly referring to breast enlargement but they didn't seem to be -- e.g., several people around have had augmentation without HRT and said that it wasn't a problem / wasn't something they effectively had to reveal to everyone around (or their employers or whom-ever).

This leads me to the question, "What physical changes that come with HRT lead to the point where 'everyone notices' and you are more or less pushed to come out?" And correspondingly, "What is the time frame to get to that point?"

Thanks,

I don't know Sandra. I have been on HRT for close to 4 years, and I would say that the changes to my body make it look more fem, but say if I was to wear drab clothing I don't think I would stand out enough that I couldn't hide the fact. Now put me in a dress, or a tight pair of jeans and slinky top with my long hair, and augmented breasts... I'd have some trouble passing as a boy. Non form fitting clothing that doesn't define my shape def won't out me if I was to leave my boobs and long hair out of the equation. So I don't really think it's a question of HRT alone, but the accoutrements that we add to the mix.... ie the clothing and such that we wear to define those changes.


Kel

[Inna]

Truth in advertising,
HRT works wonders in young MtoF transgender between age of 16 to somewhat +-21. As age increases from 21 on the process slows down considerably. By age of 30 full male characteristic have been constructed and any changes toward female are visible in fat redistribution, skin texture, and depending on genetic predisposition breast and buttock growth. If one is blessed with very feminine features good result can be expected but rarely does it happen and resulting transformation needs help of a cosmetic surgery nature.

By the way I found those balls, what should I do, fedex or UPS?:D

[Billijo49504]

Alexia, Tennis, golf or marbles, depending on size...BJ

[kellycan27]

Alexia, Tennis, golf or marbles, depending on size...BJ

I believe that Alexia is trying to return them to the rightful owner, even though I am positive that the rightful owner doesn't really want them back.:heehee:

[Traci Elizabeth]

By the way I found those balls, what should I do, fedex or UPS?:D


Actually, I have no use for them anymore so save the shipping costs and keep them as a memento. :heehee:


I believe that Alexia is trying to return them to the rightful owner, even though I am positive that the rightful owner doesn't really want them back.:heehee:

I am glad to see we think alike! :hugs:

[Kelly.]

Awesome Traci!

I am about to start hormones within the next week or two.
I'm 18 so I'm really for some good results.

~Kelly~

[kittypw GG]

10. My "sex drive" is FOREVER gone. I can honestly say I have NONE. Even when using the max mg Viagra, I can't get aroused and really don't care which is really strange for me.

.
I am sorry but what about this excites you? Im not sure why having no sex drive is a good thing. Im a gg who has ............. been married to a ts and I really want to understand why a man would want to give up all sex drive to be a trans women? I love being a women and I love having a sex drive. Im middle age (51) and I went to a specialist for hormone testing. I found out that I have a high testosterone for a women (certainly not has high as a man would have mind you) the doc told me she could counter act that high testosterone with some other hormone but ....why would I want to mess with my libedo? It's important to me.......... she agreed. So with no disrespect..... why are you excited about having no sex drive???

[sandra-leigh]

Im not sure why having no sex drive is a good thing.

That aspect is a stumbling block for me, and is one of the factors I will be weighing when I talk to a specialist about what starting HRT would likely do to me. But some days you have to go through the fridge and throw out the partly-used items that you enjoy but haven't gotten around to for years and years, to make room for other things -- not without sharp regret, but to make room for other things that have come to occupy your life.

[kellycan27]

Is this something that the wife or SO is amicable to? I would hope that she would get to add her desires also, or is it just another thing that goes in the trash to make more room for change? Like kitty, I enjoy sex, and at 28 it's still pretty cool, and to be perfectly honest... I am reborn and it's still pretty new and exciting. I would be hard pressed to accept my SO suddenly telling me that.. Sex in our relationship is dead. I don't think so. :heehee:
And please don't tell me about compromise, or say that if you love him, then you can try and understand, and be supportive... or that sex isn't important compared to the big picture because... I don't think so. Now I am not accusing anyone of anything, just saying. Sandra, I used your analogy, because it was a good one.. nothing more.

Peace out

Kel

[Traci Elizabeth]

Ah! All the feelings of youth and the notion that love & love-making by definition is intercourse.

Why is not having a sex drive exciting? Well, let's define what I was saying. It means not getting erect anymore.

It does NOT mean that my wife and I are not romantic and intimate in bed. Our love making is different now, and in both of our opinions better than it ever was.

I get really into the emotional, tenderness, touching aspects of love-making, and a lot of oral.

It is very short sighted to say that if a man can't get an erection that his relationship is doomed or without intimate love-making.

There are millions of men who for one-reason or another can not get an erection but still have a very fulfilling sex life and happy marriage.

A lot more time is spend these days on love-making and the organisms are much greater for my wife and very rewarding for me as well.

And unless you just have entered puberty wherein you can climax over and over again, most men are dead to the world after reaching a climax and leave their lovers either unsatisfied or wanting more.

Bottom line! The act of intercourse is but ONE aspect of love-making and not necessarily the most important to either party.

That's why I am happy! It does not matter if you agree or disagree, my wife and I are much closer sexually now than we have ever been before and our love has grown even deeper.

[Melissa A.]

I am sorry but what about this excites you? Im not sure why having no sex drive is a good thing. Im a gg who has ............. been married to a ts and I really want to understand why a man would want to give up all sex drive to be a trans women? I love being a women and I love having a sex drive. Im middle age (51) and I went to a specialist for hormone testing. I found out that I have a high testosterone for a women (certainly not has high as a man would have mind you) the doc told me she could counter act that high testosterone with some other hormone but ....why would I want to mess with my libedo? It's important to me.......... she agreed. So with no disrespect..... why are you excited about having no sex drive???

Ok, I will try to explain, but I'm not sure if it will satisfy your curiousity. For a woman born a transsexual, There's a physical and emotional dissonace that, if she goes through the very common stages of living male and the denial that often go with it, is hard to pin down or put your finger on. having the physical sexual urges of a male, for me, never felt quite right, although I cannot say I didn't enjoy sex at times. When a transsexual reaches the point at which she no longer can deny who she is, I believe that mental and physical dissonance reaches a level that is impossible to live with. I always had a very high sex drive, it seems, and if I was not in a relationship, and very often even if I was, I often masturbated one or more times per day. As time went on, this need felt like a noose around my neck. I hated feeling horny as a male, and hated more that I HAD to relieve it. Sure, the release always felt good in the moment, but near the end, before starting HRT, it was a chore, a rote exercize that had to be done. I think that tension is directly connected to the awareness of who you really are. I can't speak for those who were lucky enough to not put themselves through years and years of denial, and I do not claim to represent anyone but myself, but this was my experience.

My libido all but dissapeared initially, on HRT, and that, coupled with my recently found acceptance at the time, brought me a peace and contentment that really is hard to describe. Going from walking on eggshells while trying not to break them with constant knots in your belly to laying on your back, relaxing in a cool body of water is an apt metaphor. After 8-12 months my libido started to return, but not with anywhere near the ferocity or frequency. After almost 2 years on HRT I am impotent and effectively sterile, but I do get urges now, and am able to satisfy them. They feel pretty ok. Not entirely perfect without a vagina yet(at least I'm pretty sure...ya can't know about something you've never had!), but ok. The constant knot in my gut that was so prevalant that I lived with it for decades(and thought it was normal!) is a dim memory. The "edge" that so many of us descibe having pre-HRT is also gone. The simplest way I can put it for you is, for a male to female transsexual who is aware and accepting of her condition, feeling horny as a male totally sucks. Absolutely having to do something about it sucks more. When that anxiety goes away, you feel freedom, and so on the road to contentment and healing. You can't know how all this feels, but you can know that it happens, and do your best to empathize.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[kellycan27]

Ah! All the feelings of youth and the notion that love & love-making by definition is intercourse.

Why is not having a sex drive exciting? Well, let's define what I was saying. It means not getting erect anymore.

It does NOT mean that my wife and I are not romantic and intimate in bed. Our love making is different now, and in both of our opinions better than it ever was.

I get really into the emotional, tenderness, touching aspects of love-making, and a lot of oral.

It is very short sighted to say that if a man can't get an erection that his relationship is doomed or without intimate love-making.

There are millions of men who for one-reason or another can not get an erection but still have a very fulfilling sex life and happy marriage.

A lot more time is spend these days on love-making and the organisms are much greater for my wife and very rewarding for me as well.

And unless you just have entered puberty wherein you can climax over and over again, most men are dead to the world after reaching a climax and leave their lovers either unsatisfied or wanting more.

Bottom line! The act of intercourse is but ONE aspect of love-making and not necessarily the most important to either party.

That's why I am happy! It does not matter if you agree or disagree, my wife and I are much closer sexually now than we have ever been before and our love has grown even deeper.

I am not saying that intercouse is "all that" I am saying give me the right to choose.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Kel, I was not referring to you specifically. I was answering the poster who asked "why" I didn't want sex. :love:

[kittypw GG]

For a woman born a transsexual, There's a physical and emotional dissonace that, if she goes through the very common stages of living male and the denial that often go with it, is hard to pin down or put your finger on.
Ok I have felt this, been confused. But I feel sad that I was along for the ride. I mean I signed up for a relationship with a man and now what is there? My husband could not tell me. He just .... did things behind my back like I was some sort of outsider....... Like the enemy....the pain of that was intense

having the physical sexual urges of a male, for me, never felt quite right, although I cannot say I didn't enjoy sex at times.
Yep, the spouse gets this......I did. I cried and cried many nights becaues it was rejection, rejection without cause. That is what it felt like. The most painful thing I have ever experienced. He out right denied he wanted to emulate a women.Just a crossdresser thats all....... ...Im crying now thinking of it.
When a transsexual reaches the point at which she no longer can deny who she is, I believe that mental and physical dissonance reaches a level that is impossible to live with.would you say this causes anger toward the spouse? as if they are responsible for not making things right in the relationship?
I always had a very high sex drive, it seems, and if I was not in a relationship, and very often even if I was, I often masturbated one or more times per day.Yes , this may be common. It caused me the most pain of all. The thought that he could please himself and not even want me.......... Is so painful and hurts to the very core.
As time went on, this need felt like a noose around my neck. I hated feeling horny as a male, and hated more that I HAD to relieve it.Omg Sure, the release always felt good in the moment, but near the end, before starting HRT, it was a chore, a rote exercize that had to be done. I think that tension is directly connected to the awareness of who you really are. I can't speak for those who were lucky enough to not put themselves through years and years of denial, and I do not claim to represent anyone but myself, but this was my experience.Where is a spouse in all of this denial....we are along for the damn ride. not really understanding.........being confused........trying to love and be loved...... and living a lie.

My libido all but dissapeared initially, on HRT, and that, coupled with my recently found acceptance at the time, brought me a peace and contentment that really is hard to describe. After 8-12 months my libido started to return, but not with anywhere near the ferocity or frequency. After almost 2 years on HRT I am impotent and effectively sterile, but I do get urges now, and am able to satisfy them.I still don't get how that is ...ok
They feel pretty ok. Not entirely perfect without a vagina yetDo you have a realistic view of the vagina that you are going to get? The doc from the show "Sex Change Hospital" said himself that orgasim is now going to be strickly in your head (I can provide you with the clip). Your "vagina" is not going to be bio-identical to a female vagina. It does not self-lubricate, it does not contract, it does not have a g-spot. you will , for the rest of your life have to use devices to keep the opening open.(at least I'm pretty sure...ya can't know about something you've never had!), but ok. The constant knot in my gut that was so prevalant that I lived with it for decades(and thought it was normal!) is a dim memory. The "edge" that so many of us descibe having pre-HRT is also gone. The simplest way I can put it for you is, for a male to female transsexual who is aware and accepting of her condition, feeling horny as a male totally sucks.Ok so why do so many take a spouse? Absolutely having to do something about it sucks more. When that anxiety goes away, you feel freedom, and so on the road to contentment and healing. You can't know how all this feels, but you can know that it happens, and do your best to empathize.Yes the road does suck. I tried to empathize, I tried to accomadate, but why did I have to be the experiement of a transexual who wanted to believe that he was .....heterosexual. I am not sure Im ever going to get over this.......I want to find a way to understand and reconcile my hurt feelings. Again why does this have to be the road. THe ruin of a marriage. I know every situation is different but from my perspective.... I just don't get it. No disrespect..........I have lost my words and my mind on this topic. Please don't hate me because this comes from my heart.....why can't there be acceptance for who you are? Find balance, find peace without the drastic mutilation of ones body? I am desprate to know. I am hurt beyond reason on the topic.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

I wish you all the best......and I hope you will understand the pain on the other side of the fence. :love:

[Linda Z]

I wish you all the best......and I hope you will understand the pain on the other side of the fence. :love:

I think I Understand, and feel the pain, I understand the need for balance daily, I try hard to maintain mine. Some GGs can work with their SO to maintain the balance, other are to hurt to see the need control for balance. its hard for them, this is my lot.

This is only my POV!!!

[Teresa Macaw]

A few other things I have noticed that seem quite common are (6 months on HRT):
1-Thinning of the neck, showing more of the rear jaw
2-Temples deflate
3-My nostrals too are thinner
I have most of those you mention too.

[Empress Lainie]

I will be very happy to donate a pair of balls to a poor ftm that is in need of them.

I also have just about no sex drive and don't care. My golf balls don't seem to have shrunk or want to stay out of sight, but sometimes I can't find my penis at all, it is totally within scrotal skin.

My breasticals are a very respectable B and I frequently go to work braless like the other women also do.

[Ze]

I will be very happy to donate a pair of balls to a poor ftm that is in need of them.


I call dibs! ;)

[AnonyMouse]

I call dibs! ;)

Aw, crud!

Well, sign me up for the next pair. ;)