People who you'll NEVER CD infront of EVER: Is it necessary to tell them?

[Lexine]

So last night I called my aunt and started giving her the 411 about what's been going on with my life lately. My family and I hardly interact with each other, so I felt that I needed to talk to them, even only for a few minutes.

Somehow, during the conversation, a weird thing happened. I started talking about CDing... not directly, but somehow hinting at it. It went something like this:

Me: "Well, there IS one thing I've been doing that I'm not sure of what or how to tell you. It's something that I've been doing lately... and mind you, it's not destructive like drugs, smoking (note: she's a smoker and tells me not to do it), or being an alcoholic, but it's a big enough part of my life that I've discovered lately that makes me really happy. I mean, we're an open-minded family (note: I was introduced to gays and lesbians at an early age), but I'm still unsure how you'll react to it... but I don't intend on doing this during family functions. Well, maybe if you look at my Facebook profile and you look really, really carefully you'll notice something because I can't tell you, as I might have an anxiety attack..."

Yes, that's how I said it, but in a far worse run-on sentence than I could ever conceive right now! Bottom-line, I felt compelled to tell her even though I don't intend to be Lexi when I'm with family. I guess I'm so proud of myself for finding her that I couldn't bear to think that my family couldn't partake in my happiness this way. Discovering and being Lexi has made me 10x happier than I was.

So my question for today is: Do you think it's necessary to tell people who you don't ever intend to CD infront of about your other self/hobby/girl mode/your true nature?

And I'm working this as a multi-faceted question in the hopes of also having some of the girls identify what CDing is to them.

[Nicole Erin]

It is not necessary to tell anyone cause once one person finds out, they will blab and before long, it is this big secret that everyone knows about.

[sissystephanie]

As Nicole says, if you tell anybody it will spread! I told late my wife before we married and the 2 of us kept it a secret for the almost 50 years we had together. Last year I finally told my children and grandchildren. The only other person who knows is my GG friend in the U.K. who will not tell anyone! What I wear is my business, and no one else's!

[juno]

I won't tell my grandmother; she will be 100 years old later this year. Otherwise, the only thing holding me back is my wife. She doesn't like the idea of other people knowing. Otherwise, I would wear a dress to work on Monday.

Juno

[Inna]

Yeah baby, you've got it, you got your mojo back. Let them know but it isn't about them! it is all about you, where lies are many, truth is one. Your heart be lighter and you be you.

[jessica renee]

Is it necessary to tell? No. Would it make things easier? Probably. I know myself I have not told anyone, which is strange given the fact that I go out dressed sometimes. I'm just not sure how accepting most of my friends and family would be.

[Rachel Morley]

People who you'll NEVER CD in front of EVER: Is it necessary to tell them?
Necessary? .... absolutely not. Why would it be necessary? In my own personal situation it for sure won't happen :2c:

[Angiemead12]

yes I feel that I need to educate people to give others like me a fighting chance! even though they may never see it.

[Mikaela]

Since I don't plan on CDing in front of them, I have no intention of telling anyone. And if for some reason I do something that 'tells' and they ask, I'll just have to play that situation by ear.

My family is 2500 miles away, so no chance of it happening by accident.

[Satinamour]

Like Juno I do not need to tell my 90 year old mother and father. There is just nothing to be gained by it.

I did come out to my sister some years ago, partly to apologize for borrowing her clothes when we were growing up, and after she spread the word to my other siblings, several members of my extended family came out as gay. The whole family is happier now that everybody (except me) can be open and comfortable. I, however, plan to restrict myself until my parents pass away.

[catriona36]

One male friend knows and saw it ob web cam once, thats kinda how he found out. he didnt believe it was me at first ha.
only did that cos he is as warped as i am ;)

told a female friend that i intend (she agreed) to get into bed when i get down to victoria (she seen cat too) tho only on cam.
she thinks its kinda cool.

But i still dont think they need to know if they aint going to see it.

[StaceyJane]

I haven't told my parents or anyone I work with.
They don't need to know about my CDing.

Now if I were to start transitioning then I suppose I would have to say something.

[Tomara]

Hi Alex
Well it sounds to me like you are so comfortable and confident with yourself that you just want to be yourself and part of being yourself is to share your happiness with your family and friends.
I do think that more people than we give them credit for are accepting of us if we just give them a chance to understand that we just want to be ourselves and be happy.
I have told my younger sister and her partner and some closer friends about my cross-dressing and had no negative reactions but on the other hand there are plenty of people that I don't feel that I want to share that part of my life with for various reasons.
There was a point in my life , soon after I accepted myself as a cross-dresser that I felt like I wanted everyone to know but I think that was mostly because I was so happy to be over the hiding , shame and guilt that I had most of my life , that desire to tell everyone has faded with time.
I am really happy to be me !
Tomara

[PretzelGirl]

Well, I obviously can't see your Facebook page. But depending on what you have there, are you hinting or did you just out yourself in a roundabout way?

I think whether you tell someone really generally comes down to 2 things, who you are (transexual, 24/7 CD, closeted, etc) and whether this person will be exposed to it. If you aren't going to be dressed in front of them and they won't even hear about it, that what is the reason to invite someone possibly causing you grief? Then there are the special reasons like telling a best friend even though they may not ever see it because you have this bond and want to talk to them about it.

Outside of that, there are some that say let the world know no matter what. If that is the person's view, then telling anyone shouldn't be an issue.

[Tina B.]

If you want the whole family to know, it may not be necessary but why not, now in my case, it's a personal thing that I don't feel the need, or desire to tell anyone other than my wife. I'm not going out, so I am not going to be seen, so why would anyone else need to know?
Tina B.

[AKAMichelle]

Normally if someone will never see you as her then the answer would be don't tell. But family is that weird exception to the rule. I told my wife and 3 boys even though they will never see me dressed. I won't tell my father or brother since I haven't taken to them in 2 years but my mother is a strange situation. I know she won't accept but I still feel compelled to tell her.

Telling the truth about yourself is the hardest part of being a cd'er. Because of the guilt you feel like you are hiding something from your family and you need to tell them. Then when you do it can ruin your relationship with them for awhile.

Hope your family accepts.

[Samantha Girl]

I don't think it's necessary. But that misses the point. I think you want to share, it feels wonderful to let it go. As has been said whether it's a good idea or not depends on you and your friends & family. Good luck if you decide to share with more family members sweety ;)

I told all my close friends & my girl Cat's good friends. Everyone completely excepted me, I'm very lucky! ;) I haven't told any family members yet, I have a big, complicated family and elderly parents. But I did something that may have them asking about it :D I put up a whole profile for Samantha on facebook recently, just said screw it! :D Plus I posted pics from last Halloween on my regular facebook, one of my sisters commented in a cordial, joking fashion :)

I came very close to telling my elderly mother last week on the phone, reeaal close. I moved away from home last year from NJ to Washington state. Now I can dress and go out and do whatever. So the other day she referred to someone as a flamer. I was not in the mood for my Mom's casual prejuidice despite flamer being a funny if not a particularly nice word. Almost told her, but it would've been all angry and for the wrong reasons. We are going back to Jersey for a wedding in a few weeks. We'll see. Plus then I'll find out if anybody wants to ask about my new Facebook page :devil: I am actually really curious what my siblings will think :eek:

[Lexine]

Interesting responses so far!

As far as my personal situation goes, a majority (about 80%) of my friends know about Lexi already save for a few people. My family of course doesn't know. But I have a feeling they'll know once I show up in my androgynous look at my cousin's birthday party today with arched eyebrows and black polish on my nails ;) While I told my aunt that I might have an anxiety attack about her knowing, I'm generally quickly over certain things. Though I wonder if she did take the time to log onto FB to see what I meant. Either way, I'm not stressin' ;)

I'm more interested in personal reflections based on the question but I do thank everyone for their concern :)

[DonniDarkness]

Lol and i was worried about you for a sec. I thought "What is this...of all the people i know here, Alex is having a hard time telling someone?!"" then i kept reading.

I understand what your saying tho, for me i dont involve my dressing in my daily life out and about so im content for now having my wife and my cousin as the only two who know of MissDonni.

My wife for obvious reasons, lol

My cousin, just because we have always been really good friends and she is part of my support circle. At the end of the day i trust her and i dont want the guilt of having to say "nothing" when she asks "whats bothering you".

So for me, my dressing does not invole the rest of the world so i dont make it a point to offer that information. However if i am asked about it, i think im starting to come to place where i would honestly answer "yeah, im a queen"

Dont Scare Me Alex,
:hugs:
-Donni-

[Mandy]

I havnt told my parents as I wouldent want to spoil our relationship at the moment as there both elderly an they have just given us a sum of money to help pay for our own water supply as we were on a shared supply with 2 other houses.

My boss at work once joked about me crossdressing on a weekend & he actually gave me my name :doh: I think I would'nt hear the last of it if I cd'd in front of them:eek:

[Christina Horton]

No one can tell you what to do but this is the way I look at it.

If I got a promotion at work, or got ingaged to be married, or won the lotto. I would tell them. These things are a big deal in your life.....is your crossdressing? I am proud od my CD and there's no shame or gulit in it for me so why not.

I have told my uncle Sean in nova Scotia (that's east of maine) and I live in British Columbica ( just north of washington state). I only see him one every few years and will I ever CD in front of him.....most likey not but hay.... He's my family and I love him.

Everyone in my family knows about Christina and it's all good now.

It's you choose and you need to make it. What do YOU want to do!!!!!!!:straightface:

[Naomi Rayne]

So my question for today is: Do you think it's necessary to tell people who you don't ever intend to CD infront of about your other self/hobby/girl mode/your true nature?



I dont think it is necessary to tell people you dont ever intend to CD in front of. I mean they dont need to know. My friends dont need to know what i do in my spare time.



Well it sounds to me like you are so comfortable and confident with yourself that you just want to be yourself and part of being yourself is to share your happiness with your family and friends.
I do think that more people than we give them credit for are accepting of us if we just give them a chance to understand that we just want to be ourselves and be happy.



This response brought up something interesting for me because this is very similar to how i feel about it. I am not ashamed of what i do. I enjoy and embrace it. So i have told a few friends because it makes me happy and them knowing makes me more comfortable with it and they are there to offer me support if i need it. My friends are very important to me just like my CDing is. So why not share a part of my life with them that i enjoy. And that leaves the weird questions out in conversations like why i know so much about shoes and makeup and such.

Its really a personal opinion when it comes down to it. I love that certain people know in case i was to ever be dressed around them. And if i was outed and had to deal with the certain questions from others i would just tread softly and see how things play out. So personally i am all for telling whoever i would like to regardless of whether its necessary or not.

Some of it for me is acceptance. I have accepted myself so now i want to see if people will accept this part of me.

[Blaire]

You don't need to tell anyone, ever.

You should tell anyone that may be affected by an unexpected revelation, such as an SO.

For anyone else, it's whether you want them to know. There's no need for you to tell someone you hardly see, or barely know that you CD, any more than you have to tell them the results of your last STD test, or how many bones you've broken in your life. It's your choice here completely.

[suchacutie]

I am amused when I look around Facebook or MySpace and find people posting constantly about what they are doing. The just MUST tell everyone what they had for lunch!

I really don't subscribe to this lifestyle. My wife is the only person who knows me like a book. For everyone else, they get to read selective pages...very selective!

:)

tina

[Nikki A.]

You tell the people that need to know (spouse , SO). After that it depends on who may find find out otherwise or some one you can trust if you need to.
Personal example, I told a co-worker that I'm close to, she invited me to a family event where I could come dressed, a week before her in-laws invited another coworker of mine to the event. My friend offered to disinvite him if it would make me uncomfortable. I decided that he had the same right as me, but she and I did pull him over and did tell him before so that it wouldn't be a surprise to him. No problem at all.

[carhill2mn]

I see no reason to tell anyone unless there is something that would be gained as a result of them knowing or so that they would not be "surprised" at a later time by circumstances that might occur (a serious illness, for instance). It would be better if they knew the "real story" before hand.

[Teri Jean]

There is a number of individuals that may never find out or if they have it was by mistake and it doesn't affect them in any way. One person was a shipmate during our service to our country and later in each other's wedding. If there was a need to get together I would then tell him of my transition. It is really only if you feel it is necessary.

[Frédérique]

Do you think it's necessary to tell people who you don't ever intend to CD infront of about your other self/hobby/girl mode/your true nature?

No, not at all. The only people I would tell are the ones closest to me (those I love), as long as they would be receptive to such a revelation. I’ve mentioned my sister many times – she lives downstairs in the house we own and share. She stays in her part of the house, and I’m free to crossdress upstairs out of sight. She doesn’t know about what I do, but, like you, I have alluded to it many times – I know she would be supportive, but I’m careful to preserve the magic of what I do at all costs. The worst thing to me would be to “come out” dramatically, then see that “I can’t believe you’re doing this” look in my sister’s eyes. It would be too late to go back, and all the magic would be lost. I see this as an extremely personal activity, meaning the person you’re revealing yourself to would, most likely, have no point of reference. If or when someone turns away from your most precious declaration and seeks to change the subject, well…let’s just say I do not wish to injure myself in this manner. :sad: I expect this reaction, but if the other person was truly understanding and supportive, as well as genuinely positive about it, the tears would no doubt start flowing…

[jenifer m.]

nobody. ill tell anyone now days.the more people i tell the better i feel.