Third-gender as non-threatening?

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Maybe this is a San Francisco thing, but just wondering it anyone else has had a similar experience.

Was out with a number of other girls Saturday night at a mixed (gay & straight) bar. As a group we clearly weren't passable. I doubt the patrons recognized us as a trannies instead of non-flamboyant drag queens, but they definitely knew we were guys in dresses. (BTW, nobody made fun us, everyone was quite friendly.)

Consequently we were able go up and talk to people in a way that I've never been able to do as a guy. For example, we'd compliment a GG on her outfit, which would start a whole conversation with her and her friends.

Maybe GGs do the same thing with each other, but it felt like that because we were perceived as an interesting oddity people opened up in a way that they would not have normally done with a bunch of strangers, male or female. Sort as if any other character in an outlandish costume had started talking to them.

[Helana]

I have always thought that if you look like a girl, and act like a girl then people will relax and treat you like a girl. There is no need to fool people that you really are a GG, you just need to do enough to allow them to pidgeon-hole you as whatever, and then they know you to react to you. Be open and friendly and they will return the favor.

Uncertainty feeds mistrust. If they felt you were trying hard to fool them or were unsure if you were male or female, then they would have been less keen to engage with you.

Nice story Darla.

[Phoebe Reece]

I've had group experiences interacting with ordinary people and had things develop much the same way Darla described, so it's not just a San Francisco thing.

There was one time in particular when a good size group of us went to the bar at the hotel we were meeting at. There was a big trade show in town and a lot of female buyers and sellers were staying at the hotel. It was simply amazing to me that in a short while there was a CD at almost every table in the place mixing with the GG's that were there.

As for explanation of it - I have to agree completely with Helana.

[Deidra Cowen]

I don't have any experience going to str8 bars but at the gay clubs in Atlanta the lesbian GGs seem to be open to us. Matter of fact they are very friendly and chatty towards us...even in the restroom!

A few times some GGs have even complimented me...Saturday night I was out on a dance floor with another Tgirl. A lesbian next to us leaned over and said "I love your hair!" I was on cloud nine the rest of the night.

On the other hand gay guys seem to just barely tolerate us. They don't say anything to us and just kinda ignore us. I really like bars with lots of lesbians for us tgirls to hang at. Much better vibe going on!

It would be fun to go to a bar with str8 GGs and witness something like the trade show you were at however! :thumbsup:

[Jasmine Marrie]

very cool story but i've never had it happend to me you see i'm not very passible my self.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

but i've never had it happend to me you see i'm not very passible my self.

Ah but the point is that as a group we clearly weren't passable. So folks knew they were talking to sort of guys-in-a-dress.

Helana, I think you put your finger on it. We were just being who we were without any pretenses.

[Rikki]

I know that I am not passable and don't try to fool anybody by tring, I don't think that I would have too much trouble in a group of crossdressers. I feel more comfortable talking to women than I do with men. I don't know why I can talk with women and not with men. I am still not comfortable meeting with other crossdressers yet, but I sometimes wish I could meewt some and just talk girl talk. Mwife is supportive, but she is kind a standoffish, is that a word, and so when I bring up the subject, she can hardly wait to finish the talk. She doesn't have any trouble with me dressing and will sometimes tell me that I look nice. She doesn't want me to go out in the day and would rather I not go out at all because we live in a trailor park and everybody knows one another. Forgive me for rambling on and getting off track.


Rikki

[Clare]

Maybe GGs do the same thing with each other, but it felt like that because we were perceived as an interesting oddity people opened up in a way that they would not have normally done with a bunch of strangers, male or female. Sort as if any other character in an outlandish costume had started talking to them.
Years ago, my wife and i had a discussion on a topic similar to this.

Basically we were discussing how when she was young and living in Adelaide, she used to go out with girlfriends to nightclubs and get constantly hit on by the boys. However, they were quite comfortable with gay men around because they felt safe as 'they were not being sexually examined' by the gays. Even so, the girls still thought gays were weird (it was the 80's) and didn't really 'like' them. Interestingly, now the wife accepts gays in society because we have 'more important issues' to deal with today.

Anyway, the point i'm trying to make is that the GG girls in your situation see you as non threatening when crossdressed, even if you are hetro. Possibly, you're also a curiosity to them and are interested in your 'lifestyle'.

Christine