Inquiring minds want to know Week 16

[Di]

More questions from our GG's if you can help with answers we thank you.

Week 16

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)

[Joanne f]

[QUOTE=Di;2229383

Week 16

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?
No, the more problems i have the less i want to dress in a more fem way .

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.
N/A

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)
N/A

[SusanCACD]

No, I dress cause I like for my outside to look like my inside.

Yes, it has made things worst.

I resent family time cause my grown sons think they know everything. That is only one of the reasons I now live alone.

[Mistybtm]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l? No, I dress because it is who I am.

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me. N/A

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family) I live alone and i am used to dressing every day. But when i do have family stay over from time to time after a few days i am ready for them to go so i can dress again.

[Danielle Gee]

43- I don't really have any problems except those of the sort we all share. Dresiing is something my wife and I enjoy and that's why I do it.

44- My dressing as a woman makes things neither better nor worse.

45-I have a very small family and they donn't spend enough time here to call it intruding.'

Danielle:)

[sissystephanie]

43. No, I dress simply because I like to! Correction, make that I dress because I LOVE to!!

44. I don't think it would help at all. Might make the problem much worse.

45. My family has always come first, and always will! Without question!!

[Megan70]

43. N0,I dress for fun and enjoyment, not to escape the real life in itself but because I find myself homely as a man, inferior and low esteem, but dressed and impersonating a woman , my confidence in myself and my looks overcomes all liabilities about my male appearance and and boosts my self image and self confidence where I am more comfortable.
44. no, it gives me 3 to 4 hours of emotional joy and contentment where I take on the looks and persona of Megan, then go back to ugly old ( male name)
45. no, does not apply to me at all.

[Tasha McIntyre]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

Yes, but not on a large scale. CDing is a fun activity, so it's an escape in the same was any other fun hobby would be to a non Cder

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

If you've had a tough week at work, or a stressful day many people may want to unwind by watching a DVD or having a couple of drinks, or going to the gym. I get the same stress relief by bringing Tash out of the cupboard and hitting the shops for a while.

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)

No, because I have an understanding wife. I get enough Tash time to balance everything nicely. Not to say I don't want more time though.

[NatalieBliss]

43) On occasion, but mainly it is just fun.

44) Tough one. I don't view en femme as a costume, but it defiantly isn't the norm for me so in a sense it is stepping outside my life for a short time

45) My closest family is a five hour drive away so I enjoy the time I get to spend with them.

[Tina B.]

Week 16

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?
No, I started dressing at about 6 years old, not sure what problems I could of had that would want to make me dress up in girls clothes, I was to young for the draft.

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.
You are probably right, it could make it worse

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)
The only thing I resent about family time, is not enough of it!It really is more about whats inside, and it's need to come out, not about the outside influences of life.
Tina B.

[carhill2mn]

Week 16

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?
This may have been true at one time (or just a justifcation). Now, it is becuase I feel
"right".

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.
The people who have responded to this type of question in other quorums usually state that "dressing" can be a form of "escaping" for a time from life's normal expectations of the male personna.

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)
Yes, this has happened to me.

[Imogen_Mann]

More questions from our GG's if you can help with answers we thank you.

Week 16

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)

Answers...

43). Yes, but that is not the only reason I dress. Furthermore, I do not dress every time I face a problem in R/L, just those on-going things that start to drag me down.

44). The brief hour or two of escapism gives me distance from the problem, and the break helps clear my mind. When I have finished dressing (usually the next morning) I can look at the problems I face with a clear mind, not a mind full of conflict and confusion. I have to say though, I do get very bogged down and confused when faced with emotional dilemma, probably more-so that is considered 'normal' which my invalidate my answer somewhat.

45). Sometimes it can be irritating when I want to dress, I am at the point of dressing (all the bathroom stuff done) and only THEN does my mother ring the doorbell, it's more a laughable co-incidence these days than anything I resent. Certainly the needs of my daughter are paramount, and I regularly dismiss the need to dress when her needs are, to me, more pressing.

[Steph.TS]

43. No
44. N/A
45. No, I only under dress at the moment, though I wish I was brave enough to crossdress completely.

[CallMeMeg]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l? No ~ problems in real life don't affect my desire/need to dress.

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me. N/A

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family) I've missed some vacations because I'd rather stay home and dress. I'm sure this confuses the boys, but I consider it a compromise. I try to make it up in other ways.

[DeSkirt]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

Yes, I do sometimes dress as a means of escape!

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.
I sometimes like to avoid the problems of the day and have a little segment of time to enjoy myself. I know the problems are still there, but at least I don't dwell on them and bring myself and everyone else around me down. If I get a chance to do this then I feel some balance.

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)
The only time that I might feel that way would be if the Family time was way out of balance and I had absolutely no time for me. I enjoy spending time with my Daughters and Wife.

[t-girlxsophie]

#43 No problems will still be there,whether I'm dressed or not

#44 N/A

#45 N/A regarding wife and stepsons,as they know I dress.

As for the rest of the family.apart from our parents,shameful to say we really don't get together that much so Its not too much of a hardship to stop my dressing for a few hours on the rare occasions we do get together

[Pythos]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

Nope. I wear what I like and look how I like because I LIKE IT!!! LOL. I like the feel of the clothes, and I like how they look. That should be enough reason.

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

The thing that makes it "complicated" is dealing with closed minds. Minds that cannot let go of the idea "a man looking like a woman is either gay, or nuts or both". Minds that feel a need to dictate to me how I can look. Minds that would even give me a chance based on my appearance. That is what causes stess.

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)

I only resent family time when my family restricts what I can wear, while they look how they wish. My mother is a prime example. She openly wears jeans, but jumps all over me if I wear my leggings. Applies 50s style restrictions on me, but not on herself.

[Michaela42]

43. Not so much as an escape but more of a meditation device (for me at least). Dressing allows me to calm down (with the whole 'ritual' of dressing, makeup, etc) and then to think things through. Some people drink or exercise, I wear a dress :D

44. See above. Though it does not always work it really helps me to see things in a different light.

45. Well, I have no children so 'family time' to me is just my parents and relatives so the answer is yes since many of my family are rather bigoted. I do not think it would be the same if I had children as I cannot remember ever wanting to do anything else when doing things with my brother's children.

I hope this helps :)

[AKAMichelle]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?
No, the more problems i have the less i want to dress in a more fem way .

I did 4 years ago when I was going through a very tough patch. I had never done that before or after.



44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.
N/A


It allowed me to escape the house and go for a walk dressed in my neighborhood late at night. I needed the alone time where I was able to be free of the problems at home. It did cause it's own problem because I couldn't get caught and luckily I didn't.



45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)
N/A

N/A

[Gillian]

More questions from our GG's if you can help with answers we thank you.

Week 16

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

In part yes, when I feel I want to escape the pressure for a short while this is my route and yes to me it hals me greatly

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

It creates an alternate place to be and think, it is not running away it is a short term change of situation by injecting a highly plesaurable activity guaranteed to make me feel better whilst it continues




45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)

I get a reasonable amount of time and resent more work, when that injects itself into the Gillian days, which is not often in truth as I plan my own diary and have a decent way of keeping them to days my wife works and I am at home and vice versa.[/QUOTE]

[Danni Bear]

43. yes in the past but no longer as i've transitationed

44. yes in that i've always been female inside. and it has made some problems worse

45. n/a in my case (Hubby and kids) been this way seemingly forever never hid it from them before trans


Danni

[sometimes_miss]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?
Not intentionally; but when I dress up, I focus on different subjects. I don't have a lot of real life problems, other than being lonely because I crossdress and can't bring myself to tell anyone I might want to date!

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse.
It sort of does both; it helps me destress by focusing on something other than whatever problem is there, and makes it worse by allowing me to do that and not find a solution to the problem. Then again, I have all the information I need, and stopped trying to find a new solution years ago. I'm simply not able to accomplish what is necessary to date again. Also, the more I crossdress, the more it seems normal to me. And, the more female stuff I buy. Filling my house with girl things won't make it any easier to ease a new GF in to the situation.

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? Not applicable. I live alone. Although, I do put off going out and doing errands because I'd rather stay home and stay dressed in my girl clothes.

[Lexine]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

It's funny. As much as I feel CDing is an escapist type hobby to me I don't use it as a means to escape problems in RL. If anything, I feel vulnerable and emotional when I'm in girl mode which I feel is appropriate if I have any problems. I like being able to have the ability to visually show my inner emotions and feelings.



44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

N/A



45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)
Not at all. CDing is more than a hobby for me - it's a lifestyle ;) But that doesn't mean that I need to present myself to my family this way.

[Kathryn Martin]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

I dress because of who I am as a person. It takes me from great to grand.

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

N/A

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)

my family always has considered to be effeminate. I have a swish, use my hand to talk, and have dressed with a certain flamboyance. I wear two earrings. They know I own pumps and wear some makeup when I dress up even if it is just mascara and some eyeshadow. They smile....
So, nothing to resent

[Samantha43]

Week 16

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?
No, I dress strictly for enjoyment / recreation.

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.
You are right, it would make things worse.

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)
No, family time is the most important and enjoyable time I have. Crossdressing isn't even close.

[Lorileah]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

dang I have been found out. yes because I feel more comfortable.


44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

Wow. OK when you wear something that has in your mind the ability to show you what you are inside (I know I know...it is just clothes) and you are more comfortable in said clothes, worries seem to go away. You can feel empowered and you can feel more ready to do things you put off. When you feel "pretty" (sorry could not find another word) you feel better about yourself. When you look in the mirror and you see someone who is not what you are all day long. Someone who is better looking that you consider yourself on a day to day basis. This makes you happy (happier?) You can hide what you consider flaws with make up. In my case I get hair. People notice "things" about me that ofter garner compliments. No one tells me when I wear shorts as a male "wow you have nice legs" (OK it has happened a few times) but almost invariably I get that compliment when I am dressed. Is this because we are more able to compliment women? I think in many cases for the people on this forum we want to look good. The guys who don't give a rip about appearance are not here. Unfortunately a guy looking good is often associated with not being masculine (check out the scraggly beards and wrinkly clothes that Hollywood is putting leading men in). You never saw Cary Grant looking like he had just camped in the mountains for three weeks unless he was playing the part of a guy on an island for two weeks. Handsome back then was different. Personally I liked that look over what passes (OMG I said that) for handsome now. Bad boy looks back then were even more groomed than today I digress.

I can see how one would think it makes things worse and for the closeted CD it does increase guilt and shame. But the short pleasure of looking like you think "pretty" looks and the ability to see yourself as attractive and pretty and maybe even desirable is a pretty potent endorphin rush. Most of us spend our days being invisible. Many women wish they were invisible and work hard for that but guys do that daily. It is a social condition for sure. Guys have been taught to ogle. Women in the past haven't. Women are catching up now (look how many posts were on social networks during the World Cup and Tour De France that really were commenting on the clothing and how much it showed". So I guess we could all become cyclists and gain attention. The worse part is self made. Just like the feeling pretty part is self made. But the worse part is due to what the CD feels inside, that they are "wrong" and "Bad" and whatever other adjective you want to use because we have been taught that it is "wrong" or "Bad"

Personally I have gotten past the stigma for the most part and if you look it is the older generation who is getting past that. We have given up trying to be what you want us to be. Who the world wants us to be is confusing at best. So we have moved to the side we have heard our partners say they wanted for years. Be kind, be nurturing, be cuddly, be warm, be attentive, be sweet, cook, help clean, share our intimate moments. Then when some do, they get slammed.

We (here) probably like ourselves when we are caring, nurturing, sweet, helpful, calm, emotional, more than we like playing aggressor, brave caveman. Long answer but the question wasn't conducive to "we like it"


45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)

nope. in my case I am fluid. I am no different than most the GG's here. I wear dresses and skirts. I wear slacks and shorts. I don't wear heels 24/7 they are for dressing up and going out. I don't wear flip flops either but that is my preference. If I had children (which I don't because as we all know I am selfish and self centered) they would have grown up knowing Lori as much as their male presenting parental unit. So they would have from the time they could reason have seen the male parental unit is a dress or chemise or soft robe. Yes I know that when their peers would have found out they would have been chided and teased but they would also have the information and ability to reason with the peers and to know that it is just clothing. OK I await all the parents out there who are armed with the "You don't know that" but I can tell you from MY upbringing and that of my wife that we would have raised children in that manner because we believed in that. We believed you are who you are and no one should place you in a box you don't want to be in.

[Victoria Anne]

43) I dress because it is a presentation of who I really am , Tim is the falseto not Viccy.

44) N/A

45) All our kids are grown so this again is N/A

[kayegirl]

More questions from our GG's if you can help with answers we thank you.

Week 16

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)

43: I did for a while, but not any more.

44: When I dress I am a different person all together, this meant that I could look at my problems from a different point of view, for me that worked, it never made the problem any worse.

45: Next to life itself NOTHING is more important than my family, so no.

[JulieK1980]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

Not at all. There are a million reasons why I dress, but this isn't one of them. ;)

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

I think it would make things worse as well. Not an effective coping mechanism.

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)

I don't keep it from the family (although my kids don't know) But I couldn't ever imagine resenting quality time with loved ones. There is a time and place for everything.

[suchacutie]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

Exactly the opposite. Problems IRL have to be handled first. Tina is a high-maintenance girl and there is no way I can handle RL problems and then let Tina be herself. Also there is no way I can impose my RL issues with Tina. She has enough to worry about just being herself! :)

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

See above

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)

Family must always come first. My wife asked me if Tina was jealous of all the time that I spend as a male with her and family, as she understood that we just haven't been able to give Tina much time recently. I explained that priorities were priorities and that as much as I completely enjoy Tina, she'd just have to wait for a bit, and that she understood and agreed! :)

Tina

[5150 Girl]

I'm not realy sure how to anser thease questions individualy. but to look at your over all intent, I would have to say this.

I dress because it's how I feel, like I should have been born a woman. So when thigs get tough dressed or not, doing somthing fem for myself helps me to center myself. It brings me back into alighnment, if you will.
But, ya know, even a little hint of eyeliner, and maybe some lip gloss added to my drab world is enough to keep the blues at bay.
Because of this, how could anyone not hold a little resentment twards anyhting that takes me wawya from what i fell in my heart i should be.
Somtimes when i look in the mirror, and see that 5:00 shadow and reciding hairline, I tear up a little bit. I wonder why God has chosen to trap me in this awful male body. However, I know He dosn't make mistakes, and that He has some kind of a plan for me, and I think I may be on to what it may be, but I'm not 100% sure, of course, i don't know that i can ever be totaly sure of His plan.

[Blaire]

43 - Escape from daily life? I suppose sometimes that's a good side effect, and remember that there is a difference between a temporary escape, and active avoidance of problems. Is it my reason for dressing? I'd have to say no.

44 - I don't see this as different from reading an escape novel - a period of time spent away from the grind allows a recharge of self. The trouble starts to show up when you begin to believe the escape world is real and you start talking about yourself in the third person.

45 - I think I have a good balance between guy time, girl time, work time, kid time, wife time, etc. I don't resent anything - but I will confess to getting cranky when the balance starts to unwind.

[Jamsey]

Week 16

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l? No, I'm just happy when I get an opportunity to dress, it touches my soul.

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me. N/A
45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)
No.

[minalost]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

Not so much to escape problems, but to escape the traditional male role. I've always be more passive/submisive (I know, I know, passive/submissive is NOT necessarily a fem quality, but it's sure not a masculine one!) and have had to force myself to take on the more tradisional masculine role. And for those of you who would say, "It's the 21st century and the lines between masculine and feminine roles don't matter anymore." I say BS! While it's true that women do take on many tradtionally maculine roles in todays world, it's a lot harder for men to take on the tradionally feminine roles - not impossible, just harder! Also, I'm 51 years old. When we were all still "finding ourselves" and our place in society, I WAS just about impossible for men to be passive or submisive. Wow - sorry about the soap box! Got a little off topic there! For more info see question 44 below...

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

You are abloluty right. CDing does cause a lot of problems. The real question is do the benefites of CDing outweigh the problems it creates? We all have to answer that question for ourselves, and that answer may change depending on the "place" we are in life at any given time.

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)

Of course we (I) do. Any one in this possion can't help but feel a little bit of resentment. And I'm not just talking about CDing. Pick a hobby/activity that you enjoy (watching sports? Road trip on the motorcycle?...) that you enjoy that, maybe, your family does not. Do you resent, even just a little, when you can't do this activity because of family? It becomes a greater issue mentally when the activity isn't "normal." It doesn't make us bad husbands, just human. Also, I would ask the question, is there some activity that your/our SOs can't do because of family? Do they resent us (just a little bit)? Of course they do! They are just as human as we are!

Wow! I got really long winded this time!
:hugs:

[Elsa von Spielburg]

43) Nope, I've been blessed with a lot of things in my life but when I DO have problems, CD-ing is usually the last thing on my mind.

44) N/A

45) Not at all. My family is in Columbus and I (and all my femme stuff) is in Cincinnati. When I visit, it's to be with the family, and I rarely have the urge to dress. I got time for that back home.

[PretzelGirl]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?

No, I don't believe I do. Some problems require that you get right out and take care of them. Others can be handled at home. In that case, I may be dressing, but it is because of opportunity and not escape.

44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

N/A

45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)

A lot of answers to this. My wife, oldest daughter and her husband know. My son, youngest daughter, and grandkids don't. I don't have a problem when there is an opportunity to visit my oldest daughter and her family. They are living near me temporarily and then the military will take them back away. So not only do I want to be with them anyway, but I know my time is limited. But my younger daughter will come home unexpected and the first reaction may be darn it with the second one immediately following of beating myself up for pink fogging. So I go out to spend time with her and she isolates in her room. In the long run it is worth it even if there is little interaction. She needs to know I am available even if she isn't.

[flatlander_48]

Week 16

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?
Not as an escape I don't think, but I do believe that sometimes it is a tension reducer.


44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.
No, things just seem to mellow out a bit.


45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)
No. My wife knows and the kids are grown and gone.

[TxKimberly]

43)Do you dress as an escape from problems in r/l?


That's not quite it for me. It doesn't let me escape my current problems. I can't tell you "why", but when I don't get to be pretty for a long time, I get grumpy, short tempered, and down right bitchy. Dressing alleviates THAT problem for me

I suspect that the reason "why" I get that way if I can't be pretty in a long tie is pretty much the same as "why do we cross dress?" In the end I dunno, it just is what it is . . .






44)If you do how would this help? I would think it would make things worse. Enlighten me.

N/A




45)Do you sometimes resent family time because you would rather be dressing? ( this is for the ones that keep it from the family)
Not for me, because I get so little time with my family already. I would have to admit that I DO resent my wife a little at Halloween though, cause she freaks at the very idea of my doing it pretty. LOL