Venting

[Monica73]

I'm sure there have been other posts similar, but this is about me...dangit!

I just need to vent. I don't know what to do. I have this deep longing to be en femme or quite possibly even more. If someone told me I could have breast implants I would more than likely take them up on it. I just want to be en femme. I wonder though is this just because I can't be en femme very often? I have 5 kids and my wife is not on board at all with me cding. She was quite pissed when I told her.

I stopped for some time but now it's back with a vengence but I am so confused on what I want. Do I want to go to the extreme of losing my family so that I can have myself surgically transformed into a woman or do I keep dressing here and there just to keep everyone else happy? I love my life but I know there is this other part of me feeling abandoned.

Does that make any sense? When I go shopping I want to go to the women's section...I don't want to shop for men's clothing at all anymore. When I'm anywhere I watch women not to check them out, but to wonder what it would be like to wear what they are wearing. I don't go past VS to see hot women I go past it wishing I could shop in there.

Anyway no good answer and I don't think I'm ready to make this kind of decision. I mean there is the consideration of religion, long time friends, etc. It's easy to say they'll understand and so will God, but in the end will it all have been worth it. What if I get there and I find out it was all a fetish and not really anything else.

Well thanks for listening. I do have a couple new outfits...don't like the wig I bought, but if I can make it work I'll post some new pictures soon.

Not trying to be a debbie downer, but just thinking out loud. Thanks for listening gals :hugs:

[Tina B.]

If you don't know where you want to go, you are better off staying where you are until you figure it out.
Tina B.

[Victoria Anne]

I must agree with Tina , stay as you are until you figure it out and if I may suggest you seek out a gender therapist as she would be able to help you sort out your feelings and find some peace of mind.

[Inna]

Venting is what this forum was meant to accomplish, I think.
First things first, you do have a feeling of need for crossdressing and as we all are learning it will never go away just might slip out for a bit to come back ever stronger, that is a given. Crossdressing is an expression of femininity within your psyche which is an integral part of who you are. Woman within needs to experience some form of expression and interaction with the world as to validate her existence. Crossdressing also is a chapter in ever vast book of gender disconnect or dysphoria if you will. You mentioned you would take it further but non-accepting family stops you from doing so.

Life has a wonderful way of answering and providing a path to truth, we often don't hear it and don't focus on it. This path doesn't lie within your thinking but within your soul. The gut feeling you experience when you are trying to make sense of this situation is that path.

From what I am hearing you say, is that now is not the time to make any drastic changes. But you need to experience your woman within to stay sane. Just follow your instincts and you will see the road ahead, some time it might not make too much sense but it is the truth, follow it.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I know what you mean. I have a very similar situation. I would love to have the surgeries, BUT I love my wife & kids and I need to consider their feelings on this too. It's difficult.

I'll be here to listen to your venting as any good friend will. In the end, only YOU can decide what direction to go.

[Billijo49504]

Monica73, go to the Transexual Forum and read my post to another gurl. It will give you a lot to think about. As was said, if you don't know where you are going, stay home or get professional advice first....BJ

[boardpuppy]

Hi Monica,
Vent and keep venting untill you feel better, we will listen. I have been there and am going through something mildly similar. After you vent, the frustration level will decrease and your objectivity is more focused (not the best word choice). Without external help(talking to someone) it will seem to take forever to understand what's what.

Hugs,
Alice

[Samantha43]

Monica, don't do anything impulsive or foolish. Many of us have been where you are. My desire to crossdress comes and goes. Occasionally it comes on with a vengence.

Keep everything in perspective and analyze your life. Remember that you have a wife and children so you have some serious responsibilities. How would they feel if you put your "needs" before theirs and "transformed"? Maybe a therapist would be able to help you sort out your feelings.

I wish you the best. :hugs:

[Monica73]

Thank you all for your advice...I knew I could count on you. It's just very frustrating. You see others on this forum that have made the choice and their SO was totally ok with it and mine is not. If I could throw a temper tantrum I'd be screaming saying, "It's just not fair!" OK I'm done now :)

[kimdl93]

Life definately isn't fair, but you'll find a way to make the best of it. Take your time.

[Mirani]

I think you have described the dilemma for many Monica.

A few years ago - that was me, but without your family issues. Take your time and carry on venting. :hugs:

[Emily Ann Brown]

Monica,


My spouse (EX) was not behind my need to dress. So now so is NOT. Her choice, not mine. Go slow sister, and be careful what you pray for.

Know your own mind. And beware of the pink fog.

Em

[boardpuppy]

Good Morning Monica,
I asume it is because you have vented and sleep on this hole thing. I know the situation may not be better but how is your perspective.

Hugs,
Alice

[AKAMichelle]

As long as you are unsure of what you want to do, then the answer has to be do nothing to change your situation. But you should definitely seek out the help of a gender therapist. They will help you sort out what is going on your head. Only then will you be able to make the decision that you need to make. Good luck

[vikki2020]

Oh, I could just put my name on your post, and it would fit perfectly. But, like you, I'm "stuck in the middle". Excellent advice here, to just stop and think, and maybe the answer will come to you! Good luck,hun.