Had another conversation with my ex

[JainaCarpaccio]

She brought up a rather interesting point, though it's one I can't really think of an answer for. She doesn't understand why the clothing we wear makes so much difference.

I didn't know how to answer which is what i told her. Does anyone here have a reason why for them at least its makes such a difference as to why they wear female clothing instead of male clothing?

[Lorileah]

Consider that to start clothing is important to everyone. It defines who we are visually. She may not think that her clothing makes a difference to her but what if tomorrow she could only wear a certain thing...maybe not slacks, maybe something that she feels does not express who or what she is. It is subliminal for most people. They get up they put on clothes. BUT some wear suits and ties and that is who they are. Could they function without those, could they live or even do the same job? Yes because what they do is associated with what they are inside but they believe it is what the present. Does a doctor have to wear a white coat? No, in fact a study was done that showed that white coats actually caused fear in some people especially children. Yet most doctors still choose white coats because it is what they associate with medicine (clean white pure).

Why is it important to us? I go back to why is what she wears important to her. Why doesn't she wear skirts all the time? Comfort? That is often the reason and yet we are very comfortable in skirts. Practicality. That is other reason that is given and yet a skirt does not prevent you from doing most things. Style. Subjective at best. We think what we wear is very stylish. Function? I don't know how to address this unless you are riding a horse or climbing a ladder or something like that. Truthfully most of us here would not wear skirts on horses either but as a daily wear thing why not?

The answer I would give to why is what we wear important to us would be to reverse the question and ask why what she wears is important to her and either reply that your reasons are the same or explain why your reasons might be different.

[Christina2008]

Is it because the fact that we are born basically/genetically attracted to woman, so much so that for some of us, emulating them gives us pleasure in our own way.

In the same way that a pop star might wear a certain strange item and then so do their fans. The fans don’t know why the star wore it but to show their appreciation and loyalty they do so too?

[Steph.TS]

I think the question could go both ways, she wanted to know why the clothing wear wear makes that big of a difference, well why do people get hung up over what we wear?

[~Seana~]

texture, feel, color and shape.

[kellycan27]

I wear female clothing so people won't accuse me of being a crossdresser :heehee: ( for the humorously challanged.. I don't mean that there's anything wrong with being a cder, but ya always see complaints about how girls can wear guys clothes..etc)

[Inna]

Form of expression of inner self. Being an individual of different internal identity each one of us seeks to express femininity one way or the other. Easiest form of such expression is clothing, put it on and there she is( not literally of course). Every human being seeks expression through mannerism, fashion, sexuality but when deprived of such, pressure builds in the psyche and hence especially in closeted part time cross dressers erupts in the need to dress once in a while. Believe me that even though GGs tend to say it is of no importance to them, day do it too and blame such behavior on wanting to feel feminine once in a while, shoes, new blouse, skirt, facial, nails, purse, etc. whatever that might be they do it too. Deprive them of all gender specific expression such as clothing, role play, sexuality and sure enough same dilemma would arise for them. So if we could express our femininity in other ways beside clothing it would definitely be less important, in fact after being on HRT for over a year now, dressing up is truly not as important to me as it once was, becoming a woman I feel I am is now my true quest and feel good drug!

[Missy]

for me females cloths fit better different styles and fabric and a whole lot of color

[Lexine]

Speaking for myself, it's like taking part in a public roleplaying game where you get to be someone you don't normally can be. I can't be a girl full-time, but I certainly play the role of one damn well!

If my role was to be "Alex's sister"... which it is... why would I wear his clothes if I'm trying to act or be someone else?

[JainaCarpaccio]

Thanks for all the replies. I think this might help with her confusion. Gonna try and send her the link tomorrow :)

[sissystephanie]

I wear feminine clothing because it fits better, feels much nicer, and looks much better! For me there is no other reason and never has been. I have been a CD for just over 70 years, and that is my standard reason for wearing these clothes! No desire to be a woman, just like to wear female clothing of all kinds. BTW, my late wife also liked me to wear female clothing!!

[Dena]

Men's clothes are more practical, women's clothes are more fun!

[suchacutie]

My two genders are really quite separate. I certainly wouldn't use my feminine voice with my masculine presentation, nor the other way around. When I'm in my masculine mode I don't want anything distracting that would say "feminine". Likewise, when I'm Tina, I need all the clues I emit to others to say "feminine", hence the clothes, the makeup, the walk, the posture, the voice, the language, the deportment...everything must say, as much as possible: "feminine".

Why would one want to be feminine and, even in the privacy of one's own space, give all all manner of masculine clues if we are trying to keep the genders separate (I know some don't want to keep them separate, so that's my disclaimer :) ).

tina

[Satrana]

Clothes are the visible means by which we communicate with others the type of person we are and how we would like to be treated by others. You can tell more about a person by their clothes than by listening to their social talk

[BeckiB]

That is an interesting question. You might ask her the same one back!

[kimdl93]

Clothing is more than coverage - it sends a message about who we are, who we wish to be...both to ourselves and to others. My x made a similar comment once, but it was more in the context of being supportive of me regardless of how I chose to dress.

[Kuma - Chan]

Just as we talked about, I know that expressing certain thoughts and feelings was always difficult for you because of the way you were raised. I think that one reason this is something that feels good to you is because it allows you to explore that side of yourself a bit more comfortably and that's okay. However, I'd really like to see you be able to be yourself no matter what you're wearing. If i've completely misunderstood I do apologize, but isn't it a valid concern? We may not be together anymore but I still love and care about you and always will (duh!). You should also know that there was never much you could do to push me away; hell, even if you killed someone i'd knock you around a bit first but then i'd help you bury the body :) I'll admit it hurts to think that you appearantly didn't know me well enough to realize that id've walked down the street hand in hand with you in drab if it made you happy. Think about it, have I EVER been one to give a rat's ass what other people think? I'm not angry because whether or not it seems like something that would be a big deal to me, I can see that it's a HUGE deal for you. Besides, At least you can start being a bit more open with me now. Despite the dissapoint I feel when I think about how things could have gone differently, I am grateful I can at least hope for that :)

PS: When we can, we should meet up in Portland to go shopping! :)

PPS: Looking at some of these pictures, I would have never guessed some of you were guys if I weren't on this forum. You guys are beautiful :)

[JulieC]

Kuma-Chan,

THANK YOU for posting. I know you and your ex are not 'together', but you're still taking an active part in the journey. I give you a lot of credit for being willing to do that. It might be nothing to you, but to others here that would mean the world.

[julia_adams]

This is a question my SO asked me too -- and while I don't think I had a great answer at the time, I definitely thought more about it.

For me, I love fashion. I like shopping with my wife, watching Project Runway, checking out celebrity outfits, etc. For GGs, they can emulate or take cues from the world of fashion, but not so much for guys. I see my dressing as a way to express my love of fashion. I like mens clothing too, and it's fun to be able to pick out both! There is something fun and challenging about going into a DSW, looking at hundreds of shoes, and finding the one that looks best on you. ;)

[Imogen_Mann]

My ex asked me a similar question once, and after a very long conversation we came to no real decision but....

We realized that the clothes I was wearing at any given moment did change me, yes... But seeing me in them also changed her perception of me, and what I was saying or indeed how I was behaving.

The act of watching changed the watcher and the watched kind of thingy maybe ?