What would you do if you found your daughter crossdressed?

[Toni_Lynn]

Not wanting to thread-jack, I decided to take this as a branch off the other thread.

A few of the answers there specifically were in the context of 'if my son...'. I won't fault the respondents for confining their answers solely to sons because I will fully admit that so many of our experiences in the MTF world are exclusive to that world. I also know that they meant no harm. However, IMHO, one must consider the question from both ways, MTF and FTM.

What I want to encourage with my question is some thinking. Don't answer quickly. Think about it. Answer honestly. Don't be afraid that to say that you'd have trouble with it but you'd still accept and love them, if that is your honest answer. To those who may have problems with that answer, I urge that you not attack that person, be listen to the reasons.

I think the only unfair and totally wrong answer in this case would be one that says "wah wah girls can wear anything they want to and boys can't, so girls can't crossdress'. That answer is unacceptable.

The situation is really, what if your daughter wanted to be a tomboy, wanted to act like a boy, and crossdress as one to the extent of appearing as a boy similar to that of a son who is crossdressing and looking like a girl.

What are you thoughts. How would you as an MTF CDer react.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[SuzanneBender]

What a great and thoughtful question.

First I would ask if I could have her shoes, because she has the same size feet as me and wouldn't any longer need them. :heehee:

It would be a bitter sweet reaction. First I would be worried. Lets face it this life is not easy and certainly something I would not wish on anyone.

Second, I would be a little selfish and think that I have someone in this world close to me that understands what I am going through.

Last I would let her know I love her and she will be my child no matter what. I would encourage her to follow her heart whereever that may lead her.

[rickibarr]

In a similar vein, recently my daughter told me that she was "BI." Honestly, I didn't bat an eye as I have to practice what I preach. If she told me that in addition she was CD, well, so be it! It is her life, not mine and whatever makes her happy (within the boundaries of the real law) is fine with me.

[kellycan27]

Do you mean like with a fake beard, short hair, maybe a roll of socks stuffed down the front of here jeans?:heehee:

[Toni_Lynn]

Do you mean like with a fake beard, short hair, maybe a roll of socks stuffed down the front of here jeans?:heehee:

Yes -- exactly

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Ze]

I truly think I'd be cool with it; insofar as loving the child just as much and supporting their TG/CD behavior, trying my best to be a mentor, etc. However, knowing me, I might become overprotective of them, FtM or MtF. I'd turn into a bit of a hawk during their adolescence to make sure nobody was hurting them and that they were staying healthy. (None of the crap I've pulled on myself in the past and present.) I know exactly what it's like to have rejecting parents and bullshit peers. I'd do everything in my power to keep them from feeling such a sting.

You know how I get. :D I flip out enough with my own struggles, but if somebody messed with my child, hoo-boy.

P.S. I greatly appreciate the clarity and sense in your OP, Toni. :hugs: But then again, I'd expect nothing less from you. I hope you don't mind that I answered.

[rickibarr]

Do you mean like with a fake beard, short hair, maybe a roll of socks stuffed down the front of here jeans?:heehee:

Not my particular choice but if that's what she wanted - all power to her!

[kellycan27]

I wouldn't be very pleased, but what can you say? I know what happened when my parents tried to discourage me..lol

[Proteus]

I couldn't hide from that one, could I? :doh:

I'll admit I'm not without prejudice, but the only right thing to do is to fully accept an support her. It's not what I feel that matters, it's what she feels.

[Ze]

Ladies, for those of you that are referring to FtMs, please keep in mind they might insist you refer to them as male.

Trying to keep it realistic here. To refer to them as female when they don't want you to isn't acceptance. It's passive-aggressive.

I honestly get the feeling most men, both cis and CDers, are threatened by us. Not sure why...

[Kieron Andrew]

I wouldn't be very pleased, but what can you say? I know what happened when my parents tried to discourage me..lol

A bit hypocritical don't you think? didn't you want so badly as a child to have your parents acceptance & approval? wouldn't you want to give that same acceptance & approval with your child?

*Toni hope you don't mind me posting :hugs:*

[kellycan27]

A bit hypocritical don't you think? didn't you want so badly as a child to have your parents acceptance & approval? wouldn't you want to give that same acceptance & approval with your child?

*Toni hope you don't mind me posting :hugs:*

I said I wouldn't be happy about it, I didn't say I wouldn't be supportive. And i wouldn't be happy about it because I know how difficult this life can be.:hugs:

Kel

[Kieron Andrew]

I said I wouldn't be happy about it, I didn't say I wouldn't be supportive. And i wouldn't be happy about it because I know how difficult this life can be.:hugs:

Kel
thanks for clarifying Kelly :) :hugs:

[VS Fan]

Seems to me most parents want their kids to grow up and be "normal", marry, have kids make a lot of money etc... I have two kids myself and I honestly just want them to be HAPPY... WHATEVER that entails for them. I struggle with being "happy" due to working too hard and too long of hours etc so my perspective on life is that it's short and we should focus on being happy (not advocating hedonism here, just learning to be content and find the joy in life and not be too worried about the rat race such that you miss everything.)

Anyway long story short, I think it would come as a shock for sure, but they are my kids and I would love them no matter what... wouldn't that be the thing they would most desperately want? Isn't that what we all want here?

that's all before I ramble on further... :)
VS Fan

[alexis GG]

I would be totally supportive of my daughter if she were to CD.. My eldest daughter, when a toddler used to prefer boys toys and was not a girly girl. When she was 3 I bought her a garage and a load of cars, cos thats what she wanted... she wasn't into dolls and the like... now at 23 she still dresses in jeans and tee's of jogging pants etc.. she is so not girly.
My son when he was a toddler loved dolls and prams, so I bought him one each of those.. his dad went mad... but when going to playgroup they don't segregate boys and girls, its mixed. I could hardly keep him away from them. He is now 16 and a typical lad.
My youngest daughter is a typical girly girl.. she is well into clothes and make up at 14...

But if any of them wanted to CD I would be fully supprt them... there happiness is paramount ot me, that is all that matters

[Anna Maria]

To be honest and frank, If either of kids came to me and said that they are CD/TS/BI/gay, it would not bother me one bit. The only thing I worry about is their happiness and to know that they are safe. I have one of each and they are both grown up and independant. They have their lives to lead at the end of the day. The fact that my daughter is pregnant to a toe-rag of a boy, who has dumped her and she has no means of setting up a stable home for my first granchild is a different story BTW.......(Yes Mother and I have given all the financial support we can before anybody shouts at us!!)

[sometimes_miss]

Unfortunately, you're preaching to the choir here, or you're trolling to see if we believe it's o.k. for others to do as we do. Try asking the same question over on POF forums to see how the real world would respond.

[Ze]

Unfortunately, you're preaching to the choir here, or you're trolling to see if we believe it's o.k. for others to do as we do. Try asking the same question over on POF forums to see how the real world would respond.

Actually, anybody who'd like a real-world view could just ask me or any of the other guys how piss-poor we can be treated. Toni's done that countless times. That's not the issue here.

There is a consistent attitude on this board that no, for others to do as you do is NOT okay, especially in the FtM sense. I give Toni major props for directly asking her community this question, for it's a serious one that needs attention. We're forgotten, belittled, and overshadowed by our sister counterparts. What few MtFs that give a damn about us is a godsend.

For the most part, what's been said in this thread has been decent so far, but what's of more interest is what's not being said. Quite curious, how many people that are glossing over this thread...quite unusual to standard behavior here. Ho hum.

Please point out this choir you speak of. I'd love to know where it's been hiding.

[Carroll]

I truly think I'd be cool with it; insofar as loving the child just as much and supporting their TG/CD behavior, trying my best to be a mentor, etc. However, knowing me, I might become overprotective of them, FtM or MtF. I'd turn into a bit of a hawk during their adolescence to make sure nobody was hurting them and that they were staying healthy. (None of the crap I've pulled on myself in the past and present.) I know exactly what it's like to have rejecting parents and bullshit peers. I'd do everything in my power to keep them from feeling such a sting.

You know how I get. :D I flip out enough with my own struggles, but if somebody messed with my child, hoo-boy.

P.S. I greatly appreciate the clarity and sense in your OP, Toni. :hugs: But then again, I'd expect nothing less from you. I hope you don't mind that I answered.

You know, I have thought about it and my views are much like you Ze. Both my daughter (8y) and both son's (11y and 22) know I dress. I have raised them to be open-minded and excepting of anybody. If I were to shun them I would be a true hypocrite.

[AliciaJordan]

Ladies, for those of you that are referring to FtMs, please keep in mind they might insist you refer to them as male.

Trying to keep it realistic here. To refer to them as female when they don't want you to isn't acceptance. It's passive-aggressive.

I honestly get the feeling most men, both cis and CDers, are threatened by us. Not sure why...

If it was my little girl (who is only 3 right now so no worries yet...), I would let her be herself. If she at the time told me she wanted to be a boy and treated like one, then I would do whatever he wanted and needed to be himself. Until then, I would still use the female pronouns before doing the switch to male ones.

I hope I didn't offend you by using the female pronouns for her at this time, but you do need to see it from a father's point of view. Even though I hate everything about being a male and wish I wasn't, she will always be daddy's little girl. It is hard to explain the feelings you get when she cuddles up to you and looks at you with those eyes. I have 2 older boys who use to cuddle and look up at me, but it was different. I can't explain it, wish I could. Maybe others feel the same and the reason it is hard to go from "her" to "him". Maybe daddy's little girl is the same kind of bond a mother feels about her own kids and can sense when something is wrong, something a dad may not feel or know from not carrying the child themself.

I guess to get back onto the thread, I would do whatever I could to ensure that my child doesn't go through the same pain and confuse I did. I would get them the help they needed.


There is a consistent attitude on this board that no, for others to do as you do is NOT okay, especially in the FtM sense. I give Toni major props for directly asking her community this question, for it's a serious one that needs attention. We're forgotten, belittled, and overshadowed by our sister counterparts. What few MtFs that give a damn about us is a godsend.

I guess you could add me to the list, but only about the forgotten part. I would never belittle anyone. For that I apologize and feel bad but in my defence I have not really thought about you guys much. I guess hiding my true self from the world blinded me from everybody. But reading these forums and checking out your section of the forum, I am very interested and look forward to learning more.

Again, sorry as I am trying not to go off topic, but until I get to 10 posts, I couldn't PM Ze to type in there. Hopefully soon I can and learn more as I would love to find out what FTM's have in common to MTF's.

[Ze]

If it was my little girl (who is only 3 right now so no worries yet...), I would let her be herself. If she at the time told me she wanted to be a boy and treated like one, then I would do whatever he wanted and needed to be himself. Until then, I would still use the female pronouns before doing the switch to male ones.

I understand that. :) But since I've been called "she" here countless times by people who didn't give a damn, I wanted to make sure things were clear in the case some weren't thinking.


she will always be daddy's little girl.

This makes me quite sad, knowing my own struggles with my father. It is hard; I empathize with that. But it's also hard for others to accept you. And either they accepted you or abandoned you. Those are unfortunately the two choices in the end, difficult or not. We can all identify with that.

Edit: Sorry, Alicia, missed your second part. :) You're more than welcome to hang out with the boys in the transmen section. We always love people that either get us or attempt to do so.

[Nikki A.]

I'd really be upset in that her shoes don't fit me. I guess the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence.
Seriously though I would support her, and be there for her. She is my child and I would love her either way.

[suchacutie]

I think the important point here is that all of us would have an easier time supporting them because we have some idea of the questions to ask and how to ask them and when to ask them.

No one's mentioned it, but we'd have to be ready for some serious disagreement from other family members for our supportive action, but we're probably more than ready for that as well!!!

:)

tina

[NicoleScott]

I'd be shocked, because I thought I had a son. After the shock wears off, I'd be supportive.

[sissystephanie]

I have both a daughter and a son. They are both grown of course. If either of them wanted to CD, I would be there to help them in ny way I could. They are my family, how could I not help? I might not like it, but as I said, they are my family. My late wife and I were both raised with the idea that families stick together, so that is what I would do!

[Frédérique]

The situation is really, what if your daughter wanted to be a tomboy, wanted to act like a boy, and crossdress as one to the extent of appearing as a boy similar to that of a son who is crossdressing and looking like a girl. How would you as an MTF CDer react.

I’d have absolutely no trouble with it at all. In the thread you hijacked, I said:


I would probably be torn between encouraging this innocent behavior openly, or leaving it completely undisturbed, hoping it would take root and grow all by itself. If the child wanted to crossdress all the time, MtF or FtM, I would be completely supportive.

The truth is I’ve met many girls who wanted to be boys, and adult women who were constantly complaining about all the things they HAD to do simply because they were women. You know, nearly everything we MtF crossdressers build shrines to – makeup, lipstick, hosiery, panties, skirts, dresses, and the like. No shaving, no fragrances, no effort whatsoever regarding their appearance, in a gesture of defiance against the position they find themselves in. I would calmly listen to the ranting females, then steal away to play with everything they secretly hated. I’ve been in the company of so many aging tomboys that I KNOW it’s had an effect on me over time. Gender expectation has a lot to do with it, so I can understand why a girl might not want to be a girl growing up. So what? Be what you want to be, because you CAN do that, despite what everyone tells you – people want you to be a certain something, to fulfill or carry on their own inadequacies. Play the game, children. Frankly, in this day and age, I’m surprised that there are still girly-girl females out there, but I’ve seen a few of them, too…:straightface:

[JainaCarpaccio]

In all honesty I don't know what I'd do either way. Heck to be honest I haven't even figured out what I'm going to do as far cding around my future children, assuming i have any.

I'd like to think I'd be open and supportive of there desires, but at the same time i have this feeling that the worry i'd be feeling if something was wrong might drive a wedge between us. Guess it's just one of those things I'll have to wait and see what happens.

[Proteus]

Ladies, for those of you that are referring to FtMs, please keep in mind they might insist you refer to them as male.

Trying to keep it realistic here. To refer to them as female when they don't want you to isn't acceptance. It's passive-aggressive.

I have the impression that a lot of us MtF crosdressers are either bigender or androgynous, and therefore operate with both pronouns. I'd love to find out more about the FtM side.



I honestly get the feeling most men, both cis and CDers, are threatened by us. Not sure why...
We're just AWFULLY preoccupied with femininity, that's all! :c9:

[KarenCDFL]

Unfortunately, my wife and I don't have children of our own but if we did I think the answer would be a two edged sword.

We do have a ton of nieces and nephews.

We would want them to be comfortable in any skin that they wanted to live in but I would hope they would be straight so society would not beat the living shit out of them.

Live and let live is a great concept that most people just have not grasped yet.

Ask me this same question in 100 years!

[carrie-ann]

I would most defiantly support my kids 100%. I would make sure they are protected. I would fight tooth and nail for them to be happy. I would explain all sides of the issues and what they would be facing.

[Lorileah]

First I would react like any other parent (assuming I was ambivalent to any signs which I usually am), I would be confused (I don't really know that is the word either, maybe mystified? taken aback?)...then take a step back...see how wonderful my child is...tell them it's cool I love them and wish them happiness. If I had a child that is. But then again they would have grown up knowing about transgendered people, having a parent who is and who would have been straight (OMG I said that?)forward and who told them it isn't the package (mind out of gutter guys) but the contents. I would of course worry about them just as I would worry about all my children. And I would be like a mama bear...who the authorities would tranquilize when that first date comes to steal my cub (and this is very similar to having that cub taken away). It would be hypocritical to do otherwise. Right? Kieron? I think any parent would have a reaction at first that would not be what the child had hoped for (unless there were signs that the parent picked up and had a real good notion about the gender identity of the child). All parents have ideas of how the child will be, rarely do the children fulfill those ideas. After all only one person per year can win and Academy award for best actor/actress. Kelly was honest. It would be a shock either FtM or MtF for any parent no matter how tolerant and supportive they may be. Then one would hope love would win out.

[Loni]

glad i do not have any kids.

but i would support my children in most what ever they want to do with there lives.

all one can hope for is for friends and loved ones to accept you as you are. to support you is the greatest thing to hope for.


.

[TxKimberly]

Swap closets of course!