what do i do now

[desaree]

Hi everyone, I am new here and been dressing since around age 8 first time I have told anyone. Okay a few weeks ago my SO and I were in a dept. Store she was talking about some outfits she was looking at and she slipped in two comments which I think means she suspects something.she said can I dress you and then she said you can be my fashion designer but as soon as she said those two statements she started one with another subject without giving me an opportunity to reply or process what was just said. Well I just keep thinking about this and if or how I should approach this or am I hoping she meant something entirely diffrent that which she was meaning. Also a few years ago I did some modeling by myself and took some pics on a digital camera which I found a few days later in her car and found te pics there. As soon as I seen them I deleted them she never said a word about these so I don't even know if she had seen them. So all opinions would be greatly appreciated.


Desaree

[Sandra Dunn]

Well welcome to the forum and sit down with her and tell her. You could go into it easy and ask her about the statements she made or you could tell her you have a very strong interest in wearing feminine clothing or something to that effect.

You know her better then we do and it is better for you to approach her about it ASAP. A friend of mine was asking questions about crossdressing and the person she was talikng too called her number and told the wife that she had found some information about TG items.
When my friend got home a day or two later the wife mentioned that a person had called with some information about TG things. They had a very interesting conversation that night

Unless you want someone else to drop that bomb shell on her even by accident then don't say a thing. It is better to tell her now. She will ask some questions and might feel the trust between you two is damaged. Let her know right off that you did not know how to tell her about the dressing and until recently you found some information about it and a support group in the way of this forum.

Check with Amazon about Transgender books, "My Husband Betty" is a good one to start with. It is written by the wife of a Transgender person.

She might ask if you are gay, these seem to be the most common of questions asked by spouses; this one and the trust factor. The questions may get asked in different ways and the responses will differ.

Best to you and agian welcome to the forum.

HUGS Sandra

[holly_n_ok]

desaree it really sounds to me like regardles of if she suspects something or not that she is fairly open to the idea of you dressing. if she suspected or founjd your pcs and has never said anything yet than she must not have freaked and been too against the idea. and if its just that she made teh comment about dressing you mayeb she thinks it would be fun. I would just ask her. say hey the other day when you said can i dress you up. what did you mean bhy that? were you serious? you know she will ask well would you let me or like it and just say we could try it and see how it goes.

[Lexine]

I'm of the same ilk when it comes to this, as it's better to just ask her about what she meant, then use this opportunity to tell her... carefully. I'm not sure if the "as a matter of fact" type approach might work, but you just have to gauge how accepting she really is of the idea of you CDing.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[kimdl93]

the previous respnses are right on track. It seems she may suspect somethign, and it so, why not get it out in the open now. Honesty is always the best policy.

[AKAMichelle]

This is opportunity knocking at your door. So open it and go talk with your wife. Especially since she seems to be receptive to cd'ing.

[desaree]

Thanks sooo much ladies, it is such a wonderful feeling having support and advise to help with such a nerve wracking part of my life.
Xoxo Desaree

[iloveps]

Bottom line i think you should tell her. Even if she isnt actually suspicious she should now, not only for your sake but for hers. I would just sit her down and tell her. If you try to make it seem like her idea then play it off like it is the first interest you have had in it, you are still lying to her. Its better to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god.

[Patty B.]

Yes, by all means tell her, do not hesitate. Dont drop hints or skirt the issue, she needs to know, lying and hiding is just wrong to do to your spouse.
The longer you wait the more painful it may become. You may want to write down what you want to say so you dont forget something, but she still needs to hear it from you.

[Sarah_GG]

One of my SOs biggest regrets is when his ex-wife said:

"I'd like to dress you up as a girl and take you shopping"

He said... nothing. Zero. Zilch. He was presented with his moment and he never took it.

Twenty years later when it was out in the open between us, he couldn't quite pull off the look the way he could've when he was twenty years younger.

[Stephenie S]

You could try talking with her. This works for a variety of other stuff too. Talking is a very important part of any relationship.

Stephie

[carhill2mn]

I think the obvious thing is to ask her what she meant by her statements and then see where her answers lead. You do not need to commit to anything until you know more.

[tricia_uktv]

Yay, its up to you hon. Take control and have fun!

Hugs

[Tina B.]

As the saying goes, the ball is in your court! Said in Jest, or complete seriousness, you owe it to the both of you to find out. Tell her you have been curious about her comment, and what she meant, and was she serious. Just asking shows an interest with out a confession. During that conversation, maybe you could decide just how much you are ready to come out with.
If she is excepting, and you don't talk to her you miss out, on a chance to dress more, and have a lot of fun shopping together, and many other great things, she missed out on a husband that is truly happy, not that great for either of you.
Tina B.

[kimdl93]

Since first reading this post, I've been thinking about it - and I reached the conclusion that a statement like "I can dress you" isn't made in jest...but reflects something that is on her mind. i think you need to revisit the subject with her in a private setting, but be prepared!

[dominique]

She knows alright. She'll be waiting for you to lead the disscussion and there's the rub, once you admit cding the whole world will collapse around you. Be prepared for tears, sulks and the barrage of questions that'll come your way. I know I've been there and it's not pretty, if you've got a strong marriage you'll work it out. I had to give up cding but I couldn't. Hope everything works out.

[kimdl93]

I'm a bit more optimistic about the situation. I think she knows, and she was letting you know she knows...and waiting to see if you'd respond. My guess is that if you are prepared with openess, honest answers that anticipate her likely questions, she may be more positive. Either way, go into this prepared and you'll be able to handle the situation.

[DonnaT]

she said can I dress you and then she said you can be my fashion designer
These two statements taken together appear to indicate she saw your pictures.

They also suggest that she's confused by what the pictures meant. That of equating crossdressing with being gay.

A lot of folks equate being a fashion designer with being gay, just as they equate crossdressing with being gay.

OR

She saw your pictures and thought you did a great job, fashion sense wise.

If it's the first case, you need to have the talk to allay her worries.

If the second, then she probably doesn't have a problem with it and is waiting for you to come out to her.

In either case, it seems like it's time to talk.

Picking the time is kind of hard.

You missed that opportunity at the store. But you could recreate it.

Next time y'all are shopping in the women's dept., pull out a dress or skirt and suggest how nice it would look on her. Then pull out one and ask "How do you think I'd look in this?"