Addiction

[Snigdha]

Do you think crossdressing is an addiction? The more you crossdress the more you want to do. Sometimes I feel to get rid of this addiction but I know its part of my life now. It is not harmful to me or the society so whats wrong in having this addiction? all I want is a recognition and acceptence from the society. I want to come out from the closet.

[Miss Tanya]

Good for you!!!! You should be out of the closet and proud.

But as far as this being an addiction, I don't believe it is. Addictions are generally bad habits gone out of control, cultivated in adulthood in an effort to avoid facing pain. Addictions can be cured.

By contrast, my CDing started when I was a small boy, I do it because I feel it's a part of who I am - I don't do it to avoid pain. And I don't think I could ever be "cured" from it. Nor would I want to be.

:)

[joanne shannon]

I am not sure "addiction" is the right word but nonetheless it is not something that you can really do without althought you may purge occasionally to try, which is just expensive and does not solve anything. Just relax and be as feminine as you can, when you can. Take care...Joanne

[CharleneT]

There's nothing wrong with it, but you may find some people believe otherwise. As for addiction, that can be true for sure, but it depends on the person. For some that is how it comes out.

[Proteus]

Nope. Sometimes I crossdress a lot, sometimes a little and sometimes not at all.

Of course, if you spend the greater part of your day getting dressed, doing your hair and makeup it's an addiction whether you're a gg or not.

[Shiny]

As an old-hand at this I often comment on the phenomena of cross-dressing in the efforts to broaden understanding for others and to learn more myself by visiting this site.

I studied psychology and clinical psychology for years in college as a major field degree for awhile to learn more about my "condition." It used to be classified in the DSM-IV (a higher number by now due to revisions) as an obsessive-compulsive disorder. The condition is also listed as a fetish/sexual paraphelia type of behavior problem. It is obvious that cross-dressing, even to the professional medical community is a bit of a conundrum, safe to say the "disorder" usually ends up in the OCD listing as it's a bit of a catch-all disorder and to this day still defies description.

Interesting to note that cross-dressing, being mostly a male-orientated condition (not counting the social acceptance of letting women dress in pants or as they like without stigma) is a bit like bulmenia or anorexia which is another unusual condition that is almost exclusively associated with females. There isn't a real correlation but the idea here is to associate different conditons that are mutually exclusive in the human-condition. A lot of it comes down to "it just is." Much of human nature will never be fully understood. But here is what is known:

Cross-dressing can't be cured. If you are one, you'll be one for the rest of your life. If you are not one, you can never become one. Any man can dress in women's clothes but it's only the cross-dresser that gets a charge out of it. It goes to the innermost basal function of the brain and excites our pleasure centers first, the secondary feeling of "comfort" or "satisfaction" is a higher function. There is where the difficulty in sorting out this condition lies as it factors in not only basic human instinct such as food-water-comfort, it adds the condition of human interaction and the higher reasoning/structure of sociatal mores.

If you cross-dress, the condition usually begins to manefest itself in childhood, years or even a decade before the onset of puberty or any sexual association. That's another interesting point! It starts with the fixation on one object (fetishism) or a particular material such as silk, satin, nylon, lace etc. After the exploration of that object begins it soon becomes apparant that that ojbect alone is not enough to satiate the cross-dressers appetite. Then, over time the condition becomes more and more involved with the person experimenting with more and more garments and things usually exclusively only associated with females.

The ultimate destiny/outcome for cross-dressing is such that the individual will, in a textbook situation progress with his dressing until he only feels his most relaxed or satisfied/satiated when he is fully and totally dressed from the skin out and from head to toe, including full make-up, jewelry and wig/hairstyle.

That is usually the limit of most cross-dressers. If an individual starts with a fixation on nylon stockings for example and goes no further it is considered a "fetish" only condition. If one goes all the way with the dressing it is considered full blown transvestism. But this is only the first chaper!

If dressing fully over a long period of time isn't enough to fully satisfy the cross-dresser he may begin to have thoughts of wanting more. More, in the idea of wanting a more fully feminine experience. They question their sexuality, usually from the very start then begin to wonder if they are a transsexual, a woman trapped in a man's body. They contemplate more radical plans to bring their outward appearance more in line with their psyche/or thoughts and feelings. The progression of thought starts with getting much better at make-up and then dressing as a contemporary woman and then learning the moves and gestures of a genitic female. Thoughts of facial feminization, voice surgery, and starting a regimen of female hormones and ultimately having sexual reassignment surgery come next. By then the whole process has come full circle. It starts with one condition, cross-dressing, and from there it can stop at any stage or continue with the individual to the ultimate conclusion. There's librarys full of books on this subject, this is only the most basic thumb-nail explanation.

As far as taking your cross-dressing "out" that's a whole 'nother territory, and problem. I would just say that if you are young and just starting out as a cross-dresser, I will voice my sadness for your illness and wish you well. Many on this site deride and harangue me saying they are "who they are" and "are happy with being a cross-dresser" and how dare I say that cross-dressing is any sort of an "illness." Well, I just tell it like it is. Cross-dressing in it's most base form is a type of illness, an illness to which there is no cure! Simple as that. You can do with it what you will, as have I over the past 50 years!

In reading your post I assume you're a young guy just starting out, wondering what the "real deal" is. Well if you'd like my observation from 50 years of experience I'll give you my observations on cross-dressing:

If you are a cross-dresser you're destined to stay one, there is no cure! You can force yourself to stop but time and your thoughts will wear you down and the compulsion will return. Therefore, you will have to deal with it!

Keep the condition to yourself! I'll say that again. KEEP THE CONDITION TO YOURSELF!!! Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of help organizations out there, and many supportive people and professionals willing to help you. But this is the real world!

I treat cross-dressing as an affliction, one I can neither delay or irradicate. I love doing it though! Sure I do, that's the trap! And over the past decades I've gotten very, very good at it. Could I venture out dressed as a woman? In a crowd, probably. But that's not my angle-or goal. I just satiate the condition. I dress, get my fill then pack the clothes away until the next time I need them. If you notice--if you force yourself to stay dressed--past the point where you are satisfied you will be "cured" longer. In other words if you remain dressed, say, a whole day, when you change back you won't have the urge for a lot longer than if you just dress, get your satisfaction then change back quickly. There's no cure for cross-dressing but you can control it. Having a long-hours hard working job helps too but the thoughts always come back no matter what. There's also a level of degree too, you might want to dress for "something to do" or you might "really have to dress." Matters of degree.

So, there's no cure for cross-dressing. Once you start you'll lie, cheat and steal to continue. You'll have to become secretive in obtaining your clothes. You'll start with aunties panties or nylons (stealing) but as you grow in size beyond your mom, sisters or aunt you'll have to buy larger clothes. And you'll be trying more and more! Then you'll become secretive, you'll have to find a hiding place for all your things. I started by keeping a pair of pantyhose in a camera case. If ever caught I could say I used the soft material to wipe down lenses or camera bodies or such. But over time it became hard to come up with an explanation when my little duffel bag began to fill with panties, bras, garter belts, skirts, nylons, pantyhose and high heels etc...

As a cross-dresser you are going to become a loner, a solitary figure. Oh you'll have friends and you may start dating. Most cross-dressers do eventually marry and have children! But you can never tell your friends about your little "hobby" and you can never tell a girlfriend--especially!!! Many folks on this site will disagree once again by telling you how understanding their wives or girlfriends are and how sympathetic or supportive they are, but it's all bullshit once you look at the statistics! Yes, somewhere out there is a woman who likes seeing her man all dolled up as a pretty woman with all the frills and limp wrists and such. But that type of person so rare it is not worth looking for. Why a woman would want to see or be near a man who dresses as a woman is a whole 'nother range of reasons I won't go into. Why the secrecy?

You can't tell anyone, that is what creates the distance in the cross-dresser. It's a sickening thought, "why oh why do I do this!?!?!?" I have been there and done that for 50 years! If you confide in anyone you will be betrayed! It's that simple! If anyone ever finds out about your cross-dressing you will be shunned and ostrasized! I've been in distant cities thousands of miles away from anyone I knew and in "coming out" to my new friends I soon found out I had no friends, girl friends either! I eventually returned home to my stomping grounds and resumed the life of hiding my "alter ego." Ultimately, that's the only way to survive. If you "come out" you'll soon find you have no friends, you may lose your family, your wife and your job. And your enemies? They will have card-blanche to run your character into the ground with behind-your-back snickering and character assassination! There's always the possibility of getting the shit kicked out of you for being a "FAG." Remember one simple rule here: PEOPLE FEAR WHAT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND!

I think a lot of folks here understand me by now and might even chime in on your thread to offer advice. Study all of the advice and use your best judgement. The problem with cross-dressing is that it's not a crime, you are hurting no one! And you're contributing to the economy believe it or not! Cross-dressers in the US alone spend over a billion dollars a year on ladies fashions! Just be safe out there, protect yourself first and foremost!

I recommend you keep this to yourself, deal with it, you'll learn from experience. Society won't understand, neither will your friends and you won't be accepted either. Sad fact: It usually leads to a lonely life due to the isolation because you can't confide in anyone, or ever tell anyone. And you'll have to be careful and quiet how you obtain clothing and where you stash it to hide it. In the end, just live a good life by the "golden rule" and stay under the radar! You'll see that will work the best in the end.

Peace-

Shiny

[PortiaHoney]

All regards to Shiny but, boy, that's a lot of words.

I was transgendered when I was young. I wanted to transition but for many reasons could not. I hid it away for many years but I still had to do something to satisfy my desires. Now, I live as a full time woman and "most" people who know me now accept that I am who I was meant to be.

So, if it is an addiction, I am totally addicted and cannot live without it. Personally, I believe I have corrected an anomaly that I was inflicted with at birth. Mt appologies to my parents and the big guy in the sky for not fullfilling what was supposed to be laid out for me.

[Jamie001]

I disagree with this advice from Shiny. Crossdressing is not an illness. Women do it all of the time on a daily basis with no repercussion. We shouldn't be ashamed of crossdressing. Why should we, women are not ashamed of their crossdressing?

Also, staying in the closet in not the answer. It only leads to more mental frustration and stress. If gay people had decided to stay in the closet, they would have no rights and their voice would never be heard. On the contrary, we need to come out and be proud of who we are and not be intimidated.

:2c: Jamie

[PretzelGirl]

Miss Tanya - I would have to disagree with addicts getting cured. Those that don't stay aware of their tendencies, tend to fall back into them. Doesn't sounds like a cure to me. Now I also feel that there are some that use something and then are done and addiction doesn't really enter the picture. So this might give the appearance of being cured.


Keep the condition to yourself! I'll say that again. KEEP THE CONDITION TO YOURSELF!!!

I treat cross-dressing as an affliction, one I can neither delay or irradicate.

So, there's no cure for cross-dressing. Once you start you'll lie, cheat and steal to continue.

All I can say is Wow. I am singling out just a few things because I don't have all day. I don't believe I have seen someone post so much that was so wrong. So we are sick and immoral. We should hide and never let anyone know about us. And by reading the entire text; the non-insulting, but just as wrong assumption is that we are all identical with no variation between us. I can't think of a better thing to say but that you need to re-school yourself. If you are treating anyone with these misconceptions, you are not doing them any favors.

[Eve_WA]

As an old-hand at this I often comment on the phenomena of cross-dressing in the efforts to broaden understanding for others and to learn more myself by visiting this site.

I studied psychology and clinical psychology for years in college as a major field degree for awhile to learn more about my "condition."

...

I recommend you keep this to yourself, deal with it, you'll learn from experience. Society won't understand, neither will your friends and you won't be accepted either. Sad fact: It usually leads to a lonely life due to the isolation because you can't confide in anyone, or ever tell anyone. And you'll have to be careful and quiet how you obtain clothing and where you stash it to hide it. In the end, just live a good life by the "golden rule" and stay under the radar! You'll see that will work the best in the end.

Peace-

Shiny

WOW!! so many incorrect statements... where to begin...

I dont find ANY of your so called 'truths' to be true... at least not in my experience. Sure! not everyone will accept you. But I have found the majority will... IF you accept yourself first! Thats the real truth to be found within our lives.

[Angiemead12]

Good for you for wanting to be true. I always thought an addiction was something that takes control of your life and puts you in a self destructive mood and your loved ones in danger.

If you don't fall under this then your ok, not harming anyone right?

Anyway I'm quite a special case. I have a supportive partner, supportive friends and am also slowly coming out to other people. But it dint come easy. I did have to talk a lot and sit everyone down one by one. And we still talk a lot because I dont have any tell tales that say cross dresser about me.

Anyway I made it a personal mission to educate as much people as I can about it.:hugs:

[Loni]

yes and i am hopelessly addicted.
but unlike cigarettes/drugs it is not harmful to your body......

just your pocketbook. :heehee:


.

[AKAMichelle]

Acceptance is only achievable when you accept yourself first. Hopefully we will be reading about your first adventure out of the closet. Good luck

[DonnaT]

Can you become addicted to clothes, or wearing certain clothes, the very first time you try them on?

Seems doubtful, yet many CDs desire to continue dressing after the very first time.

An addiction is manifested in the mind. Seems the only thing one could become addicted to from clothes is the endorphins or adrenalin. I'm pretty sure that many of us have had responses to other stimuli that increase our endorphins or adrenalin, but we've not become addicted to that stimuli.

Don't know what would be so different to make the stimuli of CDing addictive.

Is it an OCD? A compulsion, for some - sure, but not necessarily an obsessive compulsion (an anxiety disorder).

A compulsion is a need to do something, and not just because we want to.

I feel the need to cross dress, and I consider this need to be a sign of being transgender.

Others have there own reasons for crossdressing, whether they simply like it, or it's a fetish, or what ever.

Clearly there are different reasons for CDing, so one shouldn't generalize with ideas such as addiction or OCD.

[NicoleScott]

I hope this doesn't end up in another disagreement over definitions - there's a history of that here. Addiction, condition, illness......I prefer to call it a compusion. But it doesn't matter much, to me anyway. I guess it could matter by how it's dealth with. We used to call someone just an old drunk - now he has alcholism, a disease to be treated as such. And so on. Hey, if transvestism is a disease, there should be no reason to deny employees from crossdressing on the job without restriction, until that is, the employer insists that you must be in treatment for it.

Shiny, I rarely read posts so lengthy, but I read yours entirely. I suspect you will be getting an earful, but not from me. It's painfully realistic. Love your avatar, by the way, so sexy.

We crossdressers seem to get lumped all together, and to the extent that we have a penis and wear women's clothing, we are crossdressers all. But I think there is a fundamental and significant difference between us, just to bust us into two broad groups (yes, I agree that there are those of all along the scale from one group to another, but bear with me, please).

There are many of us (I'm not one of them - I'm in the other group) who identify a significant feminine aspect in themselves - some more than others - and like to express that femininity in various ways, including dressing. I've read posts from cd's who say "it just feels natural" to dress en femme. The clothes themselves have no magical powers, but just allow these folks to more comfortably abide in their feminine side.

In the other group, which includes me, women's clothing either as individual items or as a complete dressup, do have magical powers to exhilirate, excite, and arouse. As a group, we are just normal guys with normal guy lives who just like to occasionally make up and dress up and for pleasure.

I have read many posts from cd's who say they started because of a fetish for one or more items, then "matured" into "it just feels natural" dressing. I accept but don't understand this, because it doesn't apply to me. I am squarely in the dress-for-pleasure group. Always have been and think I always will be.

I guess what I'm saying is while in both groups guys wear women's clothes, in one group it IS about the clothes and in the other, it ISN'T about the clothes.
And yet people try to figure out a singular label, singular cause, and singular treatment for crossdressing. It's just not that simple.

By the way, I am not suffering from transvestism. I enjoy it, although I must admit there have times in the past of confusion, fear, and general angst about being a cd.

[sterling12]

Just one Opinion, but I can't call it an Addiction, can't call it a Compulsion, can't call it a habit....it's an integral part of me! I started to dress around age Three, real doubtful that occasional dress-ups could become an addiction, no sexuality at age three. Something was inside of me already!

You would not call it an Addiction if someone is right-handed, and writes with their right hand. Habits, with enough will power can be broken. We have no evidence that being transgendered can ever be completely erased or "broken." Some people do talk about being "compelled" to dress, but that implies some outside force, beyond The Control of that person. Once again we have no evidence of some "outside force." For years, The Shrinks have tried to blame it on Mommy, Absent Daddy, encouraged effeminate behavior, and NONE of those Models seems to hold any repeatable validity.

So there's really only One Scenario that fits. "It's a very deeply ingrained part of your psyche, probably there from birth and probably there until The Day you die." So, get over it, your stuck with it! Move on, and learn to accept who you are. (Big Surprise Coming,) that actually works!

Peace and Love, Joanie

PS. If your lonely, (any of you, even including Shiney) join a Support Group. If nothing else you will find People who accept you as you are, because they "are" too! You will make a lot of friends, and things will get considerably less lonely.

[kimdl93]

I would tend to agree that for most of us, this isn't really a choice so much as it is a deeply ingrained need, something independent of how or where we grew up. I suppose some individuals may have become compulsive about dressing to the point that its adversely affecting their lives - say for example, spending tons on clothes or engaging in risky behavior for the "thrill". Those might be evidence of addictive behaviors.

[Inna]

Well, I can not pass an intellectual argumentation just same bullies can't pass good opportunity for a fight.
Scientifically, medically, psychologically an sociologically definitions are as vast as professional opinions. Fluidity of this condition encompassing vast psyche territory tends to always leave more questions that answers.

But what about human factor? Or rather internal compass which I believe every one possesses but seldom relies on. Understanding of what it is isn't necessarily beneficial at all, just like knowing of how many rings Saturn has, or mechanics of quantum theory. Ultimately then being able to glimpse into self and get answers is the goal.
We rely to intensely on thought processes in our brain which has evolved primarily for hunt/gather purpose, all that poetry and philosophy seems to be a side effect of ever growing brain mass.

Gut feeling is what I am talking about, and I have said it many times here. Unconditionally it serves as modem to the universe or big man in the sky or the source, what ever one considers it that's the connection. When utterly confused I used to dwell intellectually on questions raging from: "why me" to "I am sick". I do not feel sick but it is the societal perversion of individualism which drives the sickness label. In order to minimize diversity to keep a better grasp we group everything into manageable boxes.

Look within your self but do not dwell with thoughts, seek the answer to who you are, and such shall be presented to you. It is there right now you just don't hear it over constant noise of your thinking brain!

[NicolaUK77]

if it makes you feel good then it's all good!!

you are doing no one harm!!

[Cheryl T]

It's no more an addiction than being left-handed, having red hair, being an albino or height.

It's just another facet of my being that society has not yet fully accepted.

:2c:

[Shiny]

I called it didn't I? It seems that when I try to write a thoughtful piece there's always the detractors out there who can't resist their put-downs. A shame indeed.

I don't remember mentioning us being "sick" or "immoral." My diatribe/rant was concerned with fact and my 50 years of experience. Those of you that are telling this youngster to "eat drink and be merry" and "not worry" and to "be yourself" are living in a dream world and inviting upon him problems of a nature and scope he can't as of yet begin to understand!

I know some major metro areas in the US and certain regions that are used to seeing cross-dressers and even interacting with them, and there are laws on the books to protect them from hate crimes and job discrimination as well. And as understanding and forgiving as some people can be towards this "affliction" some of you think the world is all butterflies and rainbows!

If you disagree, fine. But you should consider all the angles and probable pitfalls. Because if this young guy comes out and becomes known for what he is there's no undoing it. It's his decision but I said he should keep it to himself, at least until he decides for himself what the real risks are.

I am not one whose bite is worse than his bark, I can give as good as I get. For those nay-sayers out there who totally condemn me I would surmise that although they may have experience in the subject they most likely lack a college degree or an advanced degree that would have enabled a broader range of thought!

If you'd like to read up check: Havelock Ellis, Sgmund Freud, Masters & Johnson, The Kinsey Report and the Psychological physicians desk reference! Like I said, I only offered my opinion and I believe it to be not only sound, but valid. The rest of what I said is on the printed page in these, and other books! I'm just telling it like it is--

[Snigdha]

Thanks to all for sharing their opinions and experiences. Still I do not know what to do with CD or how far I can go with CD or do I really want to stop CD for good and if I do then whether I can really do that? But all I can do for the time being is to think and proceed wisely as still CD is not yet widely accepted by our society. May be sometime in future the word CROSS-DRESSING will not even be there in the dictionary, in the departmentals there wont be any Male/ Female section, may be we do not have this forum at that time. That day may be we won't be here but someone will replace us. I do not know the statisctics that how many like us feel the same way but we were in past, we remain in present and we will be in future. We pray for our future.

[Samantha Girl]

I think it's a difficult choice for most of us whether or not we come out. BTW I disagree that cross dressing is any kind of addiction. Addictions are on the whole hugely negative. My brother's been addicted to cocaine/crack almost as long as I've been alive, HE is an addict.

I may be lucky but my experiences as a CD or transvestite (a word I love despite the stigma) have been way more positive then negative. Snigdha I'm not suggesting you come out to everyone at once or at all. It's up to you. It takes a while to come to terms with everything. Take your time before deciding anything ;)

Shiny, you make me sad. And you did refer to it as a sickness. The word affliction is synonymous with sickness. I can't believe I actually read that whole post. Also, again I may be lucky, I don't know, but here's a point for you. Almost every close friend I have in the world, minus a couple know I am a CD. All individuals very different from each other. Most have known for a while now. I came out to each sorta seperately. Told them each when I felt ready. I have not lost a single friend because I'm a transvestite, not one. Everyone of my girl's friends know as well, strangely none of them treat me any differently, huh. So either your friends were all jerks to begin with, or they were'nt ever really your friends. I am sorry for your bad experiences but that does not give you the right to give out terrible and hyperbolic advice or label us all as somehow inferior to so called healthy people who don't happen to dress up as the opposite sex. Apparently someone never got over the shame of their "condition"

[AlsoSamantha]

I also read Shiny's long post, and although I wouldn't presume to disagree with the clinical accuracy of it, I do have to say it was depressing, cold, dark, and incredibly one sided.

I think society has made a lot of progress in the last 50 years towards the acceptance of many alternative lifestyles. I personally haven't seen the type of rejection Shiny claims is inevitable, either from my friends or my spouse.

I personally celebrate my crossdressing and consider it a gift. If that puts me in the "living in a dreamworld" category, then so be it. And what's so bad about rainbows and butterflies anyway?

[Sallee]

Wow Shiny put out a heck of a diatribe I agree the CDing can be an addiction and it can be harmful and it will/can cause problems with relationships and in other areas of your life. BUT it is harmful? people generally don't care some people accept some lovers accept. I do think you have to keep cding in perspective and not let it run your life Shiny may be correct when she says it is OCD I tend to think. it is I click to this board way to often but I have many other interests besides CDing.
Everyone is different and we all deal with our lives in a different manor My suggestion would be to try and be happy, counseling can help but I wouldn't see Shiny as a counselor. While CDing will never be totally accepted it will be tolerated and if you smile lots of folks will smile back. Have Fun enjoy

[Valerie1973]

Am I addicted? Probably so. But CDing is not a drug or alcohol. There is no 12 step program for cross-dressing attics. Is there? The way I see it, there is no real addiction other the sometimes I may be addicted to the desire to wear womens cloths at all times and that could interfere with your everyday life as a man. We need to control that need and desire and not let CDing control us. Yes, I wish I could dress everyday at will, but the world isn't ready, or rather I feel some times I'm not ready for the world. Far and few times that I have gone out in public, I felt the world was too big. But that is my journey that I will go through. The only person I ever told was my mother. She has been very supportive. I have introduced Valerie to her as well and I'd have to say we had a very splendid afternoon with a simple conversation whereas I did not even have to explain why I did enjoy dressing up. We chatted as if we were mother and daughter. It was fun for me as I think it was fun for her too. She understood I wasn't a woman or trying to be woman, other than I was still her son who was dressed different. No sisters, she doesn't have a real gg daughter. Thanks all:battingeyelashes:Valerie 1973

[jenna_woods]

Addiction inght not be the right word, but I will agree that the more you dress the more you want to dress, and quiting it very hard, my self I have tried 3 times till I gave into it,

[TGMarla]

For me, crossdressing has many of the self-destructive elements involved and associated with addiction. It may or may not be a true addiction, but I find many similarities.

I crossdress often at the expense of doing other things that require my attention. I put them off until another time so that I can spend the time dressed instead.

I sometimes take risks in doing so, and push the envelope when I know that it would be wiser to put everything away and move on to other things for the time being.

I spend money that I could be using on more constructive things.

I think about it often, and every day.

I have mental and physical cravings to do it that are at times almost overwhelming.

Addiction? Perhaps. Sometimes I feel like it owns me, and that I'm somthing of a slave to it. So it may well be an addiction.

[Billie1]

The thread took an interesting turn with a well though-out post going into detail of one member's take on the subject. As I understand it, the mission of this forum is to provide a place for the exchange of ideas from its members. To that end, I appreciate and thank Shiny for the time and devotion that was obvious in the post.

The definitions and qualifications of addictions fall into two main catagories: The universally-accepted basis of brain-blood chemical additions, such as alcohol, drugs and tobacco, and the so-called "soft" additions, gambling, food, sex, the internet, and yes, even religion. These are much more difficult to define. These are either classified as OCD, or impulse control disorders. But most schools of thought stop short of calling these addictions. I suppose you could put crossdessing into this loosely-defined group.

While I took some time to read and think about Shiny's post, two things came to mind: First, some of the basic ideas were interesting, and thoughtful. Secondly, some of the conclusions that were put forth were flawed, in the sense that they were extermely personal in nature. What works for one person does not neccessarily work for another. Each of us is in the position we are in at this point due to the decisions that we have individually made for ourselves. It would be unfair the generalize cause-and-effect results based soley on one facet of individual behaviors.

Again, this thread started some interesting discussion, and that's one of the reasons I keep coming back.

That, and the free parking.:D

[CharleneT]

I called it didn't I? It seems that when I try to write a thoughtful piece there's always the detractors out there who can't resist their put-downs. A shame indeed.

Actually you just stated your opinions, I do not think that you won any points. The reasons that you have detractors is varied, some in fact just as you describe, but also consider that your opinions are quite strong and tend toward the "there is only one answer" category. Gotta expect some flack from that, simply because life is not that easy to describe.



I don't remember mentioning us being "sick" or "immoral." My diatribe/rant was concerned with fact and my 50 years of experience. Those of you that are telling this youngster to "eat drink and be merry" and "not worry" and to "be yourself" are living in a dream world and inviting upon him problems of a nature and scope he can't as of yet begin to understand!

From your viewpoint life is something she cannot understand. You do not really know what she understands or more importantly, what she could understand. What you did was cutting the person off at the knees. I do not think that folks here are all "eat, drink and be merry..." but it is a support group for CD's etc, so you should expect us to be on the positive side of the coin when telling a new person what we think about CDing and TG issues. As well, often this is the only place a person can get much understanding and support ... tending to be overly supportive is in that situation, quite appropriate. As you point out, the world will gladly give a lot of negative feedback on this issue.

As for "being yourself", when did that become a bad thing ?



I know some major metro areas in the US and certain regions that are used to seeing cross-dressers and even interacting with them, and there are laws on the books to protect them from hate crimes and job discrimination as well. And as understanding and forgiving as some people can be towards this "affliction" some of you think the world is all butterflies and rainbows!

I live in rural Iowa and they are pretty accepting. It is not just the metro areas, acceptance can be found all over the country. It mostly depends on the person and their life's outlook, not geography. You can't generalize who will be accepting, nor can you predict whether a particular person will be so. You say that we are all "butterflies and rainbows", but in fact, if you read extensively thru the forums here, you will find a lot of cold hard viewpoints that are very much not "B&R's". In fact, many will tell a newbie of the many pitfalls of going out, or coming out or living in the closet. TONS of good advice here that is quite sober. Are there "pink fog" posts, sure ! We're a wide ranging group, you'll find every flavor here.


If you disagree, fine. But you should consider all the angles and probable pitfalls. Because if this young guy comes out and becomes known for what he is there's no undoing it. It's his decision but I said he should keep it to himself, at least until he decides for himself what the real risks are.

Odd for you to say this since it seems you have a fairly narrow viewpoint on these issues, and appear to see TG life in black and white terms. Many people, both Psch professional and lay folks, see TG issues as mostly grays. As for not "undoing it", I disagree; again life is just not so predictable. There are many reasons why if a person stops dressing, the world might just forget they ever did.



I am not one whose bite is worse than his bark, I can give as good as I get. For those nay-sayers out there who totally condemn me I would surmise that although they may have experience in the subject they most likely lack a college degree or an advanced degree that would have enabled a broader range of thought!

We are not actually totally condemning you. As for whether any of us lack those degrees, that is completely irrelevant ! It is in fact an elitist comment that should draw fire. Whether you have a college degree is no measure of: your smarts, your ability to think, your understanding of the world or even your ability to read scholarly journals ( to learn the academic perspective). As it happens, I've 3 different college degrees (2 under grad, one grad), so I guess you have to listen to me ?? But I think not ! I am proud of my degrees, but I do not think they grant me any special consideration in discussions of this sort.


If you'd like to read up check: Havelock Ellis, Sgmund Freud, Masters & Johnson, The Kinsey Report and the Psychological physicians desk reference! Like I said, I only offered my opinion and I believe it to be not only sound, but valid. The rest of what I said is on the printed page in these, and other books! I'm just telling it like it is--

These are sources of some information and a couple of view points on TG issues, but there is a lot more too :) I think, if you want less "condemnation", do not state your opinions as undeniable facts. They are just opinions . . .

[Gaby2]

The aspect of choice intrigues me more and more as I browse through crossdresser posts. We all realise at a particular moment that we are what we are. Some of us take up to thirty years to put our fears aside and start embracing feelings kept at a safe distance for so long.
I agonised time and time again over what I believed to be an unacceptabe form of behaviour. I thought I was an addict in a very negative sense. I subjected myself to punishments and worst of all, purges! The feelings kept returning.

Parallel strand: I realised about six years ago that I was becoming an alcoholic. I just stopped because of a mixture of responsibility, vanity and fear and it wasn't difficult for me at all. Since starting to drink socially once again two years ago, I revelled at having absolutely no fear. I enjoy moderate drinking no end.

This had a knock-on effect on my attraction to all things feminine. In contrast to alcoholism, I realised dressing in dresses pleased me and made me feel good. It is an integral part of me.

I'm now willing and able to let my feminine-self catch up on her masculine counterpart. She can do that as quickly or as slowly as she likes.

I have the feeling that crossdressing chose me a long time ago. For many reasons, I don't have a choice anymore.

Snigdha you are much further than you realise.
Certainly further than me.
Fondest regards,
gaby:hugs:

[sometimes_miss]

Interesting reading on Shiny's post, but there are some generalizations that simply don't fit. Would be nice if they did, but if wishes were horses......
So, from someone who didn't major in psychology (yes, I took the college courses, but there's very, very little information about crossdressing and gender problems. It's simply not a major, or even minor, field of study). I have read every single thing I could find on the subject over the last 40 years, I'll give my opinions as a 'shade tree' psychologist. I did find it quite interesting over the years to find that most psychologists will avoid certain facts in order to 'fit you in' to their discipline's 'box'.
First off, despite all the opinions generated by the leaders in psychology/psychiatry/mental health, there are holes in nearly all of their theories. The best we can do is try to use those ideas and apply them as best we can to ourselves and our patients. We still don't have a unified theory of psychology.

While known crossdressers are mostly males, there are probably many women who do it as well, but are simply able to disguise it better. Women in the business/work world often adopt more masculine behavior, speech, attire and mannerisms, and are usually more respected for it, so no one notices when they do it at other times. As there are female electricians, plumbers, carpenters, soldiers, etc., they can wear those entirely male outfits without notice all they want whenever they want, wear male underwear too if they want (because no one sees it), and no one gives it a second thought. OTOH, there are no male ballarinas or male occupations where men wear stereotypically female attire, so male crossdressers can't escape notice like that.

I don't know if crossdressing can be cured; sometimes it can be controlled, but you first have to learn what's causing it, and that's often extremely difficult to do. Even then, the ways to control it aren't always available to everyone. Modern medicine needs to be able to treat with a pill, and if that won't do it, you're out of luck.

I don't agree that crossdressers get a charge out of it. Not all of us do.


It starts with the fixation on one object (fetishism)
Not for everyone. And there's not always a sexual side to it, either. The confusion starts when we start having sexual thoughts while we are dressed, but not necessarily connected to the crossdressing. If the two combine, it clouds the issue further.


Cross-dressing in it's most base form is a type of illness
Only as defined by people who feel there's something wrong with it. Homosexuality was originally an illness too. As was liking oral sex. Gender roles are slowly mixing; over time, more and more flexibility will be allowed, and hopefully all societies will become more tolerant and accepting of people who feel more comfortable taking the role customarily assumed by the opposite physical sex. Too bad we won't live long enough to enjoy that.



somewhere out there is a woman who likes seeing her man all dolled up as a pretty woman with all the frills and limp wrists and such. But that type of person so rare it is not worth looking for
For many of us, that's the only option. Rare as they may be, they are our only chance. So, just as we buy our lottery tickets, we hope to find that rare gem of a woman.


Why a woman would want to see or be near a man who dresses as a woman is a whole 'nother range of reasons I won't go into.
There are several reasons why a woman might want this. And I feel safe at saying, that of those who do, most have no idea why they like it. They may be able to describe it further, like enjoying his tender side, or liking female mannerisms or clothing, but not exactly why they feel that way. (I can elaborate further, PM me if you want more info on this or anything else I've written).


If you are one, you'll be one for the rest of your life. If you are not one, you can never become one.
This supposes that we are all born to be either crossdressers or not crossdressers. So, I disagree. Some are, some aren't. Some of those who believe that they were 'born this way' may suffer from guilt, so they need to blame it on biology. Like all other things in life, sometimes we don't know we like something until we try it. For some, that could be at age 2 or 52. And for others, we may hate that we want to do it until we understand more about it. Can you 'create' a crossdresser? Yes, you can.

From what I remember, even 20 years ago, it wasn't classified as an OCD disorder, because trying to treat it as such was almost universally unsuccessful.

Like all other things I write, these are my opinions, based on what I've learned.

[Sarah Doepner]

First on the original question; Is crossdressing and addiction? I'm not a professional psychologist, but I am a crossdresser so my opinion needs to be taken in that light. I think there are some strong parallels between the processes associated with addiction and how crossdressing effects me. The changes in behavior that are reinforced by pleasure, calm or satisfaction become very well established and I believe it benefits me to meet those needs. And that is without regard to how those behaviors impact the rest of my life, job, responsibilities etc. Sounds like addiction to me. Addictions are life-long, if you don't believe that, just talk to a former smoker, the desire is always there, buried, but still there.

Now we the second part of the thread. Okay, so I'm a crossdresser and at this stage in my life there's not a lot I can do to make it go away, even if that was what I wanted. It's not, so I'm left with figuring out how to make my life work. I can hide it, not let anyone in and condem myself to lonliness and isolation or I can find ways to open up a little, accept this part of my life and find work-arounds that improve my life. Like Marla I find that crossdressing will take over and make my obligations to work and family seem less important than getting my girl on. I understand this can happen and choose to search for balance, putting life in front. To accept the argument that there is no way to incorporate crossdressing into your life without being doomed to isolation and derision is to fail at the rest of life as well.

Even reaching out within this forum is a good step in moving forward and finding the best possibilities in life. While I doubt I'll ever come out to the world, I've found I have a much more positive outlook on life since I've shared this with my wife, joined a local crossdresser group and have occasional opportunities to get out in other cities. Life can accomodate this without having to lock ourselves away either as a form of shame or punishment for something we have very little control over. We deserve better, don't you think?

[DonniDarkness]

This whole Topic: Is about your personal perspective of self acceptance.

Advice: Snigdha, you must first accept who you are, for now focus on understanding who you are.
Addiction....no dear it is not an addiction, psychologically speaking we are different, we see things differently as far as who and what we are. Knowing, understanding and accepting yourself for who you are, will help to keep your self esteem and personal mental health in good form.

Friends remember, some come here and are fragile, scared, confused, ashamed or worse.....lets not try to actively scare them with the "XX years in the closet or they will burn you at the stake" posts.....That poor boy came here for help.

-Donni-

[suchacutie]

The word "addiction" has implications of the inability to stop an action which is harmful and/or consuming to the point of some kind of harm (even being on the internet to the point where we are not living our lives!).

In that framework, breathing is not an addiction, but I don't plan to stop breathing any time soon. Likewise I enjoy crochetting. It's a hobby. It can take up a lot of time, but it is often idle time before bed, etc, and it's relaxing. I enjoy woodworking, and the list goes on.

Ah, a better example: We must all wash our bodies to maintain our health. Yet, there are some people who obsess with washing their hands (even before this flu outbreak issue) to the point of obsurdity. We all need to eat, but when eating gets out of control there are associated health risks.

My point, obviously, is that we must all look to see how our actions fit into our lives. For those of us who feel that our outward genders are mismatched with our mental genders, how can we live without coming to grips with the issue and dealing with it. How can society be allowed to judge these people in any negative way, since, in fact, it's none of society's business! For those of us who find a feminine self buried inside of us as a part of us, we must come to grips with that feminine self and decide how it fits into our lives.

Granted, dealing with our femininity when our bodies tell us we and everyone else that we are male take a tremendous amount of effort. However, that effort is just what we need to put our lives on the course that we think is correct. All parts of life are fraught with headaches, but also filled with joys!

Therefore transgenderism is not an addiction, it is simply a lifestyle that has been a part of us since birth. It's part of what we deal with that is called life, just one more thing that must be included in our daily existence!

:)

tina